Is Honesty The Best Policy?

[sass_in_the_pants]

It seems that many people pride themselves on their honesty, and they characterize themselves as "brutally honest". My question is, when does it become more "brutal" than "honest"?

When should you tell the truth and when shouldn't you?

[Steven]

It seems that many people pride themselves on their honesty, and they characterize themselves as "brutally honest". My question is, when does it become more "brutal" than "honest"?

When should you tell the truth and when shouldn't you?

When you think you can see a clear objective to the effort you are about to make.

Granted - I sometimes spout off without taking the time to consider this very thing.

But If your going to shoot straight - ask yourself why, what are you attempting to create, is it wise in light of the circumstances and who are you serving?

Overall I am a very straight shooter, I'll tell you what I think, and I seldom sit on thigns for a long time.

But there are times when those thoughts, in the moment - dont neccesarily need to be shared, or that person at who you may be interacting with, may not be able to handle it. There are also times when what you may want to share is only going to fuck something up and do little else. So choose wisely with what you share. You dont need to lie though, really that should never enter the equasion.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Good topic.

Thought about this one a lot over the last year or so. (yes i spend way to much time thinking about things) I'd separate Honesty from "truth telling" at least a bit. Honesty as in "trying to do whats best" i think is the best policy.

But i'm fairly sure that pure truth telling is not a good ethic in and of itself. Heck even just the idea of "being nice" can often be at odds a pure-truth mentality.

I think telling the truth (that is volunteering of "truths") needs to be if not equal, at least tempered with compassion/mindfulness of its effects. Just spewing out "the truth" needs to take into consideration its audience. Whatever we were taught about "always telling the truth" not withstanding.

I think the ends can justify the means in a lot more cases than is generally thought.

[kellygrrrrrl]

I have a friend who is like that.

"Brutally" honest.

Honesty is of course the best policy.....

but it's all in how you offer your advice/comments/opinions.

To me, it is a lack of compassion, and tact.

I refrain from telling her certain aspects of my life, because I know I am not going to get a toned down conversation about it.

Sometimes I DON'T want to hear it...I know I fucked up. You know what I mean?

Me personally, I am a pretty sensitive, compassionate person.

Even if I say, don't agree....

I always try to say it to where I am being honest, but also saying, hey, if you fuck up, this could be the case.

Here are the possible consequences.

Never pass judgment. We all fuck up......REGULARLY.

Sometimes I know when I fucked up, I just want to talk about it.....Not get the 5th degree.

Compassion and tact.

This friend ok.....heres a story.

I have another friend who recently got with a guy who is getting married in 2 months. They work together, developed a friendship. She is friends with him and his fiance....going over to thier place, they go over to her place....etc.

Well, they fucked up.

They made out, did phone sex, and then my friend Jen told him he had to tell his fiance. He did. She was devestated, and told him (understandably) that she didn't want him hanging with Jen anymore.

Well, they still talk.

Brutally honest friend feels very strongly about her "morals" and such, and has told Jen that if she continues to talk to him, and ruin this guys life.....She won't talk or hang otu with Jen anymore......

And told her that he wants her pussy, and his dick is hard for her, and he's flipping out over getting married, and just wanting to expiriement with Jen before he ties the knot.

He has 2 girls...one for emotional support, and one for fuckin.

Ok....as true as this is....Jen knows it.

She feels awful.

But to not talk to her over it?

Side note: brutally honest friend had an affair with her best friends married BROTHER...ok.....

Who the hell is she to pass judgment on Jen like that?

I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair.

As I confided with Jen over it, I told her she just needed to lay off the guy. Leave him alone. Let them move on with thier life, and maybe this fiance will forgive and forget and at least have a frienship.

Anyways......ramble ramble...

[Onyx]

Yep, what Kellygrrrrl said.

One thing I noticed when I came here though, people here (Detroit area especially) don't usually make you wonder about how they feel. The openness and honesty were quite a culture shock to me, coming here from the deep south. I was used to "friends" who would smile and be your best pal while they stab you in the back. I had a lot of people comment to me how paranoid and unfriendly I seemed when I first came here. I wasn't used to the openness at all. When I go back down south for visits I find myself shutting down like that again.

I'm likely going to get flamed for this, but it's hard to explain what I mean when you haven't experienced the difference. I feel fully qualified to make these comments because I grew up south of the Mason-Dixon line and I *lived* it. Southern hospitality is often nothing but an empty gesture. (They might be just fattening you up to barbecue!)

I very much prefer the openness I find here to what I experienced there.

[Steven]

This friend ok.....heres a story.

I have another friend who recently got with a guy who is getting married in 2 months. They work together, developed a friendship. She is friends with him and his fiance....going over to thier place, they go over to her place....etc.

Well, they fucked up.

They made out, did phone sex, and then my friend Jen told him he had to tell his fiance. He did. She was devestated, and told him (understandably) that she didn't want him hanging with Jen anymore.

