the_fairy_gothmother

Well at the moment i have a spare ticket up for grabs for whoever wants to go with me.

I went outside and seen nothing. stars and theres no light pollution Im back in the woods with a big wide open clearing to view the night sky. I did some brown recluse killings as well. Those give nasty bites and our house windows had quite a few lurking around that needed to die because the bites they inflict are devastating and cause horrible infections, abcess, rotten flesh and just go on youtube or the wib and see what a recluse bite does its not pretty. I experienced no ceulluar distrubances and nothing in the house flickered or had any electrical disruptions or disturbances.

Thats my brother. My brother had kids because he wanted to be macho and manly. He had kids to bosot his own status. Deep down yes he has love for his kids but if he truly did lveo them the way a father should he would have been a mroe loving caring father form the word go. He however did very little to help his wife and abused her verbally and physically. Hes told his not even year old sons to shut the fuck up on several occasions when they cried. Who screams at a crying baby to shut the fuck up or I will chut you up? He is seriously messed up. My brother has always caused pain and strife in the family and he prolonged it by having kids just to show off. Now they are being raised by my burned out parents and it breaks my heart. Another reason I dont want kids. I know if anything ever happened I would end up looking to them for help them being the only ones who could give me any at all tho its little. They ave their lives now complicated more by raising 2 more children which will be more than ever troubled due to their mother and fathers outright careless mistakes. Its funny cause me and the guy I am talking to now we were tlaking abotu kids and well sex in genral being 2 consenting adults highly interested in one another. So ya know birth control came up and kids and him being a guy having a slight fear of being trapped in a relationship by a woman letting things happen told me how he himself took all precautions. I reassured him no matter what I was also in control of my body because I feel three is no excuse for a couple to accidentally get pregnant when there are so many protections and birth control methods out there. I feel strongly on this issue. I know condoms break sometimes or things might heat up and happen but still I managed for over 7 years 5 of which being married not getting pregnant even accidentally. I did not find it at all difficult either. Everyone has their story or circumstances and I am not judging anyone if things happened they wernt prepared for or how things happened but like I said I feel with all the ways to prevent pregnancy available when someone does end up accidentally pregnant I tend to get a little bit ticked off especially if they turn out to be horrible parents. Teenage pregnancy really dont get me started there. Its one thing that truly does anger me. I will confess I wouldn't mind having a child of my own I think kids can be cute but I dont live in a perfect ideal world. Money isnt reliable, people are not reliable and I just dont see a system that works for families anymore. More people are divorced, more families torn, more wackos and weirdos out there that wanna harm kids. And any trouble with the child at school and stuff and then you have to deal with all that and what ever complications they bring into your life. I am too fragile of a person to cope with and deal with all that worry and stress. So I am better off being child free.

I love Dave and Chuck the Freak! I gotta say they got the funnest radio show I ever heard! they really ought to have a tv radio show like howard stearn as well cause they are funny to the EXTREME!

