Better Without The Meds

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Really irritating. If i dont take the avalanche of drugs im on i actually feel better , like a ton better. It doesn't last and i really start wiggin out after say 36 hours, but for a solid 12-20 hours with no meds i feel actually , in comparision , pretty god damn good. But, going off the drugs for a long period of time, (3 1/2 days) is what put me in the hospital with really scary vital signs a year ago. But hey i had me about as close as im gonna probably get to a near-death experience so theres an upside.

I feel like a no-energy zombie most of the time on the drugs. But after awhile , off the drugs the mega-headaches/shakeness/insert a million other symtoms eventually come back with a vengence.

Sort of a damned if i do damned if i dont situation. Not sure if there is any solution really just a observation.

Fairly "breakthrough" observation in that i >never

Won't even bother with the whole "Didnt know i had it good before the accident" B.S. Hell just being able to fucking WORK a soild 8 hour shift and make some decent money slaving away for the man .... might sound bizzare but that'd be a dream come true for me right about now.

Being poor BLOWS. Even not being to work in all this time, my resume' still looks pretty damn good to be honest. Used to pride myself on having gotten virtually every position i ever applied for. Now i couldnt get a job at wallmart (better stated i couldnt keep it, due to the health issues, could fake my way through an interview).

Being sick all the time AND being poor on top of it... shiiiity.

Wah wah boo hoo. =D

This concludes my by monthly crybaby post.

[phee]

Sorry mate

[kellygrrrrrl]

Wow Troy, I am glad that you shared.

I had no idea. I've caught little pieces of your story over the last couple of years, and tried to piece it together to see the whole picture...but now I see.

And understand.

I am sorry you feel so badly/sickly.

I don't know what you can do. But I see you do see that being off of them makes you feel better for a little while.....

Then BAM.....withdrawals.

Can you do a gradual detox? Like take less and less over a period of time??? Even a few weeks?

Perhaps that will take some of the shock off of your body?????

IF you can that is...like I said, I don't know your conditions.....

I do know I had to get off of Pain meds once, and it was not great.

[Fierce Critter]

I don't know your financial/insurance situation, nor the quality of one-on-one doctor care you're getting.

I've had a great doctor and therapist through all my own crap. But even they didn't have the know-how to know to match my particular symptoms up with the particular brain chemicals that I'm having trouble with. That took me picking up a copy of "Depression for Dummies" and skipping right to the medications section. Bing bang boom, once I read the descriptions of the various brain chemicals, what they do, and matched that with what was going on my my case, it was easy to say, "I need this medication because it works on dopamine, which I obviously have a problem with, but not on Serotonin, which I obviously DON'T have a problem with." Until I did that, everything they'd tried on me was serotonin-based.

Neither of them had the know-how in general to know this. 'Cause my MD isn't a shrink, and neither is my therapist. An actual psychiatrist might have been able to put that all together, but I can't afford one.

Best I can offer is to do some research on your own. But knowing your general character, I wouldn't be surprised if you responded with, "I have done the research already, and trying what I found didn't work" or something to that effect.

Dunno, Troy. I don't know your particular brain/body issues or the exact nature of their disfunction, so I can't advise. But I do wonder if you've been properly diagnosed.

[saechalyn]

I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV, but I would imagine going on and off heavy meds is going to wreack havoc with your system and might have consequences beyond the immediate. Does your doctor know about the sluggish side effects? Maybe there are options- different doses, different kinds, different schedules, that might help. You may have already done that; sorry if I sound like a broken record.

[Rayne]

But I see you do see that being off of them makes you feel better for a little while.....

Then BAM.....withdrawals.

That's usually how pretty much any medication works.

Take anti-anxiety meds for an example. I know a person ((LOL, and no, it's not me). , who several times has taken herself off her meds without doctor's okay and help. She's fine for a few months ... maybe even 6. Then all the sudden, her anxiety hits hard and she litarally freaks out. Gets violent and tries to hurt herself and others. But she thinks she's fine and doing better, because she feels much better off the medication.

