Just Curious If There Are Any 'cutters' On Here ?

[Shujin Ghost]

Just to start. *shudders* I hate the term 'cutters' Yet, alot of the time thats mainly what people recognize it as. Many don't look at it as anything other than cutting which seems to be the most predominantly way of coping yet, still its just a sub catergorization that somehow seemed to take more of a spotlight on the center stage of attention.

Okay, I hope that you all can forgive the ranting that has been and will continue for a bit. Read at your own risk.

I understand that some are ignorant when it comes to the issue but I hate the stereotypical thought that people only cut to get attention. In most cases alot of the self abusers I've come across that do actually use self abuse as a cope don't show their wounds and, much less proud of what they do to get by. I mean if you really look at it self abuse is a negative cope mechanism much like a drug abuser or an alcoholic and, you don't see them jumping up and down shouting ' hooray ! ' Look at me - I'm all fu#$ed up.

I am just curious if there are any on the boards here that do self abuse ? Wouldn't mind getting to know some more, I've been a cutter *shudders* half of my life now - off and on. More times on than off it seems these days. Looking at it retrospectively.

Warmest Regards,

Shujin Ghost

I am nothing more than a Man no more no less.

[BrassFusion]

I'm gonna be very honest and direct here, cuz that's how I roll. So...

I haven't noticed much talk about cutting on this board, much less glorification. Cutting is generally discouraged, even in the goth community. There are many reasons that it's viewed negatively, there are many ways it can be harmful, and there are absolutely no positive results from the act of cutting oneself. I am one of those who views it negatively.

However, I try not to judge those who cut themselves. I try to help them. Shoot me a PM if you want to talk about it. Even if you feel you're beyond "help."

[The Kanuck]

To add onto Brass' Comment. It is also well viewed that if one is a cutter they either are one of two:

1. They are quiet about it and do it for own personal reasons whatever they might be. (ie. "Get the pain out", just for kicks) or;

2. They tell everyone and anyone that they are one just for the sheer attention value because they are not getting it from other people more closer to them, like family or friends.

Overall, if someone really did cause this bodily harm to themselves, normally they would be quiet about it. You really just can't come out and ask cuz that just drives most of them back down into their hole. Now I am not saying some might come out and talk about it and I am not saying that if you are you should not if you are trying to get help. What I am saying is, don't be surprised if no one talks and the ones that do, are just seeking the attention.

My two thoughts from across the river.

-Jake.

P.S. If anyone does have these types of issues, I have some background in this field for helping them get past it. If you would like to talk on the fact, just Message me or if you want to get off the site, email me at "Littlegraverkid@hotmail.com"

[Shujin Ghost]

I completely understand about driving others away.

A little story. A few months back I was hanging out with two guys. One suffered from Ocd and anxiety issues and the other was really the the out going kind of guy, volunteer firefighter and very religious. So I mean they presented some great discussions alot of the time and we did have our points of views.

A few months back in the Windsor Star front page was a story about a man named Danny, who had unfortunately taken his own life. The guy who had Ocd felt that people would think somehow that it was him and he was really worried about it, so we talked about it. We discussed it in length. The firefighter guy was well he's just going to burn in hell and its one less fu@$in loser in the world. So myself I wanted to understand how a person could show no compassion, no understanding to someone who was troubled and finally came to his own demise. He then told me about an exgirlfriend who he was dating and then found out that she was a self abuser - his words - she was crazy so i kicked her ass right out the door.

I then found myself wondering if I were to tell them about myself what would their reaction be to that knowledge about myself. So I took a bit of a gamble and started to discuss it a bit more in detail about self abuse and explaining the different ideas and theories associated with it. I asked if I were to do that would they simply sever ties with me as easily. Needless to say. I found out my answer. So I decided that I'm going to try to make acquaintances and friends with people who are open minded if not understanding that everyone has their own vices in life and each person at times falls to their own methods to cope. They may not be the most positive and then it comes back to, what works for one person may not so much work for another.

[phee]

My first wife was....

But she got better.

