Help Me!

[rene]

I have a very outgoing and handsome 4 year old boy. The thing is is that I can not get him in line. I have tried everything time outs no snacks, early bedtime, taking away toys etc. I have another on the way and am wondering if anyyone has any thoughts or ideas. I am willing to pay someone to come to my home to help get him in line whatever it takes. Thanks guys

[pharoh]

I am a firm believe of beating the babies lol

[Rayne]

Child psychiatrist.

[rene]

I am a firm believe of beating the babies lol

Lol did not beat him but smacked his bottom now he thinks hitting if someone does something he thinks is wrong is ok. Thats what Ben said to do give him options 1. go to bed or 2. get an ass whoppin. lol

[rene]

Child psychiatrist.

Are you saying that because you think it will help or because you do not like me. Hard to tell. I think he may be too young to see one of those. I really do not know

[Rayne]

Are you saying that because you think it will help or because you do not like me. Hard to tell. I think he may be too young to see one of those. I really do not know

He's not too young.

[rene]

He's not too young.

So you really think it may help if so thanks I will find one I am at a loss

[Rayne]

So you really think it may help if so thanks I will find one I am at a loss

Been there, done that ... worth looking into.

[rene]

Been there, done that ... worth looking into.

Well thanks very much I just gotta do something beofre #2 gets here.

[Rayne]

Well thanks very much I just gotta do something beofre #2 gets here.

I have 4.

First two are only 13 months apart ... all four were born within 5 years (and 19 days).

[rene]

I have 4.

First two are only 13 months apart ... all four were born within 5 years (and 19 days).

I met them before beautiful kids btw. Thanks for the advice. I have a nanny she is helping alot he has gotten alot better. I just know he needs more

[Rayne]

I met them before beautiful kids btw. Thanks for the advice. I have a nanny she is helping alot he has gotten alot better. I just know he needs more

Thanks.

[Gauge]

just my opinion of course but i would stay away from sending your kid to a shrink, my parents did that to me and i hated them for it. i think that the only reason to take a kid to someone like that is because you cant actually communicate with them yourself (and im not saying this to offend just mho). maybe instead of saying if you do that again im going to punish you say if you listen to me, and dont do this ill give you. . .idk whatever he likes, extra time to play outside, (which might be all he needs anyway if hes super "outgoing", itll let him burn of extra energy) or an activity that he really likes. also try to explain to him why you dont want him to do it, i know my mom especially would constantly tell me not to do something "because she said so" as a kid to hear that, you might as well be telling them "because i want you to rebel even harder". i had a friend with a kid who was the same way and this is what they did. . .

the parents sat him down and told them why they didnt want him to do the things that he was doing. they told him that for every day that he went without doing these things he would get a small toy (in this case he LOVED starwars so they got a package of the mini figures and would give him one a day). after a few days of getting one or not getting one he started to realize that beeing good was a positive thing. after a week or two they started a once a week thing, they would put the stars up and if he had a full week he would get a bigger toy or they would take him out for a special activity or whatever. they broke him of beeing totally out of controle in only about a week and a half/2 weeks and practically a complete angel after a month or so. once he started behaving they started just praising him and giving him positive feedback and that seemed to work very well.

hope this helps!

[Homicidalheathen]

Well there is a saying....goes something like this. You have heard of the terrible two's? That's nothing compaired to the fucking fours.

May not help much, but at least you know its so common there is a saying around it.

[BrassFusion]

consistency, in terms of reward and punishment. and be careful if you seek outside help of any kind- it might send the message that you're insecure as a parent and that's not something your kids should think. YOU are the authority, YOU are their master. especially at that age. it's not a teamwork/communication/partnership thing with 4-year-olds

[Fierce Critter]

Funny. My father spanked my ass when necessary. I never ever took that as meaning it's alright to hit someone else. Matter of fact, I'm sure I understood that if I did hit anyone, I'd get all the more spankings for doing so.

I was not traumatized. I am a well-balanced adult. I didn't become an axe murderer. And I sure as shit knew that if I misbehaved, there would be consequences. None of this pansy-ass "time out" bullshit.

Of course, I was raised in a time when parents were allowed to be parents. All this modern pop-psychology and the intrusion of the court system have emasculated parents to mere hands-off caretakers.

