Ice Queen

Old, cold, and bold

I tried it. For me it failed, miserably. Very damaging. Perhaps others know how to wander that path, healthily. I do not. I can't even imagine it. I have never felt more confident, satisfied, or happy, then when I have embraced my sexuality, despite my relationship status. (or the opposites when I packed it away) Though, that will have it's own challenges, as I age, become less desirable, and my drive drops....I'm not sure my ego will handle that well. For those of you that can take that path without the damaging effects, I respect you. You have a strength that I clearly do not.

There is nothing wrong with thinking about sex when you are single. You can have plenty of sex when you are single, and the fantasies that can arise can be amazing. The unhealthy thing is to confuse sex with love. Lust is a very powerful (and wonderful) feeling, but it is not love. Don't have sex with someone, thinking it will make them care about you. Casual encounters may not be for you, if you cannot separate the physical from the emotional. If you can separate, go out and have (safe)sex and stay single!(There are some that would say singles have more sex then married couples, hahaha). Otherwise, find another outlet for your sexual energy (writing, art, reading erotica, porn, whatever). Whatever you do, don't try to pack your sexuality up and hide it aware somewhere, that could be really unhealthy. Sorry, I didn't start out intending to sound like an advice column

You'd have more success if you did it this way..... What? That's what older women are for.

Hungry? What the hell? I am never hungry this early in the day. Usually, the stress keeps me nauseated and I can't eat until the afternoon. Just because I am hungry, doesn't mean I have an appetite, ugh. I feel I should eat, dropping 20 lbs without trying in a matter of a few months usually is not a good thing, health wise. I am really not into the emaciated look. I am feeling a piece of toast with some peanut butter may be a good compromise.

I am thinking Pandora has done an amazing job tonight. The Cure, The Smiths, Peter Murphy, Sisters of Mercy, Depeche Mode, Ministry, Clan of Xymox, Switchblade Symphony....The only thing that would cheer me up more, would if you next played some Dead Can Dance and The Chameleons. Exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirits and help me re-center.

I remember enjoying the single life so much, I didn't think I would ever give it up. Now, If I can remember how to do that again, hahaha! Stupid bad memory Oh yes, Illuminatrix and pRick remind me of one thing, I get to flirt! I can flirt as much as I want with as many people as I want! Oh yes, I remember that being fun. Now, to remember how to flirt....yeah right. That's ingrained in my DNA

I feel like loosing my source of income less then 24 hours after loosing my fiancée, then within 24 hours of that, have to watch him move everything out of my house, because I had no job to go to, really f-ing sucked. Like this whole having a heart thing, is really over-rated. Can I go back to being The Ice Queen now? Tomorrow is another day. I am feeling it is time for me to listen to 80's alternative (it gives me great comfort and recenters me), get my shit back together, and do what I do best (besides in the bedroom){see, I still have a sense of humour}, not only overcome the challenge, but be better off then I was before. I feel much better now, saying it (or writing it) all out loud.

Like I don't have to worry about that any more. Yippie! Look at me! No more worries! Oh crap, I have a family to support, and one less grown up in the mix to do it. This should be fun. Hmmm, look for another nursing gig, or just go full on into the bondage clips. Maybe it's time to turn producer. I feel like I have choices. I like choices.

Like I learned a lesson. Like love is for the young and foolish. I am not young, and by now, I should not be acting foolish. If anyone dares to blatantly hit on me due to this revelation, I will be in jail for genital mutilation. Oh, and I hate my job, and I know that the hours and stress have contributed greatly to the current state of things. I also get to work everyday for the next 8-10 days for 8-10 hours. It's going to be a fantastic week!

I was picturing something like that, except more with a candy cane g-string on. Ummm, let me clarify, he is an adult in the scenario in my head.

You add sex to any situation (especially, life altering, mind blowing, good sex), and even a good man, can become a boy. Sometimes my extreme sexiness and talent in bed, can be a curse. Hahaha! Yes, no lack of confidence here. I have earned it!

Boys are stupid

Empowered, confident, strong, assertive. Time to stop letting that f-ing job destroy my health. No more loosing weight! Seriously, no one will recognize my ass anymore, it's shrinking!

I am thinking, that regardless of how this dinner goes, I actully did the unthinkable. I was in an actual relationship and was monogamous for over 3 years. Both the "R" word and "M" word were...let's just say, not foreseeable or desirable for me. In fact, I believed I was incapable, and that it would leave me unfulfilled. It turns out, neither is the case, huh. I learned something...

Like I am at another crossroads. I never seem to get very far, before I find another of these. Just move on and function at the top of your game, regardless. That should be my new motto. It works on every level.

I know, I keep those things soooo private. At the moment, I am applying for other positions, because I am spoiled, and it's not enough that I have a job, but I would like to not hate it, and I would not like the conditions I work in, to make me physically ill from stress and disgust with management. I am also feeding my minis (thank you crock pot) before taking them on a nice, neighborhood halloween event. We went and carved pumpkins that will line the wooded path, earlier.

I have an energy inside that needs to get out, but I am trapped by my day job and responsibilities. I am not meant for regular humdrum, day to day bull crap! I have sooo many other things I should be doing and working on. So, in a nutshell: frustrated, trapped, and like I missed my chance.

Being nostalgic Pandora, Fetlife, and DGN oh, and fantasizing (sexually), of course

Location and possibly, timing Your post made me remember my old thoughts on the "R" word. Relationships = Responsibility I have been thinking how I have been drowning in responsibilities as of late.

Not told today, but reminded every day.... I am the most beautiful woman in the world to someone that wow's me. It doesn't get better than that.