Gettin' Better All The Time

[Fierce Critter]

I'm not going to share any pictures yet, because while the carpet is drying from having been cleaned, I can't put the furniture where it belongs so things still look chaotic.

But at least, finally, it is CLEAN.

Jon and I went to see my therapist together last Thursday. Prior to our appointment, I had been sitting at the computer having an eloquent discussion. Jon came home from work and I was very agitated & finally I lost it - bad. I just wept in Jon's arms. I couldn't understand why I could sit down and have this deep, intelligent discussion - and be sitting in the middle of what basically was a paper-filled cat litter box like nothing was wrong. I just didn't understand why I could be intelligent & collected enough to have this conversation on the one hand, and yet not be able to just BEND OVER AND FUCKING PICK UP TRASH. I believe we'll call that rock bottom. I hit it - hard.

The therapist gave us the outside prod we needed to finally do something about this mess. Jon got up while I was still sleeping Sunday morning and banged out the worst of the work. And believe me - what he handled was, most definitely, horrible. I can't believe I got that bad.

Once I got up, we really got busy. Every bit of wayward trash is gone from the house. The carpet has been cleaned, furniture has been majorly re-arranged, etc.

A decent amount of stuff got ruined and had to be discarded, which is sad. But we must have thrown out 8 full bags of just crap. And moved about a half dozen boxes of "stuff" into the basement.

I got so motivated, with each trip to the trash, I even cleaned out the bed of our truck, which had been majorly cluttered for a long time.

We threw out the huge corner computer desk we had in the dining room and found a perfect, beautiful short desk on someone's curb the same night. Heh. We even got "paid" to take it - they left change in the one drawer to the tune of $3.80. Who in the world throws MONEY out?!?!? Anyway, that's in the living room now, so the dining room (nook) has been freed-up for our little table.

We decided to turn the dining room into what looks almost like a little cafe by lining one wall with some really nice bookshelves. It's kinda like being at a Borders cafe area.

This will also facilitate uncluttering our kitchen counters. We like to cook, and have a lot of nice appliances that right now, are literally piled one on top of the other. To get to my blender, I have to move a standing mixer, a knife block, and cookie jar. And we got a beautiful new toaster oven at a yard sale that has yet to be opened. Jon needs to polish up my vintage 50's steel canister & breadbox set, which will look nice on the new shelving with the cookie jar and some other items.

Having some issues with the living room in the area of the entertainment center & desk. The way things are now, our CD rack is crammed in a corner and hard to access.Not quite sure yet how we'll be dealing with that. I've got a really elaborate floorplan software, so maybe I'll fire that up and try things that way.

We really should get rid of the more horizontal entertainment center and get something more like a vertical armoire. But the entertainment center we have now is one of the few pieces of "real" furniture we've got, and it would pain me to end up with some kind of particle board crap.

The jury is still out on whether the carpet in one area can be saved. As I'm sitting here, I'm getting a whiff of something that's making me concerned. I seriously want to get this place back to a point where people can walk in and NOT know we've got cats based on smell. Got another thread going about that, though.

Got laundry going finally, too. The basement has been a mountain of unwashed everything, and finally, that's dissipating. And the stuff is actually being folded & put away, rather than just tossed on the floor of the closet.

Personally, I'm having a lot more moments where I'm upset to NOT be doing something. Jon was encouraged by this, as he can remember a time when I was like that ALL the time.

And I'm really hoping to find a TV to put in the living room so that I can see if I can finally act on recent urges to play video games and maybe finally break-in that still-brand-new-never-used Dance Dance Revolution pad as a means of exercising some VERY atrophied muscles.

All of this has me really seriously hurting. My back is killing me, my shoulders, neck, legs, you name it - it hurts. By the evening, I'm walking the 6 feet from my bed to the bathroom like an 80 year old cripple.

But it's a good sort of pain. Just wish I could afford a masseuse. Jon's busy and tired himself these days. And does epsom salt really do anything, or am I wasting my money?

I've also been venturing out with a friend or two lately. I find myself actually looking forward to such events now, whereas before I would almost hope for something to "come up" so I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of fixing-up and going out.

I'm liking that, in particular. I'm making some "girlfriends", which I haven't had in decades. I find myself thinking about trying that more.

I went on Wellbutrin last Saturday. That was after seeing my therapist and yet before theh "big clean" happened Sunday. It could very possibly already be helping, which would kinda surprise me. I was discouraged when, this being my 4th drug, I wasn't having any noticeable effects - negative or positive. I really expected to have negative side effects like Jon did while he got acclimated to Effexxor. The only thing I'm feeling besides a very, very dry mouth is "normal". Is it the pills? The timing seems to indicate so. Or did something else "snap" me into shape? Hard to tell.

All I know is things are improving. And I am excited.

[Brenda Starrr]

*HUGS!!!*

Yay!!!

[Paper Hearts]

Good on you.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Good for you hunny!!

Glad to see things are looking up!!