And I wasn't beaten every damned day, either. I can probably remember every spanking I ever got, and I wouldn't need every finger to count them. I would be talked to sternly, occasionally yelled at, and if that didn't put me in line, then the spanking.

Thing is, though, I was the youngest of 6 children. My oldest sister is 18 years my senior. I was raised around a LOT of oder siblings, and there were a lot of people there to keep my attention and keep me in line. I really think a lot of this modern-day misbehavior comes from children not being occupied enough and being bored. Keep 'em busy and productive, and they won't have time to think about being little shits.

[CixWicked]

Funny. My father spanked my ass when necessary. I never ever took that as meaning it's alright to hit someone else. Matter of fact, I'm sure I understood that if I did hit anyone, I'd get all the more spankings for doing so.

I was not traumatized. I am a well-balanced adult. I didn't become an axe murderer. And I sure as shit knew that if I misbehaved, there would be consequences. None of this pansy-ass "time out" bullshit.

Of course, I was raised in a time when parents were allowed to be parents. All this modern pop-psychology and the intrusion of the court system have emasculated parents to mere hands-off caretakers.

And I wasn't beaten every damned day, either. I can probably remember every spanking I ever got, and I wouldn't need every finger to count them. I would be talked to sternly, occasionally yelled at, and if that didn't put me in line, then the spanking.

Thing is, though, I was the youngest of 6 children. My oldest sister is 18 years my senior. I was raised around a LOT of oder siblings, and there were a lot of people there to keep my attention and keep me in line. I really think a lot of this modern-day misbehavior comes from children not being occupied enough and being bored. Keep 'em busy and productive, and they won't have time to think about being little shits.

Critter, can you be my Misstress too. You are -awesome-.

Let me say: I have 4 children, Amber (12) , Cadence (3), Rayvinn (2), and Jaydenn (2). Cadence and Rayvinn live with me, Jaydenn and Amber live with their respective mothers. Jaydenn is the only boy.

When I'm home, I put them to bed. We all pick out books to read, then I lay in bed and read through the books with them. Then we do 'storytime' where I start off a sentence in our story (Once upon a time..." and I point at one of the kids, and they finish the story. I go around the room like that, and they participate. Then it's song time. We each choose a song, and we sing them 3 times... once regular, once as loud as we can, and once very very softly.

Then I kiss them each, and I tell them I love them, and I leave. And they go to sleep.

When they do something wrong, I:

1) Tell them to stop what they are doing

2) Threat (Do it again, you're going to bed/getting a spanking/Going to live with Uncle Phee or Uncle Odms)

3) Action. (Spanking, standing in a corner, apologizing to someone hurt, doing an extra chore, or any combination)

I -always- get at least a 1 (I don't ignore bad behavior... ever), and rarely -ever- have to get to 3. My kids know I mean buisness, and they know, when dady's not being silly, he's dead serious.

On the other hand, my wife and mother in law have such a hard time with the girls. Not because the girls are particularly bad, but because they -don't- have the respect for Mommy and Nanna that they do for dady.

They approach things a little differently.

1) Tell them to stop what they are doing

2) Explain what they are doing, and how it's wrong.

3) Threaten to Count to 3

4) Count to 5 or 6, yelling loudly after 3.

5) Threaten to tell their dad

6) Tell dad.

7) AND ONLY if Dad is not available to take care of it... Take Action themselves.

When was the last time you watched cops, and saw a cop say into the loud speaker "I SAID THREE!!! THREE GODDAMNIT... FOUR, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE MR... FIVE... THAT'S IT, I'M CALLING YOUR BOSS!!!"? Society won't paly that game with my children, and neither will I. And trust me, I'd -MUCH- rather discipline them now, than force the criminal justice system to discipline them later.

And just think, how many things that your kids do bad... how much of their bad behavior would be considered criminal if they were a little older.

I don't abuse my children. If you tried to take me away from them, you'd see some unhappy children. But I also don't play the silly little panty waist, panzy ass time out, and counting games. You will obey me or you will suffer the consequences.

I got popped in the hiney when I was little, and I'm a damned good person, and a damned good man.

I'll be damend if my children don't turn out the same way.

