the eternal

Thank you guys. I appreciate it. I'd respond to all your PMs, too, but I just don't want to get too worked up. I just hope my ex knows what she's asking for and starts stepping up after years of being all too happy for me doing the heavy lifting. It was always my opinion that throwing someone down in the basement saying "Go play" is not my idea of responsibility. But what would I know? Apparently, whatever it is that I've done is not in the best interest of who matters most anyway. -------- I rarely feel this way but I wonder----------- If I had ovaries, would it somehow make me a better person in the eyes of those who make the important decisions???

I just lost the most important thing to me in the whole world. (And I'm taking it out on the second most-who's sitting beside me, as always--there to love and console-- when there is NO consolation for how I'm feeling) Talking to myself because I don't know how to come to grips with what happened Trying to find a way to manage my alternating rage and increasing despair I don't know whether to cry until my eyes bleed or just go out and get a gun. ---------- What just happened has made me completely question my faith in both g-d and justice. And really all I want to do is ask the person who took my world and smashed it into a million pieces is: How dare you fucking say you're ruling in ANYONE'S "best interest" when you've never even met the person whose best interest you're supposed to be thinking of?????

THIS QUOTE EDIT BELOW IS FOR "COFFEE TITS" (yes, I mean you brenda) Well, now that I have given you the royal treatment with grammar, capitalization, and above all else-proper punctuation, I gotta say--Buck up! I wallow like everyone else on here, but I expect some people to hate me on here, and I don't show my tits to anyone either. Everyone gets something out of DGN. If they don't, they leave (and many have) LOOK, this isn't a popularity contest Other things DGN isn't: a pole dancing competition a world's ugliest dogshow a DNA lab to show that "You are NOT the father" or an Australian nude rain dance festival (though that would be interesting and post-worthy) ------ This is a place where people of all types come to vent about all things. Some people will like you. Some people will detest you. Most people really won't give a shit about you. It's nothing personal. They are too busy worrying right now about who likes them and who detests them to notice. This board has more naval gazers than a convention of Florida orange growers. That's okay. If you f&ckin rock, you will learn not to give a shit, and get back to gazing at your navel like the rest of us PS They're your breasts. If you didn't care what people thought when you flashed them, why care now? Talking about something that rocks... bean water bitch slapped my ex's attorney (not literally of course) She was sooo amazing today. He asked question after question, questioning her morality, my morality, our feelings toward my ex, anything under the sun. And he's an intimidating motherfucker. When I when under the strobe light a couple weeks ago, I admitted to: raping stuffed animals, sending the auto industry into freefall, and possessing weapons of mass destruction (though really they were only WMD-related program activities, so I think I'll get a pass on that one) I still get nightmares about my interrogation. (no, seriously I do) But this time... bean kicked ass!!!!!!! I am so lucky to have this woman. Buy her a soda when we hit CC tomorrow. (yeah a soda--she gave up drinking and smoking because she didn't want anything destructive in our relationship--that's how awesome she is. I probably should have given her a better heads up on how destructive my ex was when we started dating--- but that's okay) This woman's amazing. I think according to the necronomicon, this was the next thing that was supposed to happen to your car.

*wonders how Ice Queen has been on here this long and just now discovered the content of 95% of the board's posts I try to pitch in. I usually capitalize the I's and fix grammar mistakes of the posters I'm quoting. That makes me happy --------------- I pheel like Rayne's car has a hex on it. I feel like I'm sick of turning on the TV or picking up the paper to find out how bad my industry is doing. HELLO! I've noticed my paychecks go down to nothing. No one needs to remind me. I feel like EVERYONE needs to send love to bean water. In a few days, she is going to have to endure a similar interrogation to the one I went through. It was so awful, I still have a hard time sleeping, and I regularly let my mind wander to yell at said interrogator (to myself). Or get down at myself at the drop of a hat I feel like I just role played being an asshole lawyer and bean almost decked me on several occasions. I think she'll be ready. As for me, I'm ready for walk-on role for one of the 15 syndicated Law and Order franchises

Like I am posting in here for the first time since July. Like, at that time, I almost canceled a non-refundable trip to Hawaii--complete with wedding and Honeymoon, simply because of legal wrangling with my ex. (She even tried to ruin our wedding by calling Hawaii just before the nuptuals to berate me, and then had two cop cars waiting for me when I came back.--No charges. Just to hassle me and have something good for court) 3 1/2 months later and I just came back from possibly the most humiliating experience in my entire life. You know those cop shows where they put the strobe light on until you talk? Imagine that for 4 hours, where at some point you end up saying shit you don't even know if it's true--you're just so mentally drained, you're just talking. I've spent over 30 years on this planet, and I swear I never understood the ridiculous amount of hatred people have for lawyers... until now. To all those people in the politics thread who say "Buck up. You can get by on a little--just watch your money" I want you to be in a court battle where you're successfully painted as the enemy, when you've done everything right, but you're on the verge of despair and being completely discredited simply because you only pay your attorney $200/hr instead of $300, because they have a bigger asshole than you do, because they have a legal team who has no problem taking every last dime, until you lose your money and family. I called Bean today and just cried hard. I hadn't done that in months, and oddly enough, it didn't even feel good. It was merely a necessary release to keep my stress-induced migraines from driving me off the road. I don't understand why this nightmare won't end.

And I know him back when he was just a street team level 1. These are tears of joy. How you've grown!