[Onyx]

Friends and a clean house are good for the soul!

I need to get more of both myself, heh heh.

So happy to hear you are doing well.

[Msterbeau]

[Rayne]

Glad to hear.

[creatureofthenyte]

YAY! Go Critter GO!

[Nienna]

This is wonderful news!

[Fierce Critter]

Thanks, all.

It appears the energy & motivation are, thusfar, ongoing. Still keeping tabs to make sure this wasn't just a weekend "fluke".

Saw my therapist last night, and she was amazed at the changes in me this quickly. One question she asked me really drove it home how things are really different. She asked me, "how are you emotionally" and very quickly, my answer was "excited". I really am excited.

And it really appears that maybe I was more emotionally down than I had thought. Because I'm feeling so UP. Not high, not a feeling of drugged euphoria or mania. Just a very, very normal and WONDERFUL ability to really have fun - even when working.

Ahh. Nice. :D

[sass_in_the_pants]

I am glad things are looking better for you, FC.

Epsom salts do work wonders, and screw the safety warning, I have fallen asleep with a heating pad on and it really does help. There have been weeks that I've popped ibuprofen like candy. And this thing call the Ben-Gay patch is great, but it doesn't stay stuck on your back very well because you move around so much, better for leg and arm pain.

I can't help you with your depression, I don't know anything about depression, but, I wanted to tell you a few things on housekeeping.

I'm bad at it, and so is my husband, which means that when we combine our slovenly forces for even 48 hours, we can turn a charming bungalow into the four seasons after a night of binge drining by axl rose. So, since we are already SO disinterested in cleaning, I needed to make sure we could get the most done in the least amount of time. It was all about systems, and I think that might be your problem, too.

We took a long hard look at EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE HOUSE and asked "Do we need this? Do we want this? What does this do for us? Can we live without it?" and pared down everything and the things that were left all need to have homes. So, now, even if the house isn't clean all the time, I can get it clean in a hurry, because it's easy to put things AWAY.

Does everything have a 'home' and I mean an appropriate home - your clothes, your CDs, your books, when you go to 'put it away' does it actually get 'put away' or just shoved somewhere so it is not underfoot?

For example, we had three dressers, two which didn't match in our bedroom and a third in the guest room, shoes everywhere, some clothes in the basement, blah blah blah. So, I bought this thing called 'pax' from IKEA. And everything fits in there. EVERYTHING. Neatly, orderly. Whereas before, putting away clothes meant I was going up and down the stairs three times and walking all over the house, now everything goes in the same place the same time and putting away laundry now takes all of five minutes. It took me several hours to figure out the configuration of this thing, a decent chunk of money, and a whole day to assemble it, but the amount of time and frustration that I have saved because of it made it well worth it. When they ask what will save in a fire besides loved ones, pets, and pictures? It's this thing. I couldn't carry it out, but I would certainly try.

I will tell you this, that waking up in the morning and getting dressed, eating some breakfast, locating my keys and purse all in under 30 minutes now because I ALWAYS KNOW WHERE EVERYTING IS, is next to a miracle. Seriously, it has made my life alot happier and easier just having systems in place in the house that work!

Also, there is a book called the Idiots Guyde to Organizing Your Life, and I strongly recommend it.

Good luck, FC and I'm glad things are looking up for you two.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

Go Critter...Go Critter...Go go go...Go Critter...It's your birthday...it's your birthday....

...

Ok...I'll shut up now...

[pomba gira]

I'm very very happy for you sweetie... I've been there myself & all the cliches about "coming from a dark tunnel into the sun" are 100% accurate. You'll find that you get a "virtuous circle" going where the more you get done, the better you feel, the more motivated you are to get more done...

Really good advice from sass in the pants afa staying organized. Those Ikea storage systems kick ass (altho as sitp mentioned, assembling Ikea products can make you feel like your ass has been kicked)... I plan to invest in a PAX setup for my tiny closetless (really- ONE closet in the whole place) house as soon as I'm gainfully employed again. Also, I've found that just taking the few extra seconds to put things away as soon as I finish using them really makes a difference, too. That way you can use all your wonderful new energy & inspiration for groovier things than housecleaning!

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I've also been venturing out with a friend or two lately. I find myself actually looking forward to such events now, whereas before I would almost hope for something to "come up" so I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of fixing-up and going out.

Its odd how going out seems like such a chore... but then once i'm out my mind is off the "chore" part of it and generally i have a decent time. Sometimes just have to force ourselves to get a chance of scenery.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

I know your other post is newer but for some reason i have a hard time replying to critter posts without a week+ or some such...of pondering. Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.

Ok i've been thinking about THIS post for like a week or longer and my only useful comment is... clean is good.

I know i've let my surroundings go to shit (due to various reasons) and its a downward spiral.

Im glad for you ... and... good song btw. =)

[Fierce Critter]

Thank you for the compliment on my song, Troy. It does mean a lot to me to get feedback like that.

I think it might be time for another update. But I think I'll put it in the other thread.