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Explaination

fallennon

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fallennon Newbie

fallennon

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I am not as fucked up as my posts may make me seem. You see, after my son has gone to bed for the night, I take my mommy hat off and sit in front of the computer and try to get all of the bad shit out of my head that has bothered me all day so I don't have to sleep on it.

I do this so that I can wake up in the morning and take care of my son and live my life. Everyone is entitled to bad moments. I am only entitled to them when my son spends the night with his grandma. So mine are pretty severe because he doesn't spend the night out often if ever.

I am not a bad mother. I have realized that my recent posts may make me seem like a crazy person or a terrible mother. Please understand that I now feel the need to explain that I do not act this way in "real" life. Sometimes I have bad moments. Sometimes I get upset. I don't have a lot of friends to voice this to. I consider all of you my friends and feel like I can share my bullshit with you. If my whining has become too much, I'll stop. I just feel like this is my escape or my release.

Just please know that I am very dedicated to taking care of my son and I kill myself every day trying to do the right thing for him. For those of you that judge me...fuck you. Live through what I live through and then tell me how you feel. And for those of you that are there for me...thank you. Your words mean the world to me. For those of you who even take the time to read my bullshit...(FC) thank you so much. I am a writer by nature and it makes me feel better to see what I feel in type.

Sorry about the rant just needed to once again make myself feel better. I never thought about how it appeared from the outside until someone said something. I'm glad that this person verbalized this so that I could explain. I luv ya all!!!! :grin:

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Ginevra Newbie

Ginevra

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Bah. Yes, indeed, everyone has their bad days and some have more than their fair share, to be sure. If you feel comfortable ranting at us and it helps you do better in your life, rant away. I hope that you know that we don't think you're a nut-job or something but that rather, we try to give helpful feedback in the best way we know how. Sometimes it might come across as overbearing and condescending, but it's not really meant to be. As un-Gawth as it may be, many people do care, even those of us who've never met you IRL.

Just keep doing what you're doing; you're doing fine =)

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Fierce Critter Newbie

Fierce Critter

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For those of you who even take the time to read my bullshit...(FC) thank you so much.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You're welcome. :grin: Better days ahead, Fallennon, is my wish for you.

And I understand about the late-night rantings and ravings. When my husband is asleep next to me and I'm dealing with another bout of insomnia, that's my time to get on here and spew, vent and deal with stuff he's already had his fair share of exposure to. :wink :

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JaneDead Newbie

JaneDead

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aw fallennon :( i know you are not a bad person/mother. i know what you are going through and i understand. you are just going through a hell of a lot and that is hard to deal with. no one can know how you feel-not even the people here who have gone through similar situations. we all feel differently about things and handle them differently. people will judge, but so what. let them. they are not perfect either. they do things that we don't agree with as well. it is always easier to tell someone what they should or should not do. especially if they have never been through it before.

honestly - who cares what anyone thinks of you. all that matters is what you think of yourself as a person and mother. if your son grows up well rounded and stable and loved - then you did a good job. :)

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fallennon Newbie

fallennon

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Thanks. I knew that you would say something to make me feel better! This all came about because of the meltdown post. FC's post (because she said that she didn't want to sound like she was judging) made me realize that there are people who do, even if I don't. :grin:

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JaneDead Newbie

JaneDead

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and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone!

all i ever think when i read your posts is that you are finding yourself. you are finding out what you like and don't like. and you are having an inner struggle with yourself. and all this external factors that play a role in that. how they are helping you or hurting you. it is a learning/growing process. and as long as you and your son don't get hurt along the way- you will do what you need to do. that is all. don't let anyone tell you what you are doing is "wrong". you will find that all out after you go through it. and you know that. and who's to say what IS wrong? maybe everything you do is exactly what you need to do- to be who you really want to be in the end.

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