Cheer Up Conservatives

[the eternal]

A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives

November 14th, 2006

To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,

I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.

Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:

Dear Conservatives and Republicans,

I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

Signed,

Michael Moore

[HipsterDufus]

I know, I know. Michael Moore is a big fat jerk. I did like this letter though.

[phee]

Michael Moore is guilty of a lot of what he is accusing here (lol)

But I do like the gist of the post

(Tounge in cheak of course)

[Head Wreck]

micheal more can fuck right off.

he is as narow minded and bigorted as those he rants and LIES about.

signed, HW the liberal socialist

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I would just like to say... I pray every day (I hope my prayer doesn't offend anyone) that I am wrong about what is going to happen with the Democrats in charge of Congress. I didn't gloat when the Democrats lost the last few elections. I wont bitch about the Republicans loosing now. I am just going to pray, alot. I remember the 40 year Democratic control and the Deficit it created. I remember the Democrats (Bill Clinton) cutting the military down to the small size it is now to get rid of that Deficit. I remember the high inbalanced taxes. I remember all the attacks on this great nation under Democratic control. I remember China buying the technology to makes noisless submarine screws so they could stalk and sink our ships frm the Clinton Administration. I remember them also buying the tech to make MIRVs that could target multiple citys. I seem to remember them infiltrating our most top secret facilitys and stealing our nuclear secrets too.

I think about who else is rejoicing in the Democrats winning...

Iran

Syria

Al-Quadi

Osama

Hezbolla

China

North Korea

It makes me wonder whats going to happen. I admit... I'm a paranoid mother fucker... so...

I pray

I pray I am wrong.

I pray you are right.

God help us all, even you athiest I just offened by mentioning God, if I am right.

So, Rejoice in your victory. Eat, Drink and be merry... then get down on your kness and pray to what ever God you pray to... pray I am wrong, because if I am right... we are in for a world of pain and suffereing.

[phee]

I am just going to say that now things finally have an opportunity to improve, instead of simply getting worse like they have been for the last 12 years....

I don't know if they will, but at least now there is a chance...

[HipsterDufus]

I am just going to say that now things finally have an opportunity to improve, instead of simply getting worse like they have been for the last 12 years....

I don't know if they will, but at least now there is a chance...

[phee]

Thanks mate... and indeed no gloating necessary...

Bah... Michael Moore....

[HipsterDufus]

I once had a boss who had 25 years in the army. This was back when the Iraq war was starting. This guy and I got along together really well and I respected him immensely. So, anyway, I asked him how he was voting in the 2002 election. His reply? "I always vote against the incumbents. My taxes still aren't low enough yet." I think a lot of people were feeling that way this year; it was not about taxes though as much as all of the other issues like the war, outsourcing, etc. I realize the democrats may not change anything, but at least we'll be heading in a slightly different direction than we were before. Sure, Moore is a douche-bag. But I think this letter did a good job of summing up what people hope will change now.

[phee]

I once had a boss who had 25 years in the army. This was back when the Iraq war was starting. Now, keep in mind that this guy and I got along together really well. So, anyway, I asked him how he was voting in the 2002 election. His reply? "I always vote against the incumbents. My taxes still aren't low enough yet." I think a lot of people were feeling that way this year; it was not about taxes though as much as all of the other issues like the war, outsourcing, etc. I realize the democrats may not change anything, but at least we'll be heading in a slightly different direction than we were before. Sure, Moore is a douche-bag. But I think this letter did a good job of summing up what people hope will change now.

Pretty much...

I mean we know without a doubt what the Republicans have done... The Democrates may be better or not.... but basically Republican control has a very clear result, and we are living it.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Yeah.. 4.5 years without an attack on US soil...

[phee]

Yeah.. 4.5 years without an attack on US soil...

And the biggest one ever in U.S. history when the Republicans had control... hence, we know what happens....

[HipsterDufus]

Yeah.. 4.5 years without an attack on US soil...

In a war that will never end (the war on terrorism), should we basically give the Republicans carte blanche to do as they will (since they're the "only" ones that know what they're doing when it comes to terrorism) and basically just stop holding elections? There are other issues in America than terrorism (btw, the number of American casualties from the Iraq war are now almost equal to the number of deaths from September 11th).

[BrassFusion]

Pretty much...

I mean we know without a doubt what the Republicans have done... The Democrates may be better or not.... but basically Republican control has a very clear result, and we are living it.

Absolutely. Some of the Republican's ultimate goals have been nothing beyond depriving rights to a selected lower classes. Those goals are very easy to achieve once you have popular backing, and then you can point to the same-sex marriage ban or the upper-middle class tax rebate you championed and act like you've done something meaningful for humanity.

Yeah.. 4.5 years without an attack on US soil...

Maybe this was an intentional setup, but... what happened in May '02?

[phee]

Absolutely. Some of the Republican's ultimate goals have been nothing beyond depriving rights to a selected lower classes. Those goals are very easy to achieve once you have popular backing, and then you can point to the same-sex marriage ban or the upper-middle class tax rebate you championed and act like you've done something meaningful for humanity.

Maybe this was an intentional setup, but... what happened in May '02?

That is Mark and Mines Birthday why?

[Shade Everdark]

I would just like to say... I pray every day (I hope my prayer doesn't offend anyone) that I am wrong about what is going to happen with the Democrats in charge of Congress. I didn't gloat when the Democrats lost the last few elections. I wont bitch about the Republicans loosing now. I am just going to pray, alot. I remember the 40 year Democratic control and the Deficit it created. I remember the Democrats (Bill Clinton) cutting the military down to the small size it is now to get rid of that Deficit. I remember the high inbalanced taxes. I remember all the attacks on this great nation under Democratic control. I remember China buying the technology to makes noisless submarine screws so they could stalk and sink our ships frm the Clinton Administration. I remember them also buying the tech to make MIRVs that could target multiple citys. I seem to remember them infiltrating our most top secret facilitys and stealing our nuclear secrets too.

