Wow. And Eek.

[Fierce Critter]

My mother is 81. And my dad is 80. They have buried a son, two sisters, two nephews, countless cousins, dozens of fellow Knights of Columbus members, countless friends. And my aunt is currently in hospice and I think the prognosis is very, very bad. She's 11 years younger than my mother.

My dad had a quadruple bypass operation about 6 years ago. And most people mistake him for being in his early 60's. My mother isn't as vibrant, but she doesn't look 81. And she is as mentally fresh as she was when she married my dad in 1949.

Sometimes I worry that all these deaths will discourage my parents. My mother has weakened emotionally and physically with every close loss, especially that of my brother. She sometimes talks about just wanting to "be dead already." I don't think she knows how much that scares the living shit out of me and how much it upsets me to hear her so defeatist.

Of course, I believe she's been clinically depressed a majority of my life.

Sigh. It's going to be hard seeing my cousins when we visit my aunt in the hospital. She's non-responsive for the most part. So it'll be very, very awkward. And I'm such a totally absurd emotional empath, I will be fighting tears the whole time in an effort to not upset them more than they already are.

Gads, I hate this. With each death, I get more and more scared for my parents.

God, let them live to their 100's and let my mother learn happiness.

[Der Nister]

My mother is 81. And my dad is 80. They have buried a son, two sisters, two nephews, countless cousins, dozens of fellow Knights of Columbus members, countless friends.

Did these people pass away first or did your parents just feel it was time to bury them?

Just kidding. :grin

I think it's amazing that people are living so much longer today. Thankfully medical science is curing all sorts of ailments and diseases.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Oh, FC.

Visiting family in hospice is VERY, VERY hard. And I am so happy to hear that the awkwardness won't stop you. It stops many people, and they always regret it. There are few situations in which it is appropriate to bawl uncontrollably. This is one of them, so if the tears come, they come. There are far worse things you could do than go visit your dying aunt and cry about it. Your cousins will be grateful for your visit.

And please remember, the last thing to go is a person's hearing. Tell your aunt you love her. She will hear you.

It's difficult to see our parents age and weaken, and, in your case, to see them NOT age and weaken, when those around them are passing on. You're right, your mother likely suffers from depression. We are facing a similar situation in our family. Pop, my husband's grandfather, who is about the same age as your parents, is always saying that he wishes he were dead already. It is a difficult and scary thing to witness. Nothing we say or do can change his mind. I think the only things that give Pop and Grammy joy anymore are the little kids.

So, there's my helpful tip of the day.

Go have a baby.

Well, come on now, you can't have a baby if you just keep reading DGN. Come on now, get to it!

[Fierce Critter]

LOL. A baby? To be perfectly, bluntly honest - my mother hates kids. She has one single grandchild - the daughter of the son that died - and she never comes around, and I think my mother is fine with that. I asked my dad once if he observed my mother ever really honestly taking pleasure in having kids or if she seemed to be unhappy having kids, and he had to admit he thought the latter. And we're talking a "Good Catholic Woman" who didn't use birth control and had 6 kids.

So a baby would put her over the edge.

Anyway, Aunt Gail died this morning at 11:30. I'm not crying yet, that will happen in part at the funeral home Monday, and then in a deluge at the funeral on Tuesday.

Gads, I hate the way my emotions are just totally and completely unstoppable sometimes. I don't want to be a robot, but I don't like making a spectacle of myself. I'm afraid when I'm sitting in a pew during the loooooooooong Catholic funeral rite, that's what happens. The tears come and I just freaking cannot stop them. You can take a pill to sleep, another to wake up, one to stop sneezing, etc. I need one that will stop tears for a couple hours.

Sigh. My mother. At first she's sobbingly telling me on the phone that Aunt Gail died, then in the next breath she's yelling so loud I actually - SEROIUSLY - had to pull the phone away from my ear for the volume because she was railing about not being able to reach the rest of my family by phone. She is honestly upset, and I give her that. But she really can be a drama queen, and that pisses me off. Show some genuine emotion and drop the drama. I GUARANTEE you she will faint at the funeral. She has done it no less than 3 times already.

I love her, but damn if her ways can't make a tiny bit of sympathy go away.

Sigh.