You're Fat!

[Fierce Critter]

You know, I'm seeing a trend in society that really disappoints me. Frightfully so.

The acceptability of fat bashing.

In this day and age of Political Correctness, it seems the only "persons" who are still completely and totally fair game are the fat.

I expected it in elementary school. I even expected it - worse even - in Jr. High.

By high school, it seemed people were getting more mature.

Then, fast forward to today. And from radio show hosts to message board members to people who I thought were friends/mature/whathaveyou, the amount of disdain, dislike, disapproval, disgust, phobia & downright hatred is really, really astounding me.

And saddening me. Not just for being treated this way, or seeing people I like treated this way. But for discovering that people whom I might like, or trust, or even respect can be so inconsiderate, unintelligent and immature enough to veer from facts or valuable discussion/commentary to attack because someone is FAT.

And it is attack. Do (the collective) you think fat people DON'T KNOW THEY'RE FAT?!?!? Do you in some way think you might be HELPING the fat by ridiculing them, calling them out, bringing something to attention that isn't FUCKING OBVIOUS?

Why do you think the fat need your help anyway? Who ASKED you??? Yeah, some do need medical help. Some people need better control, and therefore maybe they need mental help. And some may just not know how to eat/exercise correctly and therefore need to crack open a book or seek the help of a nutritionist or something.

And some people are just fucking FAT! Not everyone is genetically predisposed to be a size 0, 2, 4, or even 8, 10 or 12.

Is it because the fat are seen as weak and purposefully slovenly? As even less intelligent or somehow mentally retarded because they "don't do the work" or "don't have self control" or "CHOOSE to be that way?"

And what makes "fit" people think they know everything and anything about what being fat is all about?

O.k. Let's get to the inevitable ME. I'm fat. I could lose 100 lbs and not be underweight. So my detractors surely must think that I sit around chowing bon-bons all day, gorging on fatty and/or rich foods all day like some kind of mindless blob.

Well, I do SIT around like a mindless blob. Depression will have that effect on you. It's kinda hard to crack open that brand-new dance mat and that copy of Dance Dance Revolution you combed resale stores for for days when it's all you can do to BRUSH YOUR FUCKING TEETH.

But you know something? I don't like bon-bons. And fatty foods have always upset my stomach, so I prefer lean, baked or roasted meats. I loves my veggies - preferably steamed WITHOUT globs of cheese destroying their flavors. I love fresh fruits, and can't stand canned syrupy garbage. I prefer not to mix my carbs by not eating garlic bread when I'm eating pasta. I was on Weight Watchers for a while a couple decades ago and I still remember their guidelines on portions & nutrition content and use those as valuable guages of what I do and don't eat today.

But that's just the thing. I don't eat. For years now, I have not eaten correctly. My stomach has shrunk to the point where when I sit down to eat a full meal at dinnertime - usually the only time of day I do eat a full meal - I can MAYBE get through a small dollop of mashed potatoes, half a chicken breast, and a nice serving of veggies before I feel stuffed.

Jon and I went to a wedding in North Carolina where the reception, as per southern custom, only lasted about an hour and where the only foods served were finger foods and hors d'oeuvres (the REAL party and feast is then held afterwards at the Groom's parents house, which we did not know going into the whole affair). So we get up to the buffet line, and I'm thrilled to see tiny cucumber sandwiches, cut-up veggies with light dip, other such light fare. And I definitely loaded up, having not eaten yet that day and famished. And then there's the co-worker of the groom and my husband sitting at the table with us, with a plate mounded with swedish meatballs, the closest thing to an entree that had been served (I probably had 3-4).

And Jon shared with me days later that the jerkoff with the meatballs had commented about how, "your wife can really put the food away, eh?" Jon wanted to deck the presumptuous motherfucker.

So why don't I weigh like 100 lbs after 4 years of depression-related loss of appetite? Because I am NOT MOVING. Were I moving, I'm sure I'd be fitting into sizes I haven't fit into since before Jr. High.

