Miss Antisocial And Her Hermit Boyfriend

[~Ra~]

First of all, I need to tell you a little bit about him, and I'll try to make it short and sweet.

More than anything in the world he loves:

Technology

Video Games

Anime

And anyything else that can distract him from reality.

He's got OCD, ADD, and he's terrified of going out in public, especially to big cities.

We hardly ever do it anymore because he likes to go from point A to point C and skip B all together, even when he knows B is my favotite part. It's not that he doesn't love me, it's just that he's very very VERY lazy. Ultimatums don't even begin to work in that arena.

The worst thing about it is that he's all vanilla in bed, even when he has fetishes that are similar to my own. It's just that sex is like this to him "Well, I'm horny, let's see if I can get off in the quickest, most efficient way possible."

He knows we're having problems, and he cares about it, but he just cannot summon the willpower on his own. Seriously, he has zero willpower. Not even his intense love and adoration for me can make him get off of the couch and got on a short walk and talk with me, or even come to the kitchen to be moral support for me while I do the dishes.

Yet he works. He works his ass off at a factory, nearly seven days a week.

Another irritating thing other than the fact that he refuses to go dancing with me... He refuses to get into new music. Even if he likes it.

Yes, even if he likes it.

That I don't understand at all. I show him Razed in Black (and many many other bands), he adores it, he wants to take it in his car to listen to on his way to work. But he ends up listening to Reel Big Fish or Metallica or Static X, like he always does.

The thing is, he's a genius. He's a fucking genius and he has no idea. You're going to have to trust me on this one, but I'll just tell you a little. He can fix anything mechanical. Even if he's never seen it before. Not only can he fix it, but he can improve upon it. He knows how to build nuclear power plants, and he's invented a new form of super-efficient car engine in his head. But he's too lazy to try to make his inventions.

Yet the mind on this kid. It's enough to make me cry. He could do literally anything he wanted to, and I tell him that all the time, but he just doesn't believe. He's just this bump on a log all the time.

meh.

Maybe you guys will have answers for me that I've never heard before.

[Head Wreck]

he's his own person at the end of the day. and yes he should come out of his shell a lttle he might enjoy himself by accident.

as another adhd suffere night out on the town can be hit or miss, there must be a lot of activity going on, or i get bored very easily.

btw, your boyfriends spacial awareness sounds very high, in collage i used to piss of my lecturers byfixing a problem in the welding shop rather in the design studio and not knowing why i came to the solution other than "it looked like it should do this instead". i used to struggle with anything written and accademic (allthough i can ramble on for hours) and found school very negative experience (hence why i did study at an engineering collage a year or two early on my weekends), and i still cant catch a ball, nor keep my balance without being able to see, so sports was a nightmare to me

the problem i face is i have dyslexia which is at the root of all those blessings and curses outlined above, my sister also suffers and unlike myself who can read very well, she also finds reading difficult, because of this she can be withdrawn and not confident in herself when undertaking tasks.

we've recently started pulling her out of her shell by her artwork, she's won a ferw prizes for her acrylics, and her photography has been used as backdrop images for national weather programs.

maybe your boyfriend needs to find something mechanical to do where his work can be correctly accredited and praised.

[~Ra~]

he's his own person at the end of the day. and yes he should come out of his shell a lttle he might enjoy himself by accident.

as another adhd suffere night out on the town can be hit or miss, there must be a lot of activity going on, or i get bored very easily.

btw, your boyfriends spacial awareness sounds very high, in collage i used to piss of my lecturers byfixing a problem in the welding shop rather in the design studio and not knowing why i came to the solution other than "it looked like it should do this instead". i used to struggle with anything written and accademic (allthough i can ramble on for hours) and found school very negative experience (hence why i did study at an engineering collage a year or two early on my weekends), and i still cant catch a ball, nor keep my balance without being able to see, so sports was a nightmare to me

the problem i face is i have dyslexia which is at the root of all those blessings and curses outlined above, my sister also suffers and unlike myself who can read very well, she also finds reading difficult, because of this she can be withdrawn and not confident in herself when undertaking tasks.

we've recently started pulling her out of her shell by her artwork, she's won a ferw prizes for her acrylics, and her photography has been used as backdrop images for national weather programs.

maybe your boyfriend needs to find something mechanical to do where his work can be correctly accredited and praised.

I really think he could enjoy himself by accident, so he should try.

He doesn't have ADHD though. He has ADD. As in hypoactive, not hyperactive. It means most of the time he's out in space, and he misses most of what's going on, if not completely misses it. He can't really be overstimulated because he kind of ignores stimulation naturally.

