Why So Much Negativity?

[Fierce Critter]

I don't understand where all the negativity comes from these days. I'm not talking about just this board, though this little microcosm of ours is a good barometer to go by.

A personal example - my recent post about my cat dying. 97 views of the topic - only 14 responses in support.

I can remember when my dog Indy was killed. The post went bye-bye with everything else on EZB DGN. But I do remember the sympathetic responses numbered into multiple pages. At least 3 if memory serves. That was 4 years ago I believe.

97 views. 14 responses. So somebody(s) read the post - and didn't feel enough to leave even an "I'm sorry" or "That really sucks". They just didn't care.

Yet a post about Anna Nicole Smith gets 207 views, and thusfar 24 responses. A person and subject that overall is agreed to be a waste of space (and which got some pretty ugly responses, I might add).

And people wonder why negative news is so prevalent. Duh. It sells. It's what people are interested in. It's what people feel comfortable responding to. Why?

And then there's the questioning of why people share personal things on the board in the first place. This board goes back to I believe 2001. This has always been a standard practice on DGN. It was never questioned. Even Troy - the board owner - has benefitted from the rare vent and support he gets from DGN members.

The responses are so overall negative. "People just want attention" "People are drama hounds" "people are pathetically self-pitying". My God.

And then there's the "If you post, be prepared for negative feedback" warning-slash-justification.

Why so much negative feedback? Why do so many people get off on stepping all over people, when they're already down? Do you really think you're acting in a caring, helpful manner - or are you being self-serving and self-aggrandizing? Talking for the sake of hearing your own, authoritative voice and really not truly acting for the benefit of the person you're directing your words at?

Some like to say people post their personal issues for attention. By contrast, by posting a response of any kind - isn't that also posting for attention? Otherwise, why not just ignore it? Don't respond negatively OR positively.

Jaded, negative, opinionated, angry, scornful, critical, doubtful, skeptical, mocking, dispassionate, antagonistic - that's the overall flavor of things these days.

Doesn't it wear you out? Don't you just get tired from it? Negativity locks up my shoulders, back & neck. It rolls around in my head until I get downright overwhelmed. I can't function on 24-7 of it.

Gads, I'm so not interested in a milquetoast, saccherine society. B o r i n g.

But I really don't understand a push, push, push against common decency, tact, understanding, sympathy, and just plain kindness.

I've spent 5+ years being opinionated on DGN. But I don't believe I am mean. I try not to be. And that's the thing - I try. I make an effort to consider the feelings of the person(s) I'm approaching when I say something. I try to give opinions based solely on personal experience and voice where my facts come from. I leave myself open to questioning. I am very capable of conceding when someone presents facts to the contrary of my original thought/opinion.

I sure as hell don't know everything, and I sure try to not act like I do.

I'm slipping lately. The negativity is rubbing off. It doesn't feel good at all to start getting snappy or snarky. Well, not for me personally.

And I do apologize for that. It's not "my way". And it doesn't make me feel good to react that way. I've got other ways of working off frustrations and other personal issues. I don't need to take it out on others.

Again, I'm not just talking about DGN. I go out into public and watch people. I listen to people. I read magazines, newspapers, watch news and like programming on TV. And it's all so overwhelmingly negative and sad these days.

Fuck - I have recently come through 4+ years of severe clinical depression, characterized by lack of energy and motivation. Even in that period I was never as despondent as I am now. Maybe it's because I hermited so much I just didn't experience as much as I am now that I'm up, out and about.

Then again, for the 3+ years of that depression spent living in NC, I spent 8+ hours a day on DGN. And I know I couldn't have done that if things were as negative as they are today.

What is wrong, people? What is upsetting so many? Why is it so hard to drop defenses, get a little vulnerable and be a little positive? Are our lives sucking that bad? What's going on that I'm not seeing? Is it the war? Is it the economy? Something not quite as tangible?

