WhiteLines

Lmfao, if only I could open up my ribcage and grab a bottle of booze from outta there and drink a few shots while I'm at it.

Strategize and develop a comprehensive plan to get my 2 year old son to stop running circles around the hospital waiting room, pausing only to use me as an impromptu jungle gym, jerk the phone out of my hand, slide down my legs, then run away and repeat the whole process over again.

At Ohio State University Medical Center, sittin in a waiting area with my 2 unruly children Lilith and Leviathan. This is only the 1st of Maw Whitey's appointments to attend this morning, lest the doomsday clock on one of them there couple of two inch aneurysms of hers runs out and I end up letting the kids play at the Morgue for the rest of the day lmao, not real funny I reckon but I've never compromised on my sense of inappropriate humor not even for this the last living soul on earth responsible for having brought me into it.

Them damned demonic kids again of course... they're 50% a big freakin' pain in tha ass and 50% absolutely somethin else that there isn't even words in the English language to describe sometimes... Daddy's girl Lilith found herself this really small black skull cap and now we can freakin' be twinsies. It makes me proud watchin what twisted, rebellious and colorful characters that my progeny continue evolving into lol.

Residing in the veil between unconsciousness and awakened. Neither awake nor asleep, not here or there, what or huh... gotta hit highways in 3 hours tho. Not sure if my eyes are open or if I'm staring a hole in the screen thru closed eyelids here.

Pure adrenochrome... from a living, human body... lol. I returned up in this mu'fu¢kuh for the gawd damn atmosphere, and over the fact that fb and most all other top social media platforms are repulsive and annoying to me. Reckon I just came on back o'er yonder here to DGN so I could go and be repulsive and annoying in my own signature style or whatever. Plus the scenery's more better and all that.

Overloaded & shutdown. I made the trip to the homestead unannounced this time and arrived the other night to find an absolute fu¢¢in' disaster. Can barely even walk thru the house. Barely even have the energy to walk, doesn't take long to become ill from this place.

"Use Less" by Skinny Puppy. Idk why, I haven't heard it in like 14 years but it's been stuck in my head since yesterday.

Lines of coke off of a meat cleaver.

Those folks? Hahaha. That shit is great! The lineage of my White's is poorly documented which was common for rural poverty level toxic backwoods families especially past the 1900's but my efforts a few years back turnt up that they originated in that exact region of west Virginia around the Civil War era so it's very much possible on some distant level and I always thought that was probably the case cause just comparing them, it makes a lot of sense lol. I know there's a full blooded Cherokee a few generations back too, those kinds of things were often not documented at all. Hell most poor backwoods mountain outlaws couldn't even read or write all the way up into the 1980s for shits sake. Now I've stayed up all night and have to go to work in 10 minutes then pack and drive to WV/OH later lmfao. I'll resurface on here sometime later once the dust settles.

Yes after some sporadic and severe episodes thru the winter and a less than favorable year so far, plus various little things that I've been watching slowly evolve over the past few months, blah, blah blah, I am certain that rigor mortis has set in on this muthafu¢¢a' I did absolutely all I could do for many years. I have always held it down, I've been faithful to my wife from the start like a monogamy militant. My wife has always been true to me as well, the only faithful woman I've been with (that used to be important enough to me to overlook much of her behavior actually... which sound actually stupid now) But I believe I've surely gone above and beyond to often at this point, even going against my own instincts and core values at times just to maintain some kinda peace, looking back now no idea why. Fortunately most of the time I was on the road working far from home all these years, unfortunately at that time tho my children have been left with an unstable erratic barely functioning walking cluserfu¢¢ as their main caregiver and now I have fucked up neglected psychologically abused children who have already had the foundation laid to continue the generational trauma. When I conceded my hardline stance about no having kids ever and had Lilith, I shifted my goal from "preventing the existence of another generation of Whites" to the goal of "making sure the generational abuse ended and was not passed to them" and I just stood by and let that goal get drug under the wheels and mutilated all over the highway. Trying to maintain this for the sake of my kids no longer seems remotely viable since she took my house and destroyed it into a place not fit for human habitation that we can't even allow people inside of in order to maintain the "dirty" little (big) secret *all puns intended* I don't think further attempts to provide life support to this relationship will benefit my kids in any way, actually I think this relationship should have had a goddamn Do Not Resuscitate order signed and on file from the very beginning. My biggest conundrum now is what immediate next move and course of action to take that will be the least damaging for them, because all roads lead to damage now. All can be done is to attempt to mitigate the negative fallout as much as possible and hope for a long term strategy that isn't an absolute shit show. The sleeper has awakened! ...and now that my eyes are opened... I wish that I could cut them out of my face and burn them, but then I would just be blind again. Well Scary, we got that other wall of text framed out and stood up now, let's go ahead and get the drywallers in here to do the finishing so we can get to installing the padding in this here room.

