Oh I know how the self loathing is. The funny part is that it's all in the eye of the beholder too. I'm 155 and since I'm no longer super model skinny like I was a year and a half ago it upsets me. I'll be happy again when I'm back down to my 127-130 range (which is the BARE minimum of what I should be at my 5'9" stature to be considered healthy. Anything under 125 is "underweight"), but until then...I'm not pretty in my mind. My face is okay, I always thought I have a cute face, but not so much in the body department.
The point of the above paragraph though is because some people would think I'm crazy for thinking I'm fat. I don't think I'm like massively overweight or anything, but I unarguably have pudge, and I am a no-pudge girl. I refuse to have any sort of flab on me what-so-ever, and if I do, I'm not happy.
BUT...what I think is interesting is that girls who are much heavier than I am have much more confidence than I do. I'm not dissing on that, just the contrary, if you're comfortable in your own skin then hey, kudos to you right? Wish we could all be like that. That's how we should all be, considering that we're keeping our weight within a healthy range (i.e. obese people ARE unarguably at risk for MASSIVE health problems. It is virtually impossible to be obese not have it have a negative effect on your body, no matter what you're eating. That is from a medical standpoint, not an opinion)
When I was 210 I got the nickname Trenchcoat Jay. Jay at that time because everyone in my friends group considered me to be male and "Trenchcoat" because I WOULD NOT TAKE OFF MY TRENCHCOAT. Period. People would try to pay me to take it off. I wouldn't do it. In my mind, it had a job to do: Cover up my body. I would wear it in HUNDRED DEGREE weather. In my mind I was appalling...but I still had guys hit on me and tell me I was cute and girls tell me I was crazy. It's all in the mind...ya see?
Now the sole purpose of my army looking trenchcoat is to bring sexy back (and NOT in hundred degree weather, thank God).
Damn...that was a little off topic of the thread, but not of your post (GRG), so I guess it's aight.