Well, they still talk.

Brutally honest friend feels very strongly about her "morals" and such, and has told Jen that if she continues to talk to him, and ruin this guys life.....She won't talk or hang otu with Jen anymore......

And told her that he wants her pussy, and his dick is hard for her, and he's flipping out over getting married, and just wanting to expiriement with Jen before he ties the knot.

He has 2 girls...one for emotional support, and one for fuckin.

Ok....as true as this is....Jen knows it.

She feels awful.

But to not talk to her over it?

Side note: brutally honest friend had an affair with her best friends married BROTHER...ok.....

Who the hell is she to pass judgment on Jen like that?

I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair.

As I confided with Jen over it, I told her she just needed to lay off the guy. Leave him alone. Let them move on with thier life, and maybe this fiance will forgive and forget and at least have a frienship.

Anyways......ramble ramble...

Holy Shit what a fucked up mess.

Brutal Honesty: Homie aint ready to be married.

Chick who wants to marry Homie is a dumb ass.

This marriage to be is headed for a crash, soon, no foundation.

Somebody needs new friends

Some "friends" need to walk away and choose wisely

Jen is letting this guy completely reduce her to a bone convenience.

Jen needs to think about why she aint worth more than that

And everybody gets tempted, everybody.

But we always pay the price in full for what we do, as do others.

I say join a bowling league.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Holy Shit what a fucked up mess.

Brutal Honesty: Homie aint ready to be married.

Chick who wants to marry Homie is a dumb ass.

This marriage to be is headed for a crash, soon, no foundation.

Somebody needs new friends

Some "friends" need to walk away and choose wisely

Jen is letting this guy completely reduce her to a bone convenience.

Jen needs to think about why she aint worth more than that

And everybody gets tempted, everybody.

But we always pay the price in full for what we do, as do others.

I say join a bowling league.

Yep!

Starting to slowly walk away from said scenes.

I need to make a lot of changes, and quick.

[Steven]

Yep!

Starting to slowly walk away from said scenes.

I need to make a lot of changes, and quick.

Been there Kelly, trust me.....

[phee]

There is nothing wrong with honesty at all... It is good in essense... but like anything... the method that it is expressed is important.... If I whisper to you that your fly is open discreatly... that works but if I carve it into your childrens head.... well the message is the same but the method of communication is a tad bit rude....

[Homicidalheathen]

Well, um....yah. Sometimes it is best to hold back. I don't think it would do any good to tell my parents I am in an open relationship. Probably just make them worry and wonder. Non of their buisness either.

If they asked, I would lie.

[Shade Everdark]

Honesty, like most things, is a bit of a Frankentstein's creation if it's not tempered by, as someone said above, a clear objective, and a healthy dose of wisdom. And, of course, no one is honest 100%. We all lie sometime or other. The key is to pick your battles. Sometimes even brutal honesty can be a good thing, if it's what will snap someone out of his or her routine and wake them up to whatever he needs to face.

On the other hand, compassion, and even just courtesy, both dictate that you lay into someone with the harsh, scouring truth when he needs compassion and understanding. One doesn't need to lie to soften the truth a bit, or even say nothing. Something NOT said is something you don't have to apologize for later, or regret.

[jadnifer]

There is nothing wrong with honesty at all... It is good in essense... but like anything... the method that it is expressed is important.... If I whisper to you that your fly is open discreatly... that works but if I carve it into your childrens head.... well the message is the same but the method of communication is a tad bit rude....

Good point. Very well stated.

[Anathema]

i believe it is. it is the basis of any good relationship if not the most important aspect of it.

[TygerLili]

There are numerous variables here, but the bottom line is I'd rather be in the company of someone brutally honest than someone fake any day.

There are times when it's better to keep something to your self, but I guess I lean more toward honesty most of the time.

[Gothmama25]

For me personally the truth is always the best. I hate liars. No matter how much it hurts I would rather know the truth than have someone try to be nice and lie to me.

[pharoh]

Brutal honesty only should really only be used when it's needed to....earlier as an example, I have a friend who is wanting revenge and is gonna try and get it for something stupid that happend over 2 years ago. He asked my me for advice at first I said let it go, it's 2 years in the past and your doing nothing but wasting energy on it. Then he kept at the topic with me when it really was not needed and my response then was "Grow the fuck up". Once I shocked him into listening to me...only then could I really reason with the guy.

Brutal honesty is a grey area....use it to much and your a Prick/Bitch. Use it to little and some people will never listen.

[Scary Guy]

I'm not honest I'm brutally honest, in everything. I'm generally considdered a complete asshole so maybe it's not the best policy, but it sure is fun.

[cptdeath]

I have a friend who is like that.

"Brutally" honest.

Honesty is of course the best policy.....

but it's all in how you offer your advice/comments/opinions.

To me, it is a lack of compassion, and tact.

