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It's a long story. I was born with undiagnosed (high functioning) autism up until October 22. My current step dad (brave man, he is very good to my mother, she is... Well...) and my boyfriend help me see and also seen how the way I grew up was really messed up. It started with my mom not having a good relationship with her mother. And also father later on, but honestly I think she did something, she is good at that. But anyways, she married my brother's father. I have two Half brothers. I'm the bastard child. She would lock us up in the attic when he came home drunk. He was very emotionally, physically, sexually abusive with my mother. It was a three story house so we were high up there and safe. Eventually she took me to a safe house towards the end. Then she moved my middle brother and I down to Colon. Where my Hell started. Basically I had a personality and look picked out by my parents. My mom was super controlling as her Complex PTSD worsened and she chased religion, Christianity out of all of them, and went nuts. As I began sprouting my own flowers and wings, things started going nuts. She'd burn my black clothes, my first step dad, the one on my birth certificate, the abusive one, said he'd want nothing to do with me while I wear black. I didn't know a lot about my mom and his marriage at that point, so I didn't know how screwed up it used to be. So I was crushed constantly by him. My Olde t brother would tell me to figure stuff out myself and watch me struggle with autism. He was my favorite brother. I wanted to be as intelligent and we'll dressed as him. And he worked hard and was funny. But, he disliked be because I was the bastard child. He loved making me lose and watching me struggle. I know, it's messed up now. I stopped trying to impress my family awhile ago. Anyways, my middle brother, he took after his father. Meth, alcohol, sexually, mentally, and physically abusive. He also... Did.. Touch me as a child. My mom tries to tell me he was a kid and was curious and it meant nothing. But before my birthday this year, she called me, in front of Roger so he heard her, and started screaming, literally "How did he touch, you what did he do??!!!" kind of stuff. I was almost throwing up with a trauma state and yeah. Told her... And yeah... Anyways, he isn't a good man. We do not allow my family in our life. So he'd always be little be when we were alone. And he even did it to Roger too, so Roger witnessed that as well. As I grew up, my mom got into the Schools, working bus routes, trips, and lunch help. Everyone knew her, especially since she did church jumping for awhile. It's a small town. Very... Very small town. Everyone is related to everyone and everyone knows everyone. So... I went through a lot of bullying at home, and when I was out, people would tell my mom how cruel she was for how skinny of a kid I was. And a lot of skinny bashing too in school... All throughout it. A lot of kids avoided me because of my undiagnosed autism making me weird and, yeah.... Just trying too hard because either it was fine one moment, or my mom and brothers were screaming at me over nothing and making my personality trait into a joke and... I'm breathing... I grew up hiding online, I was sheltered in real life, I even was playing as an adult when I was underage so I could avoid my generation and go to one that is more based around learning and Art. So I met the goth and Geek community in my online travels. I Real life, if mom heard any rumor about anyone, I wasn't allowed to hangout with that family... So I didn't have many people.. Well, I had no one.. Eventually as I grew into a young woman, everyone knew my mom. She cared so much about her and our image that it was constant walking on eggshells. If I was not preppy, country, girly, and if my autism, depression, undiagnosed bipolar that started developing in my teenage years, or anxiety, she'd tell me how she wish she left me at home and how much of a miserable kid I am and not look at me and be really short and angry.... So I just wanted to sleep constantly. And online, I got to play different personalities and fell in love with online RP. Did tons of that back in the day. It was a release. Later on I discovered I wanted to do one thing in my life great. And that was get into Vogue. Badly. Like, badly badly. I did tons of manifesting magic and other sorts of spells. But every study I came across, said the magic is in doing. So I did. Modeling was a release at age 12+. And I seeing the fantasy/Metal magazines, goth music and videos and books, I lost it and balled my eyes out for a solid minute that there were people who liked the darker fantasy stuff like me, and I learned a lot that aided me in me becoming me today from diving into these communities online. But... No matter how much I liked modeling and creating art with clothes and makeup, I wanted the dirt, earth, water, fire, the wind, the sky, the shallows, everything... But human... I always returned to my feral self. Majority of my life amongst the constant bullying, and not really having connections with friends, If I wasn't in school or church, I was in the yard, pine trees, lilacs, all the gardens my mom planeted, the corn fields never ending, and the woods... The woods that guided me since I was a a toddler. Nature has spoken to me and I honestly only can hear nature. Humans are so frickin confusing. Temperamental, destruction, ignorance. Also, since my mom knew about everyone in town, she had it spread fast about how bad of a kid I was, even though, at home.. If I said I didn't believe in God, she'd hit me in the face with a Bible, break my finger, drag me down the metal spiral staircase by my hair, spit in my face, eyes twitching and red... I had to believe in God. As I stood up and said no, she'd then kick me out, and I'd try to find a safe place to sleep, but she'd call the police on me, saying I ran away. Eventually she