when death comes to call.....

[Steven]

I wasent with her (Laura) when her mom died, I had gone home in the middle fo the night to sneak in a couple of hours of precious sleep.....I got back to the convalescent hopsital this morning to find Laura and her family huddled around her mom, she had died 10 minutes before I got there....

We've been watching her die for over a month now. Its a difficult thing to watch, but we also wanted releif for her mom's suffering, the majority of which stemmed from Alheimer's, as she could no longer string words togethor or stay on topic or recognize people or places.....hard to watch that in someone you've shared so many good laughs with.

Last night when we went in to see her....we could just tell. The nurses disagreed with us, but Laura and I could sense it, she was letting go. A few hours after we kissed her goodnight the nurses called us and told us to get over there, they didint think she'd make it thru the night.

I'm a hated man in Laura's family by the way. Except by Laura's mom, who loves me and has always been kind to me and respectful of me.

They are incredibly disfunctional, the family. Drama drama drama drama....you get it. Nobody ever fixed anything in that family.

To add to it, Dad's spent time in Eloise. Those of you who have heard of it know what I mean.

Her older sister has this bizzaro attatchment to him - far beyond daughter father, and they are like an evil team.

They hate me because I do not allow them clear access to my wife, nor do I allow them to abuse her and/or disrespect her, wich they always did until I came into the picture. Add to that, I am a "Mexican". or so I have been told by some vile phone messages they have left me. I allready know my bloodline. Seems different somehow though - when it is spoken to you as an accusation by someone who truly has no idea that of which they speak. Enough said.....The Brady's we're not....

And so here we all were in that tiny room last night......waiting. Our revulsion for one another (oh yes I have it too - I got me some baggage) set aside while we waited on Mom. Very few words spoken to one another. That elephant in the room was sitting on top of all of us. Heavy. Resentful. Shameful.

So a little while later this tiny wrinkled up Lady in a wheelchair with oxegon comes into the front door of the room. She's one of those forgotten ones, the kind they stick in a home and never return for, she was so frail and her skin was paper thin. We'd never seen her before, she just rolled in and goes "ok, so who needs prayer?"

and we did, needed it.

ANd this tiny little lady makes the siign of the cross and says these beautiful heartfelt personal prayers for Laura's mom, who was completely out of it - until the prayers started, and suddenly she was tuned back in, just for a moment. After that she held my wifes face (this little lady) and told her how beautiful she was, and the she still remembers her own mother and that it still hurts her, but that we all have our crosses we must bear. Laura's tears were pouring down her face, and I knew she felt blessed by this little Lady, as did I. As did Laura's mother.....who was able to string togethor the words "how nice of you, thank you" to this little lady. That's more words than she's been able to speak in a week.

Suddenly the nurse came and angrily took her (this woman) away from our room, apparently this woman was not supposed to be roaming about. Funny how she was (roaming)though, funny how she rolled right into our room.

Just as quickly as she came she was gone.

Flash forward - its the middle of the night now. Laura's mom still cannot speak.

Laura started singing her a song they sang togethor when Laura was a child, and her Mom suddenly bursts out loud singing along wtih her, all of it.

then she starts talking: "I can see Momma, momma says she's coming to get me, she'll be here soon, momma's here.....momma's here" (Her mother was fullblooded Cherokee) Laura was shocked and asked her "Can you see her? How does she look?"

Her Mom's reply, again loud and firm: "She looks good, she looks real good, and my brothers are with her too, theyre all waiting for me" (Laura's mom was the last of the kids to be alive).

For the next hour her mom was speaking to "them".

"Cant we just go? I want to go now, I want to go up, can't we just go, I want to go to the other side now, I'm ready, can't we just go?"

Laura's sister, who has been extremely manipulative and hurtful over the years (and who has in the past declared my unworthiness via my Mexican Heritage) turned to Laura and told her this:

"I know why Mom can't go yet. She can't go because I need forgiveness. I need you to forgive me Laura"

Strange, and completley out of charactor. Nevertheless, Laura awkwardley did so. Now of course its not 1-2-3 and its over, nobody lives like that. But she asked. And maybe one day she'll ask the same of me. I dont know. But sometimes unworthy people ask for a blessing, even out of shame. And we have our choices to make at that point. Laura is much more gracious than I am with these things, so she gave her sister what she needed, in the presence of her mother who lay dying.

After that Laura's mom exchanged "I love you's" with Laura and her sister. And she saw her own Mom again.

