Have You Ever Tried To Find Love For Your Friends?

[sass_in_the_pants]

My friend Davey needs to find himself a girl. But he's doing a piss poor job of it. So, I've fired him. This is a hostile takeover.

I am in charge now.

And I am having just a bitch of a time getting the job done.

How can I find 'The One' for my friend?

[know_buddy_kares]

I've tried playing match maker.. didn't work though... but it's alot better if you find someone through a friend, it's sorta having a refrence in hopes your friend knows em well enough to know they'll be ok for ya. It's also a big ice breaker for me as well. But yeah, good luck with your friend and getting him a girl.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Yeah... two marriges have been the results and one very long term relationship. No divorces yet. *fingers crossed"

[saechalyn]

First of all, does he want your help in this? If he doesn't, he may only end up resenting you. (That's how I've reacted to people who try to play matchmaker without my consent, anyway, ymmv.)

Assuming he is cooperative...

Don't be pushy. Go out with him to wherever he likes to go- clubs, bars, museums, concerts, coffee shops, parks...whatever. If a girl catches his eye, look for an excuse to talk to her- compliment her outfit, or just say "hi" and make small talk. If she doesn't seem interested, move on. If they seem to hit it off, find a NOT OBVIOUS way to excuse yourself. If he needs help, make some comment relevant to where you are. Like if you're at a concert say, Davey here got me into this band in 2002, I'm so grateful!

Also encourage him to expand his horizons- if you have circles of friends that he doesn't know, invite him along next time you get together. Encourage him to try new things, go new places, and go with him if you can. Keep the emphasis on having fun, trying new things and meeting new people; pressure on both of you to find THE ONE is only going to backfire. Girls can smell desperation and it is not sexy. Good luck!

[Scary Guy]

Me "Stay away, you'll regret it."

...later...

Them "Holy fuck I should have listened to you Scary Guy."

Me "Yeah no shit."

[sass_in_the_pants]

First of all, does he want your help in this? If he doesn't, he may only end up resenting you. (That's how I've reacted to people who try to play matchmaker without my consent, anyway, ymmv.)

Assuming he is cooperative...

Don't be pushy. Go out with him to wherever he likes to go- clubs, bars, museums, concerts, coffee shops, parks...whatever. If a girl catches his eye, look for an excuse to talk to her- compliment her outfit, or just say "hi" and make small talk. If she doesn't seem interested, move on. If they seem to hit it off, find a NOT OBVIOUS way to excuse yourself. If he needs help, make some comment relevant to where you are. Like if you're at a concert say, Davey here got me into this band in 2002, I'm so grateful!

Also encourage him to expand his horizons- if you have circles of friends that he doesn't know, invite him along next time you get together. Encourage him to try new things, go new places, and go with him if you can. Keep the emphasis on having fun, trying new things and meeting new people; pressure on both of you to find THE ONE is only going to backfire. Girls can smell desperation and it is not sexy. Good luck!

He does want my help, he said he was touched that I would even make an effort on his behalf. He came to me about this because it is a game that I am particularly good at. Historically, this little matchmaker game I play has been very successful - three long term relationships that are still going, two roommates, one business venture, and a partridge in a pear tree. Even a tennis partner! Mostly I've done it through the standard channels, I just make sure that two people who would have something in common are at the same place, at the same time and seated next to eachother. I then say something along the lines of 'Sara, weren't you just telling me that you would like to get into mountain biking? Mikey here goes mountain biking every weekend' Then, I find that there is something which needs my urgent attention and I scurry off. Said couple usually ends up making out in my driveway and I know my job is done. And, I know Dave VERY well, I can spot the girl he'd like in any crowd. He trusts my taste implicitly.

Both of these facts seem like they would make my job very easy.

But this one...

This one's different.

I don't need to find him any girl, he's quite capable of that himself, I need to find him THE girl. He's outgoing. He's party boy. He's not shy about chatting it up with a girl, or anyone for that matter, and he's quite charming and funny and sweet. So, normally if there is a girl he's interested in, they at least make it to the first date. And I KNOW he's a good dater, but the match is never right, so the girl fades away. They invariably fall for him, but he's just not all that excited about them.

