cutting

[Soulrev]

I've never participated in this before but I just had a really shitty day and for some reason grabbed a razor and cut myself.. I found it rather... Enjoyable. I don't know why I'm talking about this because I know what it means but I don't know why I did it. I've always thought about people who do it as being very depressed, but I didn't think I was that depressed. I don't know, I'm just writing down my thoughts right now. I liked it but yet I feel somewhat disturbed. I can't quite figure it out.

Hmm.

[Brenda Starrr]

This is one of those things that I've never done, and I'm not quite sure that I understand it. I know that a lot of people do it because they're depressed or just don't feel anything. They do it just to make sure that they can still "feel".

I'm going to tell you that I wish you wouldn't do it. If you need to talk, you can always send me a message or IM me on Yahoo. My Yahoo handle is mac_diva2004. *hugs*

[bav]

There's cutting for emotional reasons, and there's cutting as physical gratification.

Recycled writing piece I did on the old board in response to someone talking about cutting about a year ago:

I've been down your road...I have the scars all over my left arm and my chest to prove it. I used to be a big time cutter. Sometimes I still get the urge to do so again.

The thing about cutting, as I'm sure you understand, is that it's a replacement kind of pain. You cut yourself because the emotional and mental pain and turmoil is too much, so you take out a razor blade or a knife and you start in on your body. The physical pain you feel will at least momentarily block out the mental pain....gives you something else to focus on.

And it can be addictive.

Because part of it is a rush...the adrenaline from having the blade pressing into your skin, the anticipation of seeing the blood well up in the path that the blade has gone, the release of endorphins that comes with it. For that moment, the mental pain is gone...the problems are gone...the world is gone.

It's just you and the blade.

For once, you can have a perfect moment, standing on the brink of self-destruction.

You think that finally, something is in *YOUR* control....you have the choice on to move the blade a bit further down the arm towards the wrist and start cutting again, you're in control of the amount of pressure exerted. The sense that for once, your life really is actually in your own hands instead of someone else's.

I've been there.

You know what? It's an illusion, a mirage, a desperate fantasy. It's a path that can be difficult to come back from.

It's a way of dealing with the pain and the loss and the depression. An out from the shit that's with you from the time you wake up till you pass out.

But it makes things worse. Your family and your friends see the fresh scabs on your body and freak out. You feel bad and angry at yourself because you upset the people you care about. The anger builds, turns into self-loathing. It stacks up on all the other problems that had disappeared when you were cutting, but came back after you came down from the high.

It's another thing for you to feel bad about.

Then the pressure builds up again, and you need a release. You get the blade out again, and the cycle repeats.

Looking back on it and my time as a cutter, I'd say that it isn't always about depression...there were times I did just because I was bored or frantic (things out of my control type of frantic) and used it to calm down.

I have a couple of friends who were/are cutters as well, and one of them started channelling it into scarification projects. She started cutting because of a real bad break-up, but was doing designs instead of just the random slashes that I would do...then she just kept on with it because she liked the idea of scarification as body art and she liked the endorphin-rush high.

Looking back on the writing piece, I'd say my views have changed a bit on the subject, but more in an artistic sense. It's still a traditional "warning flag" that someone's having a rough time of it when I hear about it, tho.

Like Brenda, if for any reason you want to talk about it 1-on-1, feel free to PM or IM me.

So...I'm not sure what yer looking for right now and what your reasons for doing this are, but just want to say that yer not alone.

[Brenda Starrr]

When I managed a Hot Topic store, I had an employee who cut all the time. No specific reson was ever given. After talking with her about her own personal life, I found out that her mother didn't seem to love her for who she was at all. She eventually became numb from it and the only way that she could make herself feel was to cut. It broke my heart. Eventually, we had to fire her for theft. All I could think about was whether she was going to cut again. I just wish that there was something that I could do.

Bav, your information has actually enlightened me a bit more. Thank you.

