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Dear family and friends

In my will I leave Raven with my PS2, because it was his to start with anyway. I leave my momma my car, because also, it was hers. I leave everything in my estate, including my condo, to Gitzie, because she is the sassyest cat that god ever made and she deserves every last square foot of that home to roll around in and get fur all over. I was going to leave her my car, but she failed the road test like twice and I didn't wanna shell out another 40 bucks just for her to fuck up again. Maybe I should get her one of those donut things, 'cause she DOES bitch alot about not being able to see above the steering wheel. Then there was that ONE time she hit a kid and kept driving. I don't see her getting her license anytime soon. Ah fuck it, take the car from my mom and also put that in my will to Gitzie. I also leave her 40 dollars cash so she can take the road test for her THIRD fucking time, and if she doesn't pass oh well then she's just a loser who can't drive to get to work now. That pudgy fatass, why do I care about the 40 bucks anyway, I'm dead remember?

Also, please do not touch my stuff, because you know that it is mine.

Well actually now it's Gitzie's stuff, which will prolly make her happy seeing as she's been eyeing that one black pair of boots I have even though I tell her she has kitty feet and it won't work. Kitties can't wear people shoes, now that's just ridiculous.

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God, please re-incarnate me as a female stripper pole.....

I used to say bicycle seat myself. I think I stole that from somewhere though....

On another note, my last thoughts would probably be quit crying you crybabies and start drinking.

EDIT:

Crap Tara beat me to it.

Hmmm....

No worries, the devil don't know I'm dead yet. Say a prayer for me and a prayer to forget me sooner. The earth will cover me soon. The body to the ground, and the soul to be judged. I'm taking everything with me that was me, so if you want to see me again, you'll have to be exactly as good as I was, and exactly as awful as I was. You might just be better off forgetting the whole thing.

P.S. I never really liked most of you anyways. Those I did, know so, and those I didn't don't know but those that I did probably did know those that I didn't. If this is the case, and you didn't know those I didn't, then in your case, I probably didn't.

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I would just say sorry for any pain I caused while I was around. I hope this act shows how bad I felt about that and believed this was the only way to prevent any chance of causing future pain. Forgive my selfish act and remember the good times we shared and forgive the bad. This is the only way I know to prevent any future problems. And I would include a special apology to one person whom I tried to be there for in a positive way altho it's looking like there was some negative effects included.

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