And when I do move, I lose. Quickly. At the start of one summer working for the DNR, I ate a lunch consisting of a single sandwich, some fruit, and pop (yes, I do drink soda - diet soda gives me headaches so I drink full leaded pop). By the end of the summer, I was eating, at least, double that, and had lost 30 lbs.

Ditto the year I had a particularly good summer back in the mid 90's. Had a band together, practicing often, out of the house on weekends dancing at the club where the guitarist was the DJ. I didn't change my eating habits, but my weight dropped to the lowest I've been since high school. I was wearing clothes on the NORMAL SIDE OF THE STORE, not the "Plus sized" side.

But shit happens. And the dancing stopped. And the weight came back.

No, I've never been in a place in my life where I struck a happy medium of eating decently and moving enough to get to a "non obese" body shape. Not since high school.

But I'm not stupid. I'm not a pig. I know what good nutrition is. And I know how much better I feel when I weigh less.

And I'm not a mean person. And I love the elderly. And I love animals. And I try to always see both sides of the coin.

And I'm Polish. But it's not real cool these days to tell Polish jokes anymore. And I'm a woman. And it's not real cool to discriminate against females anymore.

But I'm fat. And therefore, I am GARBAGE. I am "lesser". I am worthy of scorn. I am beneath those who "eat right" and "work out". I am FAIR GAME.

And I have to turn a deaf ear if I want to watch Conan O'Brien, my begrudgingly favorite talk show host, when he makes fun of Star Jones for being fat - A YEAR AFTER SHE STOPPED BEING FAT. And when he makes fun of Kirstie Alley for being fat - A YEAR AFTER SHE STOPPED BEING FAT.

And I have to wince and bear it when Daminski & Doyle get off the phone with a fat person who called in to discuss a related issue - and then talk about what a pig she must be once she's no longer on the line and therefore unable to defend herself.

And I can't even GO THERE with people like Howard Stern.

But what really hurts? What's really sucking these days? Are the people I thought were friends. Are the people I thought were above that sort of thing. Are the people who I once viewed as intelligent, mature & respectful people - who I find out take every opportunity to fat-bash offered to them, sometimes behind my back, sometimes more boldly, to myself and to others.

What is it saying about a person who, instead of saying, "I disagree with you because my facts dispute your facts" or "There is a problem with the way you manage this company/board/whathaveyou" instead stoop to "Oh yeah? Well, YOU'RE FAT and I'm not!"

In some ways, I've learned to deal. When people attempt to bring me down with a "Oh yeah? Well... YOU'RE FAT!" I have learned to say to myself, and sometimes out loud, "Well, is that the best you can do, Captain Obvious?" Someone actually thought they were being clever in referring to me as "The fat crazy cat lady". Uhhh... Yeah. I'm fat. Duh. Anyone with eyes can see that. And it's no secret that I'm offbeat, that's for sure. And I own 14 cats, which alone might just put me in most people's "crazy" category. And your point is???

But that only works in a direct confrontation. And mostly with people in which I really don't have a personal investment.

But it's still bewildering to me, and disheartening, in cases like Conan O'Brien, Daminski & Doyle...

...and supposed friends. =(

[jadnifer]

*sigh*

Where do I begin?

I have always been a bigger person. Im not saying that Im proud of it and that I cant do anything about it. I know I need to do something about it. Sometimes its just hard to find the motivation.

I am NOT using this as an excuse, AT ALL. Sometimes heredity can also play a part. Most of the people in my family are on the larger side. That could be a factor.

When I was a kid though, oh man, it was horrible. I was made fun of endlessly because I was fat. It didnt matter that I was nice to everyone and they came to me for help with schoolwork. Oh no, as soon as they got what they wanted it was back to: "There goes Shamu!"

The worst part about this subject though is even though people tend to mature, some dont. In a world where to be thin is in, "fat" people just dont seem to belong. I say this because I know.

I know that it isnt good for my health. I am starting to eat better. I dont eat like a pig however and never really have.

The depression doesnt help. As Camille said, it makes it so that you dont want to get up and you are always sitting around like a blob. I will admit that I do that entirely too much.