:(

[Vampyro]

I've felt the same... something just isn't feeling right in the world anymore, and this is somewhat of an eye opener as it's worse than normal perhaps... and I must admit, I've let my offensive sense of humor get out of control with the Anna Nicole Smith topic... And didn't noticed your thread of your cat dying, when in all respects, i wish i did... cat's are the only creature i like... and sorry your cat died... that woulda killed me too... i just have a soft spot for kitties.

[phee]

Speaking for myself... My negativity relates to 2 things, exhausting and anxiety....

I am not as tolerant of certain things as I used to be...

Maybe my vacation will put me back in another place

[Vampyro]

agreed, that's a good point, i've been living horribly for a few months now, only having barely enough for rent, no money for fun things or food or anything... and i'm only human so... i guess i got some pent up frusteration i tend to vent in a very negative way... frustrations that are a result in having an extremely difficult time keeping my life together at the moment... meh... my vacations are my dreams.. wich blows...

...summertime though... that's all i'm waiting on is for things to warm up, then i'm sure moods will shift to a more positive spectrum...

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Humans generally feel better about themselves when they know someone else is worse off... what better way to make sure that your in a better place than someone else than to keep kicking them down farther and farther? Do people not realize.. that to keep kicking that person down.. you have to go down to them? Besides... being a complete and total heartless asshole is ok as long as you dont directly insult someone.

Not saying I have not gone that road myself. I think I take a more honest approach to it. If I think your being a fuck stain.. I'll tell you in no uncertain terms. I tend to get in trouble for it. Somehow.. thats worse than the absolute cruelty I see exhibted by some people.. but they smile as they do it... put a bit of humor in thier in the insult.

but hey, thats who you are, if thats you. Be a cruel heartless fuck stain if you so choose. Someday, your going to need someone... your going to need them like you never have needed anyone before and they are going to crack a joke as they kick you in the face... but thats cool.. they didn;t call you a name? right?

[Rayne]

It seems the entire "ambieance" of DGN has changed. Much of it, I have nothing to say about it. As Phee stated, my toleration has also changed. I don't make a lot of my business public, but I've got a lot going on and just don't have a lot of time. Usually if I am on, I'm just talking to Phee while he's at work (and other PM's I might get in the meantime) --- not really paying attention to anything else.

A lot of the time, I'm doing 4 things at once as well as reading DGN ... like right now I am managing three of my kids here, on the phone with the other and replying to Phee's PM's.

FC, I did read your post about your kitty. When I read it, I had my mother on the phone complaining about my father's medical condition (who incidently just got out of the hospital), my ex on IM asking when I wanted him to drop off kids and Phee on PM. My daughter was also not in the best of spirits. I meant to come back to it and reply later but it slipped my mind ... and as I don't really usually go back and look at the topics in the sections, I completely forgot. I apologize and send my sincerest sympathy for your loss.

[LuluVox]

I felt sad about your cat and didn't post. It doesn't mean I didn't care.

[BrassFusion]

I'm in the same boat as Rayne and Lulu, kind of. Personally, I don't deal well with giving condolences.

I know how it feels to make a post and then no one responds to it, when it's something important to you. That happened to me not that long ago. So what I do in that situation is talk to people one-on-one instead of posting it to an open forum.

Now, forced reactions aren't as meaningful as unsolicited ones, so it's a trade-off.

[phee]

Now, forced reactions aren't as meaningful as unsolicited ones, so it's a trade-off.

I very much agree with this last statement...

[Daevion]

because its fun!

[Brenda Starrr]

I sure hope that I don't come off as negative, condescending, and the like.

Frankly, there's a lot of positive stuff going on around me. I'm just not running around rejoicing about it. There's too much to do before I move up there in March. I have so much to look forward to. And my kids and I are excited about this change. If I come off as negative or rude or unfeeling at all, I completely apologize. I just chalk it up to exhaustion from work and packing to move over 500 miles from everything I've ever known.

If I ever come off as improper in any way, don't hesitate to PM me and call me out privately. I'm a big girl. I can take it.

As for everyone else.....

*hugs*

[ManicQueen]

If I ever come off as improper in any way, don't hesitate to PM me and call me out privately. I'm a big girl. I can take it.