I've seen it lots of times. With different people.

Work closely with your doctor. Demand a different treatment if you feel the one your currently on isn't working. Maybe your dosed to low or to high or maybe the medication itself just isn't the right one.

One of my kids has problems she needs medication for. She's seven, first started meds when she was 5 1/2 - 6 ... she's been on six different meds already, countless different doses and we still haven't found the one that's completely right for her.

Edited November 9, 2006 by Rayne

[Onyx]

I wonder if it's just a case of the wrong medication or wrong medication combinations or maybe even the wrong dosage. Can you maybe add them back one at a time to see if you can figure it out? Is there any way to play with the dosages a bit?

It took me over 20 years of experimentation to find a drug that helps prevent migraines. Eiuther they would not work or made me gain weight (40 pounds in 3 months and it just kept going till I quit it) or hallucinate (that was a scary time) or a bunch of other unacceptable side effects.

I'm on Inderal now and I'm fortunate to have no noticeable side effects. I'm also lucky that it takes care of the high blood pressure and the heart beat irregularities I was having (which makes me suspicious that the three problems are connected in some way).

I hope you can figure something out. It doesn't sound as if they have you on the right combination.

[pomba gira]

Wow Troy, I am glad that you shared.

I had no idea. I've caught little pieces of your story over the last couple of years, and tried to piece it together to see the whole picture...but now I see.

And understand.

I am sorry you feel so badly/sickly.

ditto sweetie

I remember last year when everyone was so worried about you... recall a really disoriented-sounding post you made at one point that had me praying for you very intensely... but I didn't know any details & I am always hesitant to ask personal questions when I don't know people well.

I don't have any advice to offer (altho Onyx's suggestion makes sense... a lot of meds can act together synergistically in ways that no one can predict)... just... hang in there & I pray things get easier for you.

[creatureofthenyte]

This may not be a good example, but I remember hearing how Ozzy Osbourne had been perscribed some meds that he didnt need to be taking, due the wrong advice from his Doctor. Now that he is off those wrong meds, he is alot better. I would echo the sentiments of the rest of the people who've chimed in on this and say that you should get another diagnosis, perhaps even a 2nd opinion, it could make a big difference. Good luck Troy.

[Nienna]

I've always been of the opinion that you are over medicated. Maybe talk to the doctor about gradually lowering some of the doses or going off some of it eventually? I think they prevent you from being able to find ways to deal with the stuff on your own. *hugs* I know it sucks.

[torn asunder]

I've always been of the opinion that you are over medicated. Maybe talk to the doctor about gradually lowering some of the doses or going off some of it eventually? I think they prevent you from being able to find ways to deal with the stuff on your own. *hugs* I know it sucks.

i agree with this... it sounds like, when you quit your meds, you hit a balance point when your body has gotten rid of *some* of them, and then when you've gone past that point, you get worse. to me, that says a lower dose would make sense. definitely talk to a couple doctors about changing things around...

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Thanks for the friendly comments / advice very kind/sweet =)

Its been a long LONG road to get were i'm at now.

Short version of the car accident:

Me driving around 11am in the morning. >random blackout

Tons and tons of doctors, tests and everything else. They really haven't ever given me a specific, clear diagnosis. I have an odd mix of symptoms that they seem to be unable to really say "OK THIS IS THE SPECIFIC PROBLEM"

They still aren't totally sure if its psychological or physical. But i think its at a minim partially mental. I wish it was like a broken pelvis or some crap that was easy to point to and say "that.. right there is the problem". At this point i think we (collectively me and the doctors) have given up on trying to figure out the cause as its been just one big goose chase. MRIs , CAT scans, various psych tests blah blah. All of them come up fairly "negative" (meaning they don't find anything wrong).

So the general assumption is that i'm nuts. Which ok fine. But then when i go to the therapist , after like 5 months shes finally like "hell troy , i think it might be still something physical , you just don't seem to have bad enough of mental concerns for how bad the symptoms are"

So whatever. GRR.

