WhiteLines

That's what i was thinking!

I'm open to many forms of electronic based music since once upon a time i madr it. Always intrigued by new and different stuff.

That's about why I can envision being permanently trapped in being single. I'm too weird and the closest weirdest person in the world to me in the end just didn't want to try to understand me anymore. My freinds are all weird but nowhere near as i. Most people can't even understand what music I listen to, just one... tried to hang on as long as possible but she just kept slipping away. F! it, I'm done with my past and I'll make a new future as weird or not weird as I want it to be. I just live day to day for now, things can't always be hell i guess.

Pissed then happy as hell. Smashed the screen on my replacement phone after one day, verizon store said "tough shit" i cussed them out, went to the room, called tech support and snafu'd them into overnighting a new one to me. Lol, best burn ever. This'll be my sixth RAZR maxx HD however... junk phone.

sitting on the back dock smoking cigarettes with all my crew. since we couldn't get the semi truck with all the steel and fixtures to reschedule to earlier in the week we all have next to nothing to do. gonna be a slow long day.

thanx yo. it was made in Nepal, i dont like short coats but that ones great.

holy crap I'm on my way to work and i got 4 hours of sleep, that's more sleep than the last 3 days combined.

Access To Arasaka - Lysithea (official video) I think its worth watching, it's an interesting video.

[makina] - Istanbul

Okay now I've drank One beer with my two coworkers "45" and "Bradb" while waitin' to cook up some cheeseburgers in their hotel room.

Semiomime - Open ending.

I suppose the benefit of hanging with my crew after work and consuming much alcohol was that I didn't have to think about anything. It didn't cure my insomnia but at least my mind was blank. Two nights staying in my hotel room not drinking leaves me still unable to sleep and with my brain on overload. Sure could a used coffee some of those mornings tho.

I'm thinking that random thoughts keep spewing out of my head and it will be 1 hour sleep insomnia night again for day 5 or 6 now while I have another 14 hour day to put in on the Ulta store build again tomorrow and on and on and on 'til it's done.

Delete - A Letter To God

It's nice to be discarded by a person you had loved and made every sacrifice for but this is old news and maybe I'm just now using my insomnia to reflect and think upon it.

I am single, a month or more ago my girlfriend chose to end our relationship for the third year in a row this time assassinating it with a sniper text message while I was on job in Nashville. This time honestly admitting that she didn't care anymore and cared only for her self interests and focusing on her dream of being a great dj. For three years she hit theses phases where she cut off into her own world each time a different obsession of interests and internet to escape reality but always came back (suspiciously for my money and for me to take care of her wrecked life, an unconfirmed suspicion but highly credible) She chose the well timing of near after my sociopathic fathers sudden death, my disownment of my family, mothers bankruptcy, and in the final week my finding out I was terribly I'll with a dental infection that had gotten into my bloodstream and going after my heart. Within a few days I received the text message announcement that it was the end again and I'm a "downer"... not my fault bad things were happening to me, but she didn't care anymore the way I cared for her. I was emotionally blank to it and still fully haven't processed all of it, but after going to Michigan to pick up my belongings and returning to work on the road I have terrible insomnia, no appetite, and began to drink vodka every night for a week, then quit eating entirely causing an extreme blood sugar crash that could have killed me I hit the floor so hard. Idk. The relationship had really been dead from her end for sometime, we hadn't slept together in over 7 months, I was only home from jobs a few days every month. It was all messed up she just got further and further away and nothing I tried brought her back. I think this is the last time the two of us will do this dance... and I have the feeling single will become my new existence although I prefer a relationship. Unlike my friends /coworkers I have not got "game" or snazzy pick up lines and while they could get women everywhere and not give a damn, I am opposite of them I guess, I would rather find a person to give a damn about. Idk, life really is a downer at times now at times and I don't see the way back out. I work 21-26 days of non stop 14 hour days at a time and go back off the road only a few days, idek where I would find the time to build another relationship from scratch, but I imagine the healthiest thing for me to do is put her completely out of my head and just go about being lost or focused on work. That is my rant for now, I'm sure I forgot to say some kind of detail s about it, the insomnia has made me exhausted and drained, or melted brains :(

I tend to take on more stress than I should at times just because it is there for the taking and someone there has to do it. It takes the burden off others and puts it on me until my brain melts I guess to save them from having their brains melt.

Carpenter blue jeans, a utility knife, several bandages around my fingers, plain black shirt, a choker chain with a skeleton key that has hung from my neck since the 90's, my Illig long gloves with a shit'ton of criss crossed straps and metal d-rings on them, and an untied pair of black boots... and black framed eyeglasses. My genre must be "constructionpunk" right now.

I have more than one favorite I guess but here is a few months back.

I miss home, for I no longer know the meaning of the word. For the 6 months from February until Nashville in July home was a place where the person you cared for the most was cold and uninterested in you but manic self absorbed in their own interests, before then it used to be much different... it was opposite almost. Wasn't perfect but it was the best place in the world.

Mountain Dew... I only got to have one bottle of it yesterday and I think that sent me into mountain dew withdrawal.

Stress maybe. I was a skilled communicator at some point, years ago I left working as a carpenter and a side job with the exact commercial construction company I've returned to now. In the span of 10 years between I was a manager of telemarketing companies and had to train, retrain employees, settle disputes amongst them, and advise them with their personal home life problems. Stress can make it hard for you to convey what you're trying to say for sure.

Atiq & EnK - Brainscan

I think everyone has days like that once in a while. I know I seem to be having them all the time.

Think it's 7 days into Kansas City build and we got an estimated continuous 15 more 12 to 16 hour days and maybe one 22 hour day and store will be complete and everyone can go back to their homes except I'll wander the earth because my home left me while I was on a job in Nashville, TN... guess I was away from home too long. Only off work a few days once a month and gotta drive across country to get there means you don't see your home a lot, but it doesn't mean you don't care about it. I cared a lot, that's why I spent 8 solid months on jobs making money.