Granted!!!!
You and a few of "your fly white girls" just won an all expenses paid trip to New York City to seen none other than Fischerspooner!!
Sweet.
To celebrate, your friends take you out to for some all you can eat buffet "dinner at the China Doll," where your boyfriend makes eyes at the waitress all night. You’re pissed and glad you have an all girls weekend coming up. Anyway, a few days later in NYC, you realize you have not POOPED for almost 5 days!!!! You should be heading off to the concert, but instead you’re "Moaning and a heaving on a hot sticky can.” Now your "craving chocolate ex-lax and your G.E fan" cause your so fricking hot, and drenched in sweat. You ran out of reading material hours ago, and have had to resort to sticking your finger up your ass to try to break the seal.
Just when you think your life can’t get any worse, you realize what a complete and utter loser your boyfriend has been for years. This turns your bowels to water, and suddenly relieves your constipation. Your shit explodes from your colon in a foul blast of disgustingness. This is now the smell your psyche associates with all men you find attractive. It doesn't take many guys hitting on you before you reform into a lesbian.
Dino-myte. And Fischerspooner's moral is... MSG and loser boyfriends are bad. Or at least life changing.
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I wish my employer would realize what a moron my supervisor is, and fire his ass for incompetence.