This One Takes the Cake

[fallennon]

This time it's really not my fault! I haven't talked to him since I told his fiance. BUT, the house that I own he owns as well. In my hatred and fear of his impending divorce, I need to sell the house. I will not be left homeless because he has to liquidate his assets. But, I need his permission to sell it. So I called three days ago and left a message that I found an approved buyer and that he needs to sign some paperwork.

Last night he called to tell me that he refuses to sign anything. That he has me where he wants me...under his thumb. That he's not done with me yet and that I cannot escape him. Then he bitches at me for telling on him. Then she gets on the phone and tells me that due to what she knows if he comes over at all she has to be with him. I told her if she didn't trust him that much she needed to not be with him, but none of my business you know. Then I told her that if she really didn't want to worry she needed to get him to let me sell the house. She told me to give the house to them. All fine and dandy except I've put $10,000+ into it and I'll be damned if I bought the house for them. It sounds silly, but why should he get it and I just lose all that money?

He then got really shitty and pissed off and screamed at me that I should just find my son a new daddy because I obviously don't think that he's good enough and that I never thought he was. I told him that he really wasn't man enough for me, no, but that is his son and doesn't he love and care about him? He told me that he loved him and cared about him, but that it was less responsibility for him. What a piece of shit.

Why can't he just get picked up on his warrants already so I don't have to worry about all of this bullshit?! Grrrrrrrrrrrr...

Even when I want to get out and away, I can't.

[Hermine]

Wow, it sure isn't your fault. Damn, this guy is definitely in the wrong and giving you a stronger case every day. You need some legal help. I'd start here or here.

You need some legal advocacy and these guys might be able to point you in the right direction for low or no-cost legal aid. It's a resource that tends to be pretty little-known, at least where I am (though it may be different there, so maybe you've tried these already, but I hope I can help some) and they make legal aid available on a sliding scale based on what you can afford, and sometimes even for free. Some of these services, btw, can be a bit impersonal because they're so in demand, but they can also be really efficient and the price is right, so don't let it discourage you.

He'll have to liquidate the assets eventually and....(wow, I can't believe he said that stuff to you; you can soo nail him)....you want to make sure you get your share.

I'm no lawyer, but I can tell you need one; and, having worked for various advocacy groups, I think that those might be good places to start getting one for a price that is, if anything, affordable.

Also, check with your local chamber of commerce, state Attorney General or county consumer office before hiring any sort of service, especially deadbeat dad tracking services, since a lot of the latter are not to your advantage. Definitely check with the MI bar association when looking at legal representation options.

Did you use the Marriage License Is A Public Record thing yet? How'd it work? At the very least, Legal Aid might be able to help you get him picked up. You also might want to sue him for the house money, though I'm no expert; and it seems like the problem is that he is not paying his legally obligated debts. I don't know whether it would help or not to go with a lawyer and make sure the courts have awarded all the money he owes you to get out of him when he gets caught. He might have to liquidate before that divorce, huh? Just to pay you back. I think the court can make him do that.

The legal aid people have a lot of experience with cases like yours and maybe they can help you.

Hang in there; best of luck and I hope this helps some. I'm sure you can do this. You are such a strong person, I know you'll win out in the end.

[fallennon]

Thank you so much for that reply. I really needed to hear some good, solid advice from someone and not only did you give me that, but you complimented me as well. Thank you so much!!!!! I really do, at this moment, love you!

[honeymustard02]

My boyfriends sister is going through the same thing. Her ex wouldn't sign any papers because he didn't want to sell the house. It was his one real way besides their kid of controling her.

Get a lawyer and peg his ass. He sounds like he's 5.

[DarkChylde]

I hear there's a butcher knife in the second drawer of there kitchen J/K

Plain simple, all ya gotta do is negotiate, for example, Call the cops about his warrants if he doesnt sign the papers....

[torn asunder]

not to be unsupportive, but maybe that money is a small price to pay to be rid of someone that toxic. cut your losses, wish him well in your mind, then move on to make an amazing life for yourself! only an opinion...

[Brenda Starrr]

I have to agree wit Torn, here. You cannot allow him to continue to control your life. Let him have that house. I think that you'll breathe easier and sleep at night, unlike him. Get him for the child support, though. That is his duty as a father, even if he's no real father to speak of. Do what you have to do to make a better life for you and your son. Leave that loser in the dirt.

[Marblez]

I disagree. Get your papers which show that you have financial interest in the house. Take him to court. A judge can force him to sell it. Likely since he has warrants, he will not show up for court and you will win by default anyway. Not much need for a lawyer except to fill out the forms. Then - You can get your portion of the sale price.

You live in that house, his child lives in that house. Nest eggs are very important, he has already taken your heart for a ride, save your dignity AND your money. Fight for what is yours and your childs and stay there until the sale is final.

[Brenda Starrr]

Marblez has a point as well. I said what I said because that is what I had to do to be free. I don't feel bad about it at all. At least I can sleep.

[Lilith]

This is one of those things you have to decide which is mort important to you...... do you want to just get on with your life, learn a lesson and cut your losses or do you want ot sock it to him........

All views expressed here are sound valid advice and can work to your benefit,

you have to decided wich option will give you the greater sense of peace, what will take the bigger toll on you, and your son. Just know which ever path you choose, only you can make the choice and you are hte one who has to live with the out come so think it all out carefully.

i am sure which ever route you take all of us at dgn will ahve some great advice for you.

[fallennon]

I cannot afford to just pick up and leave because he cannot refinance to get my name off of the house nor can he afford to buy me out. So if I left, my name would still be on the property and my credit would get screwed when he stopped paying on it and I know that will happen because he is soooo uber responsible...*rolls eyes*

I have a custody/child support hearing on Tues. the first time I don't get a check I am going to send him to jail. The police have been too busy to pick him up on his warrants, but maybe if he fails to pay child support...

[Lilith]

I cannot afford to just pick up and leave because he cannot refinance to get my name off of the house nor can he afford to buy me out.  So if I left, my name would still be on the property and my credit would get screwed when he stopped paying on it and I know that will happen because he is soooo uber responsible...*rolls eyes*

I have a custody/child support hearing on Tues. the first time I don't get a check I am going to send him to jail.  The police have been too busy to pick him up on his warrants, but maybe if he fails to pay child support...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ok with that being said if it was me i would stick it to him if your name is on the house then you are more or less forced to do something about it if you want out or take a good credit reaming........ all this should be fairly easy to settle in court since your name is on the papers, you are soo entitled to get something and i would so go after it...... just what i would do now that i know you have a SOLID legal standing on the hosue.

[Marblez]

This is one of those things you  have to decide which is mort important to you...... do you want to just get on with your life, learn a lesson and cut your losses or do you want ot sock it to him........

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I take exception to this concept of socking it to him, if you let him get away with your financial interest in the house - you are socking it to yourself. Much worse in my opinion. Be responsible for your own and your child's well being. Take him to court and get your interest back legally. Yu will be proud of yourself for standing up for your rights.

[fallennon]

That's what I've been thinking, thanks Marblez.

[JaneDead]

ditto what marblez said.

[fallennon]

Well, I'm getting ready to leave for my first custody hearing and I'm just going to spill all. Maybe they will finally throw his loser ass in jail.