convinced the police I was hitting her, which they granted her permission to beat me if I "hit her"... So it got worse... As I was going through my teen years, I was desperate for real friendship.. I didn't know or even thought of sex... Until... Two young men in my town.... Yeah... I started seeking sex so I would be accepted since that is all anyone ever wanted from me... So everyone had this false image of me and, it was hell. I went through over seven suicide attempts, trying to end it since no one was kind, wanted to give real friendship, or... Just see me.. My parents said they prayed the sicknesses away on me, so my bipolar and autism was gone, and they wouldn't accept anyone telling them, not even me, that there is something wrong. So I went through teenage and young adult years undiagnosed with a lot. Seeing shadows and figures staring at me. "insect" like shadows falling on me when my bipolar depression paralyzed me for hours, days, weeks, and even years near the end before I was able to find a legit mental health place. I went to two different states and different areas seeking the right kind of help. I was even told by a doctor, I was just being a woman and would grow out of it... Yes I left a Google review... Eventually amongst attracting very abusive friends and boyfriend's, I gave up and yeah... Eventually I met Roger, he knew exactly what I was suffering from and brought me to Grand Rapids. I had a very different image of myself then. Eventually after trying to get into a one Massive Mental Health business that is all over up here, I was finally able to get in. After a few years and even many, long test. I finally came out as, Bipolar Disorder 2, which causes depression, anxiety, and psychosis in me. And (I hate using this but, asperger's as they refered to it to before finding out it was Nazi related). And tons of C-Ptsd and other ptsd which I'm currently working through. The six years I've been with Roger, I've learned how to socialize better, I kicked many out of my life and shortened my circle. Got published in Gothesque, Harper's Bizarre, and Mayfair... Also yes. Vogue UK. Out if my traumatic experiences, I found out I could do growl and scream vocals. And so, my metal years began. I accidentally ran into a small studio. Nice family. And he asked me to do a few cover songs in death metal for him (Sweet Dreams and Pet Semetery), then through Roger's friends, a black metal band came to me and asked to do a little few originals for them. I also met Bunny and did opera vocals on their goth album. Then after reaching Vogue, I realized, I a huge part of me has ended. I reached the one goal I wanted. To be published in Vogue once. The one magazine I adore. I got to use my art and have it in the magazine. And even kept myself goth looking, so I remained true to myself. Then I fell into a huge depression even farther... I had no new goals... So I continued working on my mental health state and self.. Then I reconnected with, me.. The real me... The one that I lost after all the sexual abuse and other crap... She returned to me. I could feel life again like I used to. I fell I love with the life Roger and I have been building, and I fell in love with the life and person I am. And my many friends through the years were right.. Almost all As in college. Vogue Worthy, Metal Screaming, Green Thumb, amazing Baker and chef, and even, an amazing artist who is on the way to the top. I'm happy. I have overcome a lot. My step dad let me know how messed up my entire family and situation is... Even Roger, Roger never let's me forget now how messed up everyone was, but how I freed myself and gave myself even better. And I am working on being able to pay for all the health cost, travel and work from anywhere, and have an amazing man and dog. My father come to find out has been lying to me for years. He was just saying stuff, lying to me, he didn't actually see or hear me at all... I want to be left alone... I have woman constantly attacking me, men belittling me, I have gained a huge fear of humans and I never leave Roger's side anymore, if I do, it's for the a very good reason... But again, I'm working on that... I'm also recording every harassment I receive now, I removed social media mostly, other than here, and I only use the internet to laugh or learn. I also am very concious of how I talk so I don't set myself up for failure. There still is a lot, but, I have good, amazing people behind me, telling me every day through call or text how proud the are of me... And they actually see and hear me... After learning I was autistic, a lot has fell into place, I accept a lot, life has became even better; falling into place, and I'm just... Happy alone, with my man, and my little family, covering myself in nature and Art. This is all I ever wanted. And he likes all sorts of food so he's always letting me buy many styles of food to cook so I can just be me and do what I love. Idk what tomorrow or the future holds, but I'm, excited. Bad is bound to happen, but, I think, that's okay, because I've always been above water. Sometimes I get messages letting me know someone has stolen my images again so I have to reactivate my accounts and get the fake removed. But mostly, I don't care anymore. If someone is using my photos, let them. My friends know the real me, and I am in my own little world now. 31, happy, and learning how to fly. Just smile when no one is looking. It helps a lot. I am also now working on a cookbook to publish someday. I am working hard on making my own recipes. My career, that is for me and only me. And it rocks.

Because granny needs her diaper changed.

It's Lisa Gilbert. I'm new to DGN.

I didn’t get it once. It was great.

YAY!

Does that mean they are a Has Bean?

I don't get it....

I was a dirty old man once. It was great.

Sending you love.

Mizz Turbo.

One thing at a time...got to keep the mind from overload status.

The start to it all lol.

This guy.

Burning shit 🩷🔥