Designated Drivers

[TygerLili]

Okay, I know quite a few couples who have gotten into fights over this. I told my boyfriend that I and most of the women I know hate having to drive home from clubs, bars, parties, etc. in the middle of the night because their boyfriends or husbands are too drunk to drive home. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think that it's just chivalry for the guy to drive home most of the time.

Personally I don't care much about most of the traditional chivalrous acts. I don't expect guys to open doors for me, or pull out my chair for me, or pay for everything, or drive all the time. When a man performs these gestures for me from time to time it is appreciated, but not expected.

However, I hate driving home in the middle of the night. When my boyfriend and I go places I drive 90% of the time because I have a newer car, and because I know the area we just moved to better than he does. I have no problem with us taking my car to clubs or parties, i just prefer him to be the one to drive it. I'm not talking about special circumstances, like his birthday, when I've agreed to be the designated driver, I'm talking about a regular night. I have astigmatism and have a hard time seeing at night. My boyfriend is much more of a night owl than I am, and usually when we are leaving the clubs I am half asleep while he is wide awake. Also, I don't drink often, and when I do 2 or 3 drinks will get me tipsy to the point I shouldn't operate a vehicle, while most guys I know can have a few more than that and still seem reasonably sober.

Do any of you other ladies feel this way, or am I just old-fashioned? Any guys want to dispute me?

[Msterbeau]

Okay, I know quite a few couples who have gotten into fights over this. I told my boyfriend that I and most of the women I know hate having to drive home from clubs, bars, parties, etc. in the middle of the night because their boyfriends or husbands are too drunk to drive home. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think that it's just chivalry for the guy to drive home most of the time.

Personally I don't care much about most of the traditional chivalrous acts. I don't expect guys to open doors for me, or pull out my chair for me, or pay for everything, or drive all the time. When a man performs these gestures for me from time to time it is appreciated, but not expected.

However, I hate driving home in the middle of the night. When my boyfriend and I go places I drive 90% of the time because I have a newer car, and because I know the area we just moved to better than he does. I have no problem with us taking my car to clubs or parties, i just prefer him to be the one to drive it. I'm not talking about special circumstances, like his birthday, when I've agreed to be the designated driver, I'm talking about a regular night. I have astigmatism and have a hard time seeing at night. My boyfriend is much more of a night owl than I am, and usually when we are leaving the clubs I am half asleep while he is wide awake. Also, I don't drink often, and when I do 2 or 3 drinks will get me tipsy to the point I shouldn't operate a vehicle, while most guys I know can have a few more than that and still seem reasonably sober.

Do any of you other ladies feel this way, or am I just old-fashioned? Any guys want to dispute me?

Your reasons are mostly personal.. not really gender related. That and all you women are lazy and want to get drunk and leave all the responsibility to us men folk... :doh

[ManicQueen]

Your reasons are mostly personal.. not really gender related. That and all you women are lazy and want to get drunk and leave all the responsibility to us men folk... :doh

And what's wrong with that?

[Vampyro]

I won't dispute you, I actually agree with you. Sometimes it's ok for the fella to just let loose and get sloshed if that's what he finds fun, but to make you drive all the time is rather rediculous, especially if you wanna over do it everynow and then too, but you know you can't depend on him to drive. I do have a solution I'd like to offer and maybe it'll work...

On nights you both plan on going out and getting shit faced, don't do it together, let him have his guy's night out, and you have your girl's night out, that way he's with a few of his buddies, and they can take turns and bicker over who the DD is, same with you and your friends. If you guys happen to be at the same club cuz you wanna be together, that's cool, but it might not be a good idea to drive together though.

Me and my girl both have this personality trait where we do like to get shit faced, however we both are responsable and watch eachother, and take turns on who gets to have their sloppy fun. Most of the time, we get a little buzzed, but keep it responsable to where either of us can drive incase someone slips something in one of our drinks (it's happened before), the other can take care of things.

Also, if you both insist on going out together, and wish to take one of your vehicles, invite a few of your friends along with and offer a ride. Find one of them willing to be the DD and you're set. Just don't depend on that one person all the time because even if they don't drink at all, being called to be the DD just to hang out all the time really does turn to be a drag and will make them feel you're just using them for that... though it might not be so bad if you have a reallly effin sweet ride!

To all those with Corvettes, Comeros, especially Trans Ams and Firebirds... I'll NEVER have a problem being your DD lmao!!! Seriously, I won't have a problem at all! I'm a very good driver and if you want a background check to make sure i won't do anything stupid with your car, I can show you my driving history, and there's some few people on here that can be used as a reference as to how good my driving is.

[Vampyro]

And what's wrong with that?

Equal treatment, women strived to be equal to men for so long, and now that you are... don't expect us to pamper you anymore lmao! We got just as much right to have fun too... we're all only human after all

[Msterbeau]

And what's wrong with that?

Not a thing. I prefer driving. Still, you all remain lazy asses. Especially Brenda.

