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nice, but we all know Cthulhu is better

Cthulhu birthed David Bowie.

Cthulhu was the 33rd president of Finland.

I am the walrus, I am the walrus Coo Coo Cthulhu

Cthulhu invented the toast as we know it.

Cthulhu holds a high level marketing position at Microsoft.

Cthulhu attacked against Admiral Nelson Mandela.

Some say that Cthulhu is just a gigantic halibut living in the halibut city of Atlantis. But this is preposterous. Everybody knows that he's living in Belgium.

Cthulhu once auditioned to play as Davy Jones in Pirates of the Carribean 2, but lost.

It has also been mathematically proven that Cthulhu looks damn sexy in a tube top.

Cthulhu has the power to turn humans into toast, which he invented (toast. And maybe humans).

Cthulhu and HK-47 are best friends. And lovers. They had a child named Adam West.

Natural enemy of Cthulhu is Vladimir Putin and his army of giant robots.

This bullet point has nothing to do with Cthulhu.

The Albatross Alliance's main aim, other than destroying humanity, is to kill Cthulhu and eat it. That is a lot of squid there. Albatrosses like squid.

Lord Cthulhu has run for president before, but he ate the Electorial College before they could allow him to win.

Cthulhus are known to have tentacles, giant wings, and a parrot-like beak. Most cthulhus are known to be squamous, arabesque, and taller than the Chrysler Building. Certain individuals have been known to be cyclopean, cthonian, squajillimous, and tentacular. It is a universal truth that Cthulhoid entities are eldritch. Eldritchness is the key physiological criterion required to identify Cthulhu. The sight of a Cthulhu often costs d100 Sanity damage on a failed roll (which causes high turnover among workers in the Cthulhu rooms at the zoo). However, as your sanity is blasted away, your vocabulary will almost certainly improve. Albeit very briefly.

Cthulhu may also be spelled Cthulu, Ktulu, Kootoolookoolooluuloo, whatever. Nobody cares. It can't even be properly pronounced by lower-dimensional minds such as our own, much less spelled.

Cthulhus can't be killed. Not even with nuclear weapons. If you nuked a Cthulhu, it'd reform in ten minutes. And it'd be radioactive. And it would no longer wish it knew how to quit you.

Cthulhu once tried to manage a weblog, The Call of Cthulhu. His page was so luminary that it led to the abrogation of Net Neutrality. Many people who viewed his site claim that their computer's have been infected by viruses; however, they are wrong. Cthulhu used his website to lay eggs in their hard drive; the date of their hatch will be known as the apocalypse.

Cthulhu speaks fluent Polish.

Cthulhu is a stunt double for John Goodman.

You ain't cool unless you're Cthulhu.

Cthulhu was at one point the band manager for The Spice Girls.

Cthulhu enjoys golf see

Cthulhu automatically kills 1d3 people per round.

Cthulhu saw what you did there.

And that!

Cthulhu was on the 2.5632 trillion dollar bill but he ate them all

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nice, but we all know Cthulhu is better

Cthulhu birthed David Bowie.

Cthulhu was the 33rd president of Finland.

I am the walrus, I am the walrus Coo Coo Cthulhu

Cthulhu invented the toast as we know it.

Cthulhu holds a high level marketing position at Microsoft.

Cthulhu attacked against Admiral Nelson Mandela.

Some say that Cthulhu is just a gigantic halibut living in the halibut city of Atlantis. But this is preposterous. Everybody knows that he's living in Belgium.

Cthulhu once auditioned to play as Davy Jones in Pirates of the Carribean 2, but lost.

It has also been mathematically proven that Cthulhu looks damn sexy in a tube top.

Cthulhu has the power to turn humans into toast, which he invented (toast. And maybe humans).

Cthulhu and HK-47 are best friends. And lovers. They had a child named Adam West.

Natural enemy of Cthulhu is Vladimir Putin and his army of giant robots.

