My Version Of This Rollercoast Called "life"

[FarrIL]

So, this is Tara's version of the Rollercoaster called "Life".

I arrive home, last Wednesday, from Music Appreciation to find a pair of somber faces looking back at me. My mom and stepdad had looks of discouragement, disappointment and maybe even annoyance. So I ask what was wrong and they didnt answer off the bat, so I asked "What happened".

A while back, we had filled out some paperwork for FAFSA, so I could get money back from the Government. Mind you, we answered every single question TRUTHFULLY. And due to the fact that my stepdad had received a settlement from getting injured on the job, and the fact we put that amount in the paperwork, I was denied help. This was NOT the first time I was denied money. Before I even went to Delta, we filled out FAFSA paperwork. And because my dad makes too much (( mind you, the only thing he helps with is books )), I got denied then.

So, we speak to a Finanical advisor and, after waiting for a few weeks, we receive word that I was only going to get 500 bucks THIS semester and another 500 bucks NEXT semester. Erm, 500 dollars doesnt even cover HALF of tution. So, my stepdad is driven to fight against this. Consider this, the only money we have NOW is whatever my mom gets on her paycheck.

THAT

IS

IT

!!

Okay, now we're heading up another hill..... OH WAIT!! Trouble on the relationship front!!

Due to circumstances that Nate couldnt control.... he HAD to sleep at his ex wife's house in order to be there to see his son off to his first day of school. He had asked around if he could borrow someone's car and put gas back into it, but no. No one let him. Adding to this little stress-ignitor, Nate arrives home way "off" emotional-wise. He's distracted, discourage and seems very upset. Guess what?

He still has a thing for the Ex. (( This I talked over with my Assistant Manager, and we're thinking it's Lust-based as Nate and I werent having sex. Maybe it's just physical attraction, so we're thinking )).

Anywho, after I kneaded him to tell me the truth about the situation, he told me how hard it was for him to settle for the couch that night. He would've been willing to sleep with her, which he didnt but the fact that he found it hard NOT to bothered him immensely. Well, I went on to tell him that I appreciated his honesty.

So, over the weekend, we barely talked. Every conversation was me trying to get information out of him. Conversations were uneventful and full of tears.

So, I talked to him yesterday about it, before I left for work, and I asked him if we were finished. As much as he wants to be with me, he feels bad for leading me around.

Done. Over.

I told him "Fine. Come back when you have an answer". And I left for work. Only to return home after my shift and tell him that I was sorry for acting like a bitch earlier, AND that no matter what happens, I'm still his friend. All I can do is be there for him and give him support. That's all I can do for him now.

Now, mix in this little frustration about Delta and how out-of-date their class information is, that just makes my concoction SIMMER to a scalding boil.

Want me to put some ice in that mix? Nope sorry, we're out!!

We got an answer from Delta again today and they are making No changes to what they said before, and so George persists.

And, sorry to get political but today's date has just made the icing on the cake that you cant eat because it'll make you sick with emotions.

So yes. Welcome to my rollercoaster. Anyone want to ride in the front seat? Oh sorry, it's only meant for one person.

I've just been a happy little cynic since Wednesday. Every time I leave school, I kick the door open to get myself outside. I cant wait for the day I can turn my back to that fucking school permanently. I cant wait to get my ass out of this portion of Michigan permanently. And no matter how much I concentrate on work and school, there's always that void that isnt going to fill until I find someone again. I'm surrounded by people who care for me, but I cant smile completely.

ctrl + alt + del

Windows Task Manager > Processes > Emotions > End Process Tree.

[BrassFusion]

God. You are strong as hell, aren't you?

[Msterbeau]

I'm not riding in the front car with you anyways. I'll get HURT!!!

Sorry for the mess. Doesn't sound too far off from mine. ESPECIALLY the finacial side.

I'll give you a grand hug from the car behind yours...

*HUG* :-)

[FarrIL]

God. You are strong as hell, aren't you?

Thank you for believing so. Music and friends have pulled through yet again, so the situation isnt as bad as it could be. And I'm getting cheers from work too.

I'm trying to keep my head high but it's times like this when I feel really weak, but that's just me beating myself up like I normally do when stuff like this rears its ugly head.

But hey, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right?

[Msterbeau]

But hey, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, right?

Or it makes you slightly more warped then you were before?

[FarrIL]

Or it makes you slightly more warped then you were before?

Warped? Or do you mean "cynical"?

[Msterbeau]

Yes.

[Brenda Starrr]

Well Tara, I can honestly say that I understand. And, it's not fair.

*hugs*

[Soulrev]

Yeah I can totally understand the FAFSA thing. My only saving grace was the fact that my dad has such a perfect credit report, otherwise my ass never would have gone to school.

[Soulrev]

oh yeah and how they think making 40k a year is enough to send your kid to school without aid. Hahahaha..

[Rayne]

Yeah I can totally understand the FAFSA thing. My only saving grace was the fact that my dad has such a perfect credit report, otherwise my ass never would have gone to school.

Yeah ... my parents filed for bankruptcy before I hit college. There was no hope there.

I went two years before I decided a minimum wage job having to also pay for a babysitter, with FAFSA only giving $200 a semester wasn't making it work.

... I want to go back ... but I don't know when I'll have the time or money.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Hunny, I am sorry to hear about all of your road blocks.

Life is full of them...this I know.

Sometimes things seems to happen all at once......