CixWicked

[Gauge]

consistency, in terms of reward and punishment. and be careful if you seek outside help of any kind- it might send the message that you're insecure as a parent and that's not something your kids should think. YOU are the authority, YOU are their master. especially at that age. it's not a teamwork/communication/partnership thing with 4-year-olds

dont you think that communicating and treating them like an adult is sending out a good message for a kid? you dont have to let them walk all over you but ive noticed countless times that when i treat my baby cousins more like adults theyre more likely to respond. "kayla none of the other adults are running around the store screaming dont you think maybe you should come over and quietly walk with the rest of us?" its never failed that she comes right over takes my hand and starts telling me what she did at school that day or what she did at recess. now i agree she shouldnt have been running around screaming in the first place buuut im not her mother and i dont live with her.

Let me say: I have 4 children, Amber (12) , Cadence (3), Rayvinn (2), and Jaydenn (2). Cadence and Rayvinn live with me, Jaydenn and Amber live with their respective mothers. Jaydenn is the only boy.

When I'm home, I put them to bed. We all pick out books to read, then I lay in bed and read through the books with them. Then we do 'storytime' where I start off a sentence in our story (Once upon a time..." and I point at one of the kids, and they finish the story. I go around the room like that, and they participate. Then it's song time. We each choose a song, and we sing them 3 times... once regular, once as loud as we can, and once very very softly.

Then I kiss them each, and I tell them I love them, and I leave. And they go to sleep.

When they do something wrong, I:

1) Tell them to stop what they are doing

2) Threat (Do it again, you're going to bed/getting a spanking/Going to live with Uncle Phee or Uncle Odms)

3) Action. (Spanking, standing in a corner, apologizing to someone hurt, doing an extra chore, or any combination)

I -always- get at least a 1 (I don't ignore bad behavior... ever), and rarely -ever- have to get to 3. My kids know I mean buisness, and they know, when dady's not being silly, he's dead serious.

On the other hand, my wife and mother in law have such a hard time with the girls. Not because the girls are particularly bad, but because they -don't- have the respect for Mommy and Nanna that they do for dady.

They approach things a little differently.

1) Tell them to stop what they are doing

2) Explain what they are doing, and how it's wrong.

3) Threaten to Count to 3

4) Count to 5 or 6, yelling loudly after 3.

5) Threaten to tell their dad

6) Tell dad.

7) AND ONLY if Dad is not available to take care of it... Take Action themselves.

first part of that, fucking awsome!

thats pretty funny about the women, the females in my family do the same thing with a slight difference. it usually goes something like 1,3,4,3,3,4,1 and then the loudest cussing screaming childish outburst ever. none of them have any patience and there are no men so they cant really threaten "daddy".

[BrassFusion]

you sound like you're the kind of parent i hope to be, cix.

it's true, i'm not one, YET, but i do remember being a kid. i didn't get spanked as often as i got smacked across the face (even into my early twenties, and THAT'S when i ended it), and that's one thing I plan to do differently than my parents. we worked it out between us and have a good relationship now, but I don't agree with some of their parenting methods.

[Onyx]

Gosh. So many people are dead set against getting a bit of counseling.

It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out thing at all. I used to get comments all the time about how well-behaved my kid was, but she started giving me a horrible time around the age of 3 when it was time to go somewhere. It could be anywhere, playgroup, grandma's, grocery shopping, anywhere. She just started being stubborn about stopping what she was doing and getting ready, and it was driving me nuts. Spanking didn't work for me at that time, just ended up getting her upset and crying and making me late. I didn't want to deal with that kind of stress.

I went with her to a counselor, explained the problem and in just one session the problem was solved. The counselor suggested that at 3 she had the beginnings of a great deal of independence and really isn't something that we wanted to squash. She suggested that I give her some sort of sense of choice by giving her something she had control of. She suggested that I be very firm, but also give her something to choose, for instance

"Heather, it's time to go to playgroup now. Which outfit do you want to wear, the blue one or the red one?"

I saw an immediate improvement. We weren't late, she got dressed and no power struggle. The only time she really gave me problems about going out is if she was overtired, sick from a virus or past naptime, which is understandable. It worked for meals too - I told her it was time to quit playing and eat, and what did she want to drink, giving her a couple of things to choose from.