I refrain from telling her certain aspects of my life, because I know I am not going to get a toned down conversation about it.

Sometimes I DON'T want to hear it...I know I fucked up. You know what I mean?

Me personally, I am a pretty sensitive, compassionate person.

Even if I say, don't agree....

I always try to say it to where I am being honest, but also saying, hey, if you fuck up, this could be the case.

Here are the possible consequences.

Never pass judgment. We all fuck up......REGULARLY.

Sometimes I know when I fucked up, I just want to talk about it.....Not get the 5th degree.

Compassion and tact.

This friend ok.....heres a story.

I have another friend who recently got with a guy who is getting married in 2 months. They work together, developed a friendship. She is friends with him and his fiance....going over to thier place, they go over to her place....etc.

Well, they fucked up.

They made out, did phone sex, and then my friend Jen told him he had to tell his fiance. He did. She was devestated, and told him (understandably) that she didn't want him hanging with Jen anymore.

Well, they still talk.

Brutally honest friend feels very strongly about her "morals" and such, and has told Jen that if she continues to talk to him, and ruin this guys life.....She won't talk or hang otu with Jen anymore......

And told her that he wants her pussy, and his dick is hard for her, and he's flipping out over getting married, and just wanting to expiriement with Jen before he ties the knot.

He has 2 girls...one for emotional support, and one for fuckin.

Ok....as true as this is....Jen knows it.

She feels awful.

But to not talk to her over it?

Side note: brutally honest friend had an affair with her best friends married BROTHER...ok.....

Who the hell is she to pass judgment on Jen like that?

I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair.

As I confided with Jen over it, I told her she just needed to lay off the guy. Leave him alone. Let them move on with thier life, and maybe this fiance will forgive and forget and at least have a frienship.

Anyways......ramble ramble...

maybee he's got even more girls then you realize. maybee those who pryde themselves on brutal honesty are trying to portray a certian image or style. for whatever reason they feel socialy gratified when they succeed in prtraying this image to their peers. it could just make them feel like the cool kid in school who only picks on you infront of a crowd. you could make them feel very small.

in my experience there is little about honesty that is honest. adventures in politics, every one is honest all the time. discression is the better part of valor. one must be political with certian truths. things have to be said a certian way, others have to be lead to truth not given the truth. they must discover for themselves. when you can set them on the path with out your motive being apperant in controling that person then your wisdom has prevailed.

often people hide behind honesty and words but the truth to their speach lies not in what they say, but in the emotions that motivated their line of thought. why would they say this? to what end are they trying to manipulate? what true feelings are they accidently revealing. its just like dreams. they probably don't even realize that their actions (seemingly noble to them) are motivated by emotion they don't openly recognize in themselves.

some people would manipulate using said truths to further their own ends. openly using others feelings about certian realities to gain what they desire either consiously or subconsiously. humans are social animals indeed.

[cptdeath]

i really would like to hear what ya'll think about what i had to say

[Scary Guy]

i really would like to hear what ya'll think about what i had to say

Good advice I think. Maybe not all the angles have been brought up but I think you hit the mark on the head.

I just like to tell the truth, because lies are stupid and come back to haunt you. I also don't like to sugar coat anything. On top of that I like to be open since secrets are stupid and also come back to haunt you.

[JaneDead]

I'm not honest I'm brutally honest, in everything. I'm generally considdered a complete asshole so maybe it's not the best policy, but it sure is fun.

sounds like my husband he is brutally honest all the time. and many do think he is a complete asshole. but he likes to be straight forward and likes it from other people as well. and that is how he does it, no fucking around. and i am sure he thinks to those that don't like him for it/think he's an asshole- "who fucking cares". it's one thing i like about him and hate at the same time. he can be so mean to people sometimes but i don't think that is what he is ever trying to do. he is just being 100 percent honest without any filter between brain and mouth of what comes out.

i feel i am straight forward but only what could be considered brutal a handful of times. some things i think are just better left unsaid. doesn't mean you have to lie, just means you don't have to open your mouth.

or if you have to tell someone something and there is no way out of it you can find a way to be helpful with your honesty to make the situation possitive in the end.

personally, i'd rather my honesty help someone rather than hurt them.

[Brenda Starrr]

I'm not honest I'm brutally honest, in everything. I'm generally considdered a complete asshole so maybe it's not the best policy, but it sure is fun.

Yeah....

Lately I've been accused of being a total bitch. However, it was a necessity.

[Steven]

often people hide behind honesty and words but the truth to their speach lies not in what they say, but in the emotions that motivated their line of thought. why would they say this? to what end are they trying to manipulate? what true feelings are they accidently revealing. its just like dreams. they probably don't even realize that their actions (seemingly noble to them) are motivated by emotion they don't openly recognize in themselves.

some people would manipulate using said truths to further their own ends. openly using others feelings about certian realities to gain what they desire either consiously or subconsiously. humans are social animals indeed.

excellent points. very well done.