My Son and His Bad Language

[Brenda Starrr]

He's saying things to his sister that are just plain wrong. Here are just a few:

Pig Fucker

Fat bitch

Floppy donkey dick

Rim job lover

Dildo

Slut

I have tried almost everything to get him to stop (short of beating his bony white ass). Do any of you have legitimate suggestions as to how to handle this? I want serious ideas. Not smart ass stuff. I'm at the end of my rope.

[SpidersMoment]

have you actually put soap in his mouth? It may blind him, but he wont swear anymore!

[paradox]

what used to work on me and my brothers:

mouth washed out with soap. literally. and none-too-gently.

stand or kneel in corner, holding books at arms length. more books for worse punishment. about 1/2 hour or so.

whack upside the head or on the bottom. sometimes with 'The Spoon' .

grounding, but this was relatively rare. the immediate punishments seemed much more effective.

i know its not popular to physically punish kids nowadays, but ya know what? sometimes they need disciapline like that. knowing that youre going to 'get it' if you act up is a pretty good deterrant. it needs to be consistant though.

might also try confiscating a favorite toy everytime hes says something like that. to be returned everytime he does something nice or says something nice about his sister and/or writes an apology. perhaps then have him read it out loud to her in front of the family.

just a sample of the things that corrected me. :grin:

[Brenda Starrr]

He has eaten soap and been put in the corner. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. He's 11, and part of me thinks that he's testing us. The better part of me knows that it's more than that, as it may be part of his disorder. I'll see his doctor on Tuesday and tell her what's up. I'm just worn out from this.

[Ginevra]

For my younger sister and I, soap was a very effective deterant to swearing in addition to it being very explicitly explained WHY we were being punished in such a manner. Grounding us from things we enjoyed doing was another good one because there was so little for us to be grounded from. For me, it was grounding from reading books that got my attention.

But since your son has a disorder, "traditional" punishments may not work the same.

[squee]

Pig Fucker

Fat bitch

Floppy donkey dick

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that reminds me of south park

[Fierce Critter]

As an avid Dr. Phil watcher, I can guess what he'd suggest - and it's already been suggested above.

For every slipup, he loses a privilege. Be it a toy, a TV in his room, whatever.

There have been a couple children on the show who ended up in a bare room with nothing but a mattress. But they did learn from it. We're talking SERIOUSLY SCARY children in those cases. But, again, they learned and behaved.

[Vater Araignee]

Try Lava, Felsnaptha, Gojo or Gunk

My dad used mouthfuls of Shaving cream, Laundry detergent or Dish soap on us.

I'm getting sick thinking about it.

Today most bar soaps are made to taste better so people will be more likely to keep using them if they get a taste washing their face.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Never had any kids of my own but i have done some babysitting in my time and spent a lot of time studying human behavior (including children). Even the worst brats on our block that i had to babysit, if i could get full control of them for a few days (weekend vacations for mom & dad usually) their asses would be whipped into shape (not literally) by Monday.

I've had to whip 2 potty mouthed kids into shape actually. Annoying part was that their parents would ruin all my good work and i'd have to start all over again 2 weeks later. :doh:

In the beginning:

It could be as simple as just explaining to him calmly what the rules are and that we don't use that type of language. If he figures hes going to get a big rise out of people every time he does it, that might be why he does it. If there's no rise, there's no incentive to swear.

If that doesn't work then well dum dum dum....

Troy's Boot Camp

First off , its hard to say without knowing him better, as in, is he just doing to get attention? Just mimicking words he thinks are funny? Purposely doing it to be rebellious? But just assuming its a "no clue dunno why, but its gotta stop and the "Timmy stop" isn't working....

Also there's diet and other considerations, but just generic ideas:

Set the stage: If you say something, you follow through. If you say X is the punishment for Y , then it >always

Defcon 1

Cut out the swearing in the house and in his environment as much as possible. Kids don't invent the art of swearing , they learn it. They also learn the "habit" of swearing, but haven't been around long enough to understand the social etiquette off "when" to swear , if ever. (and its to complex , in my opinion to try until they are older, so basically its "no swearing")

That means cut out TV with swearing , Movies, other potty mouthed kids (hard to do) , and mom doesn't swear either. Kids like to let the world know they are alive, and mimicking offensive words, its an age old "RAWR IM HERE MWAHAH!" lookit me i can swear and get attention and be a big boy!!

