What To Do Anymore

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

My girlfriend, who i love, is over-the-top paranoid about our relationship.

she is at the point that if I don't hold her hand all the time while we are walking, she goes into this "apocalyptic relationship" scenario where I am going to leave her. If I go out with friends more then once a week...then I must not want to spend time with her.

The one time i do go out each week, she makes it seem like its the end of it all....I don't know what to do anymore.

I love her, but this is getting to be ridiculous.

help

[Msterbeau]

Talk. Ask her why she feels like this. Discuss it and let her know that you love her but that this issue is a serious one. Try not to put it as an ultimatum: "Either you change or I leave." That will put her on the defensive.

Good luck.

[hunhee]

Okay first off, we sort of need to know a few things before we get started.. umm.. how long have you been in this relationship? Does she have any reason to doubt that you wanna be with her (i.e. cheating..maybe not with eachother, but before you dated..OR she could be cheating..i always notice the more jealous freaked out ones are the ones who are cheating.).. umm.. brief family background..perhaps she has some fear of loss/rejection..

She appears to be super clingie.. (Klingons are no good...hehe) .. does she have her own group of friends? I was in a relationship where I was my husband's best friend/wife/only friend.. this was a bit too much for me to handle.. although he didn't ever stop me or make me feel guilty for going out with friends..i ended up feeling that way anyway.. it sucked..

Do you two live together? Do you have an unusual amount of friends who are girls? (an insecure girl may feel concerned if this is the case, my ex felt that girls & guys couldn't be friends without some sexual undertones involved)...

[FarrIL]

They say that the accuser is usually the guilty on. If she thinks you're going to cheat on her, you might want to start asking.

Communication is KEY in relationships! PERIOD! END OF DISCUSSION!

You need to talk to her. What makes her think that you're going to cheat on her? What makes her think that you dont want to spend time with her? Tell her that she needs to understand that you DO have a life outside of your relationship, and that she should have the same.

You want to go hang out with friends, she should go out with friends too. Not with YOU and your friends, but hers.

Communication goes both ways.... if she's not talking, something's up.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

well...we're gonna get these one by one.

"Communication is KEY in relationships! PERIOD! END OF DISCUSSION!

You need to talk to her."

yeah....I try to get her to talk, but she just bottles it until she starts crying. I'm a Gemini, so it's not like communication is a problem on my end...but she never tells me what is wrong..and when she does, it's these little things that she is acting like are world-ending problems...like the hand holding.

"how long have you been in this relationship? Does she have any reason to doubt that you wanna be with her (i.e. cheating..maybe not with eachother, but before you dated..OR she could be cheating..i always notice the more jealous freaked out ones are the ones who are cheating.).. umm.. brief family background..perhaps she has some fear of loss/rejection.."

It will be a year on July 24th. It will be my longest relationship to date...basically cuz I'm that "fast moving, possessive, I want it and I want it now" type....course it doesn't help that my initials are D.O.G.S, I tend to wimper and bark in my sleep, and I was born under the sign of the dog....ok...so I am canine....

she's not cheating...I know that...she does have rejection issues, but we been through some rough waters since we started going out, and the last 3-4 months haven't been anything like what we been through before...it's been really calm...and now she is going into this....she just seems insanely insecure....

"She appears to be super clingie.. (Klingons are no good...hehe) .. does she have her own group of friends?"

two...she has like two friends....where as I used to almost have something of a "cult" following: people in TX, AZ, Cali, chicago, In, TN, Florida...well..everywhere....people are drawn to me, and it's easy for me to make friends....hell...I even have a fan club (not sure what i did to deserve it) and am considered on a legendary status among some circles (yeah...ok...it's a little nuts)....we're both two different people socially....everyone tends to open up to me, and I'm that "life of the party" type: funny, honest, no" rose glasses" intelligent, quick witted....she is the opposite...hardly any friends...contastantly thinks everyone hates her...doesn't try to go meet new people...kinda paranoid acting...my room-mate is the same way, as well.

"Do you two live together? Do you have an unusual amount of friends who are girls? (an insecure girl may feel concerned if this is the case, my ex felt that girls & guys couldn't be friends without some sexual undertones involved)..."