Dan will not write, he hates reading, and never ask him to draw. He has "blank paper syndrome" pretty bad. He gets stressed out because he doesn't know what to say/draw and then forgets about it and moves on to something else, hence never completing assignments. Not that he's not intelligent, he just has an inherent "shut-off" about certain things.

I think he probably needs major praise, but finding a medium for that is difficult. He fixes the machines at his job but doesn't really get credit for it. The only reason for that is that he's not actually supposed to fix the machines, his team leader is. However, he doesn't see the point in calling out a team leader to do something he can do better anyway.

He's got that strange sort of self-confidence, where he knows he can do it better, but it doesn't quite sink in that he's actually superior to everyone else. Know what I mean?

[Rayne]

Is he under care for his diagnosis?

Possibly taking medication?

He could be dosed too high, or on the wrong med for him, causing these side effects.

If he's not under care, he should be. Treatment could help.

[Head Wreck]

sounds like he is also dyslexic as well.

dyslexia and blank paper syndrome is not fun. went through that from 2nd year of university untill recently when i've been more active undertaking a complete martial arts system wich includes mental training and meditation as well as dietry and fitness

[Rayne]

sounds like he is also dyslexic as well.

Or that could be the ADD, I have it. I do the same thing. A million thoughts race through my head, I can't sort out just one to write ... eventually I get distracted and never finish.

I get distracted very easily.

I still have issues with it, though I've learned to deal with the most of it.

[Zenji]

when's his birthday? maybe he doesn't have "problems", maybe he's just the way he's supposed to be.

I have many similar issues but I've reasoned it all about to the fact that I'm the way I'm supposed to be.

[Msterbeau]

Regardless of what's going on with him... you have two choices, you can accept those behaviors.. or not. Right now it sounds like your subordinating your life to his. Only you can decide if it's worth staying.

[~Ra~]

Is he under care for his diagnosis?

Possibly taking medication?

He could be dosed too high, or on the wrong med for him, causing these side effects.

If he's not under care, he should be. Treatment could help.

Well, he was on Adderall. He's been on and off of it for years, I understand. Recently he washed his prescription in his pants, so he can't legally get his Adderall until February. So he's not on it right now. Although, to tell you the truth, there's not a whole lot of difference between him on Adderall and him off of it.

[glc]

I spent a year and a half with a girl who was very similar. She was beautiful, inteligent, creative, on the other hand she had a shoking self-esteem, hated anything new, couldn't be bothered with sex etc.

I thought that with a loving and caring boyfriend she would get over these insecurities, but she didn't and it almost sent me into an emotional breakdown trying to help.

You can't help a person that doesn't want to help themself. If we lived in a perfect world then your boyfriend should realise how much you care and come to his senses, but we don't, so you will probably burn out trying to help.

Good luck! Keep us posted! and in the mean time try not to burn out, sometimes when we try too hard we drive them further away.

[AstralCrux]

There is always a stimulus that can cause a reaction. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you could even try Pavlov, but it all has to be specific to the person. I'm convinced, minus the SEVERE mental illnesses like schizophrenia, alzheimers, and other such issues, that developing proper communication, conditioning, and positive reinforcement are the best way to go. This takes longer than any drug, but I've found it to be most effective. I also don't believe in taking drugs for ADD, ADHD, Depression, bipolar, or any of the more simplistic issues, but I've found ways to combat my issues and other peoples issues.

I make my belief surrounded by what I experience so I expect people to agree or disagree. But, I see the way you are as something you can learn from and develop as a person from. In my experiences the drugs have held people back from developing further and experiencing life. I'll see if I can't get a certain person to post his opinions too, but it's up to him if he wants to share personal info.

[Fierce Critter]

Sounds like me.

Genius IQ. Excessive focus on the minutae of a project, sometimes magnifying down to the hundredth of a millimeter to be sure it is "perfect".

Not able to pare down the interests in my head to focus on doing just one.

Exceptional abilities in certains specific areas.

Impatience with new stimuli.

Boredom more enticing than too much new input.

etc.

My brother, too. But he passed on in '99.

With me, I just have to pick an activity and go with it.

And I've decided I don't have to get into new things if I don't want to. I do in some areas, but in others - whatever.

I don't, however, deny myself pleasureable input - unlike him, if I like a band, I'll actually pursue their music, etc.

Sex? I was comfortable calling myself asexual up until a very, very short time ago. Kinky interests, but sex for me was "let's get it over with so I can go back to my crossword puzzle".

To fix some of the more extreme problems, I went on Wellbutrin, because I was diagnosed as severely clinically depressed earlier this year. My deepset depression goes back about 5 years. But I suspect I've had a degree of it for a very long time. It runs in the family.