In 2003, I was almost a size 14, got into a bad relationship and just ate for comfort. That really didnt help things. I gained A LOT of weight. However, now that I am so much happier out of that situation and have healthy things to turn to, I have started to lose it again.

The thing is, it seems to me that poking fun at a fat person is more socially accepted then to make fun of someone due to the color of their skin, or their nationality, or even their sex. It obviously isnt accepted by everyone, but by quite a few.

It hurts when someone will shun me or look down on me because I could stand to lose some weight.

It used to bother me to the point where I would come home and cry.

Now though, I look at it as this, if you are that shallow as to judge me by my weight, then you probably arent worth my precious time and energy talking or being with you. I know that sounds kinda harsh, but come on. Is that really necessary? The way that a person looks on the outside, does NOT constitute what they are on the inside. Sometimes it turns out that way, but by first glances, how would you know without talking to them.

If someone doesnt want to talk to me because I am overweight or the more common term of fat, oh well, their loss.

[Mikielikesit]

you tell'em girls .....some people are just no damn good.....

[jadnifer]

you tell'em girls .....some people are just no damn good.....

Its not that they arent any good....maybe they dont know any better...or more likely they are just that superficial.

[Mikielikesit]

I believe most people are uninformed or just plain stupid and yes very superficial.....

[jadnifer]

Yes. Uninformed.

If informed, then yes, just plain stupid.

[Mikielikesit]

and I also find them closed minded and they act like sheep.....baaaaaa

[jadnifer]

Close minded is a good term.

It seems as if they think that if someone isnt physically fit, they arent a good person. Or just a person that isnt worth being around.

[Mikielikesit]

YUP......Some People Just Need KILLIN'

[jadnifer]

Maybe not extreme! A lesson in being kind and learning how to deal with other people would be a plus for them, however.

[jadnifer]

Maybe not that extreme! A lesson in being kind and learning how to deal with other people would be a plus for them, however.

[Mikielikesit]

AWWWW...your taking all the fun out of this.....

[jadnifer]

Oops! geez what a party pooper I am.

[Mikielikesit]

I also think the image that the media puts out there really is screwy it causes a lot of trouble with the youth today and it almost demonizes people if you don't fit it to the neat little catagory and have a perfect body...........I have a perfect body....and its in my trunk and its starting to stink...

[sass_in_the_pants]

Oh boy.

Don't get me started.

I was all lit up about this very issue on Saturday night. We were all sitting around the campfire and my friend, we'll call him Jack (as in jackass), says that he went out on a date with a nice girl who had some belly on her. She ordered a hamburger. He said he was not going to call her again. He used the term "disgusting". Did she have bad manners? Chew with her mouth open? No. It was just seeing an overweight woman eat a hamburger that he found so repugnant.

He said that he wanted a woman with a great body.

I said "What if she didn't have arms? Not even mechanical arms, just stumps, would that be okay?"

"Sure!" he said.

That is FUCKED UP!

He would pick SOMEONE WITHOUT ARMS over a fat girl??!?!?! FUCKED UP!

So, I said "Jack, you're fat, short, hairy, have a herniated disc, crooked teeth, and you talk with a lisp. You live in your mom's basement, and you don't have a job. I assure you, even the disgusting fat girls aren't interested in you."

He said "Hey, I'm a writer!"

I said "I've read your writing. It's crap. That's why no one pays you for it. And so is your taste in women."

He's called me several times yesterday and today saying that he's sorry he's a Jack. the fact is, he's sorry that I'm mad at him for being a Jack. It's not like he's changed his mind about anything.

And I'm not trying to give this impression that I think men are assholes or even that they all think this way. They don't. FC, I'm sure Jon treats you like a princess and thinks you're smokin hot. And, when I gained weight and could no longer fit into my jeans, my boyfriend (now husband) came into my room and saw me sobbing holding my jeans and he said "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. These shrunk in the wash. They shrunk alot. I was going to throw them out, but I forgot. Here, you look better in this dress anyway. It shows off your sexy legs!" Of course the jeans hadn't shrunk. He was lying. I knew he was lying. And I loved him for lying. Then, the next day he went out and spent more money than he should have buying me new clothes that fit. And then carefully cutting the tags out of every single one.

