Trene4000

I hate to say it but today is the first time in weeks that I've woken up without a stomach ache and actually have an appetite. This coincides with the realization that I don't have to watch my mom today. I had no idea that I had stressed out that badly over this. With all my other medical conditions I began thinking, "oh gawd, here comes another one". At least now I have something to work with that can actually be handled without medication. Maybe I should just chill for a while and enjoy the moment.

I should've just gone back to the house

BLUE MOON on July 3st!!! http://earthsky.org/space/when-is-the-next-blue-moon?utm_content=bufferc7067&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

I feel exhausted and I don't know why. I exercise to keep up my energy, stretch to maintain flexibility, and meditate to stay calm. Yet, I can't shake this weariness. Sleeping more doesn't help. Sleeping less leaves me more tired. This is all too confusing.

Like dancing! I forgot how much fun it was to torment my baby sister. She's one of those people who always thinks she's right and has to have the last word. She also lacks conversational skills. This time she tried to convince me that she wasn't being childish by accusing me of being childish and constantly trying to get the last word. It was fun watching what she came up with as a response. It was like watching my nephew and niece trying to clear their name and blame the other. It was so fun. She probably threw a fit and went whining to her husband. Man, I don't envy him.

Dang!!!!! I am in so much pain! I don't know what Mobic did but I wish I had it back! Gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

That's over 108 miles.

Nature does not like me right now.

I am pissed thinking about how our mom blew off the Cancer Treatment Centers of America back in October of last year just because she didn't want to leave the house. They could have actually treated her more successfully than Karmanos, which burned out her hair, and U of M who were wishy washy about caring for her.

After I take my nap.

It's NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY! I'm gonna have an ice cream sandwich.

I've been so disturbed lately dealing with my mother. I hate having to take care of her hygiene and feel trapped when its my turn to babysit her. I suddenly realized we're doing a death watch! As much as I would love for her to get better and go back to being herself, I have to face the fact that she may actually not recover. The very thought makes me sick inside. I feel like I am being forced to watch her die. This is not fair to us or the grandkids who are there every single day. The eldest one keeps spiraling into bouts of depression, curling up next to the fridge or losing her appetite. The younger one isn't quite sure what exactly is going on. He's never suffered the loss of a loved one before. The older one has but not on this level. I don't mind talking to Ma or hanging out with her but the other stuff... I don't know how to handle this. The emptying of her bowels. The talking about stuff she's doing, like holding a council meeting, that she really isn't. Thinking she's talking to somebody that isn't even in the State. Trying to help her get comfortable. Deciphering half of what she's saying when she's talking half sleep. It is draining and exhausting. I have trouble falling asleep with my head full of everything that happened during my shift. We're not trained for this! How are we supposed to do all this without losing our minds KNOWING she might shutdown any second?! I need a nap.

He's full of .

Clash of the Titans from 2010. It sucks.

I've noticed that as I've gotten older, I have very little tolerance for drawn out drama and battle sequences. I just want them get to the point already.

Wrath of the Titan

Do you need anything? I'll see if I can help.

Ticked off. I had a medical procedure done, in the O.R., under anesthesia and still had to watch my mom and babysit my brother's kids all in the same day! Now I am being expected to sit them and watch my mom again while I am still hurting! What the heck!?

I listen to my gut. GOD knows exactly how to get my attention. Yeah... I'm a little hard headed.

We are all radioactive. What really sucks is that several weeks ago I was fussing about this, yelling at the TV about how much radiation the governments have spewed into our environment. http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2015/06/23/4259590.htm I'm shocked by the rest.

Pain hurts!

I spent my childhood being bullied and teased. I learned to develop a border that I do not allow anyone to cross. It makes me appear strong or unfeeling at times but I would rather people fear me rather than use me as a door mat or garbage bag. I have learned to protect myself. Others ask how I don't let myself be pushed around. I tell them my secrets and leave them to it. Success is entirely up to them. I've seen two people succeed. The trick to it is to never back down. No matter what way they come at you, readjust and build a new wall as quickly as possible. Don't get me wrong, it is possible to remain bright and friendly, just erect a barrier that you refuse to allow certain things to pass through. Feel like you're being used? Just say no. Don't give explanations or any discussions about it. Just leave it at that. No. Anything else and the person will keep pressuring you believing they can make you change your mind. This will leave both sides angry and frustrated. Unfortunately, this will also leave you open to the same topic again. You don't have to become cold and heartless. That is not the way to live. You will eventually become miserable, mean, and crotchety. Just make up your mind about what you will or won't allow and stick to that. If you must say something DO NOT dissect and overly explain your decision. Keep it to the point and as brief as possible. This is used only when speaking to an authority figure such as your boss. Well, that's my advice. Good luck.

Dizzy, nauseated, exhausted, and finding it difficult to breathe.

Dang.

I pour my heart out in a long and winding text but it refused to post. I do stuff like this and there it is. Of course.