Depression , Anxiety, Headaches, Memory Loss (tons of lesser stuff) doesn't sound so bad right? The problem is the massive intensity of this stuff.

Having my girlfriend (who was basically the one bright spot for me) die about 3 months after the accident ... herself in a car accident on her way to visit me no less, really pulled the rug out from under me. Last thing i heard from her? A voice mail saying "Honey i'm on my way to see you , cant wait!!" (to paraphrase) Next call i got was her dad (who never called me before) telling me what happened. He and i talked for like 4 hours cryin to each other like babies. =/

These health issues make me virtually un-boyfriendable as i can't reliably say "ok ill be ready to go out at X time on X date" as im too sick really to do anything about 50% of the time and when this other "only bad, not horrible" other 50% of the time will be is totally unknown and not possible to plan. Makes for a really painful relationship. Gotten to the point were i generally just avoid the whole thing rather than put myself and whoever it might be through the agony of the situation.

In my past i never got sick. If i did it lasted maybe a day or two outer limits. I was also one of them guys that was mildly skeptical of people with "mental problems" as just being wimps. Now that i'm in this boat... its pretty enlightening... and a major blow. My family really does not understand. Psych problems are basically not acceptable. Thats unspoken but its clear. People with mental problems are basically just weak.

Now that I'm pretty damn sure it is a mental problem, and its clearly a "disease" not just me being a pussy, its pretty scary. (being scared... another new thing for me.) I'm supposed to be the problem solver, the guy they call at work when shit is going downhill and they can count on to be calm. =/ Hell no , not anymore.

Sometimes i feel like i cant breath and the end of the world is coming for NO reason. I know, intellectually there is nothing wrong. It just hits me. Sometimes i get emotional over nothing (angry , sad whatever) Headaches are ever present even with really hardcore meds until i basically fall asleep due to the meds being so strong.

I think partially the problem is that my body chemistry doesn't fit the mold. Drugs really don't do much unless they are in max doses. I've always been that way. So what they do is "ok well at max legal dose this drug has a >little

Anyhow went on to long about this already. (another problem... we don't cry or talk about problems in my family we just suck it the fuck up and deal.. this "talking about your problems" thing another sign of weakness )

Ok i better shut up now. Thanks for listening sorry about the novel.

[Nienna]

Troy, the first thing you need to learn is to accept that you are not a burden or imposing to get stuff out. People listen because we care about you. You should let us help more often. I'm proud of you for posting this, now let us support you without feeling guilty about it!

Edited November 11, 2006 by Nienna

[Fierce Critter]

Troy, this is going to sound completely lame and utterly unhelpful.

But all that really, really blows.

My depression manifested in a lot of ways like what you describe above. And my family also does not do "psychology" so it's been really tough not having people to go to. Except Jon, without whom I more than likely would have quite literally spiraled into a major, major breakdown.

But I managed to find out what my problem was, and am on the mend. Because my "thing" was very identifiable.

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to know there is a problem, and be willing to take the steps necessary to treat it properly - but not know WHICH treatment is the right one - mental, emotional, chemical, physiological...

Gads, dude. I'm at a loss as to a single thing to suggest. :(

[pomba gira]

I am the same way sweetie... I hate to sound like I'm whining or complaining so there is probably a lot of support I could be getting from friends that I don't. So... I know how much courage it took to share all that. Props to you lovey. Also have experience w/un-diagnosable medical issues... nowhere near as serious as yours & I've learned to live with it, but it's helly frustrating when the best anyone can come up with is "sorry, don't know what to tell ya- prolly some autoimmune thing from all the slop you've injected into yourself over the years". So I imagine it's a million times worse when the problems are keeping you from living your day to day life.

There are people here who care about you very deeply. I don't know you as well as many others here do but I can tell you're a righteous person & I have enormous respect for the work you put into this joint. Don't be afraid to let your friends support you, OK? People care. Think of it this way: it is MUCH more of a burden for friends to worry about you and not know how to help, than to have you ask for help that they can actually give. Really.