[Homicidalheathen]

Once when I was younger, I was being abused at home and picked on in school....I wanted to kill myself. I went into the bathroom and got out a razor......this is the funny thing, I must not have intended to kill myself because I sterilized it first. I cut my wrist but didn't have the guts to cut deep. I also wore a bandage over it for a week cause it kinda needed stiches...but didn't try to hide it.....was it a cry for help? Yah, I guess. Not that anyone did anything or noticed except one of my few friends.

I didn't do much else till I got into this extreme form of yoga where you push your limits in sleep, food....a tiny bit of water depravation. Then I started getting into firewalking.

Now I do see a dom who whips me, and sticks me with accupuncture needles.

To me there is a difference. I get something out of this....sometimes it is just reflective, I can see what I need to do where, in my life....other times I get a medetative state out of it...other times is purging.

I don't see myself doing it forever though, no......when I am old and weak and sick I don't see myself getting into this at all.

[Shujin Ghost]

Now to see Firewalking would be really cool.

I'm not sure if I could muster the courage to do it but it'd be interesting to watch.

I'm glad to read some of the feedback from some of you. In all honesty, I'm keeping an open mind to what I read. I'm not exactly 'gothed' out I just find that I'm more of a darker thinker and find more comfort in darker mindsets. Not to mention, gothic women *drools* Mmmmm.

I am just trying to find real people and to find real people means being real yourself.

[BrassFusion]

I am just trying to find real people and to find real people means being real yourself.

And the crowd goes wild!!!!

[Steven]

I dont like cutting (have never done it myself) any more than I like any other facimile form of dealing with things, which therefore includes drugs and overt sexuality as a form of escapism, of which I have participated in for too many years.

I just wish we dealt more, as a people, as a generation, as a nation.

[Dollardave]

I cut you so bad you wish I no cut you no more!

LOL Froyn! I posted a topic like this called are a slasher about a year ago and caught hell for it from some dork named The Lady who doesn't come here anymore. She was fat anyways.

[Vampyro]

I've asked a few a long time ago, and you are right, most cutters know that the form of "self mutilation" is looked down upon by society, yet there's certain cultures and practices that do such a thing. Tattoos and peircings are a certain persective of this. Most of them had told me that the pain somehow gives them an optomistic view or feeling about things. Now cutting can be dangerous given you don't have the proper medical supplies or sterilized tools for the job, and often makes people avoid you. There are other froms to get into to get the pain you want, without mutilating yourself. HH does that as you've noticed. I've never been prone to seeking out pain for that specific reason, but have had some situations where I have noticed after you reach a certain limit to a painful thing (like almost cutting off half your left hand... oops) you do get optomistic feelings... though I had about 10 beers and 2 joints in me when this happened, but none the less, the situation as intense as it was, seeing bone and all, it boiled down to, I can only count on me, and things WILL be ok. It also made me have a self macho moment by looking back and going, wow.. my hand is this screwed up and I'm still laughing. To me, being able to simply endure that sort of pain was a good enough feeling, I felt stronger from it. And this was just my most recent form of what you are talking about, and garunteed not to be the last unfortunately... Never intentional.. I'm just very clutzy and that does not equal good news for my body half the time. But do some studying on some of what people have done, walking on hot coals is a bit extreme, but there's lessar methods that could get you to where you need to be, and isn't so negative as just randomly slashing at yourself. Good luck.

[Ash Sangre]

*Sigh*. Alot of people look down on people who cut themselves, and like so many have said, they do it for various reasons. I myself, have been cutting since i was 16, not because I was the "Goth" kid who couldnt hack it, or to get attanetion. I never told anyone because I didnt think it was anyone's business. I did it for self-release, it gives me pleasure to give myself pain. I am a self-sadist, soo theres my story for the day....

[ManicQueen]

If there are cutters in this community I'm pretty sure they wouldnt be willing to come forward. After all, cutting is pretty secretive to them, kinda like anorexia and I'm pretty sure it's a control issue so I wouldn't expect much as far as replies.

[Head Wreck]

one of my exes started cutting....

very fucking worrying

[Nienna]

LOL Froyn! I posted a topic like this called are a slasher about a year ago and caught hell for it from some dork named The Lady who doesn't come here anymore. She was fat anyways.

uhmmm Dave?? That's my roommate you're talking about.... and I agree with her.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Cutting is a specific form of depression and those that cut need to get help, just like everyone else that is depressed to the point of being self destructive.