[Nerdcore]

soulrev

I've cutted a while back and still do on and off. I cutted only not to"kill myself" but to see if I am still alive or have emotion. stress and work to play a part on this. Cutting is bad. But for those who cant stop there is hlep . you shoudl doc to a therapist or a doctor or mabey check yourself in . If you need to tal dont hesitate to do so. and this was an experement or one time deal dont worrie about it . talk talk talk to someone ok

Becky

[bav]

Bav, your information has actually enlightened me a bit more. Thank you.

How so?

[Vater Araignee]

I use to cut for many reasons like:

Somebody pissed me off and logic told me not to harm them.

I needed the blood for art.

I wanted a cool scar

I needed to remind my self not to intact my master plan early (I'm not joking so don't even smile)

Then I met my wife but logic tells us that love is insane and how dare I put my self in this situation so when we had a particularly bad time the fear of losing my reason to be good the fear that love would overwhelm me my hatred for humanity started to come back with a vengeance and I didn't want her last memories of me to be "what a fucking evil basterd" so I ended up cutting veins. Years later I brought up the subject of cutting with a psychologist and he said that three thing happen to cutters.

some grow out of it

some never stop

But a lot end up killing themselves

My opinion find out exactly why so you can cut yourself off at the pass if need be.

[honeymustard02]

Having never done this to myself, I have always wondered why it was done??

I've heard lots of reasons but my thoughts are it's for attention. You want to be found out and see if someone will take the steps to help you.

I think if you cut yourself or know someone who does, try and get help. I mean maybe the people around you don't see that you're hurting and need to be let in.

[bav]

I've heard lots of reasons but my thoughts are it's for attention. You want to be found out and see if someone will take the steps to help you.

Why do you think that, out of curiosity?

[Brenda Starrr]

How so?

I just didn't have a good understanding of the reasons why. I didn't understand that it's almost like a relationship (you and the blade), or how it almost makes some people feel good. I can't explain it. I just see it more clearly.

[bav]

I just didn't have a good understanding of the reasons why. I didn't understand that it's almost like a relationship (you and the blade), or how it almost makes some people feel good. I can't explain it. I just see it more clearly.

Nifty.

Outside of bod-mod purposes, it was an extreme escapism technique that I got high off of. Everything else about it fed into the escapism. Other people's milage may vary. >shrug<

[Head Wreck]

robyn turned cutter for a while. scared the shit out of me.

i find it hard to deal with emotional people anyhow. but cutters scare me. bad memories.

[TomCat]

If I want to experience pain to know that I'm alive, I'll just keep looking at my debt ledger. :doh: That hurts.... :doh:

[honeymustard02]

I think people do it for attention because they were never taught to ask for help. Or maybe they were taught NOT to ask for help. And they are doing something that will get someone to notice witihout having to ask.

[Nienna]

...

[Troy Spiral (13)]

...

[squee]

dude i cant say not to do it

because i did from about

ages 12-17. at 12 i started

smoking, 13 and a half,

smoking weed, 14 e, 15

coke&shrooms, heroin at 17.

i've quit all of that except for

smoking weed which i don't

think i'll ever quit, and i can

honestly say that i think cutting

was the hardest thing i had to

give up. SERIOUSLY. i was

fucking hospitalized and it was

just a huge fucking mess. i

think about it all the time...

ALL THE TIME! please be careful

at first it keeps you at reality

but then it starts getting carried

away, like that first hit of fucking

crack. i don't know. i cant explain

it, but i have the ugly scars to

prove it. holes in my arms where

meat is missing, burn marks

where i wont grow arm hair.

it's filth. and i got caught up in it.

i almost got in a fist fight with

my dad in the mental institute.

i dont know where im going with

this, cuz i could talk about it all

f-in day. really though, if you

need to talk feel free.

mushroomtattoo2@hellokitty.com

-angie-

[Scary Guy]

Man.... this again?

Does anyone have a link to the old thread, either on this forum or the old one? I'm too lazy to look (was in the Health & Well Being forum).

I've had many friends who have been into it and some who still are. It's just trading emotional pain for physical pain.

