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It is. I agree. I was going through alot during my separation and divorce and I didn't realize how bad I let things get. I forgot who I was. It was very helpful the people I met and how supportive they were to me. I like to joke around about what a hot mess I am, I actually like trying to get people to laugh it makes me feel I have some sort of value in a weird way. I've always been an entertainer by nature..not necessarily a good one but I used to go sing and dance when I was like 6, 7, and 8 every summer to the next door apartment building where there would be a group of people always outside sitting on the stoop, probably drinking and smoking their cigarettes and who knows what else..they was mostly in their 50s and 60s and I would do little concerts for them. They would even wait for me to come over or they'd see me outside and say come over and give us a concert, Mandi. It was a nice escape from my horror house and my mom let me stay out past dark because I was with "Marge" who used to smile and say," I knew you before you were born" and than she'd give me money to go get her cigarettes from the gas station when I was little as hell, shouldn't of been crossing the street but they sold cigarettes to toddlers back than..crazy times, lol. When my mom got the welfare check she'd send me to the bar across the street to pick up bar burgers and fried mushrooms. I was like 8 walking in the bar and they knew my little ass. The people in the bar would just carry on drinking, I used to be so scared to go in. I think I cried about it. The neighbors next to the bar had a band in the basement and they'd be rocking out loud and I loved it. I would slowly take my time so I could hear them play and try to get as close to the house as possible without being a weirdo lol. I found out a couple years ago Jack White was supposedly one of the guys who used to hang out and play there, it's his old neighborhood too so I assume it's true. I think my mom told me and she doesn't know who he is really. Okay. Now I'm rambling. Lol

~~~~~ Thank you for the essay. It helps to write like that. Not sure if you saw what all I used to post on here back when I first joined. Some stuff was deep. DGN helped me get to a place I could manage my issues. Some are still there, but not as bad. However, I don't feel like the world is watching and looking at me all the time now. I actually have fun with my issues, especially when I warn people about them when I first meet them by saying things like, "Sorry in advance, I'm hyperactive, but I'll try not to damage anyone or anything...too much." 🤣 It's amazing what people will laugh about. My suggestion is to pour out your mind on the site (without erasing anything). The more you do it the better you will feel because you are pushing those things outside of you and letting the universe have it. It is healing.

Naw actually it was all over a parking lot, the full weight of the trailer dropped and smashed my hand between a loose tire and the metal fender well then i had to pull my hand free lol