I've been told I'm ADD in the past, but I've never been on meds, and don't care to. My problem isn't inability to focus - it's too much focus in a certain area. I see this as more of a benefit than a problem.

And since going on the Wellbutrin, I'm all about sex. I not only enjoy it now, I seek it out. Not words in my vocabulary prior to the Wellbutrin.

If he's being medicated for ADD, and this disinterest in being or doing is only after he started meds, it kinda goes to follow he's on the wrong meds.

Back to the doctor. Or find a new one. Or do a little research on your own. I had to be the one to figure out which brain chemicals weren't getting where they needed to be in my situation - neither my MD nor my counselor figured that out themselves. 'Course, I should have been seeing a psychiatrist, but I can't afford it.

Good luck.

[Rayne]

Well, he was on Adderall. He's been on and off of it for years, I understand. Recently he washed his prescription in his pants, so he can't legally get his Adderall until February. So he's not on it right now. Although, to tell you the truth, there's not a whole lot of difference between him on Adderall and him off of it.

Sounds like a misdiagnosis to me.

Sounds like he doesn't have ADD/ADHD at all ... he might want to research anxiety and depression.

And most importantly, see a psych and get their opinion.

[Fierce Critter]

Sounds like a misdiagnosis to me.

Sounds like he doesn't have ADD/ADHD at all ... he might want to research anxiety and depression.

I didn't want to throw the D-word out there again. So thanks for doing it for me, Rayne.

[Rayne]

I didn't want to throw the D-word out there again. So thanks for doing it for me, Rayne.

No problem FC.

[Reaper]

I don't know how many have had the same problem with a bf who came to me for advice but in the end, terminated the relationship because they were exhausted. I have no more advice these days. I just watch it like a starving dog eating at itself.

[Reaper]

Yes, but the dog can at least lick it's own nutz.

off topic [ insert ] lick own nuts gesture here [ /insert ] /off topic

[littlepinkkitty]

actually i had the same problem and still stroggle a little with it. my boyfriend is a huge video game fan....they are his life! It used to be that he would go to school and work comehome i would be there and he would just sit and watch the video game network or play video games....and i hated it! I told him i had cabin fever. I was going insane because i had to get out...so we actually arrange nights were we go out with friends and sometimes i go out with just mine. I realized i was too dependant on my man to entertain me so i make time for him... and during that time he doesnt play video games unless we both are. i dont say dont play at all i just tell him to give us somtime where we can pull away and focus on eachother and talk.

with sex you just have to find something fun and new and exciting and its more excited for everyone.

[DarkChylde]

actually i had the same problem and still stroggle a little with it. my boyfriend is a huge video game fan....they are his life! It used to be that he would go to school and work comehome i would be there and he would just sit and watch the video game network or play video games....and i hated it! I told him i had cabin fever. I was going insane because i had to get out...so we actually arrange nights were we go out with friends and sometimes i go out with just mine. I realized i was too dependant on my man to entertain me so i make time for him... and during that time he doesnt play video games unless we both are. i dont say dont play at all i just tell him to give us somtime where we can pull away and focus on eachother and talk.

with sex you just have to find something fun and new and exciting and its more excited for everyone.

Now thats a smart way to look at it and everyone else on here needs to realize this fact and stop relying on there lovers all the time!

[Daevion]

Drag him out of the house every so often....kicking and screaming! It will help , trust me

[jammers]

i once made a man like this and then i relized he loved his video games more then me and just kept me around to get laid are you sure this isnt what is happening maybe its that hes just not that into you

[bav]

Looks like people have a lot of bases covered but something that jumped out at me -

He knows we're having problems, and he cares about it, but he just cannot summon the willpower on his own. Seriously, he has zero willpower. Not even his intense love and adoration for me can make him get off of the couch and got on a short walk and talk with me, or even come to the kitchen to be moral support for me while I do the dishes.

Yet he works. He works his ass off at a factory, nearly seven days a week.

Possible that work is consuming the majority of his energy? I've had jobs where there are times occasionally I'd have to put in 10-20 extra hours in a week and after that, I'm drained and have little-to-zero interest in things that don't involve a couch...and these being jobs that were not even close to being as intense as factory jobs I've worked before.

Out of curiosity, how much does he work a week at this job?

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

The three of us should hang out sometime...I have my set up so my games are in high def and play on my 5.1 surround home theater system...i think hed dig it!!

[Daevion]

i once made a man like this and then i relized he loved his video games more then me and just kept me around to get laid are you sure this isnt what is happening maybe its that hes just not that into you

video games can be addictive but, I really don't understand how someone can "love" thier games more than the person they are supposedly with......but then I hear stories about how marriages are being torn apart because one of the two is playing "evercrackII" day and night.....lol....so nothing is suprising.