And actually most men I know are more like my husband than Jack. But really, even one Jack out there is enough to piss me right off.

PS - Howard Stern has a small penis. I'd rather be a fat chic than a small penis-ed man. Any. Fucking. Day.

[JaneDead]

i loved your post sass. funny and sweet.

[Brenda Starrr]

I work with a girl who is literally an anorexic. This girl will have a rice cake and a celery stalk, then complain that she ate too much.

Now, I used to be quite thin naturally until I had my kids. I now have meat on my bones. I like having meat on my bones! I'm warmer in the winter. Since I fucking hate coats, this is a good thing. This coworker constantly talks about how fat she is. NON STOP. She must think that I'm borderline obese. My daughter has a little meat on her bones now, too. She was far too skinny for quite a long time. But, she is active. She plays football with the neighborhood kids and her stepdad. But, some people (relatives who have NO business making fun of anyone, EVER) have called her fat. Way to go, fools. She just started 6th grade. Her self-esteem is a bit on the low side. And these so-called "perfect people" can't shut the fuck up. One of them is an adult who supposedly loves her. Well, that's an obvious lie.

People are too obsessed with what the ideal body type is. As long as you're healthy, that should be all that matters. I could go on, even naming names. But I'm shutting up now....

[JaneDead]

I work with a girl who is literally an anorexic. This girl will have a rice cake and a celery stalk, then complain that she ate too much.

Now, I used to be quite thin naturally until I had my kids. I now have meat on my bones. I like having meat on my bones! I'm warmer in the winter. Since I fucking hate coats, this is a good thing. This coworker constantly talks about how fat she is. NON STOP. She must think that I'm borderline obese. My daughter has a little meat on her bones now, too. She was far too skinny for quite a long time. But, she is active. She plays football with the neighborhood kids and her stepdad. But, some people (relatives who have NO business making fun of anyone, EVER) have called her fat. Way to go, fools. She just started 6th grade. Her self-esteem is a bit on the low side. And these so-called "perfect people" can't shut the fuck up. One of them is an adult who supposedly loves her. Well, that's an obvious lie.

People are too obsessed with what the ideal body type is. As long as you're healthy, that should be all that matters. I could go on, even naming names. But I'm shutting up now....

people, primarily family, make comments about my kids all the time too. i hate it. telling my son he is too skinny, asking him if he eats (even the counselor or whatever the hell she is at his school wrote me a LETTER and mailed it to me about how skinny he was and was i feeding him?? i do believe she thought i was neglecting him and even mentioned how big his sister was at her age compared to how small he was at his age. bitch. anyways...) and then people make comments my daugther is a "big girl" and a "good eater" as they are the ones sitting there giving her more and more and more food. because oh yes, she will eat it. she is only just going on 3 but it makes me wonder what kind of effect something like this will have on her if they keep it up.

i can remember my family teasing me as a kid and i was only chubby until i was about 1 or 2. but they still teased me, even as a skinny kid, about when i was a chubby BABY. it was weird- i was not a fat child AT ALL (i was actually very skinny til i had kids) yet they were teasing me about when i was a chubby baby as if i was actually a fat kid and that stuck with me in a weird way my whole life. now that i am a chubby adult they don't say anything. if i was still skinny i KNOW they would STILL tease me about being chubby and how they called me "extra meat". they finally stopped doing it once i had my kids (when i really DID get chubby). or is it cuz they have my kids to tease now... hmmm

[Fierce Critter]

I'm not understanding the complete nullification of all that makes up a person that reduces them to, simply, FAT.

That seems to be the connecting thread in all these responses.

If you are fat, you cease to be:

beautiful

kind

intelligent

worthy

of value

sexy

loveable

driven

passionate

learned

sensible

talented

gracious

graceful

and even

stubborn

ruthless

competitive

contrary

opinionated

insert adjective here.

No. If you are fat, that's all you are. In the minds of many.