I think about who else is rejoicing in the Democrats winning...

Iran

Syria

Al-Quadi

Osama

Hezbolla

China

North Korea

It makes me wonder whats going to happen. I admit... I'm a paranoid mother fucker... so...

I pray

I pray I am wrong.

I pray you are right.

God help us all, even you athiest I just offened by mentioning God, if I am right.

So, Rejoice in your victory. Eat, Drink and be merry... then get down on your kness and pray to what ever God you pray to... pray I am wrong, because if I am right... we are in for a world of pain and suffereing.

How can anyone rejoice when the work of turning this country around has only just begun? Too, I really don't think any of those mentioned powers will like us any more, or hate us any less, because we elected a particular political party into office. That's just propaganda.

As for god, I really wasn't offended by your mention of him. I'm a little offended by how you choose to use your imaginary friend, though.

For the record, Moore has really lost his political pull with the American public, so this basically serves as more poor political humor. Maybe I just don't find much funny about politics anymore.

[phee]

because if I am right... we are in for a world of pain and suffereing.

We are already there mate...

That's why we need a change.

[creatureofthenyte]

I say that if the politicians don't get their heads out of their asses, this country is fucked.

I'm not affiliated with any political party and I thank gods for that.

The only actual political views I have are these; The Republicans have and still are spending this country straight into the shitter.

They spend and spend and spend, yet they cut our taxes now, not realizing that the tax money that isnt coming in, is helping to make the debt bigger because that is less money they have to pay it down with.

The next 4 generations coming up behind my generation are going to be saddled with the debt they created.

And second, The Democrats couldn't lead us out of a wet paper bag because they have NO idea what they stand for, and none of them can commit to being for any one specific issue or viewpoint for more then 5 seconds.

[kellygrrrrrl]

I pray you are wrong Gaf....

but I pray cause I fear you may be correct

Will we be another fallen Empire?

[HipsterDufus]

Will we be another fallen Empire?

I've been thinking this ever since I was in high school. I believe that we are in the process of our decline and things are only going to get worse throughout my lifetime. As a country (or empire), things are either getting worse or better throughout your history. I would be hard-pressed to argue that things have gotten better in America since I've been alive. The redistribution of wealth in America alone points to decline. I'm just trying to prolong the time it takes before America's inevitable end when I vote.

[BrassFusion]

That is Mark and Mines Birthday why?

He mentioned something about an attack on American soil 4.5 years ago.

[...]I really don't think any of those mentioned powers will like us any more, or hate us any less, because we elected a particular political party into office. That's just propaganda.

Once again, you are very super right.

And second, The Democrats couldn't lead us out of a wet paper bag because they have NO idea what they stand for, and none of them can commit to being for any one specific issue or viewpoint for more then 5 seconds.

I think that's just what the Republicans have been wanting you to believe. I'm proud to identify as a Democrat (albeit an unorthodox one), and I have a handful of unwavering beliefs (most of which are referenced in the Bill of Rights) and another set of beliefs that are open to debate. That's the way it should be. Open-mindedness is a POSITIVE quality.

[Paper Hearts]

I say both parties have amazing jackasses as unofficial spokespeople: the Democrats have Michael Moore and the Republicans have George W Bush. Luckily, I'm not affiliated with either group.

I (like so many others) assume that the attacks of 11 September 2001 [which occurred during a republican led government] were only meant to portray to us that we should never elect democrats...I also believe that the reason the war hasn't been won by a republican led government means the same thing. All right, I'm being facetious.

lastly, nobody reasonable is offended by casual talk of religion--what people demand is disgusting are Christian supremacists. And even though I don't completely believe in it, I hope you both evolve into something else.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Shade... You can call it propoganda all you want. That wont change the fact that Al-Quida released a statement praising the Democrats coming to power... calling it THIER victory and promisnig to bring the fight to our soil as soon as we retreat. That crazy fucker in charge of Iran making public statements about how much this change will benifit Iran and speed the destruction of Isreal along... Hezbolla cheering in the streets over the Dems winning...

The very people who want to Destroy this country, no matter what we do to try to change thier minds, are happy with the election results...

How can that not make you think that maybe... maybe, we just fucked up worse than we ever have?

and phee... just wait... the Dems have to be very carefull in what they undo or we will see smoke rising in places we never wanted to.

[phee]

It is not the responsability of the government to keep terrorist groups/governments unhappy... it is to keep us safe, and the worst damage that these groups have ever caused have been during a 100% Republican controled government...

How they managed to make the Democrats seem like a less safe choice when they had all the control while they happened is an amazing tribute to the power of fearmongering and effective advertising...

Look they even managed to fool someone as smart as Gaf!

[Shade Everdark]

I just did call it propaganda, and I'll do so again.

As to whether or not we've fucked up, well, I think it would take a special talent to do worse than we have the past six years. Frankly, I don't give two shits about what al-Qaeda, or Hezbollah, or Kim Jong-Il, or Mahmoud Ahmedinajad (sp?) think about which political party we elect into office, even if it did make a difference in how they view us. The day I let THEM dictate to ME which candidates I prefer is the day I've rolled over and truly let them win, and the day I don't really deserve to be called a son of liberty. If you want to think that way, it's certainly your prerogative, but I fear you more than I fear them, because you have the power to vote.