Trene4000

I hate trying to speak to others when I'm tired, drained, and trying to focus through the fuzzies while thinking. I think I sound like a child. It's even harder when someone's asking why I sound like that. I can't help it. I can only fight through it until I can recuperate. It has only been two days and I am already going under. How pathetic. What happened to me?

Ma looked so surprised to see me when I stood beside her bed and said hi. It was as if she didn't expect to see me. After I walked over to talk my baby sister Ma called my name and asked me to pull her hair back. She has never called me before during these past three months. She had even said that I was gone when I was talking to her. I am just so happy that she realized I am here, even if she doesn't remember that again. She finally saw me.

I must truly applaud my little sister. She pushes through her pain and succeeds. My pain keeps coming and coming and coming constantly for so many years til I just gave up. It has been an unending torture fest. One day I'll be able to pull myself back up but for now...

I finally have one injury under control when BAM! I'm hit with trying to find a way to control another! When does the hurting stop?

Tired of this blasted pain driving stabs into my rib cage and shoulder every time I inhale or moves.

Lou Ferrigno "Change" Tee $22.99 Whatever your political affiliation may be, vote in the next election or you'll make me angry...you won't like me when I'm angry!" - Lou A portion of the proceeds will go directly for research to The Alzheimer Drug Discovery Foundation 501 (c) (3) WORLDWIDE SHIPPING https://represent.com/louferrigno

Unbelievable! This dog did something that a six year old girl in a "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial. http://blogs.discovery.com/bites-animal-planet/2015/08/dog-calls-911-during-fire-leads-blind-owner-to-safety.html?utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=AnimalPlanet Amazing.

I am just this side of smothering her.

Man uses kitten accomplice to distract cops and escape custody. Yes, you read that correctly. Don't believe me? Here it is. http://crimefeed.com/2015/08/levi-jacob-hanson/

When I check out of this life I don't want to be lingering or languishing in agony. I wanna say "Ciao, everybody!" and leave.

Face a nightmare. One I cannot escape. Even in my dreams.

2.98 That was the number in my dream. No idea what it means. Anybody?

I hate to say it but today is the first time in weeks that I've woken up without a stomach ache and actually have an appetite. This coincides with the realization that I don't have to watch my mom today. I had no idea that I had stressed out that badly over this. With all my other medical conditions I began thinking, "oh gawd, here comes another one". At least now I have something to work with that can actually be handled without medication. Maybe I should just chill for a while and enjoy the moment.

I should've just gone back to the house

BLUE MOON on July 3st!!! http://earthsky.org/space/when-is-the-next-blue-moon?utm_content=bufferc7067&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

I feel exhausted and I don't know why. I exercise to keep up my energy, stretch to maintain flexibility, and meditate to stay calm. Yet, I can't shake this weariness. Sleeping more doesn't help. Sleeping less leaves me more tired. This is all too confusing.

Like dancing! I forgot how much fun it was to torment my baby sister. She's one of those people who always thinks she's right and has to have the last word. She also lacks conversational skills. This time she tried to convince me that she wasn't being childish by accusing me of being childish and constantly trying to get the last word. It was fun watching what she came up with as a response. It was like watching my nephew and niece trying to clear their name and blame the other. It was so fun. She probably threw a fit and went whining to her husband. Man, I don't envy him.

Dang!!!!! I am in so much pain! I don't know what Mobic did but I wish I had it back! Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

That's over 108 miles.

Nature does not like me right now.

I am pissed thinking about how our mom blew off the Cancer Treatment Centers of America back in October of last year just because she didn't want to leave the house. They could have actually treated her more successfully than Karmanos, which burned out her hair, and U of M who were wishy washy about caring for her.

After I take my nap.

It's NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY! I'm gonna have an ice cream sandwich.

I've been so disturbed lately dealing with my mother. I hate having to take care of her hygiene and feel trapped when its my turn to babysit her. I suddenly realized we're doing a death watch! As much as I would love for her to get better and go back to being herself, I have to face the fact that she may actually not recover. The very thought makes me sick inside. I feel like I am being forced to watch her die. This is not fair to us or the grandkids who are there every single day. The eldest one keeps spiraling into bouts of depression, curling up next to the fridge or losing her appetite. The younger one isn't quite sure what exactly is going on. He's never suffered the loss of a loved one before. The older one has but not on this level. I don't mind talking to Ma or hanging out with her but the other stuff... I don't know how to handle this. The emptying of her bowels. The talking about stuff she's doing, like holding a council meeting, that she really isn't. Thinking she's talking to somebody that isn't even in the State. Trying to help her get comfortable. Deciphering half of what she's saying when she's talking half sleep. It is draining and exhausting. I have trouble falling asleep with my head full of everything that happened during my shift. We're not trained for this! How are we supposed to do all this without losing our minds KNOWING she might shutdown any second?! I need a nap.