By the way, I would prefer to be smaller. And someday, I hope to be able to work up the energy and motivation to add movement to my rather delicate eating habits and go down quite a few sizes. I would like my ankles to not hurt, my feet to feel better on long walks, to be able to hold my arms up for longer periods of time when the need presents itself. I would like to wear some fashions that truly do lend themselves to a smaller figure.

But this is just common sense speaking. Some of my aches and pains are due to the results of going on 5 years of near debilitating depression. But I'm well aware - and experiencing - that it's just not real good for the body to put a lot of extra poundage on it. Duh.

But this doesn't come from any kind of societal pressure. No, I got over that years ago. And that was partly facilitated by Jon.

Sass, you hit the nail on the head with Jon. Sometimes, I have to beat the guy off with a stick if I want to get anything done with my day. And I wouldn't even dare try on my new knee-high platform boots around him recalling how he reacted to first seeing me in my leather corset. :laughing Not without time to "take care of pressing business" available. :laughing

Jon is "one of those guys". He likes big chicks. Especially me. I don't worry about him ogling supermodels. My jealousy gets more of a workout when a BBW catches his eye.

I say "one of those guys" because, if a guy likes bigger chicks, society views them as almost an aberration. They have clubs for these guys, as if you can't walk down any street or go in any fucking bar and see PLENTY of big chicks without someone accompanying them, just waiting for you to come up to them and say, "hey, you're hot."

My self esteem is surprisingly intact considering the depths of my current emotional/mental condition. And I owe that in large part to Jon. Nothing brightens my day like having him stop what he's doing in the morning just to stare at a leg or the shape of my body under the chenille blanket I'm under. I'm over thinking he's just saying it to humor me. The guy really does enjoy the visual that is me.

He knows I want to lose weight. But he frets that I might "get skinny". I know he'd still love me whatever shape I end up. And I have no desire to go the Nicole Richie route. Gads.

Thanks, Jon.

But if you saw my "black moment" post about nobody wanting me if I wasn't with Jon, I had a lot of very graceful people point out the positives about me. But I still don't think most guys would see me in that light. There's so few guys out there who will even associate with "fat chicks". I mean, alrighty - we all have certain things we're attracted to. I will admit that I've got a particular hardon for skinny guys. But that NEVER stopped me from associating with bigger guys. And in more than one case, friendship went much further.

Jon himself has put on a lot of weight since injuring his foot 3 years ago. My skinny skater boi has quite a paunch now, and his muscles are less defined. Would I like him to lose weight? I'd prefer it if he'd grow his hair again, to be honest. I know the weight is there, but I honestly don't see it. I just see Jon.

I dunno. At this point I feel like I'm babbling. It's so much more than just about "me".

[Steven]

I'm from Los Angeles, where everything and everyone is part of the hype machine and everyone suffers from glitterdrone.....

which is one of the main reasons I left.

in younger years I revelled in it. There were many beautiful people (ie women) everywhere, of all types. In the 80's on teh strip especially....it was flesh candyland.

But I got a alittle older. A little tired of all of it. Wanted to have a conversation. Wanted to dig into things a bit, connect, have people matter. And I found that difficult to do there.

Not everybody shines. But you DO Camille. Even if right now yoru struggling with depression, you are still very much your own person, with your own purpose and rythm...... celebrate that....recognize that there are thigns that only Camille can do, the way that Camille can do them.

the people that count, that SHOULD count, can and will see that.

those that dont.....dont matter. they hold no power over you.

Steven

[Nienna]

Yeah. All I really have to say is ditto. (and kudos for the rant post!) After basically starving myself for nearly a year to try to fit into the physical mold the person I was seeing was constantly throwing at me I decided that I was sick of feeling tired and dizzy all the time and losing my hair. Not worth it. I had lost about 20 lbs in that time. I gained about half back. I'm OK with that.

Some people will just never be "thin". I'm one of those people. I'd like to be healthier, but my bones are bigger than society's ideal. I'm ok with that too.