But the less they hear it and see it in action the less they view it as one of their "tell the world im alive" actions.

Defcon 2

Then, i don't ask kids to stop doing anything bad. I TELL them, there's a difference, sometimes just the way something is put to them , with the fear of something more threatening to come is enough. The whole Troys Boot Camp System is based around this idea, make sure your telling them. Not screaming it, but also not "asking" they are getting a command , not a request, nor a cry for help.

Defcon 3

Does he like standing in the corner by himself with nothing to do ? I've done a lot of babysitting in my time and even the worst brats, if i have fairly 'full parental control" are whipped into shape within a week, if they get consistent punishment for bad behavior.

I also i don't ask them to stop their bad behavior i >tell themeverything=)

Defcon 4

Professional help. If they survive Defcon 3 there's probably good reason to take them to see someone and see what they have to say.

Remember, everything i say , can be easily prefaced with : Im just some hack that doesn't know a damn thing, but thinks he does so be warned.

[honeymustard02]

I'm thinking he is picking this up from the kids he hangs out with. It sounds like he's acting this way because of peer pressure.

I say start taking things away. Or if he getts an allowence, start taking a little bit away or all of it until he learns.

Maybe check with some teachers at school to find out about the kids he's hanging out with?

[Daniel]

Basically, I agree with Critter. But, I will say... swearing is appealing because it is tabboo. The more it seems to annoy your, the more appealing it will be. So don't be dramatic about it. Discipline without passion, don't make a big deal out of it, but make sure you follow through with the punishment... no let ups for good behavior or any thing else.

[Brenda Starrr]

no let ups for good behavior or any thing else.

I follow through with everything I say. He loses items/priviledges, stands in the corner, etc. Part of his disorder includes impulsivity. There is a lot of impulsivity. Meds don't work. Talking calmly doesn't work. His therapist and psychiatrist are beginning to think that he will have to go back in for residential treatment. The whole thought breaks my heart.

[JaneDead]

i do what critter suggested ^

my son used to do it alot when he was younger and back then i would tell him that was "potty language" and if he felt he needed to say it to go in the bathroom and close the door and not to come out til he was done saying it. i know something like that is a lot easier when they are younger.

my son is now 9 and i don't have issues so much with language but rather other stuff he does. it gets SO frustrating when you run out of things to do/things to take away and they still get around to doing what they are not supposed to be doing/saying! my son is VERY impulsive too and it worries me... good luck to you in finding something that works. i know that i am still trying myself...

[Lilith]

Swearing in general in my house has been known to my children from birth as adult words, it is not ok for them to use the words because they do not know, nor can they understand, all the "rules" for using such words. Although I did curve my language, I did not cut out swearing all together in front of my kids nor am I one of those parents who has a fit if some one “slips up”. IRL every child is bond to here some one swear at some point, you can not avoid it. Also when i was a sheltered kid who had not heard a swear word, i got teased at school for my ignorance; well i refuse to let my children be chastised for ignorance.

I have not had any major problem with swearing in my house yet, but my kids are not in the "fun" years yet. So i have no idea if my plan of attack will work but what i hope will happen is my children will learn a respect for all parts of our language before it becomes a problem.

Now when my kids have sworn in the past (I got my oldest on Christmas video saying “Oh SHIT! Sock’s Oh Shit! Socks” He was 2 ½ yrs old and it was the funniest thing cause he looked so excited about some plain white socks, this time we only talked about the rules) I had done pretty much what has been suggested. The only other thing I have learned that has helped me (with my 9 yr old boy) is the art of embarrassment, ever time he does something that is wrong and embarrasses me or I can think how it could embarrasses me, I think of ways that I may have embarrassed him in the past by mistake or ways which I could in the future and I remind him of these thoughts I have in no uncertain terms. My goal is to get him to understand how I feel when he does said act, if he can understand how I feel and experience the emotions that go one inside then perhaps he will think twice before he does it again.

lilith

[Scary Guy]

http://www.sho.com/site/schedules/product_...63&seriesid=134

Not for him unless you think he'll understand it. I just think it was a very good episode and well worth watching.

