Your Rules Of Dating

[Absinthe]

I actually decided to create this as a spin-off from a poll CatsEye did. I gave him a little list of lessons I had learned and I thought I would share with everyone...maybe hear everyone else's input.

I have learned many valuable lessons in dating that I will share. It took me over 10 years to get this right...and most of these lessons I have just recently learned.

1. Never make a hasty decision without getting to know someone first.

2. When you break up...for the love of God DO NOT remain friends with them. (My Ex's never want to go away!!! Trust me it's a problem.)

3. The problem with some of the "romantic" types is they are in love with the idea of being in love and not really with you. You are just another face in a sea of faces they can fall for at any minute, so if they seem to have men/women and male/female troubles on their mind all the time...chances are they are just obsessed with dating. Be leary to surrender your heart to these types. Personally, I'm looking for a "romantic" that is ready (REALLY READY!!) to be in a relationship. If that is what you are looking for and that person isn't and you are ok with that... then make the rules right off the bat.

4. Leave when you are cheated on the FIRST TIME.

5. No matter what a person may lack in self-asteem they should never lack in SELF WORTH. Do not settle for second hand treatment when you know you are a first rate person.

[BrassFusion]

Agreed.

[Shade Everdark]

What I've learned about dating and relationships:

Don't.

[DarkVampire]

There is no love.

[The Kanuck]

Me myself, I actually take dating really flexabliy. I only have 3 easy rule and if they are followed the girl can litterally do whatever she wants and not have to worry about making me jealous, mad, worried, etc.

1. No touching others sexually. Should be common sense. Do go and cheat on me, but hey if you are at a party and the girl wants to take her top off, go nuts. Guys want to lick whip cream off you, sure as long as I get some. it is ok

2. When you go home at night, it is with me or alone. Don't be leaving with other guys. Again, common sense.

3. Don't lie. If one of the other two are broken, tell me asap. I find out on my own, and I can never trust you again.

3 simple rules, other then that, go nuts.

[glc]

I haven't gotten around enough to have a set of rules, but I have definitely learned alot from 2 long term relationships.

an ever evolving list, I guess...

1. Don't get into something you are not 100% about

2. If it feels wrong, end it now

3. damn, there must be more...

Oh well, I've been single for nearly 6 months now, no action either. And you know what, I don't care! I'm really enjoying being by myself at the moment, it's SO EASY! I just have me to worry about and it's awesome!

If I come across a girl, and there's something there, then I won't be applying, or even thinking about any rules, I'll just enjoy the moment.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I'm not sure I ever really had rules when I was single. Well, maybe two...

1. Enjoy yourself.

2. If at anytime you cant think of any reason to be with that person other than.. "Have you seen that ass?" Fuck her and move on.

[Shade Everdark]

I'm not sure I ever really had rules when I was single. Well, maybe two...

1. Enjoy yourself.

2. If at anytime you cant think of any reason to be with that person other than.. "Have you seen that ass?" Fuck her and move on.

I'm not trying to be a smartass (well, okay, I am, but not in the bad way), but when you say 'fuck her and move on,' do you mean 'fuck her' in the literal sense, or the metaphorical? ...or both?

[Msterbeau]

I'm not trying to be a smartass (well, okay, I am, but not in the bad way), but when you say 'fuck her and move on,' do you mean 'fuck her' in the literal sense, or the metaphorical? ...or both?

Yes.

[Msterbeau]

Experience has taught me that every time is something new so why bother with rules?

The things I've learned about relationships got learned in relationships, not casual dating.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Both to be truthfull. I would not have dated someone if I didn't want to fuck them... If it turned out that the person I was with had the personality of a turnip... well... I already had put a good deal of effort into getting them in the sack... so, fuck them.. then fuck'm, time for a new target.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Marc is right... the Dating Game sometimes leads to the Relationship game... but really.. they have completly different rules.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

If the word rules can really be applied to any relationship.

[Msterbeau]

If the word rules can really be applied to any relationship.

Yeah... "rules" implies some kind of inflexible requirements.... Some degree of compromise and negotiation has to happen if you ever expect to stay together.

[Absinthe]

I like my rules...it's not breaking them that is the hard part.

I find myself continuing a pattern of heartbreak by letting exceptions slip through at times.

The one thing I would love to change about me is giving a shit.

I wish I could easily move on and not give a shit when they have moved on from me.

That is hard to do though when you are still friends with the ex and end up submerged in his life everywhere you go.

I need to work on the not giving a shit part alot harder.