[DarkVampire]

All I'll say is I don't like sharp objects by my skin and it's certainly nothing to get off on. Now it is something to do for self punishment to some of us out there. On rare occasions.

[Nienna]

I've met a couple of cutters that were in no way depressed. They did it as a form of art, again like tattooing

That's a different thing entirely though. Cutting with a desire for the end result of body modification is a whole different animal than when it's done for emotional reasons.

[pomba gira]

I used to cut myself when I was in my teens and 20s. I know it was depression related but I truly can't remember the specific thought processes or "why" I thought I was doing it. Sometimes I would try to be a little artistic about it... kind of like "if I'm gonna have scars they might as well look like something", but it was a way of dealing with hurtful emotions, not an art form in itself. It was definitely not an attention-getting thing. Maybe the first time, but after that it just seemed too personal a thing to share with anyone. Obviously the people close to me would notice, but I didn't go out of my way to draw attention to it.

[Der Nister]

I think just about everyone here is only guilty of doing the cut and paste but nothing else.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Ima come out and say this.

I haven't told anyone...well I have recently...

heres my story.

About 1.5 years ago, I had to go see the doctor. Mind you, I never see the doctor, nor am I "suicidal". I've generally been a happy go lucky type, with a bad hand of luck that gets me down at times. No big deal....

I wanted to quit smoking, and on top of it, I was put on medications to "regulate" my issues, and was on them for a watchful waiting process medically....

During this period of time (about 4-5 months), I became extremely depressed, confused, VERY moody, and so on. Ok, I know I get this way at times, but reasonably. I like to think. Well, it was like 10x what I normally felt.

Now I know quitting smoking will from time to time, make ya a little moody, and depressed. It does. At least thats how I felt/feel.

So....anyways...I was out of my gord. Literally. I had no outlet, I didn't want to say anything to anyone....I thought, well, it's just cause I quit smoking. I felt absolutely, out of it. I was internally about to explode. For no reason really. I FELT like that...physically, and mentally. Everything would set me off.....my mouth was out of control, my temper, my emotions, I wanted to die everything. I was whacked. (I feel so bad for Mike......)

And because I was acting/feeling like this, It made me even more depressed...and out of control. I had no out. I could tell my friends were tired of my being a bitch, being moody, forgetting things, being irrational.... Mike didn't understand,....looking back, I could tell he was very scared for me, and if I had told anyone else, they would just say things that I didn't want to hear anyways.

So one day while in a rage by my self, alone....crying, throwing a fit, pulling my hair, I cut myself....on my leg, pretty badly. I hated myself so much that day, I wanted to hurt myself, almost punish myself...sick as that sounds.

I felt instant relief.

This was when I realized there was something wrong.

I read up on the whole cutting thing. I understood how and why people do it.

It was that burning internal feeling of self hate, an impulse, that feeling of wanting to hurt yourself.....like a form of self punishment, or discipline.

So....after realizing there WAS something wrong.....I took a look at all of the miedications I was taking.

Closely.

I read the warnings and side effects, and what not to take with what and so on.

Everything I was on come to find out, was interacting with everything else.

All 3 thing said not to take this with that and that with this.

I looked at the side effects...may cause suicidal thoughts...may cause depression......etc etc.....I freaked out. I had put trust in my doctor, and thought nothing of it.

Once I had read that stuff, and sat down and rationally thought about it with what ration I had left in me....I realized, it wasn't me.

So, one by one, I stopped taking these drugs.

As as the days went on, I could feel myself feeling better...little bouts of intense anxiety and body tremors/twitching from withdrawal I am sure??? Weeks later, I looked back and realized even further how serious this really was....

So, here I am a year and a half later....lost most of my friends, my husband thinks I am psycho, my doctor thinks I am just stressed, my family thinks I am crazy but I feel better....Now I have to show everyone that I am OK....and I am.....But during this time, I told noone. I was alone in all of this. In my head.

Do not take the following meds together:

Wellbutrin, Xanax, Vicodin and Birth control hormone treatments.