He IS open to trying new things, which is fantastic and will certainly help in this process - I'm always dragging his ass to places he's never heard of, and he's always game for it. He's a good sport. And he has met girls through my other circles of friends...three to be exact. None of those panned out, but still each party gave it a go and that's all that I ask. And he's met girls at places that I've drug him to, but not THE girl.

See, it needs to be THE girl.

She needs to be AWESOME. Davey's a good catch. He just needs to find the right girl. Davey introduced me to Guy. I kind of owe him one. You see, he's not the desperate one here. I am. For years, it's been me and Guy and Davey hanging out. And now, Guy and I have a baby on the way - this will leave less time for Davey. If I can just know that he is safe and happy in the arms of fantastic woman, then I'll be okay with the fact that we'll have less time to spend with him. He tells me that I worry too much, that I'm being silly, that there is no need for me to worry about him. Well, what I NEED to do and what I will actually do are two very different things and I don't know why he would ever expect that they would be the same.

[saechalyn]

Obviously I don't know any of you, so take this with a grain of salt...but I have to agree with Davey, you're being silly! It's sweet of you to be concerned, but if there was a formula for finding THE girl, (or guy) then we could all just learn it and none of us would be alone. Of course you will have less time for him with a child on the way; that is just the way of things.

[Shade Everdark]

Don't.

You'll die of frustration first.

[honeymustard02]

I have had the luck to do this on accident. All the guys that I was interested in ended up with my friends. Sounds sad but really it wasn't. They ended up really not being my type but perfect for those they hooked up with.

Don't force them together. If you have single friends who might fit the bill, hang out in group settings and see if they hit it off. Dont make it seem forced.

[Morbid Side]

Uhm not love but definately lust. Since I don't want my friend to sue, or if he still reads the board the names will be changed for legal purposes only. I ended up introducing my friend Sam at the time who lived here in Michigan to another one of my friends namerd Jackie. At first she kinda startled us both by thinking that I might be potentially gay with this guy. I found it funny that my friend did take acception to this one and we all yukked it up. They started to hang out, and finally he had the courage to ask for her number.

She gave it to him, and then next thing I find out they are seeing each other all the time. She gushed when talking about him, and he simply told me "She was a nice girl." But due to having a kid, it was difficult for my friend to seal the deal. I remember he was supposed to hang out with me, but instead he hung out with my friend. He stayed the night there and...yep you guessed it they got freaky with each other. Shortly after there brief one-nighter it was as if it never happened. My friend told me he did want to see her again and vanished from the picture while she told me they both were headed in completely different directions.

[Homicidalheathen]

I don't play matchmaker anymore. They end up hating each other, they will blame you and then you loose two friends. Just stay out of it.

[Msterbeau]

If you like facilitating, do it. As long as you don't pressure yourself, or him, I see no big problems. It's when you start to feel it's your duty that it crosses the line, IMO. He's obviously picky. I totally recognize that... It's not worth settling for anything less then the best possible match. Whatever that may be. If he sets the bar too high... let him figure that out, and readjust accordingly. I also agree with saechalyn. Don't get your expectations up.

BTW... I could use a dating fairy godmother too.

[TygerLili]

Nope.

If I had two single friends who I thought would be good togehter, I wouldn't be opposed to introducing them. My problem is that I have very few female friends and the ones I do are either married, in a serious long-term relationship, or afraid of men/relationships/sex in general.

On the other had going out with someone and trying to hook them up with someone I don't know sounds creepy and controlling to me, and like something that would make me very uncomfortable if the tables were turned.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Doesn't matter who/what introduced you to the person if it works out. I've probably introduced at least 10 friends to people that ended up being their girlfriends/boyfriends ("real life" introductions that is, if we include the internet the numbers become countless) Despite the silly and now becoming quickly ancient thank god, bigotry against the net, the net is a good way to meet people , just as one suggestion.

Like it or not, often its a "numbers" game. Might take 1000 different acquaintances before there is a mutual connection. Persistence and visibility is key. Given enough time you cant help but even just ACCIDENTALLY find a relationship yourself or help someone meet someone else. This friend of yours just needs to be made available. Potential mates need to know they exist.

