Ocd

[cptdeath]

i'm treating a new friend for some serious issues. she is very special. i don't know where to start really. here emotional state is so horrable. there is so much pain and no attempt to ask why has ever been made by her. she can't think about it. she mentioned she had a bad experience with a boy when she was younger. and again when she was older, different guy. i don't think she can ever trust. she mentioned that she never said anything about those experiences to any one before me. i believe her to. her ability to hold conversation and communicate is saverly hindered in it's developemeant. never having even simple one on one conversations with other people really. she is not stupid just not used to talking out loud especially to people. ( I told her i like happy music like little John or AC/DC. she said she was not fermiliar with those bands?).

she has to do certian things. like sometimes she has to ignore your presence. she sometimes has to be ignored. for reasons like her emotions stagger out an she won't take it out on someone so she has to ignore them. or to feel comfortable she has to be ignored. this is cause she is so loud emotionally people feel it an flock to sooth her an she is not used to social contact she doesn't know how to communicate her thoughts. to some it would appear she is only crying for attention but really she is crying cause she relaxed enough to let her mind wonder an she starts to cry whenever relaxed. she tries to explain to everyone "Look some people are just not happy people." with tears on her face. really she wishes people would accept it an leave her unnoticed so she can be a part of something social.

cause she has such bad ocd like she can't drink or eat stuff people touched. or she has to clean or reoganize something, alone unwatched her way. so her mind can force her feelings away from view. if shes cleaning her mind is focused on a task and free of the pain in her heart. any stillness is followed by tears an she still functions well in society. you can feel her hurt when you go into a room with her.

everyone who knows her, our mutual aquantinces can't believe i went out with her. apperently she doesn't teust males enough to be alone in the same room, let alone talk or make friends with me. It's like the autistic kid walking up to me an saying"what upp mahhnnn!" an giving me daps and nodding when he hasn't spoken in a year. (I'm special).

so besides an emotional bonding of sorts how else can i help her. she will not feel comfortable with any physical contact. though i got a hug and a hand shake. she doesn't drink but smokes alot.

i worry for her. I am compelled to help her like joan of arc. what gets me is how could you hurt so bad you want to die but never at all have reflected on it or thought WHY?. first she must learn self respect. her value to the world. she must know her power and her responsability to preserve herself. she would be a good karate teacher. i can hear the kids "yes Ma'am" .

i explained how things like making me use a napkin all the time an ignoring me are not taken as rude or really intentional. i say i will show her much patience an be her buddy cause i kinda like her. she smiles an looking foward she wispers "thankyou" under her breathe. so besides just seing a person sitting across from her an being there how can i help her? she is not used to talking so much.

take her places? she has to drive? cause she probably can't take being in another car (ocd thing).

eating out? no

she does'nt watch tv.

gotta go gotta work please help with past ocd experience.

she will have to face her inner demons one at a time but not alone. she is stuck in time like a ghost but not dead yet. i don't want her to die especially by her own hand an she hurts bad enough it would be mercy.

[BrassFusion]

Maybe you should refer her to a specialist.

[Onyx]

What do you mean you are "treating" your friend?

Unless you are a psychiatrist it sounds like this person needs way more help than you can give them. It might even be a physical problem.

See if you can get her to go to a psychiatrist or a medical doctor for an exam.

[pomba gira]

This person needs professional help. Badly. You cannot "treat" her if you don't have the professional training & experience to deal with her very serious and complex illness (from what you describe, OCD is far from being her only problem). You can only hope that having you in her life will encourage her to get the help she needs... the relationship could be that "something to work for" that's been missing for her. I know the conventional wisdom is that you have to want help & change for yourself, not just because someone wants you to... but sometimes what we won't do for ourself, we will do for another.

Look into what services are available in your area, because taking that first step is almost certainly beyond her ability at this point. Choose 2 or 3 options and go over them with her. Assure her that you accept her as she is, but you want her to be happy and have a productive, fulfilling life. Tell her that it hurts you to see her so unhappy... that you just want to see her blossom into the beautiful strong person you know she really is, so that everyone can see the beauty & strength you see in her... blah, blah, blah... and that you're willing to support her in getting help, any way you can. If she seems overly stressed by this, put the materials away and don't mention it for a week or so, then try again.

I hope this doesn't sound too negative but bottom line is you will not be able to "fix" this person on your own. However you CAN provide the encouragement she needs to start working towards change. She is blessed to have someone who cares so deeply... I work with the kind of children who make you think "how could anyone get that fucked in the head in only 8 years on this planet?" so I know... sometimes that "someone who cares" can make all the difference. Sometimes it's the ONLY thing that will make a difference.

blessed be to you and her.