To get him to stop, well thats another story. Pretty much it has to do with maybe not so much his friends he hangs out with, but kids in school in general. Hang around any social group long enough and you will pick up words and accents used by that group. Personally I'd rather have him swearing than abusing the english language with ebonics (which isn't even a language, it's a dielect).

When I was 14 I got my parents George Carlin album, and what a great skit that was. 7 Dirty Words you Can't Say on Television, but today that list is down to like 4? In any case I know when to be polite and respectful, and when to talk like a sailor.

Best way to fix this is to let him say something to the wrong person, then have him get put in his place, so he learns the power words can have. Just hope he doesn't have terrets.

[Brenda Starrr]

He doesn't have Turrets, but he has Asperger's. Asperger's is a type of high-functioning autism. Most children with the disorder are geniuses in one specific area, and they get angry/violent if you try to discuss/do something else. They speak like you and me, but it's pretty much only about what their area of "expertise". I could discuss lip gloss, and he will somehow morph it into a computer discussion. But, if you even try to do/say something other than what he wants to do/say, he goes off. He says some really fowl stuff, and most of the physical abuse is directed at his sister or myself.

His psychiatrist is really concerned, as I am. It's literally exhausting.

[Ginevra]

The retail store that I work at, there is an employee who is somewhat similar to this although, he's apparently either learned to control it or he has very good medication or a combination of both. Although, one can usually tell when his medication is being adjusted.

He talks to himself in a non-sensical ways but they apparently make sense to him. He does odd things, at least to the rest of us, that make sense to him. For instance, if he forgets where he left his price gun, he will begin walking backwards, retracing his steps to find the item. He calls it "rewinding" himself. If he injures himself, he will ask aloud for a "re-do". If he's in a discussion with someone, and something potentially bad is spoken about, he refers to the situation as "being a Gargamel", since Gargamel was essentially a bad person who created bad situations.

He has to report to work the same time with a severely set schedule. It's very difficult for him to change. If the alarms in the building should happen to go off, he cannot handle the clangor. He will simply stand with his hands over his ears and shout.

On the brighter end, he can drive a car. He can hold a job. He can have intelligent conversations with folks if you can keep him on track. He's very good with computers.

[Brenda Starrr]

I just hope that my son will be able to do all of those things safely. He's a good boy (as long as his sister isn't around) and so very, very smart. I'm proud of him in so many ways.

[Scary Guy]

As most parents are of their kids, which is good.

In a way he sounds a little like me. I happen to be autistic and to a degree all I usually do is computers and music. I was stuck in a rut for a while but I actively wanted to change (though I'm still pretty limited in conversation, I don't get angry I just can't relate very well). Maybe open his mind up to new things, if needed via those avenues he's set in.

I don't know why I'm trying to give advice though, you actually pay a professional for it and I'm sure he knows better than most of us do *looks for rolleyes smily*.

[Brenda Starrr]

No, SG. I like to hear what others have to say. Thanks for letting me know about you as well. I just feel like feedback from someone other than his doctors is helpful. Do you have Asperger's as well?

[Scary Guy]

No, SG. I like to hear what others have to say. Thanks for letting me know about you as well. I just feel like feedback from someone  other than his doctors is helpful. Do you have Asperger's as well?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No just general autisim, but maybe that includes a very accute form of Asperger's. Or maybe it's just because I was sheltered as a child and never really had many friends other than the TV and my lego's. Until a few years ago I was completely socially inept and had no conversational skills. I thank the clubs and the internet for helping me with that.

Self evelution is my key goal, always trying to better myself in every way possible.

[Fierce Critter]

Until a few years ago I was completely socially inept and had no conversational skills.  I thank the clubs and the internet for helping me with that.

Self evelution is my key goal, always trying to better myself in every way possible.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

SG, you're one of the favorite people Jon and I met via this board. And probably one of the easiest for Jon, in particular, to talk to.

Jon has a history of timidity, being poor, and being horribly abused by peers. Without going into a long history of his psyche and his own problematic social skills, basically, he's NOT a people person - 'nuff said.

But he really liked you. We never would have known you weren't always a friendly & interesting person.