Although there's no rule that says you have to have a relationship "fast" unless there is some sort of reward for getting a GF/BF in under a certain time limit. Often i think the problem is a rush-to-get-any-relationship for some insane fear of being single rather than looking for the "right" relationship.

[creatureofthenyte]

most of my friends have already found love along time ago, so they don't need my help. and since they don't live near me, they can't really help me either.

[Crazed Vampyress]

Never played matchmaker, you couldnt pay me to do it.

but then again i gave up dating years ago, and relationships before that. I am the anti-relationship advocate. Not saying others cant do it, but i discovered i am 1-bad at relationships/dating and 2- happy on my own.

Oh wait, there i go off talking about me again...

On topic: I think finding anyone THE one is damn near impossible. only he/she would know. Introducing people is about as far as i think you can take it, the rest is up to them.

[Crazed Vampyress]

Never played matchmaker, you couldnt pay me to do it.

but then again i gave up dating years ago, and relationships before that. I am the anti-relationship advocate. Not saying others cant do it, but i discovered i am 1-bad at relationships/dating and 2- happy on my own.

Oh wait, there i go off talking about me again...

On topic: I think finding anyone THE one is damn near impossible. only he/she would know. Introducing people is about as far as i think you can take it, the rest is up to them.

[Medea]

I've been fairly successful in this department. Mainly in regards to my best friend of 15 years.

I've hooked her up three different times over the years, and besides the first one which was in early high school, each of the relationships lasted over 2 years.

[Homicidalheathen]

Like it or not, often its a "numbers" game. Might take 1000 different acquaintances before there is a mutual connection

This sometimes backfires though. A guy is out there hitting on 100 girls a week.......and one of the nice ones finds out and figures he is just a player. Seen it happen. A guy who thought he had to 'sew seeds' with a ton to find a good one lost a good one that way.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

I am cupid from hell. No shit either. I will completely take credit for at least half a dozen long term relationships that are very happy still, and quite a few marriages as well! I was always shit at finding love for myself though, but whatever. I mostly wind up with the one's my mother warned me about, but Cyn's a good girl. Rough patches at the moment for sure, but everything works out for the best.

I just really don't get why I'm so good at finding love for others and suck horribly when it comes to myself.

Nope.

If I had two single friends who I thought would be good togehter, I wouldn't be opposed to introducing them. My problem is that I have very few female friends and the ones I do are either married, in a serious long-term relationship, or afraid of men/relationships/sex in general.

On the other had going out with someone and trying to hook them up with someone I don't know sounds creepy and controlling to me, and like something that would make me very uncomfortable if the tables were turned.

Yeah no shit. This is why I only hook up friends personally. However, I will talk to any man or woman on the face of this planet and have them figured out before long. I have a 6th sense for human suckage.....

[Shade Everdark]

I am cupid from hell. No shit either. I will completely take credit for at least half a dozen long term relationships that are very happy still, and quite a few marriages as well! I was always shit at finding love for myself though, but whatever. I mostly wind up with the one's my mother warned me about, but Cyn's a good girl. Rough patches at the moment for sure, but everything works out for the best.

I just really don't get why I'm so good at finding love for others and suck horribly when it comes to myself.

Yeah no shit. This is why I only hook up friends personally. However, I will talk to any man or woman on the face of this planet and have them figured out before long. I have a 6th sense for human suckage.....

Then I look forward to meeting you.

I always enjoy providing people with challenges.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

Then I look forward to meeting you.

I always enjoy providing people with challenges.

I always appreciated a good challenge.

[sass_in_the_pants]

*checks this one off her list*

Well, at least for now.

She is actually on the WAY outer rim of my circle of work friends, but I managed to get her to a party. They chatted over the Twinkie hors d'oeuvres. He's quite smitten. So is she. They've been talking on the phone and have gone on a couple of dates. They both really seem to like eachother.

I'm hopeful.

They can take it from here.

Now, on to my next project. She said she just wants to meet a nice church boy. I found one. Can you EVEN believe that? He's a cutie, a lawyer, and Catholic. No sparks.

*shakes head* Sigh. My work is never done.

[Homicidalheathen]

I am cupid from hell. No shit either