Was I Being Insulted?

[fallennon]

Okay, the first few weeks I decided that I loved my sociology prof. She was smart and funny and made me think. Because it's a sociology class we all tend to share personal information for sake of discussion. So far I have revealed to them (her) that I am a single mother who does not get along with her child's father and works at a bar to support herself and her son. She is always complimenting me on how smart I am and on logical reasoning and my ability to catch on to things.

But today it felt different. She was talking about correlational relationships and used a metaphor of relationships with people to explain it. She used me as an example and stated that I had a relationship with my classmates because we shared a classroom, teacher, etc. She suggested that this is a weak relationship because I had just met these people. She asked if I saw a classmate in the hallway if I would nod or say hello. I said that I was pretty oblivious to my classmates and was there to learn not make friends so no, I probably wouldn't even notice another student. She then stated that it was an extremely weak relationship for that reason. She talked to a group of friends in the class and showed how their relationship would be considered stronger. Then came back to me and asked me if I had a boyfriend. Here is where I felt insulted.

I shook my head no and she stated that the more she heard about me the more she learned...that I was oblivious...and then she stopped herself and smiled and said that it wasn't really classroom discussion. Was she insulting me? What does the fact that I don't have a boyfriend and I don't care about making friends at school really say about me? Is idependence a bad thing? I'm dying to know what she meant but I was a little too embarassed to ask her.

What do you think?

[The_Dark]

I don't think she meant it as an insult. She was using you for the demonstration and then realized that it could lead to some negative things statements about you and decided to change the subject. I would surmize from this that the conversation was leading to you being labeled anti-social. Is that a bad thing.. depends on how anti-social you are.

[fallennon]

Not sure...because I'm not single by MY choice...lol

[Ginevra]

From the way you stated your example, I think that Dark is probably right . Not sure how the boyfriend thing figures in, but I can see her point about how your relationship with your classmates would be weaker than say three friends who were taking the same class together. Not a bad thing at all, just the way it is.

[fallennon]

The boyfriend part was the part that confused me...it was like after I said that she was like "Oh Jessika...the more I learn about you..."

I felt like an ass...

[Lilith]

why not go ask her what she meant..... make an appointment with her out of hte classroom and see what she has to say........ even if she has something negative to say maybe use this as an opprotunity to get some free insight..... she may be filled with a wealth of info that may help you deal with htings alot easier, gain insight on how you may behave. etc....... use this to its fullest potential ya never know what may come from it.

[honeymustard02]

If it bothered you that much and you took it as an insult, then why not talk to her?

Pull her aside after your next class and explain how you took and then get her side of the story.

Maybe she really was using it as an example but then felt that it would lead in the wrong direction and stopped??

[JaneDead]

i would be confused too. just because you don't have relationships with classmates doesn't mean anything. maybe they are not people you would associate with. or you are shy. or you are just too busy to be "social" in class since you are a single, working mother going to school.

she can't "learn" anything about you based on the fact you are not "friends" with classmates and that yo udon't have a boyfriend.

how does that say anything about you at all? i don't think it does.

i don't think she was insulting you however. but i really don't see how she can say she is learning more about you based on the "social" aspects of your school days.

[fallennon]

Someone sees my point!

[The_Dark]

You can tell a great deal about a person by how much they interact with the people around them and how much they interact with different "types" of people. If you keep everyone at arms length and never go out of your way to interact with people you dont have to.. well... thats an introvert with possible anti-social tendancys. Not saying thats a bad thing, it can be, but is not automaticallly bad. It's not all telling either... I'm extremly extroverted but also anti-social. I'll say "Hi" to everyone I encounter that I even remotely know.. even the ones I want to stop breathing my air. I may need to use them some day, so it's good to keep them on good terms.

[fallennon]

I'm an extrovert all the way, I just don't feel the need to let new people into my life right now, they are too much work & trouble...lol

[JaneDead]

i say hi to strangers all the time but i would not say i am social. i am pretty shy actually. i think it stems from not wanting to just talk to "just" anyone. at a party i am not very outgoing. i will talk to people but i never go out of MY way to do so. i don't really open up to people until i know them better or i feel a "vibe" that makes me feel comfortable. to me that stems from being hurt too many times.

if you ask some people they'd probably say i am outgoing. others would say i am shy. others might even say anti-social or unfriendly.

some people are all one way or all the other way or somewhere in between. i am definately in between but not everyonen would know that based on how i act in a large setting of people. i can get along with anyone and like just about anyone to some degree- i just don't put myself out there. for me it is part of not liking the attention. i have never liked to draw attention to myself in any way.

i don't think fallennon is like me in that way - but i bet she feels the same way about it.

