cptdeath

some one i know was talking to me about a cusin of mine. she said he has no stress management or copping skills. how do i deal with it? everyday is different. i just keep going. you gotta have a purpose or some structure in life. a sense of accomplishment should be replaced with a sense of urgency never leaving time for you to realize your depressed. the most danger comes from sitting still. letting it catch up to you. must allways be doing never wanting. all for what? for a purpose undefined we must quest for the grail.

there just trying to shake em up. like a chess game you apply pressure a passive threat that requires some attention enough to distract. there not really partners and they both know it it's every rat for himself when the ship sinks. but this move is more posturing not serious. it could be serious but thats the point of it not the actual investigation. plus they lose nothing by appearing to be a team, there is no risk in this that is not easily managed. you just keep preasure on them so you are free to move as you wish unopposed. polotics brother

One thing that made feel bleak was something i read on this site. it was a quote "true love lasts longer then death." this was quite dissheartening to know that there is no escape from the pain even in death. and my x took note of this as a practicioner of weaponized love she found out she is not invincible when a man took his own life to hurt her back. I'm tired of talking of this........sorted business. some time has passed and here we are to live and find new love to go boldly were we have never gone before. i'm not scared at all i'm thrillseeker type when it comes to getting my feelings hurt. you should love with the same sense of duty and honor as captian piccard has. a noble sense of what is to be done.

who cares. girls come and go. chicks will show up for a summer or two and some get luckier than others more often. so to be passed over or cast aside is painfull and it affects a mans mind especially over time. like to much attention makes certian hot girls crazy over time especially during developmental years. thoughts and feelings allways change but the past doesn't. to make an emotional investment into another can end in a loss that is why its an investment of emotion. I try to look for equality in relationships. though i'm passed by more often then most by the opposite sex i still have self respect and will not treat people differently because of apperance. if a pretty girl is an asshole i don't fell attracted to that (usualy). as far as love my mom an dad spent their life together. here i am 28 and some couples have been together longer then that. there is alot to be said about love. just remember it doesn't matter how you feel feelings change what matters is what you do. if you both chose to respect each others wishes and feelings then do it and time will move on. my x left me for some dude an i want to die on ocassion but it only matters what i do not how i feel. thats why the guy she left me for killed himself when she quit him. an it's all about money. all the feelings surrounding it don't change that my trust is gone my respect for them is gone and he is dead but who got paid?. so just pay attention to reality first. if you want to invest your heart into another keep in mind that what you give emotionaly will be replaced with a return on that investment weather it's returned on the good side is up to your partner. what i learned sounds bitter. her sisters say" your just taking it to personal..." so i say "yeah guess its just business huh?". I invested to much into that person for a long time it was equal but then that love was weaponized and that person weilds it with a more perfect skill now. I like love i like happy and good and fun, i like companionship and trust and trying to live up to those expectations. but oppertunity is few and far between. i might sound mean bitter or scarred but im still alive! an i live son.

You Are Made Of Desire, Charisma, and Mischief 3 parts Desire 2 parts Charisma 1 part Mischief And a Splash of Delight Finish off with an olive

yeah that cought my attention. looks like the joker blowing up a hospital. those tankers go up man. It's not loke in the movies. it's twice as big a blast as you think. potentially it could leave a crater in the ground half a city block in size. the drivers make alot of cash doing that but the responsability and risk is very high. if you live then you face criminal charges for any damage and time for loss of life or injury you cause. on a hot day static electricity, lightning, a careless smoker, lots of hazards to avoid. the oklahoma city bombing was just a small box truck compared to a large tanker. I mean don't get me wrong blowing things up is cool an all but it's just not socially acceptable these days. at least the city still has the financial capacity to remove the wreckage and maybee even repair the damage. or else things are looking bad for detroit if it continues to go the route of a blasted and blighted war zone. my uncles micigain works thing said there was 8 jobs available and 1500 applicants for each job.

hey that shit is cool. I never hear anything except the radio now. thanks.

primus on youtube

DEATH.......................................Death to all who Oppose us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8uAvMey8iA

no handlebars i can ride my bike with no handle bars. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs

hollowing catfish Animal Planet River Monsters 4/5 Amazon Flesh Eaters

I heard that it's illegal for a single unmarried man to own a single sheep in the state of texas.