But what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I'm sorry about Nate.

I went through the SAME THING.....ask me.

Only there was no Ex to deal with.

Keep strong...do not let your guard down.

He is obviously not the one.

I'm sure you know at this point.

Life is hard.....nobody ever told me that....why didn't anyone tell me that?

Well, I'm here to tell you it is.....at leaste it can be at times.

But, there is a horizon.

[FarrIL]

Hunny, I am sorry to hear about all of your road blocks.

Life is full of them...this I know.

Sometimes things seems to happen all at once......

But what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I'm sorry about Nate.

I went through the SAME THING.....ask me.

Only there was no Ex to deal with.

Keep strong...do not let your guard down.

He is obviously not the one.

I'm sure you know at this point.

Life is hard.....nobody ever told me that....why didn't anyone tell me that?

Well, I'm here to tell you it is.....at leaste it can be at times.

But, there is a horizon.

The thing is, I felt Nate could've been the one....... just this was sour timing for the both of us, my being far away from him and him being bothered on a daily basis with other stuff.

I was aware of life being unfair but then when it actually happens to you, all you can do is bite your lip, suck it up and keep on going forward. My horizon is far down the road, off in the distance. I feel like I'm walking back and forth to find the correct path, and that correct path does NOT consist of dropping out of school only to try and come back later. I want to be done with my education as soon as possible.

::: Huggles you all :::

Thanks for the kind words, folks. =)

[torn asunder]

I feel like I'm walking back and forth to find the correct path,

there is no "correct" path - rather than go back & forth looking, strike out on your own path. the longest of journeys begins with a single step.

god, that's sounds cheesy... sorry.

[Homicidalheathen]

Your problems aren't really all that unique to a person of your age...hang in there....it WILL get better.

[Soulrev]

Just as a bit of advice, I've found that, in this time of change, personally, I am doing much better without a relationship. Really. Once you realize life isn't all about having a significant other, and you start concentrating on things you need to concentrate on, such as school, work, etc, then you'll be much better off. I don't miss having a girlfriend at all. Hell no. A couple of good friends is all I need.

-B

[Hellion]

Just as a bit of advice, I've found that, in this time of change, personally, I am doing much better without a relationship. Really. Once you realize life isn't all about having a significant other, and you start concentrating on things you need to concentrate on, such as school, work, etc, then you'll be much better off. I don't miss having a girlfriend at all. Hell no. A couple of good friends is all I need.

-B

I agree,and you save money too.

[FarrIL]

That's a really strange coincidence. I was just dumped last Sunday and I have not been able to afford my next semester at Oakland.

I feel your pain.

(quite literally)

::: Huggles :::

[Fierce Critter]

Sigh.

I hate all that financial aid begging and pleading and disappointment.

My dad retired the year I graduated. Even though he was facing a fixed income, and there was no other income in the house, his early retirement package included a big chunk of pay as a sort of "settlement" (they were going to close the plant, so he got some stuff ordinarily a person taking an early retirement wouldn't get).

Due to that, I was refused financial aid.

Didn't matter that I wasn't receiving a penny of his money. We had to put ourselves through school, or not go.

I made it a year before the stress of everything became too much, my grades dropped and I lost my full scholarship.

Yes, I had a full scholarship. But that didn't pay for books, transportation, etc. I had to keep begging my dad.

Gads, I hated that year.

Much sympathies, FarrIL. Looks like a lot of us have "been there" in some way.

[FarrIL]

For me, it's either take out student loans (( ah yes, those things are so wonderful when you get them but once you gradute.... )) or struggle through. The only money I get from my dad is money for books, and I always end up short because he doesnt give me enough to cover the expenses for said books. Example of this semester: I'm still one book short that I HAVE to find on the internet, otherwise I pay 50 bucks for it USED.

I dont like the idea of dropping out because it's unaffordable, because then I wont be able to go back or it'll take me years more than desired. I'm not losing interest in school but I keep running across reasons to make myself sigh in annoyance.

If they still deny us financial aid, then it's Student Loans. I'm not looking forward to the "owing it back" idea but hey, at least it's a lot more helpful than the advisors at the Financial Aid office.... =_=;;

[Vampyro]

wow, .. quite alot to read... but hey it could be worse... you could have almost chopped your index finger off, then have your car stolen while in the hospital... what a fucking night...

[sass_in_the_pants]

For me, it's either take out student loans (( ah yes, those things are so wonderful when you get them but once you gradute.... )) or struggle through. The only money I get from my dad is money for books, and I always end up short because he doesnt give me enough to cover the expenses for said books. Example of this semester: I'm still one book short that I HAVE to find on the internet, otherwise I pay 50 bucks for it USED.

I dont like the idea of dropping out because it's unaffordable, because then I wont be able to go back or it'll take me years more than desired. I'm not losing interest in school but I keep running across reasons to make myself sigh in annoyance.

If they still deny us financial aid, then it's Student Loans. I'm not looking forward to the "owing it back" idea but hey, at least it's a lot more helpful than the advisors at the Financial Aid office.... =_=;;

It's unfortunate to have to owe back student loans, but alot of people do it, and it honestly isn't that bad. the financial aid people are total pricks. They wil continue to be a pain in your ass throughout your collegiate career. If it comes down to it and you have to take out student loans, don't worry too much about it, okay? Lots of people end up in that situation and it isn't too bad. Good luck!