DJ Nihil

I'm 33, and I doubt I've ever experienced love. I've probably experienced obsession but never love. I've had issues with money all my life, plus my mental state (depression, anxiety, paranoia, and a dose of Schizoid personality disorder rendering me uninterested and indifferent to people and social situations and not wanting to put myself in them), combined with not meeting anyone who understands me, other than my current therapist, I'm probably never going to ever find out what it is like, and frankly, that kind of pisses me off. For all the shit life has thrown at me, I'd just like one person to fight against the world with, even though it will probably never happen. /sigh

I miss being employed, and the days when I was younger and all my mental conditions weren't costing me my jobs. I also miss the days when it was easier to maintain stable employment and when being unemployment didn't seem like endless despair, like it does now. My perception of things has definitely narrowed as I have gotten older, and certainly not for the better.

Yeah, I see that. It's kind of like the caste system that currently operates in India now and has in other parts of the world throughout history, and it seems to be establishing itself in this country. I for one do not welcome our new rich and corporate overlords. They can go get fucked for all I care.

Yeah I worked too. I still don't get paid for holidays at my current job yet, and the way they do pay periods, I'd only get a check for 9 days. Yeah, not gonna happen. So I basically got paid to sit on my ass and do nothing, which was much more productive than spending time with family, being subjected to stupid racist and ignorant bullshit and football. Ugh! I did have a turkey sandwich for lunch. Was just coincidence I had one packed. Didn't realize it until I opened my lunch bag and I was like 'Oh! Right on.' Anywho.

No longer on the self imposed exile, due to having finally figured a little out about myself. I realized that maybe I'm not so far gone after all. Only problem is now I barely have enough to cover my own expenses and rarely have extra to do things. Stuck at home most weekends watching TV, movies, or playing video games. Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with that, but it just prevents me from getting out and having opportunities to be social. I'm frankly just tired of the constant loneliness. It gets shitty coming home to an empty house all the time. Nobody to talk to about my day, or hold hands walking down the street with, or share in my belief that everyday is halloween. Oh well, if it happens it happens. If not, more loneliness, oh what fun!

Wow! I haven't been on here in a bit. Looks good. I like the adjustable color scheme. It looks good in black and gray.

Now that sounds like a terrific show. Hoepfully, I'll have funds at that point.

Depression is a funny thing. When combined with anxiety and paranoia, or even a personality disorder the effects are devastating. I am dealing with major depression, and I don't take any medication. I used to, but the side effects were fucking awful. I see a therapist and that seems to be helping, or did for a while, but I got my hours cut at work and life has become much harder, and I had to cut back on appointments, and now the benefit of therapy has been reduced and the feelings that had gone away have returned. I just don't see any value to my life to keep on going, especially when despair and depression set in and it feels like everyday is exactly the same and it never gets any better. Life is a collosal waste of time to me it seems. At least I am an organ donor, so my organs will be put to good use when I am gone.

I have recently discovered I have a personality disorder, and it has put many things in life into perspective. As such, the way I have been as of the last few years, and how I will be for the forseeable future, I am and will remain permanently single, and that's ok. The peace and quiet and the flexibility to allow myself to live my life on my terms, and my being such a control freak over everything else dictate this. That and I am pretty broke anyway, and can barely take care of myself, never mind a partner.

Go to the VIP package page, pay $150 for a 'Toast with Stan Lee' ticket package and still tell me you're excited about getting his autograph. I went to Motor City Comic Con in 2010, when I was better off financially, and I had a great time, but from personal experience, if you go to MCCC or any con in general and don't have at least a couple hundred bucks to spend money, its a collosal waste of time and you will be majorly disappointed.

Wonder if Project Pitchfork will play old stuff like Daiminion-era material? Ayria is awesome, guess I'm one of the few that likes Jen's stuff.....

Saw him back in 2005 @ The Palace. It was amazing.

Hello all, Hadn't seen anything on this here, wondered if anyone was going: Assemblage 23, Espermachine and Where the Embers Fall Tuesday 6 November 2012 at 8:00pm Isn't listed on Small's website, but it is on last.fm and on A23's official site. last.fm show link

Yep. That's the truth, even with Icon of Coil being down by one. Loved the show.

I know at least that I will be there.

SITD Twitter SITD Confirmed in US! They are stateside!

Obama. With Romney, you're going to need a tub of Crisco and spread your rear end, because he'll fuck us all hard.

And new Dead Can Dance. 'Opium' from the 'Anastasis' album. First one in 16 years! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wWFWoOQx_Y

New Icon of Coil for those folks who haven't heard it yet.

No problem. It wasn't showing up at first, then I changed the title of the show to match a few other tour stops and am proud to say it is prominently displayed once you get to the events section.

Just bought the new single. It's amazing. Picks right up where Machines are Us left off. Can't wait for the new album, or the show. I also added the show on last.fm to get more exposure: IoC @ Necto

Sadly, seems to be the case in point for all these instances, unless said border patrol is a fan of the band, which often helps the case here. Sept. cannot come fast enough.

Covenant coming back here so soon already? YAY! D: Konstruct playing too? Double YAY!