Transracial adoption

[sinmantyx]

I'm curious about the general attitudes about parents of one race adopting a child of another race.

Generally, in the U.S. transracial adoption is in the form of a white couple adopting a black, Asian (actually from Asia), or hispanic child.

Is this generally a good situation, or is it just a neccesary "problem" due to the lack of non-white adoptive parents (or the abundance of white adoptive parents...depending on how you look at it)?

What issues do you believe the children may have, growing up black (or Asian or hispanic) in America with white parents?

[BrassFusion]

I personally believe it's a "necessary" "good thing."

Any couple that would adopt outside their own race is probably open minded enough to relay that sense of inclusion to their adopted children. Which is a fucking great thing, if you ask me. I want there to be more children in the world who don't understand why some people are still racist.

[sinmantyx]

I personally believe it's a "necessary" "good thing."

Any couple that would adopt outside their own race is probably open minded enough to relay that sense of inclusion to their adopted children. Which is a fucking great thing, if you ask me. I want there to be more children in the world who don't understand why some people are still racist.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The couple may be "open minded enough", but that doesn't neccesarily mean their extended family would be or that their community would be.

I think in principle, it's absolutely wonderful, but I wonder about what the issues might realistically be. Not just in order to make a decision about transracial adoption in the first place, but to better deal with issues by anticipating them.

[BrassFusion]

The couple may be "open minded enough", but that doesn't neccesarily mean their extended family would be or that their community would be.

I think in principle, it's absolutely wonderful, but I wonder about what the issues might realistically be.  Not just in order to make a decision about transracial adoption in the first place, but to better deal with issues by anticipating them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The family might encounter static from others, but that would probably still be good for the kid. No matter what outsiders say that their multiracial family is wrong, I'm sure love would still prevail. It would be good practice for the kid to deal with ignorant people.

[Steven]

I like it.

Laura and I have been discussing doing this very thing.

[Gauge]

I'm curious about the general attitudes about parents of one race adopting a child of another race.

Generally, in the U.S. transracial adoption is in the form of a white couple adopting a black, Asian (actually from Asia), or hispanic child.

Is this generally a good situation, or is it just a neccesary "problem" due to the lack of non-white adoptive parents (or the abundance of white adoptive parents...depending on how you look at it)? 

What issues do you believe the children may have, growing up black (or Asian or hispanic) in America with white parents?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think its a great thing, and IF the parents can be open minded enough (ill get to this part in the next post) i think the children can be taught about family in the sence of love and togetherness and caring instead of race or blood. I dont really think it matters if their relatives or community think its a bad thing, because your always going to run into someone who thinks differently than you do and the child you have, wether a different race than you or not, is going to run into someone that is against them or what they believe in and if they can be taught from an early age how to positivly cope and deal with others then they will probably be better off.

good post! :grin

[Gauge]

Any couple that would adopt outside their own race is probably open minded enough to relay that sense of inclusion to their adopted children.

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I agree that the couple TENDS to be open minded enough but i was wondering what you think about the trendy/fad couples who adopt little asian babys cause everyone else is doing it or because they think there cuuuute? In this case do you think the couples are going to go through the effort (or care to for that matter) to try and teach their children about respect and love and hatred or the long list of things that come with beeing a different race than their parents?

not attacking just curious as to your oppinion!

[BrassFusion]

I agree that the couple TENDS to be open minded enough but i was wondering what you think about the trendy/fad couples who adopt little asian babys cause everyone else is doing it or because they think there cuuuute? In this case do you think the couples are going to go through the effort (or care to for that matter) to try and teach their children about respect and love and hatred or the long list of things that come with beeing a different race than their parents?

not attacking just curious as to your oppinion!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You know, I didn't think of that. How very sad.

I would hope that even if a couple adopts a Cambodian trend baby like they'd want a particular breed of dog, the novelty would wear off and they'd learn to look past his or her skin color and treat him or her like any other child.

[Gauge]

You know, I didn't think of that. How very sad.

I would hope that even if a couple adopts a Cambodian trend baby like they'd want a particular breed of dog, the novelty would wear off and they'd learn to look past his or her skin color and treat him or her like any other child.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

and if they get past that, what about teaching the child? letting them know that people can be mean to them because they dont look like mommy and daddy?

[BrassFusion]

and if they get past that, what about teaching the child? letting them know that people can be mean to them because they dont look like mommy and daddy?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I figure that would go the same for any parent. They always be hatas, that's the way it is. Hatin' niggaz marry hata bitches and have hata kids.

But seriously.

Assuming I have my own kid someday and assuming it's passably white (i guess i won't know till i decide who to have kids with ), I'd still have to educate him or her on racism. I'd boil it down to something like, "Some people are just ignorant and insecure. You have to love them and try to find ways to respect them anyway." Because it's hard to not encounter racism somewhere along the line, skin color notwithstanding.