Confessions of The Fairy Gothmother. Well in response to Eternal I actually have a recorded thing on my voicemail which I am just changing now to something different. I like to keep my greetings fresh. So anyways where do I begin? I confess I have been in a 3some and 4 some including girl on girl stuff and inter racial (not that race matters to me anyways as never been one to judge anyone based on creed color,religious or sexual status). Ok so though I have a motto of not regretting my past I however am not proud of some of the things I have done. That type of thing is and was not for me. My ex husband wanted to try it out and pestered me and pushed me into it so yeah I guess I should have and could have put my foot down but I was curious and went ahead. Now while I came out of those experiences without any negative effects to my health all protective measures being taken as possible I think it really harmed my relationship. Its for some people and I dont judge anyone into that lifestyle but me personally its not for me for several of my own reasons and beliefs. Hmmmm let me dig deep here as to what to confess to. Any of you who seen me at MANFAST many know I love 80s music including Starship We Built this City. Nothing that weird I guess. I confess I am slightly self centered and narcissistic and like attention. Its because I never got any attention as a child because when my brother came along all my mental issues and the attention I was being given ended because mine were not as destructive and as extreme like his. He acted out more while I kept to myself in my lonliness and despair wishing for death to take me away from the early age of of 8 yrs old. I was questioned about early journal writings, sketches and wishing I were dead written on my folders. I found ways to cope better and my true passion for music and art blossomed, although I was still a very lonely friendless child in a chaotic household and suffered many abuses which I wont go into. No my parents did not molest or rape me nor beat me badly. I got corporal punishment and sometimes my dad took things a bit far but I dont blame him as at the time thats what he knew. The basic gist of this is due to a lack of attention I began seeking it positive or negative in school and trying to either fit in or not fit in. Maybe you seen a hint of that at MANFAST? like for instance the beer bong. I HATE BEER! I did nearly barf because not only was it foaming but its disgusting and I did it to be cool. I always say I dont try impressing anyone or I dont care what people think but deep down I do. I do tend to try very hard to fit in in someway or gain acceptance. I mean I dont care as much as I once did I came to a realization and accepted things were the way they were but it doesn't stop me as its sort of a natural habit of mine. I am very self conscious and while I try being super careful on here or in social situations I more often than not stick my foot in my mouth and say really stupid things. The more nervous I get the worse it gets I turn into a train wreck and then people tend to get the wrong end of the stick with me. I am easily misunderstood. I confess I ramble on. I prattle on and on. I get it from my dads side of the family. I know it annoys people and the thing is I cant shut up until what is on my mind is said. UGH.... I am learning however more and more as time goes on. Its either one way with me. I will either be very quiet and careful not to engage in conversation or I will talk and talk and interupt or but in or not let others in. I hate it. I am also bad with changing topics and bouncing around random subjects. I have ADD and I am easily distracted even by my own thoughts. So along with saying whats on my mind if a new idea is brought up or thought of topic changes. Sometimes I could say talking to me is like channel surfing lol. I confess I have attempted suicide a few times and been institutionalized. I have borderline personality disorder, bipolar, major depressive disorder, ADD and some anxiety disorders. I take meds for these and see a therapist weekly and bi weekly. I did seek out help for myself because I do want to lvie and I do want to try having a life, friends, family and being happy and experiencing things. I hit the lowest point in my life early this year when my husband left me so I have had to reinvent and rebuild my life and myself. So I have been slightly more desperate in seeking out friends, and all because I have been very lonesome up in Algonac with no one. I have accepted hes gone and I am better without him but theres nights I still cry myself to sleep because the warm body and the person to cuddle and talk to is gone. 5 plus yrs of that and its gone so am slowly adjusting to being alone again. theres hope for the future as I have been talking to this guy in California and as some may know I plan on moving there as long as things all go right. So far so good. I am learning now to just take tings in stride have no expectations in life and letting life happen. I will be careful and more cautious as to not be taken advantage of and I wont lower my standards of health and well being emotionally and mentally as far as dating or what not. I now have learned a hard lesson in life that things in this real world are not always perfect or fair. I was a loyal, loving committed wife. I wasnt perfect I had my flaws. Mainly just small annoying habits but I got with a man that in my desperation to be with someone and to get what I want a british guy with a accent and try being mrs show off I married someone who would turn out to have very little in common with me and not respect me. I had good times but the whole thing was rushed and I was young and foolish. I had to swallow my pride when it all went wrong and suffer the heartbreak. I tried to make it work and even after he ruined our wedding night drunkingly talking about doing my maid of honor and well practically ruined the wedding in alot of ways. Then the swinging stuff, then the cheating and lying and messing with my friends. I kept letting these abuses happen and tried making it work because I didnt want to be lonely. He finally figured I wasn't what he wanted after we nearly called it quits before caused he was sleeping with one of my last school friends I knew. I decided to date a dude in florida and he sabotaged it because he thought he wanted me back but really he things wernt working out with my friend cause she was on the fence about dumping her own bf. So in a desperate attempt not to be out on the street with no one or nothing he interfered with what could have been a better thing for me and turned around 6 months later to say again I dont love you when he had promised he would be forever my loyal companion and for the 6 months was annoyingly stuck to my ass and everything and very jealous and possessive I may add. That was basically my christmas gift. After a sad boring christmas day that was uneventful. I did no celebrating on christmas eve or christmas. I did not really get anything though I gave a couple people gifts including my ex husband. He however was harboring a secret and by just around new year I would find out what I suspected when he went completely cold one day and then started leaving randomly going out The tell tale signs of a affair. So began to crumble and wither my already fragile and broken sanity I was trying to hard to keep intact. I have not really told this story much as I dont dwell on or like to think back to the past. I used to do it and it ate away at me. I hate thinking about it anymore. But as usual when I start talking about my issues which are part of my confessions things on my mind are said and as I mentioned I ramble on and on. Please bear with me. So yes theres my confessions and a look at my psyche. I dont think clowns are scarey at all but then again I dont really think alot of things are scarey and see beauty in dark and ugly places. i am a hopeless romantic and I am too nice for my own good and too forgiving. I am a kindred spirit and though I have my flaws and bad habits I am just a meek and misunderstood woman thats even a bit naive at times. I am clueless about many things even things within the scene and try sounding intelligent or making up BS. I have hearing problems, a bad short term memory and a slight speech impairment. Yup Im one piece of work lol. But thats me and I know I will work on being a better person and learning to control my impulsive ways better. So now that I have written a book here I hope maybe people might understand me better and not judge me harshly for I am a lil bit sensitive to criticism even constructive. I can take it but it still makes me get all red, hot faced and embarrassed.