Carla is the exception. She is always willing to work hard/chip in. Plus she is a born navigator/right seat passenger. She puts up with all my driving antics with a grin and a cry for more.

[sass_in_the_pants]

I'm in something of a catch 22 myself. My husband's a terrible driver. Y'know when you're driving and there's some prick going ten under and slamming on his brakes all the time? That's my husband. Be nice when you see him on the road, would you? Thing is, he's an ever worse backseat driver. He's always like "BRAKES! BRAKES!" and we're still a good half a mile away from any other car on the road. And the WORST, is he'll just scream and of course, the approriate reaction when your passenger is screaming is to slam on the brakes. So I slam on the brakes and I say "OH MY GOD! WHAT! WHAT IS IT?" and he says "There's a red light a quarter mile up the road!"...why can't he just pass out and vomit on himself like all the other drunks?

So the short of it is, I'M the driver. ALWAYS.

Besides, I'm not nearly the drinker that he is, so it's generally a safe bet that I'm sober and he's wasted and I really don't mind driving, it's just that I get up at 5:30 every morning (even on weekends) so I do wish we wouldn't stay out so late - driving tired is VERY scary.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I would think you could take turns if neither of you is too drunk to drive... but thats the big thing... Who is sober and who isn't? Personally, I would think you would want the sober person behind the wheel.. I know the rest of us do.

and I agree, most of your reasoning has to do with persanel stuff.. not gender stuff.

[Head Wreck]

tbh, if i got car keys, nil alcohol, not even a sip to taste. and i get drunk i make a tit of myself, so tipsy does me at most, which is waaaaaaaaaaaay over driving limits anyhow

i hate driving but i'd rather drive if i'm not sure the other person is up to it.

[Marblez]

I like it when the man drives, even if it is my car. As long as I feel safe with him and he is sober. That for me is a gender issue and I agree with you...for whatever reason, I like a man who drives.

The other reasons, like your eyesight and who drinks what are personal reasons, albeit very good reasons, to evaluate carefully regardless of gender.

[Steven]

This is interesting.

I always drive home, always have. It's part of being a man, no?

[Msterbeau]

This is interesting.

I always drive home, always have. It's part of being a man, no?

No.

[Rayne]

I drive a lot ... just cuz I drive a lot. My car is fun to drive.

Sometimes Phee drives ... but usually he drives my car unless we have to take ALL our kids. Then we HAVE to take the minivan.

[Fierce Critter]

Sharp intake of breath...

Married 8 years. Been dealing with alcohol-related problems over the past year or two. Only been in a situation where driving to/from clubs is an issue for the last year and a half of that.

I personally don't think gender has any role in this type of situation - period. It's not just a matter of chauffeuring one about town. In that case, maybe I do tend toward a bit more of an old-fashioned view of chivalry that it's nice for the guy to drive. We don't necessarily ascribe to that - Jon drives ALL DAY LONG everywhere from Port Huron to Lansing to Toledo and everything in between. The guy gets freaking TIRED of driving, and I respect that. So very often, I give him a break and take the keys.

No, clubbing is a whole different animal. It's a matter of safety first. And while it would be nice and chivalrous for the man to do the driving on a "date", it's not really fair to be the one doing all the drinking while he always has to stay sober.

And I'm sorry, but it's bullshit that men hold their liquor better. Intoxication is based on body weight, alcohol content (proof/percent), and the amount of time spent drinking. There are websites on which you can compute your blood level, if you want to know the real truth behind what does and does not constitute "intoxicated", at least by law. An example: a 200 lb 6' man can drink a 40-ouncer of 5.9% beer over 2 hours and drive legally. But add just 10 more ounces over that same period of time, and he will fail a breathalyzer test.

It's like the commercial says: it's obvious when you've had WAAAY too many. Not so obvious when you've had ONE too many.

My opinion, the best scenerio is a couple who can agree - and stick to - an arrangement where you trade-off. One person stays sober while the other gets to drink one week, the next it switches.

Where the problem comes in is when the person who is supposed to NOT drink throws caution to the wind, gets selfish, and drinks to intoxication. I really don't feel like getting into the number of times over the past year and a half I've totally panicked at the realization that one of us didn't stick to our agreement, and figure out what to do to ensure we don't end up on the road in a dangerous condition, where either us - or someone else - could get hurt.

If you guys decide to do something like that - take turns - and one or both of you can't stick to your "sober" responsibility, then you need to consider whether or not it's better to just stay home.

Sorry if I'm on a soapbox. This is an issue I've been dealing with, and it's something I could really go off about. I don't go too far talking about it out of respect for privacy among family. If I'm sharing more than I ordinarily would or should, it's honestly because if my opening up even a little bit can help someone else, then it's worth it.

Don't make it a gender issue. Don't make it a relationship issue. Make it a safety issue.

[Fierce Critter]

Oh, by the way. A method that works for us - when we stick to it - is my husband drinks at home over a couple hours before we head out. I drive, sober, to the club. Once we're at the club, it's my turn. And he doesn't drink and drives us home.