It's similar to when I hit my head on something because I'm so tall then proceed to beat the living hell out of it. I know it doesn't hurt the object as it is inanimate and feels nothing, but it makes me feel better (actually thats more like trading physical pain for more physical pain). Or when you get real pissed and hit a mirror/window and end up bleeding. I knew a kid in high school who did that and broke his arm. Idiot apparently didn't know what security glass was.

[Guest PumpkinPete]

My three cents -

I cut for a while when I was younger. Mine was never about wanting attention - god no, far from it - but about me punishing myself for perceived mistakes I had made. I was suicidal for a while and it stemmed from that. It stemmed from a need to hurt myself. Elation?

Not really.

I just wanted to punish myself.

You can move past this, if it becomes a habit. You need good friends, or open ears, which it seems you have here.

I can say this -

You can, and do outgrow it. I still deal with depression, but moved past a need to hurt myself. It's interesting that, the older I have gotten, the better I have gotten at dealing with my own depression. I think you just find your rhythm and learn to deal with things a litt le better.

Life can still suck, but I reached a point where I was willing to accept that.

Good luck.

chris arrr

[DarkChylde]

In my mid-teens I done the whole cutting/slitting myself type stuff, at first it was attempted suicide, but then when I was caught doing it I ended up in a institution, they drugged me with all sorts of pills then force-fed me that nasty black charcol shit, (also dew to overdose) for days, I constantly kept pukin that nasty black stuff out, my teeth were all black and I felt tired constantly, after finally getting out of there, after a few days I started feeling the urge ta cut myself, I didnt want to kill/hurt myself nor I wasnt angry at myself either and wasnt doing it for attention *which I never would for anyone* I did it because it felt good for some reason, like having a orgasm during sex, so ta me pain was kinda like a sexual healing. Lol I know it sounds sick n fucked up but hey, whutever floats each others boat right? :devil

Of course I barely do it now-a-days, maybe once in a while like after dealing with the shit from my ex which thats a whole new diffrent story there.

[lullaby1031]

In the whole history of my cutting experiences, I can say that 3 out of 10 people actually do it for attention. Those three people make it difficult for the real ones cuz everyone just wants to toss off the idea and turn it into something it's not (an attention issue). There is total truth behind trading emotional for physical pain. When that person decides to stop is when they start actually learning HOW to deal with their emotions again. If a person was never shown correctly how to handle them - their destined to find some other way of expression. I forever hid mine, no one ever seen or noticed and I didn't want them to because I already knew the kind of b.s. reaction I would've gotten. When I decided to stop, back 2 years ago, I had a realization moment for my own life and I seen how everything turned out and where it was heading and I decided I was done. It's hard to relearn emotions and try to figure out the best ways to deal with them (especially anger), but I just take off somewhere to clear my head. Sometimes you do just get the urge to cuz it is a short relief, but it's just better not to. You get sick of seeing the scars. I know of no cutter who wears them like a badge of honor, unless it was from sexual experiences.

My post is not toward the ones out there who do this during their sexual experiences. That's for another post.

[Guest Megalicious]

.....

[Guest PumpkinPete]

i think it is really great that Meg3 and some others are willing to be there. so many friends get angry almost when their friend is hurting or sad.

it's sick and twisted.

your friend is drowning and you watch.

yes, it gets hard when they are always sad or angry, and there is a point where you have to step away, but sometimes all you want are arms to hold you, ears to listen, and a heart to care.

c

[Rozzlyn]

Honestly, I use straight razors for shaving (you know, what they were invented for...) so "cutters" aren't all that high up on my list of people I think well of, if only because, thanks to "cutters", it's hard for me to get excited about antique straight razors without somebody thinking I'm one of those often-irritating Marilyn Manson obsessed kids just waiting to show off my ugly scars to the willing and (especially) unwilling.

[Goth Brooks]

I can understand the reasons people have for cutting. I was able to find that a good solid punching bag was more than enough of an equivalent to the rush and pain that cutting could provide.. plus it was healthy. Not that I never injured myself, or wasn't pleased at the injury. Cutting is one of the few "degenerative" things people do that I can sympathize with, but I absolutely do believe there are safer alternatives that provide just as much physical/mental/emotional relief.