Awesome!!!!! Hope to see you all there if all goes well and I can go. gonna hopefully get details hammered out over next couple days on things.

maybe I should go as silent bob lol. I am asking my guy in Cali if he wants to go for his bday. I oculd fly him there and put my moving plans off a month.

oh and everyone sorry I didnt realise I clicked one below concerts and events when I posted this lol. woops!

Holy crap can I ride with you? I could spot you gas moola!Going to a metal concert in a hearse would make my day haha!

Hey anyone going to Mayhem? I am getting 2 free tickets and if someone wants to go. They are lawn but hey its free so get in touch.

I know right? I guess I just try to think theres a reason for everything ins this strange huge universe.

I always loved Star Wars. I love The return of the Jedi. Yes even the Ewoks! I have to say my fave character is Obi Wan. Younger obi wan played by ewan mcgreggor was hot. I read alot of the books about the Star Wars story before and after the 2 trilogies. I just Read Backlash. I have been following the growth of Leih and Han Solos children and her role as a leader and learning her Jedi powers. Sadly Jacen one of Hans children was seduced by the dark side and was pretty messed up and died. They got Jaina and Anakin still. I read the short books about Obi Wan Kenobis early life as a Padawan with Qui Gon and how he became Qui gons apprentice. Qui Gon had never wanted or taken on an apprentice when his first one didnt pan out right. With clever manipulation on yodas part and a huge struggle and alot of proving on Obi Wans they became a team. The ex apprentice came back for revenge too of course and the closure happened and acceptance of Obi Wan as a new apprentice I have owned star wars toys and stuff. My brother however with his destructive and nasty ways seen to it that those were destroyed including a collectors edition princes Leia doll sealed in box from when they rereleased the movies the first time back in theatres. Oh well his stretch arm strong met his gruesome demise after I proudly admit Im a huge geek and I <3 star wars alot tho I have not been to a convention or dressed as any of them for halloween. I find the halloween costumes for kids appalling and cheap. I thought if I ever dress up I am going to do it the right way. But now I am also fat so it limits me since I am so particular I just hate seeing cosplay messed up.

I really prefer my life child free. I dont think child raising is for me. Maybe Im selfish or maybe I am lazy I dont know. I also had alot of responsibility dumped on me at a young age and I have a huge fear of kids inheriting many of our familys messed up psychological problems. Theres alot of depressed, anti social, alcoholic, messed up people in my family and I am one of them. I have several mental disorders and I may be quite stable for most part but I am not sure I can cope with kids especially if they inherit these problems. I already see it in my nephew. He is just like my brother whos ruined my parents lives emotionally and financially and his child is only a year and a half and the warning signs of very similar behavior are all there. My parents also are taking custody because my brother is in and out of jail and his wife he knocked up and married immediately after his 3 yr prison stint is not capable of being a mother and shoves responsibilities on my parents, me and others when she has no job, and nothing else better to do. She bitches about doing some chores and having to take care of the 2 boys she had and its very sad. Not that I am a feminist but in todays day and age no one man or female can really be trusted in relationships it seems anymore. Its hard to find a reliable partner who will stick it out. My 5 year marriage even without children was failed and it made it much easier to split without having children. It would have been way worse is children were involved and I just dont think its worth the risk anymore. I know I am a loyal, loving person who can commit but I have been jaded by men so I am more cautious than ever. If in the future things change and I am in a for sure stable relationship and the man really wants kids well it would require alot of discussing, thought, and more than likely him taking on more responsibility for them because I know myself and I can be a good mother I would love and care and provide but I dont think I could always give that all the time because I have my own issues. Right now I lvoe having now kids and these 100 reasons reinforce thoughts I already had on this issue.

I wear glasses. It depends on what I am wearing and what my make up is looking like. I need to wear corrective lenses for driving and astigmatism but I dont always. My problem is I lose or break em easily. I got a new pair beginning of the year and lost them within a couple weeks. I broke these ones before I lost my new ones. Thats generally the style I wear though. .

I can only see this being 5% logical in the sense if you have really worked out hardcore in the gym and exhausting yourself not wanting to over exert yourself especially outside where it looks like its pretty hot there. Work out in a air conditioned building and then walk out the door into 100 degree weather maybe theres somethign to it? It is rather silly but I cant say they put escalators there for no reason at all. not unless they were already there before this building became a fitness center.