You might consider trying something like that. That way he can have time to sober-up and drive you both home safely. And you save some money - bonus.

[Nienna]

I hate driving. Period. Any time I can get anyone at all to drive am happy. LOL

[LuluVox]

it's not really fair to be the one doing all the drinking while he always has to stay sober.

That's my opinion. Take turns, sure, but to say that the guy has to be the unofficial "driver" simply because he has the penis isn't fair to him.

Luckily, my unofficial driver doesn't like to drink that much. :D He knows that I'd gladly drive if and when he decides he wants to switch our usual club-roles, though.

[Guest Megalicious]

Take turns, sure, but to say that the guy has to be the unofficial "driver" simply because he has the penis isn't fair to him.

LD He knows that I'd gladly drive if and when he decides he wants to switch our usual club-roles, though.

You said Penis MB.

(edited to say: it's not my fault I laughed at that, thats all Jarod!)

[Klaus]

for me, i have no complaints about driving, i dont drink. so if she wants to, she can. i really just dont care about drinking.

[Steven]

No.

Good one bud.

perhaps I should expand a bit.....

rarely if ever, do I get hammied when I go out. even when my band is playing, I might have two or three beers tops over the course of about 5 hours. I'm that way because in general I don't like being in a state where I'm unaware of whats going on around me, especially when Lola is around. When it's time to go home, I'm tired, but I'm cool, and Laura has nothing to worry about and can have whatever type of good time (actually she rarely get's hammied either) she wants.

a few weeks ago at a gig, I DID indeed get drunk. It was just one of those strange nights where everybody kept buying me shots, Both Friday and saturday nites. That weekend Laura did not coem to the gig, she stayed home. But because I was loopy, I left my car at the bar and accepted a ride home.

I'm too old and fat for DUI's and alcohol related nonesense.

and that's aprt of being a man, no?

[pharoh]

Good one bud.

perhaps I should expand a bit.....

rarely if ever, do I get hammied when I go out. even when my band is playing, I might have two or three beers tops over the course of about 5 hours. I'm that way because in general I don't like being in a state where I'm unaware of whats going on around me, especially when Lola is around. When it's time to go home, I'm tired, but I'm cool, and Laura has nothing to worry about and can have whatever type of good time (actually she rarely get's hammied either) she wants.

a few weeks ago at a gig, I DID indeed get drunk. It was just one of those strange nights where everybody kept buying me shots, Both Friday and saturday nites. That weekend Laura did not coem to the gig, she stayed home. But because I was loopy, I left my car at the bar and accepted a ride home.

I'm too old and fat for DUI's and alcohol related nonesense.

and that's aprt of being a man, no?

I remember that, that was a great time You did the right thing though my friend, and that is what being a man is about.......responsible.

This hits home with me on a different leve though. I found out this morning that my friend partied last night and that he closed the bar down, was totally stupid and didn't give himself time to sober up before he drove home. Well, he ended up falling asleep at the wheel at around 330am and slamed into the median guard rail. He totalled his beautiful 2004 F150, and then went to jail. You never realizes one's mortality until it is jepordized.

I have been responsible when it comes to drinking and driving, I don't get wasted, I quit drinking at least 2 hours before I have to drive, and if I am still alittle loopy then I will go somewhere to eat first. Even now though I still question if I am doing enough...I hope my friends screw up will be a lesson to everyone here.

[Msterbeau]

I remember that, that was a great time You did the right thing though my friend, and that is what being a man is about.......responsible.

This hits home with me on a different leve though. I found out this morning that my friend partied last night and that he closed the bar down, was totally stupid and didn't give himself time to sober up before he drove home. Well, he ended up falling asleep at the wheel at around 330am and slamed into the median guard rail. He totalled his beautiful 2004 F150, and then went to jail. You never realizes one's mortality until it is jepordized.

I have been responsible when it comes to drinking and driving, I don't get wasted, I quit drinking at least 2 hours before I have to drive, and if I am still alittle loopy then I will go somewhere to eat first. Even now though I still question if I am doing enough...I hope my friends screw up will be a lesson to everyone here.

Why do you insist on attaching words like "responsibility" to a gender? Women aren't responsible?

[Rayne]

Why do you insist on attaching words like "responsibility" to a gender? Women aren't responsible?

Last time I checked, I thought I was ...

[BrassFusion]

Why do you insist on attaching words like "responsibility" to a gender? Women aren't responsible?

He could mean being a "man" as opposed to being a child. Responsibility is part of being a "woman," too, I doubt even Al's enough of a chauvinist to debate that...

[Msterbeau]

He could mean being a "man" as opposed to being a child. Responsibility is part of being a "woman," too, I doubt even Al's enough of a chauvinist to debate that...

Well... that would mean being an ADULT. Use proper vocabulary people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear... half our problems would be fixed if people communicated with each other using a consistent vocabulary. No misunderstanding... no problem.