Brenda, you're so improper... and I like it. j/k

[Draco1958]

FC, sorry I didn't respond, I have a difficult time expressing sympathy sometimes plus it brought back memories of the 2 cats I lost. Had me crying again.

I sure hope that I don't come off as negative, condescending, and the like.

Frankly, there's a lot of positive stuff going on around me. I'm just not running around rejoicing about it. There's too much to do before I move up there in March. I have so much to look forward to. And my kids and I are excited about this change. If I come off as negative or rude or unfeeling at all, I completely apologize. I just chalk it up to exhaustion from work and packing to move over 500 miles from everything I've ever known.

If I ever come off as improper in any way, don't hesitate to PM me and call me out privately. I'm a big girl. I can take it.

As for everyone else.....

*hugs*

Brenda, you can get improper with me anytime.

[Fierce Critter]

Just want to first off thank those who have expressed some feelings for my losing Lincoln here. I don't care where it's posted - if it's said, it makes things just a touch better. Thank you so much.

But I want to clarify that I didn't post that here as a means of directly soliciting sympathy. It was just a very, very recent and obvious example for me to give of how I see a difference in the mood of this board and the way people post on it. I could have just as easily picked some other examples other than the Lincoln, Indy and Anna Nicole posts - they just worked as an example for this thread.

Damn. Now I'm crying again. Been one baaaaaaaad fucking week.

[Brenda Starrr]

Camille, if you ever need to talk.....

You have me.

[Scales]

I try to be compassionate, but truthful. If I can't be truthful with other people, then I can't be truthful with myself, and my compassion has no value. I think the same goes for people if they really need to rant, they should let it all out rather than holding in a bunch of negativity. Holding things in over time will make actions that are self-destructive gain hold of being rational.

[mallochai]

Without spouting off for hours about this...

I've always been of the mind that there is a time and place for sympathy. Though I may feel sympathetic, though I may be sorry that your pet has gone, and I am, I don't always feel that it's my place to type out five or six words that everyone else before me has already said. Sometimes, I feel that repetitive sympathy is pointless. I don't want to just say "hey, that sucks, I'm sorry," because I feel that saying something so trite is perhaps worse than making no note of it at all.

Sometimes, I'm of the mind that if I can't say anything personal and original, I'd rather not say anything at all.

I suppose, in reflection, that makes me somewhat callous.

However, it's not that I'm negative about the feelings. I just don't want to be a push button response machine.

As an example, take mama kitty. There was something I could do to lend a hand, and I worked toward that goal. I prefer to be a person who sympathizes with action. When I'm around, or able to do something to help, I'm all for doing things that can relieve others of their sadness or anger. When I'm capable of doing something constructive, I'll do it in a pinch.

I'm not a great wordly scholar though (yes, I said wordly), and feel that tiny sentiments don't really reflect what I might feel, so I prefer to observe, and wait. And maybe someday, something else can be done to encompass all the sympathy I've had for an individual. I suppose that, over time, that has turned some people who might otherwise be friends of mine off to me. I'm not the phone-calling, letter writing, share every moment of my life with you kind of person. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, maybe it's just honest.

Not that you needed my explanation, but there it is. Take it as you will.

And just for the record, I'm pretty sure this is the longest post I've had on here in months, so it should be some kind of testament to how I feel about this. I don't like to talk about my feelings, but think it's a valid view on the subject, and so worth noting.

[Steven]

I loved this post you did Camille.

first of all because its uniquely you in style and idealism, and because its rather courageous in a raw manner, your speaking very bluntly to your own social circle asking "what's wrong with us?" and I think that's very healthy and respectable....

Incidenly I agree with everything that your saying. And you allready know that your one of my favorites in here.....

we seem to (as a group) take up different social positions in side of our little sub cultures. Some of us represesnt hope, or faith, others represent humour, some represent that accquisition of knowledge and data in and of itself, others represent resentment and sarcasm, others represent loneliness and or wanton promiscuity (which in my boook always equates to loneliness but thats another Oprah), and some folks are simply prideful by nature and desire to be recognized as intrinsicly worthy of lofty thought.