Justin Timberlake? I mean ok yeah Boo Boos voice is sort of okish though Yogis not too impressed. Yeah Dan Akroyd is cool but this whole thing looks like it could be fail. Mixed feelings. But How the heck did Justin Timberlake get in as Yogi and why? Next it will be Lady Gaga playing Judy Jetson or something. Tho I guess thats not much of a comparison to a pop singer playing the voice of a classic animated bear compared to a whiney teenage girl that loves fashion and the mall but still. I seen some updates on the smurfs one too. I am looking forward to the final 2 parts of Harry Potter.

I think of myself as almost utopian when considering dark fashions. If I could totally pull off the true 80s punk/goth fashions of hair, makeup and clothing from Britains scene I would probably have made that my look but with fine thin hair, a large chunky body and whatnot I did not want to pull off a complete look unless I could do it properly. I am absolutely fascinated to this day with that style. I take little bits of everything however and try it on and mix and match. As of lately sigh... Yes I have been doing the cyber goth or graver thing but its been fun. I have here a chart you may have seen. Thing is for me I could probably say I am part of every single one of those creatures sadly even the emo who maybe its not my place to judge (i try being non judgmental tho I know its human nature) but should not really be on this chart but oh well from the outside they will always get thrown into our mix due to the hair, piercings and dark clothing. Oh and the baby bat I am no baby bat for sure. The thing is I just like having fun with my look. On 4th of july during fireworks I walked through my town in all my cyber gear with my parents and their friends. Funnily enough though my parents thinks I am a freak some dude was like happy Halloween sarcastically and my mom was like MERRY CHRISTMAS back to him. More often than not I get more people asking to take my picture or pose with me. The attention is to be expected because alot other outsiders/norms/ whatever non goth people when they think of goth they think of vampire goth or mopey goth and the baby bats that hang around the malls at hot topic. Popular culture has even depicted us as that. So when they all see cyber goth they are like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!!!!! Which in a way I like it though I am not out for attention it is great to see the expressions of passerby wondering what I am. In Germany however I would not get the same because many of their cyber goths and rivet heads do go out in the open daily. Here however popular culture has not yet really discovered the cyber goth which is maybe another reason why I like doing it. Yes in our world its exploded into a huge trend but its as of yet to hit mainstream unlike many of our gothic predecessors who we see stereotyped and made fun of or portrayed in media. Trad Goth well thats a look I will always admire though never fully be able to pull off. Romntic goth kind of melds into vampire, victorian and medevil goth. All having a thing for period dress and drapey sleeves and long black hair. Fetish goth hehe well of course I got my kinky side and thats only a look reserved to the bedroom. The hippy goth I have some bohemian pieces in my wardrobe but that and my chill attitude in life is about as hippy as I get because I like to bathe, shave and there will be no flower power happening in my life. The j-goth. I find the lolita style very cute and when I have the money I will indeed play with this style. As for the rest there are some elements of them that make up my complex gothic DNA. Metal head oh yeah I was christened into my lifestyle with metal and will forever be faithful to the loud, head banging,black leather clad long haired, heros of my childhood they may not really be considered goth but nothing feels more home that being at a metal festival or concert with the thundering drums pounding so loud they create extra heartbeats in my chest and the vocal frenzies and guitar shredding that is eargasmic and erotic and insane. LOL. Steam punk is piquing my curiosity for sure. I do have some goggles which are steam punk fitted with cyber goth lenses. I loved alot of anime with steam punk themes like Hiyo Miyazakis films think spirited away and howls moving castle. When I traveled to England years ago I seen the early stages of steam punk blossoming and it really can be its own thing or ad a gothic flavor to it. Goths embrace it because its classy and theres the antiquity about it. Our love for the older things strange and most wonderful embody steam punk. It goes well with victorian goth since the fashions are similar and from the same time period. Anyways I been rambling on here. I think I tired myself out and will actually go to sleep.

LOL LOL Yeah! LOVE it!

The birthday song ever! Happy Birthday!

Well Im a fatty so you wont catch me dead in a bikini let alone a bathing suit. I do the whole swim truncks dark shirt with a swim top on under it. I know how to present my curves but anything less than a corset and skirt and well things get scarey.

SOLD! its gone sorry folks.

Thing for me is I don't think I know how to not be goth.ROFL:p funny video I have tried like acting not goth but somehow something gothic just sort of oozes from me in one way or another lol. Even if I were to remove all piercings, go back to natural hair colors but oh crap I got tattoos they would have to be covered. I suppose being born dead has something to do with it. I got my Goth card the day I was born dead and came back to life (being revived in hospital of course) lol. Being Goth is just natural for me.

hey can anyone get me? I can help compensate on gas. Hey Chernobyl is the yello tax up? Call me if you can get me that would be awesome Reaper should start a hearse taxi haha! that would be sooooo awseome to taxi ppl round in a hearse. I wanna go to this show if I can. I got a bunch of Vampire Freaks Swag I can give out!