What Would You Do?

[Velvet Tears]

Okay, here's the question....

What would you do if you had a child by an ex-husband/boyfriend, and they recently started dating(for maybe 2 wks), and have already introduced their "new" love interest to their child. Do you think that they should immediately introduce the child to their new boyfrined/girlfriend or should they wait?

The reason I ask is that my ex husband just recently met someone and he has only gone out on a couple of dates over the past 2 wks and he has already introduced her to our son. I just don't agree that he should be doing this so soon. Apparently she is already spent the weekend with my ex while our son was over his house this past weekend.

I just don't believe he should be involving our son in his relationship with the other women so soon.

Do you think it is okay to involve children so soon after a relationship first begins. I feel like I should say something to my ex, but I don't know if I should.

I have dated a couple other men, but I have never introduced them to my son because I was unsure if the relationship would last and they didn't last. I feel children get attatched to others too quickly and it may only cause harm in the long run if things don't work out with the parent and the new girlfriend/boyfriend.

Am I wrong for feeling/thinking this way? Should I say something to him?

[Onyx]

I've been divorced for around six years now. My children in all that time have only ever met one man I've dated, and that was after I knew him well and we were together for close to a year.

How is your communication with your ex? Maybe it's worth saying something.

I think it can be harmful to children to get attached to someone and then have them disappear on them, which is one reason I wanted to be sure my relationship was fairly stable (and HE was fairly stable) before introducing them. I was probably a little too cautious really, but that's my way.

[Velvet Tears]

How is your communication with your ex? Maybe it's worth saying something.

OUr communication is 90% better than it was a couple of months ago, and if I say something to him about how I think it may affect our son it may turn out bad. I know him very well, and the first thing he'll say is quit trying to tell me how to raise my son, I'll do what I want to do. Then again he may actually think about and realize he may be jumping into things too quickly. He can go either way. Then again maybe this is just my view , and I am in the wrong.

[Homicidalheathen]

I would wait until I was sure this person was going to be a fixture in my life for a very looong.......time....

However I think the older kids get the less you have to worry.

[Msterbeau]

I've heard enough stories and experienced enough of this directly to have formed my own opinion. I'm a divorced dad with two daughters. They're 6 and 8 now but I left their mom almost 6 years ago so they were quite young.

I think in general it's wise to be cautious and mindful of what you're doing in this area and you really need to know your kids so you can gauge whether they might have a tendency to get attached easily or not. There's been times when I introduced the kids on a very limited basis at what would seem like an early time and there's been times when I never even considered it. I think one of the things to remember is that if both parents are actively involved in the child's life, there's not a gaping emotional hole that needs filling because of the absence of one of them. My ex thinks the girls should be shielded from the whole dating process but I don't totally agree. It seems to me that you can't avoid talking about this other person in your life for long and that once you do the kids are curious to meet them and know who they are. It seems like you're hiding something and that doesn't feel very honest. I think also that we've evolved into treating our children as fragile porcelain dolls, emotionally, yet they are usually very resilient. Love and loss is part of life. No, it shouldn't be shoved in their face, but I don't think it's going to destroy them to experience these things. Especially when you're there and able to talk about it and allow them to express their feelings about it. You grow, they grow... I think a mutual benefit.

I think, in the end, that this is subject very dependent on the individuals involved and what's OK for some may not be at all appropriate for others. I also think the communication thing is vitally important between everyone involved, especially the children.

[Velvet Tears]

Well, I talked to my ex and he agreed that maybe he was rushing the meeting with our son and his new gf. I was shocked that he actually agreed with me, adn admitted he was wrong. He said that he'll just go out to dinner or lunch with her for now while our son is with him.

I'm happy he is dating and I want him to find someone that will make him happy and love our son. My son said she seems nice and he liked her because she likes playing games. LOL

[Rayne]

Talk to him. My ex I have three kids with is very open as far as his relationships in a general sense (he'll tell me very basic info). If I think something is questionable, I question it and we'll discuss it.

I was very open with him about my relationship when I was dating Phee. He met him and he liked him.

My kids like the girl he's seeing now. She's great to them from what they say and has a little boy of her own. I haven't met her yet ... but the kids talk about her often and love to play with her son.

[CatsEyeOfTheWiccan]

Younger it's hard...older it's easyer to deal with it.

-CatsEye