butterflynetz

i'm feeling rejected, lonely and too awake. i wish i could just go to sleep and forget about things. it's about that time of year for a cold snap... cigarettes help. i hope this winter won't be as bad as last in terms of seasonal depression. i feel like i should be much further along in life than i am. i feel like i haven't accomplished anything. i feel like a good friend that just gets used and hurt. i feel like being a snob the next time i go to the club and wearing a shirt that says "I'M NOT BABYSITTING TONIGHT". i feel bad for my father who has an incurable, debilitating disease. i feel like buying a plane ticket to georgia and having a few bloody marys on the plane. i feel sorry for myself too much.

i don't know how to post a video :(

right now, ofra haza's "open your heart", the madonna cover, die krupps remix.

"november" by azure ray lyrics: So I'm waiting for this test to end So these lighter days can soon begin I'll be alone but maybe more carefree Like a kite that floats so effortlessly I was afraid to be alone Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be All these faces none the same How can there be so many personalities So many lifeless empty hands So many hearts in great demand And now my sorrow seems so far away Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain But I turn them off and tuck them away 'till these rainy days that make them stay And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs And the words still ring, once here now gone And they echo through my head everyday And I don't think they'll ever go away Just like thinking of your childhood home But we cant go back we're on our own Oh, But I'm about to give this one more shot And find it in myself I'll find it in myself So were speeding towards that time of year To the day that marks that you're not here And i think I'll want to be alone So please understand if I don't answer the phone I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls Until I can see nothing at all Only particles some fast some slow All my eyes can see is all I know Ohh.. But I'm about to give this one more shot And find it in myself I'll find it in myself

azure ray - november red house painters - have you forgotten angelo badalamenti - mountains falling uno lisa - i wish you love (only sometimes, when i think of someone, and in a good way) this mortal coil - my father the cure - the same deep water as you gary jules - mad world faith and disease - louise (clan of xymox cover) jim croce - photographs and memories unto ashes - teach me how to drown soulwhirlingsomewhere - i should throw myself under a train

i would want my boyfriend to stay in michigan instead of having to go to the university of riyadh (saudi arabia). we've only known each other for a couple of weeks but have become close. not too close though (we aren't in love).