Troy Spiral

The timeline is a bit hazy for me but it goes something like this: Friday evening things started feeling really dark for a couple reasons. The overriding one as usual is starting to feel like I'm not useful or am in danger of becoming useless in terms of society. I don't want to just suck down air and watch football. There are other issues to but that one is the big one. Every time I start thinking about "house spiral" as an idea i feel a bit positive (if I'm in a state to actually do something) but when things seem to be getting to where I won't be able to continue either due to mental health , physical health or money (lame how that is even a factor) I start down the tunnel. At some point early saturday I drove myself to the hospital (thought about doing that 100 times but never did) and just told them I wasn't feeling safe and could I stay there for awhile. They just sat me in the ER with a babysitter (what I expected, they take awhile to actually "admit" you to the nuthouse, which I was counting on. Unless you get stuck with a shitty roomate its honestly not a big deal. They just stick you in a room, most are much nicer than the normal hospital rooms. But I didn't want to be MIA for half a week. Once you get admitted they typically keep you for a minimum of 2 or 3 days (and then try like hell to kick you out... not because you are better but because of insurance pressure... welcome to 'privatized' medicine that no other major western democracy puts up with) But anyhow... So I started feeling better enough to not want to jump off a cliff and convinced the resident shrink of the same and after being up for like 40 hours came home and started right in on editing the new video (makes me feel useful and I set a semi-solid deadline of "at least once a week by sunday" so that had to get done. Fast forward another day and I'm still awake. Not depressed now, stressed out too the roof about the same dang issues just agitated / concerned like mad instead. GRRRR. Not that this is a new feeling. But I had been having much milder symptoms over the last 4 months or so this is a really rough kick in the head to feel like I'm back at square one. "What is the point then?" Keeps popping up, which is the start of the dark road. I do have it in control right now but god dammit, just stop already! I have things I want to do with my life other than spending 80 hours a week "working" on not being crazy.

Not sure how I missed this. It's a good effort. I hope you keep doing them. I replied in more detail on your youtube page. I know you have had no time to do it since I just posted it hah. But that is a big thing they say about youtube channels is to reply to every single comment (and heart them if they aren't being dicks). The replying helps to let people know you care that they watched and the heart sends them a notification. (they keep changing how that works so I'm hesitant to explain it since its changed twice in the 3 months i knew they did that lol)

lol

I tried to get ahold of the two girls from that video they both gave me their FB info but there are SO MANY people with the same names. Couldn't figure out who was who.

That right there is how you build a cult following for your "band". You don't view it as "just a band" you view it as something larger that people can be a part of. Despite them being "fluffy" and "cheezy" to many they promoted a positive outlook on life. A bit too "do whatever you want" for me, but they used their huge platform for something they saw as a greater good, with a very simple upbeat tone. It saddens me when I see people with a large audience and all they do is view it as a way to boost their own ego or their wallets. If you have a loud voice I think you should view it as an opportunity and a duty to do some good.

miss you too.

Still can't embed videos for whatever reason. Probably better for me so people actually visit the page youtube doesn't count views that don't happen on youtube. (Thus not helping your standing in the algorythm) If you haven't please subscribe / hit the bell and like the video. For bonus points like & comment. Feedback appreciated. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgQYzAtZbhyneidJlllEaiw

https://amzn.to/2IyAX6H This is supplemental but for the love god if you buy ANYTHING from amazon please use this link to do it (you can click away from that, and as long as you buy in that same session DGN will get a miniscule commision (costs you nothing) Unfortunately it does not work with wish lists. Plus we lose our affiliate status if no one buys anything through that link after a few months. (Just re-set it up for the FOURTH time lol). https://amzn.to/2IyAX6H

This is supplemental but for the love god if you buy ANYTHING from amazon please use this link to do it https://amzn.to/2IyAX6H (you can click away from that, and as long as you buy in that same session DGN will get a miniscule commision (costs you nothing) Unfortunately it does not work with wish lists. Plus we lose our affliate status if no one buys anything through that link after a few months. (Just re-set it up for the FOURTH time lol).

So this is what you do with all that time you "save" by not playing video games? lol

Current top 3 geek out subjects that is. Right now for me: 1. Game of Thrones (should have this be all 3) 2. Firefly 3. Battlestar Galactica Reboot Honorable Mention to the Original Twilight zone and Star Trek.

Its bing that says "the site won't let us" (the second most used search engine) WHY it says that is confusing since google doesn't seem to have a problem. Not that I'm losing sleep over it. Really what this site needs is just more eyeballs.

*hugs*

Gimi all the Adderall! Gimi! Nao! Actually no i need X or DMT. which I know no one to get it from. heh. (Both are good for PTSD and waiting 10 years for it to go through the anti-anything that can't be patented government... zzz) Yay new job! Hopefully its not some mom and pop place with a jerk boss.

Updated as always. Literally updated every few days. I use it for my own priority list too, just to stay focused on (mostly) useful things for House Spiral in general. The Vlog specifically taking up most of my time (other than the health issues which is a 40 hour a week job itself) although I may have to stop doing the videos soon due to hardware issues. RAGE. http://a.co/1TlGDoU

happy birthday!

Back when we only had 4 channels i watched the SHIT out of that show.

mtv still exists?

Lol.

Please watch and if you could like/sub/hit the bell if you haven't already. Feedback would be appreciated. If you even just HIT the 'share' button on youtube that tells youtube the video is especially liked. https://youtu.be/3uuiqA_TkQY

In the longer term I think I am getting much better. Its not a huge change but I can tell that the eating better and exercising is helping at least my physical health which is a big problem too (traditionally its been my mental health that is the huge problem and still is) but improving my physical health seems to make stress (and everything else) easier to deal with and will probably lead to me being much more outgoing at some point. I'm at the start of this though, so I need to be careful not to get ahead of myself and have a bad relapse. (which has been a problem in the past).

Holy shit a Democracy Now reference on DGN. We win the internet! The pay is a problem with the SUPER rich bastards that own most of the politicians. They don't live on the same planet we do. Their only loyalty is to money. In the mid 60s average CEO pay was 20x the median worker, now it's INSANE. Worker productivity goes up every year but pay does not. Inflation/CPI (CPI / Consumer Price Index) is actually rising MUCH faster than they say. Almost all non-government sources the BLS - Bureau of Labor and Statistics says Inflation is around 4% but wont release how it calculates that. Almost all legit economists put that number somewhere around 10% per year. Which is massive. Doesn't affect the super rich, but does effect the bottom 90% fully and only the top 9% a little. We are all in the end, responsbile for our own actions. Society would have a hard time functioning if we were not. But environment has a HUGE impact in a way that cannot easily be controlled. The last article I read about violent criminals was that some huge percentage actually should be in mental health facilities not jail, but there aren't enough to go around and we are more focused on "punishment" than "rehabilitation" which should be the focus from a pragmatic standpoint. It was much more of a focus in previous decades but not now.

Honestly you aren't remotely alone. 1 in 7 people is on youtube... a staggering number. But i'd guess less than 10% of people understand that "subscribe" doesn't actually mean what us normal humans think "subscribe" means. The bell (which does not appear until after a subscribe) is really what we humans would think of as "subscribing".

Link in topic post fixed.