Metro Detroit Barbies

[Msterbeau]

Metro Detroit Barbies

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for

the Greater Detroit market:

"Birmingham Barbie"

This princess Barbie is sold only at The Galleria. She comes with an

assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog

named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face

lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Canton/Farmington Hills Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan

and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time

occupation.

Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Westland or Taylor Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a

Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only

available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,

untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking

about.

"West Bloomfield or Bloomfield Hills Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.

Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club

membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You

won't be able to afford any of them.

"Waterford Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too

small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a

six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick

mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a

confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Royal Oak Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit

and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription

available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

"Downriver Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own

high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased

beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake

fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Ferndale Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,

arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.

She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two

Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for

free.

"8 Mile Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories

include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available,

but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Novi Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always

out a-'huntin'.

"Woodward Avenue Barbie/Ken"

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply

adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

[phee]

Yay!!!

Metro Detroit Barbies

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for

the Greater Detroit market:

"Birmingham Barbie"

This princess Barbie is sold only at The Galleria. She comes with an

assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog

named Honey

and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face

lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

(Embedded image moved to file: pic20945.jpg)

"Canton/Farmington Hills Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan

and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time

occupation.

Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Westland or Taylor Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a

Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only

available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,

untraceable

bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking

about.

"West Bloomfield or Bloomfield Hills Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.

Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club

membership. Also

available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You

won't be able to

afford any of them.

(Embedded image moved to file: pic28321.jpg)

"Waterford Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too

small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a

six-pack of Bud

light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick

mullet-haired Ken's

butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a

confederate flag

bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Royal Oak Barbie"

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit

and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription

available

as well as warehouse conversion condo.

(Embedded image moved to file: pic23646.jpg)

"Downriver Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own

high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased

beer-gutted Ken out of Butler

B arbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake

fingernails, and a

see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Ferndale Barbie"

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,

arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.

She prefers that you call her

Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two

Point Breeze Barbies

and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for

free.

"8 Mile Barbie"

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories

include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available,

but are now very

difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

(Embedded image moved to file: pic04144.jpg)

"Novi Barbie"

She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always

out a-'huntin'.

"Woodward Avenue Barbie/Ken"

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply

adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

[Homicidalheathen]

OMG where did you find this. I just fell off my chair!

[Brenda Starrr]

That was funny!

[Msterbeau]

OMG where did you find this. I just fell off my chair!

Email from a friend.

[Der Nister]

This ----> "Westland or Taylor Barbie"

Should be this ------> "Taylor-tucky Barbie"

[Der Nister]

They should have included a "shack town Ken & Barbie Family" edition for the true locals.

[saechalyn]

Those are funny! But I read the exact same thing with Westchester county towns (where I'm from).

[TygerLili]

Heh!

What about Southfield Barbie? She wears head-to-toe Baby Phat and Roca Wear with a faux Louis Vuitton purse and is constantly talking loudly on her cell phone. At least if the girls in my apartment building are any indication.

[AstralCrux]

Heh!

What about Southfield Barbie? She wears head-to-toe Baby Phat and Roca Wear with a faux Louis Vuitton purse and is constantly talking loudly on her cell phone. At least if the girls in my apartment building are any indication.

Isn't that the Fairlane Mall edition? Good God, if it wasn't for the fact that they have a Fredericks of Holliwood and a Charlotte Russe I'd never go near that place!

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

hehe - I from Novi... guess that makes me perfect in everyway! LOL

[DarkVampire]

Funny.

[Brenda Starrr]

Isn't that the Fairlane Mall edition? Good God, if it wasn't for the fact that they have a Fredericks of Holliwood and a Charlotte Russe I'd never go near that place!

Note to self:

Fredericks and Russe. Fairlane Mall. Must....find...Fairlane....Mall......

[Fierce Critter]

Hm.

I could have done better on a lot of them.

Speaking as a full-blooded downriver rat who has spent lots of her life in Lincoln Park, TAYLOR and Wyandotte, they could have done a lot better there.

Yeah, I understand EVERY GROUP got insulted basically. But if you're going to stereotype a community get it right.

TaylorTucky Barbie - This unfashionably retro barbie comes dressed in acid-washed high-waisted jeans, your choice of either AC/DC or Van Halen jersey, suede ankle elf-boots, and a curling iron and mousse which which you can style her layered mall-bangs! Optional accessories (purchased separately) include a 10-pack carton of Newport cigarettes, Levi's jean jacket with Sharpie marker for hand-done customization, Baffo's pepperoni rolls, and a satin jacket.

Taylor-Tucky Ken comes dressed similar, with quick-change hair to go from mullet to mid-back length ponytail. Optional accessories include the same available for TaylorTucky Barbie, but also include either a pickup truck with a roll-out Astroturf "lawn" on which it can be parked, or a TransMaro with optional interchangeable parts to make your vehicle whatever percentage Trans-Am or Camaro you please, all in mis-matched colors including flat blue, faded red, bondo, grey primer & red primer.

Downriver Barbie - Comes with a map of area thrift stores, an 8-year old vehicle preset to drive only to blue-collar industrial areas, and a complete lack of time for your bullshit, but plenty of time to dish out hers. Optional accessories include a 2-story bungalow or ranch home, two to five dirty children and grocery coupons.

Downriver Ken comes dressed in grease-stained jeans, a camo ballcap, a quilted flannel jacket and Carhart overalls, and the same bullshit capacity as Downriver Barbie. Optional accessories include a snap-together corner bar that only serves Budweiser or Miller, but has great cheap food, the same vehicles available for TaylorTucky Barbie, and an innate ability to navigate areas not laid-out by "Mile" roads.