This bullet point has nothing to do with Cthulhu.

The Albatross Alliance's main aim, other than destroying humanity, is to kill Cthulhu and eat it. That is a lot of squid there. Albatrosses like squid.

Lord Cthulhu has run for president before, but he ate the Electorial College before they could allow him to win.

Cthulhus are known to have tentacles, giant wings, and a parrot-like beak. Most cthulhus are known to be squamous, arabesque, and taller than the Chrysler Building. Certain individuals have been known to be cyclopean, cthonian, squajillimous, and tentacular. It is a universal truth that Cthulhoid entities are eldritch. Eldritchness is the key physiological criterion required to identify Cthulhu. The sight of a Cthulhu often costs d100 Sanity damage on a failed roll (which causes high turnover among workers in the Cthulhu rooms at the zoo). However, as your sanity is blasted away, your vocabulary will almost certainly improve. Albeit very briefly.

Cthulhu may also be spelled Cthulu, Ktulu, Kootoolookoolooluuloo, whatever. Nobody cares. It can't even be properly pronounced by lower-dimensional minds such as our own, much less spelled.

Cthulhus can't be killed. Not even with nuclear weapons. If you nuked a Cthulhu, it'd reform in ten minutes. And it'd be radioactive. And it would no longer wish it knew how to quit you.

Cthulhu once tried to manage a weblog, The Call of Cthulhu. His page was so luminary that it led to the abrogation of Net Neutrality. Many people who viewed his site claim that their computer's have been infected by viruses; however, they are wrong. Cthulhu used his website to lay eggs in their hard drive; the date of their hatch will be known as the apocalypse.

Cthulhu speaks fluent Polish.

Cthulhu is a stunt double for John Goodman.

You ain't cool unless you're Cthulhu.

Cthulhu was at one point the band manager for The Spice Girls.

Cthulhu enjoys golf see

Cthulhu automatically kills 1d3 people per round.

Cthulhu saw what you did there.

And that!

Cthulhu was on the 2.5632 trillion dollar bill but he ate them all

Ia

Ia

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You killed your whole post with this one point... :secret:

To: Microsoft Lawyers, Inc.

From: Azathoth, Nyarlathotep and Hastur, Elder Attorneys.

Sirs:

Our agents among the mortal herd have brought to Our attention your

recent product entitled Windows '95. Therefore We now give you

statutory notice of intent of proceedings to be taken against Microsoft

by the Many-Angled Ones.

With this suit We will show that Windows '95, and to a lesser extent

all of the Microsoft range of products, infringe upon the recognised

"look-and-feel" of the Elder Gods, for the following reasons:

o Windows '95 is a crawling abomination from the darkest pits of Hell;

o No man can be in it's presence for too long without being driven into

gibbering insanity;

o A cult who worship it exist in secret amongst the mortal herd;

o Those who associate with it for too long develop common physical

characteristics, to wit: pale, clammy skin, bulging eyes, generally

unkempt physical appearance, tendency towards nocturnal living, change

in diet to that which normal men do not eat (in your case tacos,

burgers and Jolt Coke; in Ours, human flesh, Fungi of Yuggoth and the

blood of Alien Gods);

o Mysterious tomes that purport to explain this phenomenon are reputed

to exist; they are bound in an unnatural substance and only available

at a terrible cost to the user.

o The Microsoft range of products seek to utterly dominate the world,

and force all who dwell there to live in eternal damnation.

As you can see, Our case is very strong, especially when you consider

that most judges prefer not to have chittering things with tentacles

for faces scoop out their brains and eat them.

We hope that you will consider these points carefully and settle out of

court, since it is not Our intention to have your senior partners spend

the rest of their mercifully short lives under heavy sedation in a

maximum security psychiatric hospital. After all, it was the Lords of

the Outer Planes who gave humanity lawyers in the first place.

Respectfully yours,

pp. J. Arthur Hastur, LL.B., B.C.L, B.D

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