GothicRavenGoddess

despite what my friend says, I feel like crap. there was a misunderstanding, and i missed our date. I went to a concert yesterday, instead. (I seriously thought it was tomorrow, not yesterday) today feels weird... like somethings not lining up right, or something.... aside from the confusion in dates (again, I'm so sorry, love) the flow if energy is all jacked up. I try to be understanding of other people's disabilities, especially when they are mental handicaps or barriers, ect... but this one kid that my room mate watches... its not what's wrong with her that bothers me... its her in general... she, herself, fucks with the energy flow. I can handle kids with special needs.. of any kind.... she makes the house feel like there's a dark cloud over the place... like something evil slumbers inside her that she's unaware of.... even the first day she was here... the day she walked into the house, the very air of the place changed.... before she opened her mouth and spoke, or touched anything... so its not her being an early onset bipolar with add child. I can handle that... its HER. HER ENERGY. I hate it... when she's here, i get in the worst mood... think PMS 1million fold. ugh... and I can't burn anything to help, because the other room mate's allergic to smoke of any kind. (please don't correct me, I know its more complicated than that) ugh... i may go read in my sanctuary.... (my room) I was in a good mood until I left my room... *sigh*

Extremely disappointed in people. They claimed they knew what they were doing. Claimed that they were going to help, and they didn't. I'm convened they are fakes and don't know what they are talking about. I feel like i was lead blindly by someone who just wanted to make a quick buck, and when they didn't, they baled on us. You don't make promises to people, and then make excuses as to why you aren't following through. I understand it was your generosity, but if you promise something, don't back out at the last minute. I don't trust the person anymore, and I was right about them all along. They aren't a business man, and you are a liar. If you have your own business, i feel sorry for your other clients. This isn't how you run a business, no matter if your services are offered for free, or for a fee... word of mouth travels far and can make or break you. Don't forget that. Because of what happened, we have to start from scratch, I have to get another job, and won't really have the time to help, or do my part in the business. I won't be able to go to the Michigan Witches Ball, or help help with the other things I wanted to help with. We can't move to another, bigger place because of this. The Ball isn't a big deal, compared to everything else. YOU ARE FUCKING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES. I SUGGEST YOU DIG A HOLE AND PUT YOURSELF IN IT. YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BREATH THE SAME AIR AS ME. I HOPE YOU ARE FUCKIN HAPPY.

and this was just funny!

Found this and thought it was cute.

the scale seems to be stuck at 211.. though my clothes keep getting bigger and bigger... um... my tummy is getting flatter, too.. AND I'M NOT EXERCISING! I'm not complaining, but WTF? i got plenty of muscle under this fat, so its not like I'm gaining more... what's the deal? my body's NEVER done this.... i don't want to weigh 211 for the rest of how ever long... i want to be under 200! !

^________ :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Its a piggie figurine laying on its back. I'll take a pic of it and post it, so you can see what it looks like. Its being -very- cute... Uncooked chicken that's a first !

very sad... go look at the "Meet Koryn Grace" thread, and you'll understand.

Arch Enemy - Ravenous <--Clicky (Its just the song) I am hunting for your soul It dwells within your heart I lacerate the pounding flesh Your spirits shall be mine So rise my spirit rise! Revel in this dead mans' body Grip his soul, sip the blood Life or death A holy carnage Ravenous I will be a god Carnivorous Jesus I need your flesh Ritual slaughter Fill up the chalice With the essence of your life Liquid strengths Trapped in your veins I crave your blood You must die! Ravenous I will be a god Carnivorous Jesus I need your blood Ravenous I will be a god Carnivorous Jesus I need your flesh FLESH

Piggymama bought me a new pair of jeans, and once the pants relaxed after wearing them once, they are WAY too big. They fit kinda snug when i had them on, to begin with... we shall see, after they are washed and dried and see if they actually relax that much. i kinda don't want to get a smaller size because I have a bit of a belly, still, and its uncomfortable, when i sit, to have anything push on my belly... we shall see, like i said. I don't know... i have a big belly, but my back, my waist is really tiny.. its a weird combo. Its really hard to find pants that fit. i mean really hard. I love my big butt, but its so damn hard to find clothes. I know I'll lose some of that, but i know that not all of it will go away. On a lighter note, a drea friend of mine you know who you are, bought me a lovely bra, that should help a lot of my back and shoulder pains. i don't care how good a bra is, when you are a 36-38 DDD, boobs are too big to be suported by the shoulders. Doesn't matter how wide the straps are. So i now have a VERY supportive bra that will support the massive boobs from underneath. I have to wear a bra, all the time. I hate it, but if I go more than a few hours without one (not sleeping, I mean sitting up, and being active) my back hurts SO bad... Since i have to constantly wear one, my shoulders hurt really bad. SO... i have to pick the lesser of the two evils.. *SIGH* I have cut back on how much I eat, as well as watching what I eat. I can't eat to boost my matablolism, apparently. It sucks, but that's how I have found it works. I have almost reached my 200lb mile marker. It fluxuates between 202-208, which means that I'm not drinking enough water. I hardly drink pop anymore. not even diet. I only drink it when there's nothing else (and no, i can't drink water all the time, because you can't drink water from the focet, at my house, because its well water. it stinks and it tastes bad. Bottled water isn't always available, and we need to get a new water filter for our water filter) SO, I think that losing almost all 20 lbs I gained back, plus building some more muscle, I'm really proud of myself. I CANNOT beilieve that the size 16 pants don't fit me now. ugh.. I'm happy, but she just bought these for me, and they were much needed (plus some of the 18 pants still fit me, as does the one 16, two pair of 18's are actually too small, because of my belly, so PLEASE explain how that many pants can fit that many ways, lmao. anyways... so that's my weight update, as well as my how am i feeling update, lmao. the pants being too big has seriously motivated me to continue down the road I am on. I thank the Goddess every day that I have the means to do what i need to do to reach all the goals that i want to reach. i shall be a skinny mini, before summer, if I stay the course.