i've not mentioned it to very many. I've known the horror spoken of here. cdc helicopter rides, quarintines, low dose arsenic. scars in you face that used to be homes for things. eating on one side of your mouth couse it comes out to get the food as you chew. the sensation as it strains to get to the left side at the food across the inside of your face. watching in horror as it receeds back into your face fleeing from the light of day. Gaglionemia it was called, only by drinking directly from the nile river can you catch it (supposedly). I never went to egypt but there it was. 5 days of arsenic poisening and it was over. but the scars remain. yeah not fun. i don't mention it openly to people till now, but since it came up. I'm reaching over with my tounge feeling the pocket like scar right now.

my buddy Kelly moved to Cali last year the same time i moved to florida. she is now working for a director named Creepy something. she is collecting unemployment and working on the current film as training and for some promised help with her film. she has a script, a timeline and figures for a budget. she's working on getting equipment from a few producer friends. I myself am very usefull as a creative consultant and was willing to put forth a huge effort in this endevour. seeing all the actuall contact she's made in the industry, and all the work she's done allready i'm inspired to see the project through from it's inception to the actual distribution at the end. word from hollywood is that their writters suck. any idea can be developed to screen play. writters can be hired to do bulk work. screenplays can be sold and adapted. the only shortage is creativity. seeing folks in the industry is really hopefull. makes it all seem not so distant or far fetched when dealing with succesfull people who do it for a living. like, she really has a solid foot in the door in the industry and alot of knowledge of the actual business end of it. the business plan she has laid out has few holes in it and seems really feasable when you look at it on paper. it was requested of me to find three actors to play a role of zombie tormenting rednecks. i don't think i could do the best job acting in that role as someone else. the shoot is set loosly for august next summer. things are still up in the air. as the current film shes working on is being completed by an experienced crew and director who have made a living with these films for years. I very confident that this will be seen through to the end. any thoughts?

the weather is great here in sunny St.Petersburg FL. though it has not rained in a long time, and allergies are bad. it is a cool 70% with an ocean breeze in the dead of night. never gets much colder even at night. day time is usually 75% with a nice light breeze. I spent last friday in clearwater. at a hotel called shepheards on the beach. all the spring break girls in bakinis, the 151 strawberry daquri's. all the time me and a few fellow technitians were on the clock making $17 an hour to hang till the close of the stock market. Today I'm shaking off a little party hangover to drive to disney land and install more computers at a lay back florida pace. hang out with mickey in a town that looks like the set from roger rabbit. whats the weather like back home?

it,s 65 and rainy in tampa bay. cold front they call it down here. lol. yesterday was high of 82 sunny with a light wind from the east.

zombie nurse silent hillbest costume of the year we think down here. you gotta shake your head back an forth like the ghost in house on hounted hill. get a plasic bag filled with blood unde your shirt. then just look at some kid shake your head like that and cut your belly open all slow with a scalpel letting all the blood out . maybee put something like metal wood or plastic dollar store cutting board behind the bag of blood so you can stab yourself all violently. scary costume though, you gotta make some kids cry on holloween only the brave get candy. wait till theres some kids on the porch then walk out from the sid of the house dragging the sword and start walking all slow like the movie toward the kids on the porch. some of them will see you out of the corner of their eye and not believe it, but when they all see you shake all crazy like that then go toward them on the porch.

my brother is about to get a wig and be george washington. it'll be funny as hell. I bought a cheap Iron Man mask from 7-11. I'll be walking around with a scotch and a robe on or a cheap hawian shirt open and take a couple of my uncles lavitra. get all drunk around the hot tub. start womenizing, start slurring words telling girls "I'm Iron Man" standing up in the hot tub. get compleatly inappropriate. looking foward to the party

discontent. not willing to quite. driven. ambitous. seeking my own little slice of greatness. yet also a slave to my own lack of self dicipline. all in all conflicted. but i'm stacking the deck in my favor. i just tell god "resistence is futile!" then proceed as planned

we also have ninja's

were McBallen yo. got like ten monopoly peices putting the codes in online. some real fat shi*. once they told me about that chemicle they put in the meat to make you feel humger I really started to notice it. like your full and you can feel your full and you know the sensation of hunger you feel doesnt make sense, so now i totally recognize it.

there are things that want to exist that don't, unspoken horrors that grow in strength from mearly thinking their names. thought of it spreads like a plauge, causing reality to fight back. some gain great power by giving power to them. but at what cost?