And then she died.

and I sit here writing it all down, in an effort to sort it out.

I'm going to vist that little lady however, the one they took away after she said her prayers for us. I'm going to go see her tonight. And I think I'll be seeing her for awhile, until her time comes too, when I'll say my prayers for her.

[The_Dark]

Well.. Steven.. bro... I'm crying here. my prayers will be said for you and yours tonight... I don't think we need to pray for laura's Mom anymore... she's gone home to God... but that little old lady.. the Angel in thw wheel chair... yeah.. go see her.. you may be the only person who does.

[Blackmail]

My prayers are with you and your wife.

You know my number if you need anything.

[Draco1958]

Steven, my heart cries for you and Laura. And I can understand some of the feelings. God sent you an angel in the little old lady. PM me your number, I think after the last 6 months, we both need to talk. I wil light a candle in her memory.

[phee]

You will make it through... and remember you have your electronic friend support system here if you need it (I know it's helped me in the past)

[Brenda Starrr]

Honey, if you need to talk, I'll give you my numbers. I'm so sorry......

[Shade Everdark]

I will content myself (if such a thing can be said of a situation like this) with offering you and Laura my heartfelt sympathies.

I know you won't, but should you need anything, you know, I'm sure, how to contact me.

[Brenda Starrr]

Well.. Steven.. bro... I'm crying here. my prayers will be said for you and yours tonight... I don't think we need to pray for laura's Mom anymore... she's gone home to God...  but that little old lady.. the Angel in thw wheel chair... yeah.. go see her.. you may be the only person who does.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes. Mark's right. She came to help you and Laura. :tear

[BrassFusion]

I'm glad it sounds like your family may come together. It's a shame that it takes a tragic event to make people take stock like that. And yeah, the kind old lady you mentioned might need someone there for her, too.

[BillyDeath]

man, I hate when family members and close ones pass away. My grandma passed away two years. A disttent releative of has altzeimers.

[Msterbeau]

Steven. What a moving story. Like the others here, you, Laura and her family will be in my thoughts. If you need anything I can provide, please ask.

[Homicidalheathen]

[pomba gira]

Wow what a deeply moving story. Sad because the family has lost a loved one... but beautiful because the seeds of reconciliation were planted in a troubled family (you & your wife may want to plant an actual growing thing to give physical being to the hope of re-connection). And we should all be so blessed as to cross over with our loved ones gathered around us. I've dealt with Alzheimers in my own family... in many ways it's a blessed relief when the person finally passes... but that feeling can bring its own guilt & other mixed emotions.

I hope you do visit the "wheelchair angel". I've had angelic encounters- someone sent by the divine to rescue me from danger or despair- & wasn't able to directly repay my karmic debt either time... you are doubly blessed to have that chance!

Peace & strength to you & Laura... you & family are in my thoughts.

[Fierce Critter]

Thank you for sharing, Steven.

If there's anything I can do, say the word.

[Steven]

Hi everybody - just a wuick note as I'm headed off to the funeral.

first I wanted to thank you all for the kind words and thoughts....its very much appreciated.

Sorrow hits you in funny ways sometimes and at funny places.....it did not really hit me until yesterday morning at church, when I was talking to a friend of mine who lost his dad a while back. Laura's mom was just this tiny little country lady from the coal mines of virginia, but she was amazing in so many ways, and she was my friend. She never judged me years ago when Laura and I went thru our trials and split up, and I always appreciated that.

laura and I went and visited that little lady i told you about. She quickly had us laughing. She has a certain fire to her that I am at a loss to describe, suffice it to say that I admire it very much and know that I am blessed to witness it. Strange how people sort of enter into your life out of the blue, but I'm thankful when it happens.

Pomba I loved the idea of planting a living thing.....I'll talk to Laura about that today, I think she'll love the idea too. Thank You.

for those of you who PM'd me....thank you so much. I'm at a bit of a loss for words right now but I'd hug you if I could.

And Draco - lighting a candle for Laura's mother is a beautiful and intimate thing - we appreciate that very much, thank you brutha.

I have to run.

Steve

[TygerLili]

Steven you should write professionally. You have a way with words.

So sorry for your loss. My condolences.

[Morbid Side]

Sorry for your guys loss.

I give my condolences.

[pomba gira]

Steven you should write professionally. You have a way with words.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I agree!

[Brenda Starrr]

I agree!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As do I.

[Aralis]

I know I am late here but thank you for sharing your moving story and I am very sorry to hear about your loss.