deadcoldgothgirl

I think I'm slowly starting to regain mine. I think it is because I'm trying to focus more on my life and what makes me happy. It is still hard with the whole matt thing, but I'm starting to be able to tell him to shove it. Not in those words yet. But I'm getting there. I think he is noticing it in me as well since he is backing off a little more and treating me better.

I'm in a decent mood today. I'm hoping I don't get overwelmed or too lazy to finish my assignment that is due tomorrow. I want a hug, and either a jolt of energy or keep consistent with the energy I do have.

I wonder how this weekend is going to work out... I'm coming home.

I'm feeling really good. The only problem is I have a nagging feeling since I haven't gotten around to doing my homework. I'm really frusterated with it because it's basically english homework for a religion class. It's pissing me off. So I can't get around to doing it. It's realy easy, but I just don't want to do it.

I'm tired. I want to know how much rain we are going to get from this hurricane.

I feel tired. I'm also disgusted by the fact I still haven't gotten around to doing my homework yet.

I'm feeling really tired. I don't know why. I get enough sleep and then a few hours later blah.

Lol thanks. In other news... I really don't want to do homework. Or eat left overs. Ugh I don't know why I'm acting like this the last few days.

I'm a little nervious for family and friends that live near the coast.

I'm feeling like being lazy and eating a ton of junk food. My weight doesn't like the idea. I already went to McDonald's so my brain is saying it doesn't matter at this point. I keep putting off my left over spaghetti dinner for another meal.

Some little bug got into my bra some how and bit me. It really hurts.

I'm excited and over joyed. I think my friend kim is coming with me. Finding out if matt is going is like pulling teeth.

I feel really tired and really hungry. I keep thinking it's dinner time when it isn't.

I'm going to have a bowl of broccolli for lunch. It sounds very strange even though I know it will be very healthy.

I'm very hot. I was a little frazzled because I came home to my apartment and glass was shattered everywhere from a little side table that only had my wireless router on it. After I talked to the apartment complex (because it is their furniture) they said they would write it up as mystically happening and they would get it taken care of for me. So I feel much better.

Some of my internet friends know how to cheer a girl up. They said if I stopped posting in my other forum they would think matt killed me and go on a witch hunt for him. I was in a really bad place last night. In other thoughts, I hope I can be close to all of you like the little family you already have here.

Yay. Maybe I can meet up with you two then

I think it's time for bed. I'm having a lot of doom thoughts like "if I stopped talking would anyone here notice or care." etc. Hopefully I will wake up with a better attitude.

A lot of reasons. I feel lonely, ugly, fat, matt is up and down. I'm tired of him asking me for money. If I'm not answering about it then maybe that means I don't want to talk about it.

I'm upset because I can't go on the 25th. I'll be headed back up here and earlier in the day my unlce is baptizing my nephew. So I'm going on the 24th.

It hasn't always been this way. I think that's part of the problem.

Low.

Why do you keep making my heart break?

I knew sooner or later I would find something about my roommate that annoys me. She is a lot like me and a great person to talk to. Only problem is I keep cleaning up little peices of paper and crap after her. I'm normally not anal about that stuff, but when it covers the entire counter I want to use, it does.

*hugs* I wonder that about myself a lot of times. I wonder if I would be missed, remembered, cared about, would people cry?, what would they think and what would they do? It's a hard place to be coming from and an even harder one to walk away from mentally. I hope you do feel better and are able to work out your demons to walk to a brighter place. I feel like lazy. I should go get an umbrella since it desperately looks like it is going to rain and it's cold. I don't wanna though. I've been telling myself to buy one for a year and a half now. I haven't gotten around to it. I'm not sure if I just don't want to pay for something as simple as an umbrella, or if it is because I secretly want some gothy awesome one hidden on the interwebs somewhere for most likely way too much money.