[sinmantyx]

and if they get past that, what about teaching the child? letting them know that people can be mean to them because they dont look like mommy and daddy?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I tend to think that teaching about racism sometimes inadvertantly teaches racism. You can't ignore it and expect it to go away, but I don't know why we have to tell white kids: don't be racists, and teach non-white kids that people are going to be racist toward them, without even entertaining the possibility of the situation actually being the other way around. In doing so, you inadvertantly reinforce the idea that the white child is always going to be the one in power and therefor always holds the responsibility of not being racist.

I taught at a summer camp once that was completely non-integrated (almost entirely back, including teachers and students/campers and staff). One of the teachers, as an activity, had the kids talk about what other people thought of black people....basically having the children think-up biases against black people....name them one-by-one. This is also the teacher that told the children, "I'm not afraid of you. I'm black like you are." To me, that was just messed up, and certainly gave me some insight into why I was having so many problems. (She also went on and on about how one of the former white teachers didn't even know who Malcolm X was. I guess white people are stupid too, as well as racist and afraid of blacks.)

I can't imagine teaching my potential "cute asian" child: "Now what did mommy tell you the kids were going to assume about you?", "That you're good at math?" "What else?" "That you won't be good at driving...", "Oh yeah, and that mommy just adopted you because asian babies are trendy and cute!"

[Gauge]

I tend to think that teaching about racism sometimes inadvertantly teaches racism.  You can't ignore it and expect it to go away, but I don't know why we have to tell white kids: don't be racists, and teach non-white kids that people are going to be racist toward them, without even entertaining the possibility of the situation actually being the other way around.  In doing so, you inadvertantly reinforce the idea that the white child is always going to be the one in power and therefor always holds the responsibility of not being racist.

I can't imagine teaching my potential "cute asian" child: "Now what did mommy tell you the kids were going to assume about you?", "That you're good at math?"  "What else?" "That you won't be good at driving...", "Oh yeah, and that mommy just adopted you because asian babies are trendy and cute!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i think you completely missunderstood what i was trying to say. i dont mean that parents need to ignore it but at the same time i dont think that racism needs to be taught by race. i think parents just need to entertain the idea that wether or not their kids are black white or asian and because they are in a mixed family that issues might arise with other kids because of the way that some people are. this would be the same if it were black kids with white parents or asian with black parents or whatever mixture you put together. my statements werent meant to imply that i feel white kids are in power while others are below them, sorry if thats how it came across.

the whole "cute asian child" comment was more meant for parents - who as brass nicely put it - pick their children like they would pick out a sertain breed of dog, not saying that all parents that adopt asian children are doing so just because they are trendy or cute but some people do this, and its been seen many times. I dont feel parents have to reinforce stariotypes like asians are good at math or not good at driving or whatever. it was purly about teaching their children to be prepared because there is a good chance that at some point in their life someone is going to harrass them about the fact that they are a different color than their parents period.

i hope this is a bit more clear because as i stated before, i dont mean to seem racist because i am not.

=)

[sinmantyx]

To be a little less hypothetical, at this point, I do believe that an Asian child would probably be a better placement in my home than many other races. At first, I wondered if this was an issue of "cute and trendy" (as Gauge pointed out) and I had to be very serious and honest with myself, and make sure I knew where this feeling came from. When you are talking about a life-long commitment, it's not enough to be politically correct about your decision. It has to be the right decision for you, not just in your mind but in your gut.

One of the reasons there are so many Asian children adopted by Americans is because one of the oldest and most respected international adoption infrastructures is in Korea. It was originally created to help white servicemen adopt their war-time mixed-race children since the mixed-race children were being horribly mistreated in Korea. (Perhaps simliar to the children of German servicemen in Norway after WWII, many of which were sent to Germany.)

With over a thousand Asian children placed in the United States (mostly into white families) from Korea alone, for many many years, I think that the U.S. has become accustomed to this arrangement more than many other arrangements, which sometimes still create a certain amount of controversy.

Because my best friend when I was growing up had an Irish father (a serviceman I believe) and a Hawaiian mother (I know she is a Pacific Islander but she tried to feed me sushi rolls once for goodness sakes!), I spent two weeks in China in '93, many of my friends in grad-school were from China and Korea, and my closest co-worker is from Taiwan, perhaps I've just developed a comfort level that I simply haven't developed among other groups. I am involved in Korean martial arts and do quite a bit of shopping at the neighborhood Korean market; enough so that the clerk recognize me sometimes when I come in. At this point, it would just seem a bit more natural to me.

My cousin adopted two young boys from Korea. My other cousin adopted a baby girl from Eastern Europe. If my children were Asian, perhaps it might make them feel more at home when there are two other people at the family reunion that look like them? Who knows? Or maybe it will simply make my hubby and I more comfortable that there is another family that looks like our family?