Why? oh man I have a hundred theories why, do you really have the time? A handful are because:

1) the basic emnity between men and women has compounded to men no longer feeling comfortable being men let alone even knowing how anymore, and women are still fighting for rights that they have long since accquired.

2) because our role models simply no longer exist and we're pissed about it even though we dont like to admit it.

3) because as much as we love the lack of accountability in a "relative truth" lifestyle it tends to satisfy less and less and yeild very littel except yourself, and the truth is hey - we dont even like ourselves very much.

4) because were 2nd and 3rd generation into having no true purpose and identity save for existence, which will get you an A on a term paper and an F in the legacy you leave behind.

5) because we worship Pop Culture in that we allow it have a monumental degree of influence over us like good sheep.

6) because despite the declarations to the contarary, we still are people who feel safest in herds, and therefore we use the crowd as a barometer, but the crowd is just fucking lost and walking in circles and was designed to do exactly that.

7) because the "machine" really does exist, and its watered us down into having very few long term and renewable coping skills.

8) because we chastize and ridicule things like "faith" in an ever faithful attempt to place faith in faithlessness.

9) becase we are far more disconnected from one another as a people than we have ever been in our history, even though we have the technology to connect in more ways than ever before.

10) because dad split on us to cover his own ass because he has no fortitude or honor or nobility or fucking clue.

11) because mom has to work now to cover that SUV payment and those shoes. Scratch that. Nowadays just to cover the gas bill and some pizza rolls. But the SUV thing still exists.

12) because our kids eat food that is super processed, stripped down of fiber and nutrients, loaded with chemicals and hormones, and that toxicity is what we grow up on.

13) Because we have social conditioners like talk shows.

14) because we dont feel the need to give back and reach out, so we dont.

15) because a secret part of us realy would like to know if God really does exist, but we just can't stomach the thought of having less control over our lives, even though we've done such a bang up job so far on how we've lived it.

16) because we give ourselves away

17) because we foolishly ask permission from society or our peer group before allowing our individual voice to be heard, thus nullifying it completely and fading into the din of the chaos that is suburbia and the like.

18) because we absolutely love love love to Euphamize, Categorize, and Quantify as temporary bandaids over our hemmoraging.

19) because not enough of us have the depth of charactor to ask the questions that my friend Camille is asking. And even less have the reserves to answer them.

man oh man I could go on on and on but I'd bore you all way past the point of your current boredom. Plus, you get sick of my psuedo christianeze spiritual musings.

We live in a war zone Camille. We were born into it. We all have the power to choose but very few people choose to lead and or to humble themselves. There is war in heaven and war on teh earth and were really not so much innocent civiilans as much as we are willful participants.

You have got to choose Love, every day, who and what you will be from the moment your head hits the pillow till the moment your toes hit the floor and allow yourself the criticism that will follow because it's part of the package, there is a price to pay for going against the grain.

You have something to you. I've seen it form the very first times we have ever corresponded on this site and I still see it and I saw it even when you were struggling so much with your depression. In fact it was because of the gifts that you have that I think your depression took such a fierce hold but again, that's another Oprah. And you allready know what's going on.

thank you for your post Camille.

made me rather proud of you.

Steven

[Fierce Critter]

You have got to choose Love, every day, who and what you will be from the moment your head hits the pillow till the moment your toes hit the floor and allow yourself the criticism that will follow because it's part of the package, there is a price to pay for going against the grain.

I read every single solitary word of this post, and will be revisiting it. And maybe even responding to it sometime.

But the above paragraph is the one that got me crying. Again.

For so many complex - and just as many simple - reasons.

Chief among them - how many of us really do wake up and actually decide, "this is the kind of person I am going to be today"?

I really, honestly, sincerely do.

And it can make things SO HARD. So fucking hard.

I am not perfect. Do I strive for perfection? At one time I did. Now I just aim for "pretty fucking good."

But mostly, I try to make sure that when I do fuck-up, it's at my own expense, not someone else's. As much as I can control that sort of thing.

Sigh.