[The Kanuck]

I've met a couple of cutters that were in no way depressed. They did it as a form of art, again like tattooing

I am sorry and I might be rude saying this but wtf? Art? Bodily harm where people have the chance of going too deep or it not healing right and dieing as the end result is not an art. Tattoos and piercings are an art because they are safe and when done right nothing can go wrong and there is a beauty to it. A kid, in their room, cutting things like the word "Fuck" and such "Hate" into her stomach and chest are not art and no argument in the world will convince me of that. People who cause this form of bodily harm do need help and the faster the better.

[torn asunder]

I am sorry and I might be rude saying this but wtf? Art? Bodily harm where people have the chance of going too deep or it not healing right and dieing as the end result is not an art. Tattoos and piercings are an art because they are safe and when done right nothing can go wrong and there is a beauty to it. A kid, in their room, cutting things like the word "Fuck" and such "Hate" into her stomach and chest are not art and no argument in the world will convince me of that. People who cause this form of bodily harm do need help and the faster the better.

you ever seen scalpeling!? my piercer does it, and it if it's done correctly, it can be done at home as well - one just has to educate themselves...

[Steven]

Ima come out and say this.

I haven't told anyone...well I have recently...

heres my story.

About 1.5 years ago, I had to go see the doctor. Mind you, I never see the doctor, nor am I "suicidal". I've generally been a happy go lucky type, with a bad hand of luck that gets me down at times. No big deal....

I wanted to quit smoking, and on top of it, I was put on medications to "regulate" my issues, and was on them for a watchful waiting process medically....

During this period of time (about 4-5 months), I became extremely depressed, confused, VERY moody, and so on. Ok, I know I get this way at times, but reasonably. I like to think. Well, it was like 10x what I normally felt.

Now I know quitting smoking will from time to time, make ya a little moody, and depressed. It does. At least thats how I felt/feel.

So....anyways...I was out of my gord. Literally. I had no outlet, I didn't want to say anything to anyone....I thought, well, it's just cause I quit smoking. I felt absolutely, out of it. I was internally about to explode. For no reason really. I FELT like that...physically, and mentally. Everything would set me off.....my mouth was out of control, my temper, my emotions, I wanted to die everything. I was whacked. (I feel so bad for Mike......)

And because I was acting/feeling like this, It made me even more depressed...and out of control. I had no out. I could tell my friends were tired of my being a bitch, being moody, forgetting things, being irrational.... Mike didn't understand,....looking back, I could tell he was very scared for me, and if I had told anyone else, they would just say things that I didn't want to hear anyways.

So one day while in a rage by my self, alone....crying, throwing a fit, pulling my hair, I cut myself....on my leg, pretty badly. I hated myself so much that day, I wanted to hurt myself, almost punish myself...sick as that sounds.

I felt instant relief.

This was when I realized there was something wrong.

I read up on the whole cutting thing. I understood how and why people do it.

It was that burning internal feeling of self hate, an impulse, that feeling of wanting to hurt yourself.....like a form of self punishment, or discipline.

So....after realizing there WAS something wrong.....I took a look at all of the miedications I was taking.

Closely.

I read the warnings and side effects, and what not to take with what and so on.

Everything I was on come to find out, was interacting with everything else.

All 3 thing said not to take this with that and that with this.

I looked at the side effects...may cause suicidal thoughts...may cause depression......etc etc.....I freaked out. I had put trust in my doctor, and thought nothing of it.

Once I had read that stuff, and sat down and rationally thought about it with what ration I had left in me....I realized, it wasn't me.

So, one by one, I stopped taking these drugs.

As as the days went on, I could feel myself feeling better...little bouts of intense anxiety and body tremors/twitching from withdrawal I am sure??? Weeks later, I looked back and realized even further how serious this really was....

So, here I am a year and a half later....lost most of my friends, my husband thinks I am psycho, my doctor thinks I am just stressed, my family thinks I am crazy but I feel better....Now I have to show everyone that I am OK....and I am.....But during this time, I told noone. I was alone in all of this. In my head.

Do not take the following meds together:

Wellbutrin, Xanax, Vicodin and Birth control hormone treatments.

I dig you.

[pharoh]

I dig you.

Ya that was just.....wow.