[rene]

just my opinion of course but i would stay away from sending your kid to a shrink, my parents did that to me and i hated them for it. i think that the only reason to take a kid to someone like that is because you cant actually communicate with them yourself (and im not saying this to offend just mho). maybe instead of saying if you do that again im going to punish you say if you listen to me, and dont do this ill give you. . .idk whatever he likes, extra time to play outside, (which might be all he needs anyway if hes super "outgoing", itll let him burn of extra energy) or an activity that he really likes. also try to explain to him why you dont want him to do it, i know my mom especially would constantly tell me not to do something "because she said so" as a kid to hear that, you might as well be telling them "because i want you to rebel even harder". i had a friend with a kid who was the same way and this is what they did. . .

the parents sat him down and told them why they didnt want him to do the things that he was doing. they told him that for every day that he went without doing these things he would get a small toy (in this case he LOVED starwars so they got a package of the mini figures and would give him one a day). after a few days of getting one or not getting one he started to realize that beeing good was a positive thing. after a week or two they started a once a week thing, they would put the stars up and if he had a full week he would get a bigger toy or they would take him out for a special activity or whatever. they broke him of beeing totally out of controle in only about a week and a half/2 weeks and practically a complete angel after a month or so. once he started behaving they started just praising him and giving him positive feedback and that seemed to work very well.

hope this helps!

That is an awesome idea. I am going to try this. Thanks so much

[rene]

consistency, in terms of reward and punishment. and be careful if you seek outside help of any kind- it might send the message that you're insecure as a parent and that's not something your kids should think. YOU are the authority, YOU are their master. especially at that age. it's not a teamwork/communication/partnership thing with 4-year-olds

Very true I am going to set him down tonight. Thanks

[Rayne]

Gosh. So many people are dead set against getting a bit of counseling.

It doesn't have to be a long drawn-out thing at all. I used to get comments all the time about how well-behaved my kid was, but she started giving me a horrible time around the age of 3 when it was time to go somewhere. It could be anywhere, playgroup, grandma's, grocery shopping, anywhere. She just started being stubborn about stopping what she was doing and getting ready, and it was driving me nuts. Spanking didn't work for me at that time, just ended up getting her upset and crying and making me late. I didn't want to deal with that kind of stress.

I went with her to a counselor, explained the problem and in just one session the problem was solved. The counselor suggested that at 3 she had the beginnings of a great deal of independence and really isn't something that we wanted to squash. She suggested that I give her some sort of sense of choice by giving her something she had control of. She suggested that I be very firm, but also give her something to choose, for instance

"Heather, it's time to go to playgroup now. Which outfit do you want to wear, the blue one or the red one?"

I saw an immediate improvement. We weren't late, she got dressed and no power struggle. The only time she really gave me problems about going out is if she was overtired, sick from a virus or past naptime, which is understandable. It worked for meals too - I told her it was time to quit playing and eat, and what did she want to drink, giving her a couple of things to choose from.

My oldest has been in therapy for since she was 3. She's now olmost 8. She's still in therapy every week. She needs it.

My other three, I get comments all the time how well behaved they are. No issues with them. They listen great, none of the three of them been in therapy ever.

Some kids, I truely believe, need the extra help and someone to talk/play (depending ont heir age, there's play therapy and talk therapy) with.

Behaviour Modification never worked with my daughter, but it has worked wonders with some kids I have seen.

[Fierce Critter]

Critter, can you be my Misstress too. You are -awesome-.

Thanks. But my husband wouldn't approve, I'm sure.

But for what it's worth... ON YOUR KNEES, DOG, AND CLEAN MY BOOT WITH YOUR TONGUE!!!

[Rayne]

When was the last time you watched cops, and saw a cop say into the loud speaker "I SAID THREE!!! THREE GODDAMNIT... FOUR, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE MR... FIVE... THAT'S IT, I'M CALLING YOUR BOSS!!!"? Society won't paly that game with my children, and neither will I. And trust me, I'd -MUCH- rather discipline them now, than force the criminal justice system to discipline them later.

And just think, how many things that your kids do bad... how much of their bad behavior would be considered criminal if they were a little older.

Exactly.