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The NeverEnding Story


fallennon

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  • 4 weeks later...

Once upon a time there was a little boy who ate grass. He was very lonely because the grass made his teeth green so all the other kids made fun of him.

One day he was sitting on the lawn about to go to work on a pile of freshly mowed clippings when a bird flew by clutching the most tantalizing and perfect blade of grass the little boy had ever seen. He got up, mesmerized by it's grandeur and the bird flew into a razorblade fan that was sitting on the windowsill of a nearby home.

The very scrumptious looking piece of grass landed inside. The boy waddled up to the doorstep to ask if he could come inside. To his surprise, when the door opened it turned out to be Richard Simmons who served the boy the blade of grass in the form of a deep fried hot pocket! That's right, the grass was placed into a hot pocket and the already unhealthy processed snack was deep fried to even greater depths of cholesterol saturated filth.

The boy picked up the greasy pocket, but before he took a bite he consulted his cardiologist, who told him that he should make an offering of it to the Great Old Ones, but before he could intone the proper verse he realized that he was out of lip balm.

He was off to Ye Olde Makeup Artiste when he ran into a dragon who had one head that was a goat, one that was a lizard, one that was Richard Simmons (again) and one that was Boy George! My, what a crazy dragon he was! He also has really short arms, thick legs, and a really, really, huge tail. Which for the sake of argument was named fred... the tail.

The dragon (and fred) like the little boy so much he sat him down to watch some porn and kissed him on the head a few times, causing the boy to sue years later for sexual harassment and emotional baggage.

With his multi-millions he bought a vibrator factory, where models of little toy soliders rolled off the assembly line, all equippped with the latest and greatest conical shaped helmets, which, as we all know, offers superb protection in case of sudden lack of impulse control.

All of a sudden...eomer charged in, displaying a distinct lack of self restraint and impulse control!

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