[cptdeath]

thanks. yeah i thought treatmeant was a bad tearm.

no I'm not qualified for this big of a task on an ameteur level.

i don't know how things will work here. i don't want to veiw her as asick puppy or a hobby or something. or a patient. i want to see a trusted allie and friend grow out of this.

it is tough cause i will not trust some one who will not trust in me. (usually) and respect? does she have self respect enough to respect me?

i'm not her i don't know how she thinks of herself. I think she can't stop an just think like us she starts to cry an her mind hides the reason from her. she can never really rest. the minds ability to forget is it's greatest defence. repression leads to these symptoms. case in point i ask her "how old were you when it happened?" she awnsers "I'm 21 how old are you?" this aversion without concious decision is an indicator of the things deep hidden. so i don't correct her i let it go an start on a comfortable topic instead of causing some other behavioral by-product. "what size shoe do you were?" all smiles " a ten" she says still not used to conversation.

i have little recorse but to play a thearapist role in a subtle way. i have not known her for all that long but i met her through some very trusting an caring friends of mine an they trust her an me then i'll help her.

think teaching her meditation stuff some exercises will be a good way to help. the thing is i want a buddy too. not just to help but to intend on just hanging out. don't treat this person like a child or like she's mentally slow but like someone i would be confident in to have an allie in my adventours right with me like she's no different. i think i care to much just like the people at the party who flocked around her cause she looks upset? she's tough to veiw this way you have to make special allowences an see things from a thearapist view to understand her behavior(ocd type stuff) an you got to have patience, enough patience to ignore her so she can be comfortable sometimes. once you see she appreciates it an her heart warms a little it's worth it. yeah deffinetly different.

i think it would be out of line to show up pushing treatmeant on her. i will talk to the folks around her an ask their opinion. No i won't, thats a betrayel of trust i can't do that like that i don't be doing no bullshit behind a persons back intervention shit to my friends. that would limit her ability to be friends with me in the first place.

she likes to dance an loves cc. i have not been there in a year or more

[Steven]

help her get help, thats all you can do, and be a safe place for her to fall.

Poor girl was terribly wounded, and she does not ever feel safe, all that compulsion is for control of her surroundings, which is always rooted in fear.

You have a long walk ahead of you if this is going to be a steadfast relationship. Think about that - it can be exhausting - are you prepared to walk alongside her? I've a feeling most people have not....

[Homicidalheathen]

She needs help seriously I agree.

[jammers]

yes everyone is right that she needs help but does she want it is another question some people with ocd cant even get out of there home all i can say is maybe to help get her to that point if she isnt willing is maybe a journel will help get her to open up and let her reread things untill she relizes she needs the help cause you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped my sister does have this and she hates changes but she always seems stronger after one that she feels she needs i dont know what she believes in but im wiccan and there is a stone sometimes made into a charm called a hermite stone which seems to help some people i know after giving one to my man he stoped getting hurt at work all the time its meant to be a healing stone hope this helps some what if she isnt willing to help herself

[cptdeath]

i got some hermitite it's my birthstone i think. looks like a solid drop of mecury. she i think is very well mannered roman catholic. reminds me of my family on my dads side. say grace doesn't really curse or swear an will remind you not to take the lords name in vain when you do. has a rosery on her mirror in the car. it's subtle not really obtrusive it just fits an you don't really notice it. i think a crowd of folks telling her to get help is something she hates to contend with an is used to that happening.

see how we all want to help her. I'm sure that gets old fast if your her. so let her be as if she was normal and don't get upset with her behavior it's not rude. good course of action i think. i know, I'll make her watch the adventures of ford fairlane with me. i explained art as humman emotion an that it can be anything. then we watched beer fest an when he slammed the beer in the face of landfills corpse she respected it for it's artistic value an enjoyed the film in a new way were she never would have liked it before that. thats cool.

[Gauge]

just let her be herself around you, let her know that she can do or be whatever it is that makes her feel comfortable. let her know you understand and be there for her (i understand the "disconected" feelings so let her make the first move) its not always like an mtv show where you can go to a specialist a few times and *poof* your cured, sometimes you just need someone there that wont criticize you and who will be there for you. just my opinion but ive also gone through it

[pomba gira]

help her get help, thats all you can do, and be a safe place for her to fall.

Poor girl was terribly wounded, and she does not ever feel safe, all that compulsion is for control of her surroundings, which is always rooted in fear.

You have a long walk ahead of you if this is going to be a steadfast relationship. Think about that - it can be exhausting - are you prepared to walk alongside her? I've a feeling most people have not....

This is a really good point. Even if she does get professional help, she's not going to be "cured" overnight or even in a few weeks or months. It will be a long, often painful, often frustrating process for her and whoever decides to be with her through it. If you are going to try to help, you need to commit to be there for the long haul. Otherwise you'll just be one more example of why she's unable to trust anyone. Think about this VERY seriously, and don't be hard on yourself if you truly feel it will be too much for you.