[saechalyn]

Also the general asumption all throughout my upbringing again.. that drugs are basicly crutches and you need to "fix the problem" and drugs arent the answer, pretty much ever, is fun.

I understand this feeling, but, it's not like you wrote one too many bad poems and mope around because it gives you more goth points. The brain can be injured like any other body part. You had an accident, in which there was trauma to your head. This has resulted in changes to your brain chemistry that require medicine to fix--maybe they haven't done the best job of that so far, but you have to be open to the process if it is ever going to do you any good. I don't know the details of your experiences with doctors so I can't offer specific advice there, but if you are not working with a psychiatrist, I think it's a good idea.

I don't usually say this or that opinion is wrong, but it is NEVER "weak" to do what's best for your health.

[Rayne]

I understand this feeling, but, it's not like you wrote one too many bad poems and mope around because it gives you more goth points. The brain can be injured like any other body part. You had an accident, in which there was trauma to your head. This has resulted in changes to your brain chemistry that require medicine to fix--maybe they haven't done the best job of that so far, but you have to be open to the process if it is ever going to do you any good. I don't know the details of your experiences with doctors so I can't offer specific advice there, but if you are not working with a psychiatrist, I think it's a good idea.

I don't usually say this or that opinion is wrong, but it is NEVER "weak" to do what's best for your health.

Saechalyn is smart. I agree with her.

Good luck Troy. I had a serious car accident in 2001 (about a week before September 11th - I was released from the hospital on the 10th). My injuries were - and still are - much more physical. My back and neck will hurt days on end for no reason. I'm on pain killers and muscle relaxers every day and am told I will be for the rest of my life. There's days I spend in bed because I can't get up because of the pain. I have intense headaches, a lot of the time. I take a lot of Tylenol and Motrin because of it.

I had a problem when I started driving again where I was scared to death of semi trucks behind me and would change lanes so I wasn't in front of them (I was rear ended by a semi in a little Neon, me at a red light - dead stop - the fully loaded semi was going 45 mph - my car was pretty damaged in the back, I have pictures somewhere). For a long time I'd pull over on the side of the road to keep from hyperventilating on the freeway.

Imagine, me scared of driving. I was. I thought it'd happen again. Even now, 5 years later, I still get a little panicy when I stop at a red light in front of a semi truck.

... I know it's not the same, but your not alone. Car accidents do strange things to people. They really do.

[pomba gira]

Imagine, me scared of driving. I was. I thought it'd happen again. Even now, 5 years later, I still get a little panicy when I stop at a red light in front of a semi truck.

... I know it's not the same, but your not alone. Car accidents do strange things to people. They really do.

Yup. I was hit by a van about 12 years ago, and it's still very hard for me to step off a curb if a car is coming- doesn't matter if it's two blocks away, I really have to force myself to take that step. And for the first few years after, I couldn't do it at all. If there were moving cars anywhere in sight, oh well- I just had to stand there till the road was completely clear.

[Onyx]

So the general assumption is that i'm nuts. Which ok fine. But then when i go to the therapist , after like 5 months shes finally like "hell troy , i think it might be still something physical , you just don't seem to have bad enough of mental concerns for how bad the symptoms are"

In thinking more about this --- hmm...

if your therapist suspects that it is physical that's a pretty good clue. They see all types of conditions and if anyone should know, an experienced therapist would.

The human nervous system is a complicated thing, especially the brain which controls every single organ and system in the body. Maybe all these symptoms have something to do with an injury sustained in the accident, something to do with the brain/nervous system, and something that won't show up on the usual battery of tests.

Not that that is any help to know that, if they can not find and fix what it is. I hope one of them figures out something that will help.

[cptdeath]

observations theroy experimentations hypothesis. this thread is a huge example of scientific method as art.

ow yeah get well sone an all