[Homicidalheathen]

Personally I see the opposite. FAT is becomming more exceptable. There are more over weight peeps in the country than not.

I have some heavy people be real mean to me these days.....I have a bad knee and no, I won't give up my seat to you.

NO, I won't move over to let you through until I am finished........ect......ect...

And yes, skinny people are GOOD CHEFS AND COOKS.

I think times are changing and skinny is not the norm and I am in a FAT family......I get picked on allot for it. Are you eating ok? Here, have this! (something that will make me sick as I have divers)

I get the why are you so thin comments when I have been sick for ahwile.....and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT SO BACK OFF.

This is what I go through.

However, I don't think your morbily obese.......and yes.....those people get picked on. Do they deserve it? No. But neither do skinny people deserve to be hounded for why they are thin!

[JaneDead]

Personally I see the opposite. FAT is becomming more exceptable. There are more over weight peeps in the country than not.

I have some heavy people be real mean to me these days.....I have a bad knee and no, I won't give up my seat to you.

NO, I won't move over to let you through until I am finished........ect......ect...

And yes, skinny people are GOOD CHEFS AND COOKS.

I think times are changing and skinny is not the norm and I am in a FAT family......I get picked on allot for it. Are you eating ok? Here, have this! (something that will make me sick as I have divers)

I get the why are you so thin comments when I have been sick for ahwile.....and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT SO BACK OFF.

This is what I go through.

However, I don't think your morbily obese.......and yes.....those people get picked on. Do they deserve it? No. But neither do skinny people deserve to be hounded for why they are thin!

well we are definately a "fat country" but i still have yet to see people really and truly accept it if they are not in fact "fat" themselves.

but i too see skinny people get picked on for being too skinny. i used to get picked on for it. my husband gets picked on for it. my son does. and i have had a few friends over the years get picked on for it too.

and in all honesty being picked on for being too skinny would not bother me as much for being picked on for being too fat. it just feels different. i know that too skinny can look "gross" just like too fat can look "gross" but i think when you are too skinny people will more readily assume you can't help it. (unless you have an eating disorder) but when you are fat people will assume all the things that critter said up there ^ that you are lazy, a slob, you eat too much, you don't care about your health etc etc.

[TygerLili]

What about being at a healthy weight where you could stand to loose another 10 lbs and being called too skinny? That's me after once having been overweight and having lost it.

I've gotten comments about being "too fat" and "too skinny". Most of the "too fat" comments, however, came from rude kids, and they weren't too hard to shrug off as coming from kids who don't know better. However most of the "too skinny" comments have come from overweight adult women, and to me those are more annoying because 1)the people saying that were old enough to know better, and 2)they're not true. I fail to see how being 5'9" and a size 10 (on a good day, on bad days I'm a 12) makes one too skinny. Both types are equally rude, but at least there was some truth to the "too fat" comments.

We(people of all sizes) are way too worried about weight. Most people I know, including myself, are their own worst critic when it comes to weight.

[FarrIL]

Oddly enough, I can empathize with Critter.

Okay, I know. I'm not over-weight or fat or whatever, but, there was a time last year where, somewhat infrequently, but it occured several times, where my own mother would point to my stomach and state her opinion that I needed to work out.

That coming from someone who's overweight, has high blood pressure, high tri-glycerides and has a belly like she's 8 months along.

Someone to sound so hypocritical, that irks me.

I've never been in your shoes, but I see where you're coming from.

But turn this around a bit.

They call you "fat" but at least you're not "ignorant" such as they. Even your favourite talkshow hostsare ignorant to this sort of issue. And they're vain and cruel to the point of talking crap about their own fans, after they've hung up and said their two cents.

People who've never been in situations where they were addressed as overweight or fat can never make a true judgement.

I cant pass judgement on Critter. I've seen her posts before I met her in person. I personally think she's adorable, regardless of how she looks.

The next time someone calls you fat, just smile and say "You're point? 'Least I'm not ignorant".

You're right, not everyone is genetically made to be thin to the point of breaking them in half if you so much as hug them.

And those people are just going to have to wisen up, but I doubt that'll happen.