I'm so sick of crying. I didn't cry this much when I was depressed. When you're in that kind of fog, a lot just really goes by you unnoticed. Now I'm seeing everything, and I'm starting to understand why people do drugs, drink, and kill themselves.

I won't do any of that. But sometimes I wish I was stupid. Just blissfully oblivious. My favorite movie quote:

"...that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” - Daisy, The Great Gatsby

The less you know, the less you suffer.

Bad, pissy, cruddy, horrible, best-forgotten, painful, tiresome, weepy week. Gonna cross off the first week in February on all future calendars.

When's that dinner gonna happen, Steven?

[Onyx]

A lot of times I don't post in sympathy because my life is just so busy I hardly have time to breathe lately.

I also often read things like poetry here that I enjoy but don't comment.

I really need to take a minute or two and say a word, but time gets away from me.

[ZhukovCodeslinger]

I have given out plenty, as of late, sympathy and condolences do to the agonizing and slow death of a close family and personal friend. Its not intentional that I did not say anything comforting to you about your cat.. I just was not here to read it. I dont post all that much any more period... nothing personal. I will probably disappear again soon... again, nothing personal.

[Fierce Critter]

I think the main point of my thread is being obscured by my reference to that post in particular.

It's just a very, very small part of my point. I'm thinking about editing out that part. But probably won't.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

It human nature, when guilty of something, to pick out the parts that may be more forgivable. As in this case, where everyone is makeing thier excuses for not saying anything about your cat rather than address the larger issue.

[Steven]

I read every single solitary word of this post, and will be revisiting it. And maybe even responding to it sometime.

But the above paragraph is the one that got me crying. Again.

For so many complex - and just as many simple - reasons.

Chief among them - how many of us really do wake up and actually decide, "this is the kind of person I am going to be today"?

I really, honestly, sincerely do.

And it can make things SO HARD. So fucking hard.

I am not perfect. Do I strive for perfection? At one time I did. Now I just aim for "pretty fucking good."

But mostly, I try to make sure that when I do fuck-up, it's at my own expense, not someone else's. As much as I can control that sort of thing.

Sigh.

I'm so sick of crying. I didn't cry this much when I was depressed. When you're in that kind of fog, a lot just really goes by you unnoticed. Now I'm seeing everything, and I'm starting to understand why people do drugs, drink, and kill themselves.

I won't do any of that. But sometimes I wish I was stupid. Just blissfully oblivious. My favorite movie quote:

"...that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” - Daisy, The Great Gatsby

The less you know, the less you suffer.

Bad, pissy, cruddy, horrible, best-forgotten, painful, tiresome, weepy week. Gonna cross off the first week in February on all future calendars.

When's that dinner gonna happen, Steven?

As soon as it warms up a bit. we can do it (dinner) my place. or yours, whatever works for ya....

I will give you just one quick quotation of scripture..."Jesus wept". that little bit is set aside. its one full verse, but just a two liner......why?

sometimes babe, once our eyes open up were prompted to greive a bit. If thats whats going on then you are in good company. let it flow for awhile, until your time to grieve is up. After that, you start pouring yourself back into it (the world, life, people) again and your eyes REALLY open up.

sometimes Camille, we greive because we are blessed.

Steven

[JaneDead]

i admit, once again, to not reading the posts in this thread before replying but i am just going to answer this question:

"Why So Much Negativity?, I just don't get it. And is it just me?"

from my own point of view...

personally my "negativity" (lately anyways) comes from a place of having some rather negative things in my life right now. it is really really hard (i don't care who you are) to completely seperate yourself from it when dealing with other aspects of your life. it comes through. whether you want it to or not. and if you LET it, after time, it even changes who you are. temporarily or permanently? i guess that is up to the person. but there is always a noticeable change.

i have noticed a lot of people around me lately that are negative. over all they TRY to be positive people but they have so much shit going on that they lose track sometimes of the bigger, better picture. it is really easy to do when you get swallowed up in the day to day crap you have to deal with. especially if you are not "dealing" in a good way. which it seems to me many are not.

i have more to say on this but i tend to ramble and i don't want to make this another 9 paragraph post no one wants to read