the eternal

Male

I love books, but I devour high-quality movies and music.
I have hundreds of CD's, everything from classical and jazz to industrial that sounds like little more than noise. My favorite is 70's/80's emotional post punk/new wave. Joy Division The Cure. Final albums by suicidal artists before they off themselves, because that is when they drop pretenses and show their emotions. Movies that make you think for days afterwards. Graveyards are fine, but give me a fine play and a romantic dinner, candlelights and a warm place to cuddle. An art opening or a classic film festival And then some leather and cuffs to finish the evening off right. Sex and love is intertwined. I've tried one-night stands. I suck at them. My emotional being gets channeled first through a caress, then an hour or so of making love. There is no better feeling than looking into someone's eyes and saying 'I love you,' as her hands lay claim to your back while you grip her hair with the fury and passion of a man tasting his first sip of water after wandering in the desert for 13 days 5 hours 3 mins and 30 seconds too long. I'm very political but I hold back more now. Two people shouting results in nothing but sore lungs. I'm progressive. I believe child's health care is more important than pre-emptive warfare. Put a little money now in education, save us from the billions in incareration. Goth culture can be self-absorbing. We need to care for ourselves, express ourselves. To feel. But not forget, there are others out there: being tortured, killed, starving. People in MI are homeless and without a job while others complain of a slight bump in property tax. That sickens me. I'm Jewish. I take pride in my people's courage, resilience, their love of knowledge and their interest in a better world. I fit in better with women than men. I like to talk and feel. Sometimes that's not on a man's agenda. Even if it was, I may be uncomfortable with that. Ironic, I know. I like women, but not chattering girls whose greatest concern is what manic panic color to pick out that day. Prisses who talk about kicking guys' asses to cover up their insecurities. No. Being unafraid to show vulnerability can be one of the strongest traits one can posess. I'm a mix of masculine and feminine. For women that are friends with guys, I'm the one to talk to when they're sick of "guys", but can't stand being around girls. I don't care much about clothes or drama, but you can open up to me, about anything. When you meet me, I may suddenly become a little quiet, so I can learn about you. Especially if you intrigue me. Afterwards, I never shut up. But in that brief respite, those first few days when I fall in love with your personality, you may tell me things you haven't told anyone but your closest friends, or no one. It's happened many times before. I seldom fall in love with people overall, but I constantly get infatuated with personalities. I crave knowledge: about life, experience, travel. I want to see every culture in the world. Not just every country, but how others live. Old people are fascinating (or can be). The guy who cleans your work was once a general in South Africa during apartheid, or a dancer that has seen the world and learned a whole new outlook on life from Fred Astaire. Or he's a pedophilic douchebag. You never know. I'm a magnet for lost souls. If you're f&*^ed up, and feel that people don't understand you, you'll probably be drawn to me. If you're a tough, confident woman who's not into the whole "emotion crap", you'll probably hate me. That's just how it's been. I can't stand it when I'm trying to make a connection or find common ground and someone continues to be standoff-ish. I want to shake them and ask, "Is anyone in there?" I've only seriously dated short, curvy women with big boobs. That wasn't my plan. It just turned out that way. It must be something about the way they fit me. You know that feeling you get when someone fills your arms, and you just don't know how to let go. And even if you did, you wouldn't want to. Emotions are funny. There's a difference between not being open, and forcing the door closed because you were sick of having your feelings hurt. The last two women I was with thought they were emotionless. I knew better. I have no shut off valve. Many times I wished I could be fake or closed off. But those efforts have been fruitless, so I've embraced my nakedness. I love being naked, emotionally and physically. I wish I never had to wear clothes, but even if global warming gives us 70 degrees year round, it will be much harder to change the temperature of social mores. Bean Water, my latest victim, is only the second woman I've ever truly loved. She makes me want to go on-when things are rough. She is betrothed to me for eternity, and although psycho family drama conspires to tear us apart, she will be mine, forever.

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