[sinmantyx]

1. Don't "play" with someone who doesn't "get it".

2. Don't date psychology students who won't tell you where they live.

3. Casual sex is stupid.

4. Honesty is better than polly-anna patronizing fantasy-land pretention...so don't buy it.

5. Give at least as much as you expect; but not a lot more.

6. Tell him or her you're married at least two times because the person wasn't listening the first time.

7. Don't deal with people out-on-the-powl unless you want to be prey.

8. Give it away quickly and it will be treated cheaply.

9. Keep your head even when you feel like you're being swept away.

10. Take responsibility for your own happiness.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

6. Tell him or her you're married at least two times because the person wasn't listening the first time.

Why are you dating at this point?

[Gauge]

if who im with can be open and honest with me (i mean completely honest) and theres decent communication then im happy. if you have those in a relationship you dont really need rules because everything is talked about and you always know where you are and if things are good or bad. if their good then there great and if there not you move on.

[Reaper]

I haven't gotten around enough to have a set of rules, but I have definitely learned alot from 2 long term relationships.

an ever evolving list, I guess...

1. Don't get into something you are not 100% about

2. If it feels wrong, end it now

I follow this rule a lot and end a lot of relationships before they start. Doesn't make any sense to string someone along if you think it doesn't feel right. I always look for 3 things:

1. Decent looks. Don't have to be what other would consider overly beautiful. I tend to like the average lookers that I consider beautiful. Need to have an attraction.

2. Honesty. Enough said.

3. Loyalty. Same here.

[sinmantyx]

6. Tell him or her you're married at least two times because the person wasn't listening the first time.

Why are you dating at this point?

Open relationship. However, I certainly am not currently "looking". I do think though, that many of the same dynamics apply. It IS different though, when you are already in a committed relationship I'd assume. It's been a long time since I haven't been in a committed relationship, so I barely even remember what it was like.

Heck, everyone has his or her own personal "rules" even if they aren't stated or even acknowledged.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I just cant really understand how you can have an open relationship and a commited relationship... the concepts seem to be mutually exclusive to me. I mean.. how can you be committed to one person while you arefucking who ever you feel like fucking? How is that a commitment?

[sinmantyx]

I just cant really understand how you can have an open relationship and a commited relationship... the concepts seem to be mutually exclusive to me. I mean.. how can you be committed to one person while you arefucking who ever you feel like fucking? How is that a commitment?

It doesn't make sense to a lot of people, and that's ok. That doesn't *quite* characterize the relationship accurately, but it would be difficult to explain without a dissertation. Put it this way. I am having a child with my husband. I am part of his family and he is part of mine. I will grow old with him or die trying. Commitment is more than just exclusive "fucking". I have, in the past, had love affairs with other people (the extent of the physical nature of those relationships is a bit private). Those people understood the nature of my relationship with my husband and my husband understood the nature of my relationship with them. This is not a reasonable situation for many people, and it's not nearly as casual as it may seem from the outside.

In other words: I'm not a swinger. However, swingers are certainly capable of having loving, committed relationships even though there are fewer prohibitions on sexual activity than in a traditional committed relationship. I'm not going to knock them. However, that sort of arrangement is not my cup of tea at all.

Everyone really has their own boundaries. There are some people that couldn't handle their spouse *looking* at other people, much less watching pornography, etc. Others have a "look, but don't touch" policy. Even others have a "look, touch, but come home with me" policy. Some even can't handle their spouse having certain friends. I think we are all wired a bit differently; and the situations that would cause strife in one relationship don't necessarily cause strife in a different one.

[BrassFusion]

I've never had an open relationship myself (dunno if I could do it successfully), but I do have a different perspective on love and sex. I can love multiple people (friends) and I can have sex with multiple people (benefits!!), but romantic love is something different than both of those... for me, at least.

[TygerLili]

If he starts naming your children on the second date, and planning how he is going to arrange his work schedule around said children, run far away.

If he says "I like you because you're not strong willed"(shows what he knows) run far away faster.

Also, though honesty is a given, I've learned that there are two kinds of honesty:

1. Honesty is not lying to your significant other.

2. Honesty is not lying, not keeping secrets and not omiting personal information from your significant other.

I'll take the second.

*Edited because I didn't word that the way I meant it.*

[sinmantyx]

I've never had an open relationship myself (dunno if I could do it successfully), but I do have a different perspective on love and sex. I can love multiple people (friends) and I can have sex with multiple people (benefits!!), but romantic love is something different than both of those... for me, at least.

See, that's actually one thing I have found out (the hard way) that I am not "wired" to handle well. "Friends with benefits" just doesn't quite work for me. I have to have some sort of romantic connection to the person, or else I begin to feel very strange about the situation. It simply doesn't seem healthy or worth the effort. I've also seen such relationships backfire horribly on people....as one member of the relationships develops a stronger emotional connection than the other. It can be a way to try avoid vulnerability that may be inevitable for some people, like me. In other words, I can't cut-off those wonderful bonding chemicals that enter your brain when you "fool around" with someone. *shrug* Some people can. (Many people say they can, but can't.) To each his/her own.