Empty Promises

[TearSandrille]

We all know how our significant other can bring up sweet things that they will/want to do for us. However, I have found that these things usually never come to fruitation. My question is would you rather not have them tell you they want to do these things (or are going to do these things), never do them and just live with the fact that they are at least considering them. Or would you rather they not say them at all. Personally, I'd rather not look forward to something that isn't going to happen. Besides, it'd be more romantic if it was a surprise. What do you think?

[Fierce Critter]

I'm with you, TS.

With me, it's not so much romantic promises, as someone saying, "I'm going to do x." That leaves me thinking, "how nice - I don't have to worry about x and can do something else 'cause it'll be taken care of."

Then x DOESN'T get taken care of, and I'm left in the position of a) dealing with the fallout of x not getting done in a timely manner; b) either having to do x myself or c) having to be a "nag" because I have to remind someone else they said they'd take care of x.

I HATE being in that position. I have some family members who are pretty bad about that sort of thing. I've learned, for the most part, not to have very high expectations and to just figure I'm going to be disappointed.

[DisturbedMania]

Heh.... Promises? I just imply I might do something and if there isn't strong opposition then my goofy self goes for it. Case in point.... I asked my ex if he was into being spanked at Mephisto's and he didn't say no. So, I payed the nice girl to whip him and tipped her before hand so she would really have fun with him. heheheheh..... I enjoyed watching that!

[Nienna]

I really put very little stake into what people I'm seeing say to me anymore. It sounds terribly jaded but I really have found that not one thing I'm told lately has been true/trustworthy. Maybe I'm just dating jerks too. It -is- nice to bask in the promises while they last though.

[Scary Guy]

I hate liars, even little white lies. So if you say you're going to do it, you better fucking do it.

I told my friend I'd help him paint his new apartment, and then I couldn't make it. I still feel like shit over it. With a sugnificant other it's different in the fact that you expect they will forgive you for it. Or you see how far you can push them before they snap over it. Which is still bullshit IMO and no one should play games, especially not with said relationship. If you can't follow through with it fess up and give a reason, doesn't even have to be a good one.

[honeymustard02]

I'd rather not be told at all then to get my hopes up and have it never happen.

[Brenda Starrr]

Yeah....just do me a favor and don't even tell me. If you're going to do it, wonderful. If not, please don't fuck with me by saying that you will.

[JaneDead]

i am actually dealing with this one right now in round about ways. (not with my husband - but with other people, particularly another family member)

it depends more on who the person is and what is promised if i feel "let down". sometimes you just know how a person is and you expect it from them so it is not a surprise when it doesn't happen. other times i think it shocks/hurts more and it might even change things between you and that person. i hate when that happens. being let down is a shitty feeling.

[Lilith]

I would rather not know, let it be a surprise.

but if someone tried to do X and something went wrong i would like to know what there intent was going to be with X, even if it did not happen. So keep me in the dark untill it actually happen or something goes worng, cause i do like to know you think about me.

[Onyx]

I tend to be forgiving if it only happens now and then. I'm happy if *most* promises are kept, and okay with it if now and again things might slip by.

I think the reason I'm forgiving is that I've done this myself. I'm really trying to get better about it and not make a promise in the first place if I can not follow through.

Why does it happen? I think for me, I want to do so many things for so many of my friends and family and especially those closest to me that I overextend myself terribly and find I just can not juggle it all.

[honeymustard02]

You know I'm the same way Onyx, and I feel horrible if I don't follow through.

So I try hard to keep my promises to a minimum.

[gothicmom]

I don't make promises.

In fact, I don't even tell my kids where we are going when we go somewhere. Because I hate when we say we are going to Chuckie -Cheese and we get there and it's just too packed. Then they are bawling and you feel like you HAVE to go. So we keep the info to our selves just in case something happens.

[fallennon]

Dealt with that one a bunch. I think I'd rather just not hear it...AT ALL. That way, I can't be disappointed in them.