Form an alliance that will hug every person in the world, until noone feels alone. That's right--I'm going lofty on this one!

I rarely just cry at songs just by hearing them. I usually have to be in a certain mood. Heartbreak, longing for being loved, feeling alone are good exmples. And since I have Bean, I'm counting on that not being the case in the future. For me the actual music is equal to the lyrics. And I need the music tempo to match my emotion. If I'm feeling weak and depressed, I need mellow music to match it. For example, I think Nick Drake is perfect curl-up-into-a-ball music because he's sooo mellow (I'd call it goth-folk) The Cure's Disintegration is another. That used to be the one album I refused to listen to one song from. I would only listen to it cover to cover and shut out the world (and occassionally cry) Non-mood to get me to cry John Williams-The theme from Schindler's List Because it makes me think about how my people were almost totally wiped out (and the worlds powers knew about it and did next to nothing to stop) Billie Holiday-Strange Fruit It's a song about looking up at the trees and seeing your lynched neghbors (the strange fruit in question) hanging from them--how could you not tear a little When I was alone and deperate The Cure--Closedown Queen-Somebody to Love (it's a little cheesy, but so was high school)- This song wouldnt work today. Heartbreak Pearl Jam-Black (particularly this part) "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine" Joy Division-Atmosphere The Cure-To Wish Impossible Things Hopeless Depression Joy Division--the eternal Nick Drake-Way To Blue (the orchestral opening kills me-that guy was a fucking genius) Parasite "And hearing the trial of the people there Whos to care if they lose. And take a look you may see me on the ground For I am the parasite of this town." Depressed and Angry (crying while kicking things and swearing) The Cure- One hundred Years gotta love any song that starts with "It doesn't matter if we all die" Ministry-Stigmata I've Wasted My Life and I'll Never Amount to Anything Pink Floyd-Time "And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun" And there's my all-purpose crying song The one song that I listened to: --when I was feeling hopeless AND --when I was going through dealing with the sexual abuse in my family AND --when I was going through the end of a decade long relationship AND --when I was at the end of my rope with anger Because it combines my favorite emotions: depression, anger, disillusionment and love. I've cried to it more than any other. NIN-Something I Can Never Have

Bean and I had a nice time. No one mentioned Saechalyn, so I'm mentioning her since she's not on the board much and Bean was happy to see her. After an interesting car ride with the Rev. and OMG from Reaper's party (Reaper's the shit!), we got to see and talk and dance with loads of you. Have to do it again sometime,

OMG, I frickin love that song

bean telling me to log off...and Scars from the new Vs the Suct album. DGN music represent yo!

Boobs are nice, but maybe someone could show me some, um,--- Now that's more like it. MMMMM....I'm hungry now Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday!

Why is it that everytime I read about this issue I find myself more confused than before?

Good choices If there was a Movies You Can Watch Over and Over thread, these would be on it

I don't know, Candy. #3 is false? _______________________________________________________________ I have a suggestion. Since this thread goes faster than people reply, just give one chance. Then when you log back in, hit quote for yourself. Otherwise we may have forgotten your three things from the last page. ________________________________________________________________ 1. I only have one family member who I'm close to. 2. I once watched an Oprah episode with a 650 lb woman who never had a date in 21 years, cried, and said that would be me too 3. I don't like fish.

In response to the thread-- Do You Think that mentally handicapped people should be sterilized

I just came across Phee's dedication to Rayne a few posts up, so I dedicate another Weird Al song to my ex. (although unlike what Al says, she's definitely not the light of my life. That would be Bean. The rest is mostly non-fiction) She's crazy Weird Al-You don't love me anymore We've been together for so very long But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong? Seems you don't want me around The passion is gone and the flames died down I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem That time that you made it with the whole hockey team You used to think I was nice Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car? That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife? You know I, even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down the elevator shaft Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer? Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will You set my house on fire You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep You drilled a hole in my head Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all You never acted this way before Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore, oh no no Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!

FLA--Mindphaser (it drowns out the voices in my head quite nicely)

I already told you your were pretty! And that I loved you. Did last night mean nothing to you? If I give you the severed left hand, of Takeshi Miike, will that make you happy? ___________________________________________________________________ Waiting for phone calls and PMs and emails, in not one but now two sagas I put myself in the middle of.

I'm like Hunhee. I'm a hug-a-matic freak! (That said I STILL think there would be wars, unless we hugged the necks of all the jackasses that started the wars, or maybe if we appointed snakes to do it, they're very good neck-huggers--THEN maybe the wars would stop. I'm all for affection, but I'm sorry, that's not going stop those that are all for aggression---I'll still hug your buddy Troy, though ) BTW, Bean's here and she'll accept hugs from Troy, but she is a proclaimed "freak about my personal space" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, if you don't KNOW the Bean, you DON'T get to touch the Bean. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I, on the other hand, have VERY low standards. As long as you're not creepy with a niece fetish, or don't know how to use spell check, or have this odd disorder-- where you forget to put on all clothing except for the electrical tape you had lying around your car to tape up the saggy ceiling in your 1984 Generation II Cadillac Fleetwood, you are ALWAYS welcome to hug the eternal.

Crazy Train--Ozzy Osborne (Not my usual fare, but I was inspired by the board)

The world swims through me You eyes catch mine, a tear falls Erotic pleasure, sigh

my most faithfull friend you wrap yourself around me I love you, pillow