[fallennon]

You said perfectly what I could not, thank you.

[Marblez]

I am actually offended when there is someone that I recognize (at times even strangers) that pass me in the hallway and do not at the very least nod. I go for the smile and nod myself, at times even a hello.

I was surprised at your remark to the teacher in front of the class it would come off to me, if I were present, as very rude. Perhaps the teacher was a bit taken back by the brashness of your response?

[Fierce Critter]

I'm extremly extroverted but also anti-social. I'll say "Hi" to everyone I encounter that I even remotely know.. even the ones I want to stop breathing my air. I may need to use them some day, so it's good to keep them on good terms.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Damn, it's like you described me perfectly there, Dark.

I'm basically a misanthrope who knows how to get along with people - when I have to.

It's rare I let people into my "bubble". Luckily, I've got a husband who's the same way.

I like social situations. Particularly down here, where I have NO conversation outside of my husband (it's one reason I'm as active on DGN as I am 3 years after moving away). I'll strike up an hour-long conversation over cabbage at the grocery store if someone is willing.

I don't know - Fallennon, I think you should talk to your prof one-on-one. Could put your mind at ease, or give you some helpful insight.

[fallennon]

I see what Marblez means as the comment coming across as rude, but they don't really notice me so why should I go out of my way to notice them? There are a few people in my classes that I would say hi to, but the majority are much younger than me and really step on my last nerve. Why waste my time? Isn't it bad enough that I have to hear their conversations about going up to state for the weekend, partying until they puked all over someone, and sleeping around with every available college guy? Or how about the belt they just bought at the Guess store??? No thank you. If I would have voiced that opinion I'm sure I would have come across as much more rude.

[Onyx]

I see what Marblez means as the comment coming across as rude, but they don't really notice me so why should I go out of my way to notice them?  There are a few people in my classes that I would say hi to, but the majority are much younger than me and really step on my last nerve.  Why waste my time?  Isn't it bad enough that I have to hear their conversations about going up to state for the weekend, partying until they puked all over someone, and sleeping around with every available college guy?  Or how about the belt they just bought at the Guess store???  No thank you.  If I would have voiced that opinion I'm sure I would have come across as much more rude.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can sooo relate to this!

It's not really that I'm an antisocial person, though I am often seen that way by others. I'm actually extremely social when I'm around interesting people or those that I have something in common with.

[gothicmom]

I see what Marblez means as the comment coming across as rude, but they don't really notice me so why should I go out of my way to notice them? There are a few people in my classes that I would say hi to, but the majority are much younger than me and really step on my last nerve. Why waste my time? Isn't it bad enough that I have to hear their conversations about going up to state for the weekend, partying until they puked all over someone, and sleeping around with every available college guy? Or how about the belt they just bought at the Guess store??? No thank you. If I would have voiced that opinion I'm sure I would have come across as much more rude.

I thought your prof asked if you would acknowlege them while in passing. With a smile, nod or a hello.

I do take offence if I pass someone I see on a somewhat consistant basis and they seem to stare right through me.

I also wouldn't care to be in the conversations either, but I would smile and either say hello or nod upon passing, and I'm a VERY shy person.

[JaneDead]

i took it more though as fallennon was trying to say she would not even notice them in the first place, not like she would see them and ignore anyone.

some might think that not being noticed is rude- but i tend to think that people are just pre-occupied when they don't notice me or someone else. i would never take offense to that. now if i know someone and they look at me and then just look away that is different. i dont think fall meant that was the case.

[torn asunder]

my only thought on this is that it is entirely within your ability to choose whether to be insulted or not - if you think you should be, you will be, if you think not, you won't... feeling slighted, or insulted, is only your reaction to external input, and your reaction is entirely up to you... the choice seems obvious to me. why upset yourself?

[fallennon]

Thanks torn...and when I said I was oblivious, I meant that I don't pay attention to who is walking past me because I am always late and rushing to the classroom AND I really don't have time to pay attention to who's in my class because I am busy LEARNING. lol