Whatever we choose I know that it will be easier for us because there are many families at our church that have been formed through transracial adoption from all over the world. I'm hoping that once we come closer to making these decisions that we can tap them for information and encouragement.

I appreciate all the comments made here as well.

[Marblez]

I like it.

Laura and I have been discussing doing this very thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can just see it.... Steven laura and their new purple baby

[Marblez]

To be a little less hypothetical, at this point, I do believe that an Asian child would probably be a better placement in my home than many other races.  At first, I wondered if this was an issue of "cute and trendy" (as Gauge pointed out) and I had to be very serious and honest with myself, and make sure I knew where this feeling came from.  When you are talking about a life-long commitment, it's not enough to be politically correct about your decision.  It has to be the right decision for you, not just in your mind but in your gut.

One of the reasons there are so many Asian children adopted by Americans is because one of the oldest and most respected international adoption infrastructures is in Korea.  It was originally created to help white servicemen adopt their war-time mixed-race children since the mixed-race children were being horribly mistreated in Korea.  (Perhaps simliar to the children of German servicemen in Norway after WWII, many of which were sent to Germany.)

With over a thousand Asian children placed in the United States (mostly into white families) from Korea alone, for many many years, I think that the U.S. has become accustomed to this arrangement more than many other arrangements, which sometimes still create a certain amount of controversy.

Because my best friend when I was growing up had an Irish father (a serviceman I believe) and a Hawaiian mother (I know she is a Pacific Islander but she tried to feed me sushi rolls once for goodness sakes!), I spent two weeks in China in '93, many of my friends in grad-school were from China and Korea, and my closest co-worker is from Taiwan, perhaps I've just developed a comfort level that I simply haven't developed among other groups.  I am involved in Korean martial arts and do quite a bit of shopping at the neighborhood Korean market; enough so that the clerk recognize me sometimes when I come in.  At this point, it would just seem a bit more natural to me.

My cousin adopted two young boys from Korea.  My other cousin adopted a baby girl from Eastern Europe.  If my children were Asian, perhaps it might make them feel more at home when there are two other people at the family reunion that look like them?  Who knows?  Or maybe it will simply make my hubby and I more comfortable that there is another family that looks like our family?

Whatever we choose I know that it will be easier for us because there are many families at our church that have been formed through transracial adoption from all over the world.  I'm hoping that once we come closer to making these decisions that we can tap them for information and encouragement. 

I appreciate all the comments made here as well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think it doesn't matter which race a baby is. You will find beautiful children needing loving homes anywhere. It is a interesting thought to choose asian since their cousin's are asian...there may be benefit to that. The eastern european will not likely have any of the same "outsider" type of issues.

[Marblez]

I considered and reconsidered putting this....but I think it is an important thing to think of in the long run. not THE most, but important enough.

A sense of belonging is important...not matter how hard you try there will be times that the child will feel that they are not a part of the unit. This is with even same race adoptions, the child feels loved but not exactly a "part" of the family. Harder to overcome when there are drastic physical differences. Can they be overcome, yes, but keep them in touch with their individual heritage as well so they can be comfortable knowing they biologically do fit in the world puzzle.

Physical differences need to be considered. My mother always had pin straight long one length hair....she had difficulty understanding my sister's problems with brushing her course wavy hair. It seems like a little thing but there can be drastic differences between the needs of the races and their physical attributes and they need to be able to grow up knowing how to best care for themselves. Talk with someone of whatever culture/race and ask about the differences and prepare yourself.

[Steven]

I can just see it.... Steven laura and their new purple baby

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well you know, I can love anyone's kids....I'm simple that way....

[sinmantyx]

well you know, I  can love anyone's kids....I'm simple that way....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But do you know how to deal with purple skin care issues? Is there a Purple Beauty and Health store near you?

:erm

I tell you, being able to choose is bizarrely uncomfortable at times. Not just due to your ability to choose race but your ability to decide to adopt a waiting child, to adopt a boy or a girl, or to adopt a child with certain disabilities, etc. There are very few things that feel stranger than looking through photolistings and adding a child to your "favorites", or passing over profiles of children you simply are not able or (to be brutally honest) willing to care for, for the rest of your life. Photolistings are controversial for this reason, but they are a way of finding adoptive families for waiting children.

The dog-breed comment kinda got to me, but frankly if you ignore the whole dehumanizing connotation of the statement...it can certainly feel like that, not because somehow adoptive parents think human beings are like puppy-dogs....but frankly the thought process is frighteningly and uncomfortably similiar in that you are trying to figure out if your personal situation is the best situation for a particular child within your immediate family and extended family; in your present community and within communities that you are connected with.

Not to mention, you have to think about money. Yeah, that's comfortable. (sarcasm here)