Oooo yes, yes... this here is tha mu'fu¢x'n spot, the one that I've been looking for. This is the spot, I'm sure of it... High, my name is WhiteLines WhiteTrash and I am brain sick. I have been brain sick ever since my brain grew inside my mother's womb. Speaking of, my mother has always had clinical depression, anxiety and such things. My father suffered Vietnam War style PTSD and was also diagnosed as both a psychopath and a sociopath (which we did not discover until after his death... funny story for another time) But what issue do I got? I'll tell ya just what I got, I got a marriage to an undiagnosed, untreated , unaware wife with fu¢¢in' Borderline Personality Disorder aka Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm no professional but I've searched for the answers many many years and was committed fully to thoroughly educate myself in this area and I would stake my own life on my unofficial diagnosis being 100% correct. If you are familiar with the pathology of BPD or take a look into what it is and what it does then you should be able to start seeing the picture here. The picture is of me in a straightjacket inside of a white padded cell. Essentially I voluntarily subjected myself to years and years of very impressive psychological torture and abuse (which is the damnedest thing, cuz that ain't even sound like me, damn I don't take shit from no one so I'm absolutely mystified when I taking one last look at the damage, like wtf would I do that for lol idk) A big feature of BPD is that their emotions are facts to them, they can't use logic at all so the facts about what's going on don't matter, it's about what they feel is going on, that's what's factual to them. Also that they cannot perceive any manner of grey area. To them everything is black and white thinking, all good or all bad. They "split" people to seeing them as being all bad or all good depending on their emotions at the time, if it is "all bad" they see you as at a given time, then they think it has always been that way, bad, all ba d, and can't remember and single good thing that you have ever done ever, and vice versa, if they're having a good day then everything's always been good. Currently I've been watching the patterns and watching subtle changes that lead me to believe my wife has begun to "split me to all black" meaning I'm the devil and I am also guilty of hundreds of absurd awful things that I've actually never done in my life. BPD's have huge fear of abandonment and rejection and often sabotage relationships to cause the relationships to end before they suffer from the recjection they imagine is going to happen. Which is sadly ironic... out of paranoia for something that has no chance of happening they destroy the thing that they want/need the most, because in their mind they are so sure it is going to happen. Idfk I couldn't summarize all the nuances and ruthlessly toxic traits of this shit if I had a thousand pages to write it on. All I know is I thought there was hope when I went back from Michigan last year (that's why y'all ain't hear from me no more after that, things were going well, looked like it was taking an upturn... The bam! Episodes 100 times more severe than any that came before, continuing into this year including even a week long full blown psychosis in April. Ruminating on it all I know the pathology of this is for the bad stuff to continuously go from bad to worse, and I cannot muster the level of denial it takes to go back to thinking it's gonna get better one day. It's not. Now I have a walking apocalypse that I need to decide on a strategy for dealing with that will cause the least amount of destructive fallout upon my children. Or something like that I don't even fu¢¢in' know anymore this could all just be a goddamn hologram for all I know...

Think the fluctuating job schedule changes now have left me not the adequate timespan I would have liked to have to ruminate my current state of affairs (aka dumpster fire life) and give long thought to my next course of action. Now I'm leaving tomorrow and returning Wednesday or possibly not for longer since all medical events I need to be there for begin around the 28th. I'll just act without thinking I reckon, that's historically always panned out real well for me... NOT! LOL! Maybe one thousand three hundred and thirty second times a charm.

Bringin' out that John Dee up in tha place now!

Ghostemane - John Dee that's my mo'fxxkin' jam right there lol

Ahhhhh sheeeeeit, John Dee up in here, that's wassup yeah!

Why is it people always summon demons and never angels?... Swag Toof - Haunted

This is a few years ago after I left the original company I'd been foreman for and I was first runnin with the same outlaw who I had been working for last year when I was out in Holland, MI... This is only the appetizer in this particular highway misadventure

Ah naw, I was referring to myself as the resident highwayman on the forum, and loosely using the term highwayman cuz actual highwaymen rode horseback and robbed travelers heading west lol. But the word "highwayman" always seemed to adequately convey how I live to people lol.

Twiztid - Stab

I aim to entertain, I'm somewhat of a secluded antisocial performance artist of sorts as well as a volunteer good will ambassador of 21st century white trash. Lol

Well welcome relatively new-comer. Yeah if you ever go digging thru old posts, I'd say there's some wacky shit I posted while I stayed in Holland

Well said. I can certainly identify with what that's like.

Being off of work, ruminating on my broken ass future. Or compulsively finding odds and ills to occupy my time so I don't think at all lol.

I don't know if you was around and active back around that time, this forum's kind of the only archive of my Michigan misadventures while I was superintendent of the jobsite out there. There's too many stories to tell here I think. My Holland stay did redeem west Michigan for me tho. Over 10 years ago I actually lived up in Muskegon for years and it left a bitter taste when I left there. Much respect for Holland and my gutter gang peeps I kicked it with there.