I can't get mine til after March. I hope there's still two left lol (I'm gonna drag my boo along lol)

I AM AT 202! TAKE THAT EVIL FAT!

(I love this song; I'll kill you if you laugh) Thought I knew my mind like the back of my hand, The gold and the rainbow, but nothing panned out as I planned. And they say only milk and honey's gonna make your soul satisfied! Well I better learn how to swim Cause the crossing is chilly and wide. Twisted guardrail on the highway, broken glass on the cement A ghost of someone's tragedy How recklessly my time has been spent. And they say that it's never too late, but you don't get any younger! Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness And feed the hunger Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road You can stand there and agonize Till your agony's your heaviest load. You'll never fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile. When you're learning to face the path at your pace Every choice is worth your while. Well there's always retrospect to light a clearer path Every five years or so I look back on my life And I have a good laugh. You start at the top, go full circle round Catch a breeze, take a spill But ending up where i started again makes me wanna stand still. Stepping on a crack, breaking up and looking back Every tree limb overhead just seems to sit and wait. Until every step you take becomes a twist of fate.

where the eff is everyone? I'm all alone.. no one's talking on IM....

sometimes it varies when I'm sick... depending on the nature of the thing.... sometimes i can't eat enough.... other times, like this time, I eat because i have to, not because I want to.. but i'm guessing that its because I'm not getting enough sleep, and I'm just too tired to care. lol i felt hunger the other day, but it was faint, and didn't last long... i was too busy coughing and sneezing to care lol

a little better. I felt like shit, this afternoon. I slept a really long time. Which I needed.... because I was so miserable, I couldn't sleep... i think i will be better in a few more days... finally getting the NyQuil, and alleviating some of the symptoms, so that my body can heal itself.... i still feel like shit, but its not quite as bad as it was... it still hurts to laugh, cuz then I erupt into a coughing fit... my throat is still raw... and every muscle still hurts from coughing sneezing and nose blowing.... sleepy.... i think I'm going to bed soon....

Because of my PCOS, I can't eat a lot of carbs. I can eat the good ones, but not the bad ones. it will just turn to fat, even if I exercise. Its not an excuse, its the nature of the thing, its backed by research.... so.. i eat lots of protein, lots of grains, lots of fruits, watch my carb intake, i don't eat full meals, ever... not anymore. I feel horrible when I do. I eat enough to keep the hunger at bay, and I eat when my body tells me to. I take a multi-vitamin, an Apple Cider Vinegar supplement (which helps the body process glucose), 500mg of Metformin twice a day (a Rx drug commonly given to treat insulin resistance associated with PCOS-- I'll be taking this medication my whole life), and now that I am eating right, I can exercise and it will work, to a degree... it will only work if I eat right, but most of my weight loss will come from how I eat.

I am back down to 209! ^_^ 9 more lbs and I'll be back down to 200! (HUGE mile marker, in my book) 180 is my next mile marker. I'm so excited!!! Being sick has its advantages, cuz anything with sugar in it (not just sweet, but has sugar in it) tastes nasty to me... most things with artificial sweeteners aren't so bad lol so staying on the diet is relitvly easy... and I'm eating because I have to. I haven't felt hunger in several days now.... (almost a full week, actually)

OMG! that's awesome!!!! (I recon I need to fashion together some robes of some kind. ) *runs off to get started* wait, i don't have a pattern... damnit!

Still sick... but i haz NyQuil!

Not now! Bird Hunti-- I mean Watching! I can haz your robe belt? Just.... can't.... look.... away.... the birds..... they callz meh!

Day Six: throat hurt? Check nose running? Check one nostril insisting on staying stopped up? Check coughing like mad? Check body hurts all over? Check can't sleep worth shit? Check

My beautiful Peterbald Ryuu (Rye-you): We have a punching bag propped int this corner and he loves to stand on it and watch birds, or snow, as the case may be... Here you can see how short his fur really is... He's actually considered to be hairless his fur feels like soft crushed velvet. Other animals I live with, but aren't mine (my room mate's) Shin, she's a Cornish Rex. We think she's got hearing issues... she's a little princess, and she knows it... Pickle, He's half wild pig, half potbellied pig: Vinnie pig, he's full potbellied pig...: And this is Muta, he's also full potbellied pig. he's the largest of the three and the oldest (though when Pickle gets done growing, he's going to be ALOT bigger than Muta):