Yeah...we live together...have for about 9 months..longer then I've had the promotions company.

and yeah...I have a high amount of female friends...several who I've had past relationship with (course it doesn't help being a natural flirt: I don't even notice I am doing it, and having past relationships tell all my OTHER female friends that my tongue is called "god" for a reason)....but thats PAST relationships...those ships have sailed....I still keep in contact with them..and hang out with them from time to time, but no-where near enough for her to reasonably think i am cheating.

"What makes her think that you're going to cheat on her? What makes her think that you dont want to spend time with her? Tell her that she needs to understand that you DO have a life outside of your relationship, and that she should have the same."

umm...she's paranoid?...every little minute away from her, if i'm not attached to her hip...makes her think this....

[Daevion]

hahaha! sounds like a marriage made in heaven!!! seriously get married....you figure she'll have a PI following you around eventually..

...I suppose you could also look at it another way, at least she cares enough to be paranoid.

[EvilEve]

talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk some more... talk her ear off! let her talk your ear off! (it'd be kinda funny to see you both w/o ears) she's not going to want to talk at first. simply telling her '"i'm not going to leave you" isn't going to work. ask her lots of quesitons, LOTS! ask her her fears, aside from you leaving her. there may be something else. watch her, don't intimidate her (cause you have a tendency of doing that to some people). watch her body language, her eyes, the way she looks when she does decided to answer a question, is she nervous... also, make sure that when you do play GRAND INQUISITOR, you're calm, cool, and collective... like a cucumber.

she's probably more afraid of losing you to your business because you're a social butterfly, and she's not.

[Head Wreck]

communication is key.

i'm the worst to offer advice though.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

"she's probably more afraid of losing you to your business because you're a social butterfly, and she's not."

Thats another thing...she's flat out jealous of it. I know I spend quite a bit fo time doing the booking thing...but it REQUIRES it...and yeah...at first our relationship suffered...but now I don't work with nearly as many bands, and I got focus on it...but she still sees it as a rival....and as muc has I love her, i'm not dumping the business for her...nor will I dump her for the business....I know a balance can be reached...

[hunhee]

All I can say is be patient..and by NO MEANS dump the business for her.. you'll end up breaking up with her later because you will resent her for it.. then you wouldn't have the business OR the girl...

[know_buddy_kares]

My girlfriend, who i love, is over-the-top paranoid about our relationship.

she is at the point that if I don't hold her hand all the time while we are walking, she goes into this "apocalyptic relationship" scenario where I am going to leave her. If I go out with friends more then once a week...then I must not want to spend time with her.

The one time i do go out each week, she makes it seem like its the end of it all....I don't know what to do anymore.

I love her, but this is getting to be ridiculous.

help

To save you alot of pain and suffering from effort. Make her worst fears come true and drop her ass. It eliminates the bitching, the controling. And gives you peace and quite, and freedom. I can't even begin to tell you how much the positives out weigh the negatives here.

[know_buddy_kares]

A-fucking-MEN, brother, preach on!

Thankyou, i tend to speak from quite alot of experience when it comes to the jealous types oddly...

[jadnifer]

You both need time apart with friends once in awhile.

You really need to find out why she is SO insecure.

All the advice that I can give you is communication. Hopefully communication that wont lead to her crying.

I hate when these things happen because it leaves you with a difficult decision.

Good luck with it, man!

[Shade Everdark]

I probably have no business posting anything resembling advice here.

I would agree with the suggestions already given about talking to her about this apparent insecurity. If she is jealous of your ability to be the 'center of attention', maybe offer to introduce her to some of the people you meet, who you think she'd get along with.

If that doesn't seem to help, maybe breaking it off is the best idea.

[creatureofthenyte]

ok, you can try talkin to her about it.

However, just like KBK said, just dump her.

Life is too short.

Do you really want to stay with someone that makes you want to smash your head against a wall ?

If I were in that situation, she would be GONE.

Sounds like she is severely emotionally challenged.

She's just not worth it man.

There are emotionally secure women in the world still....

This one yer with is not one of them.

I was with someone like that once.

After I dumped her, I felt like a giant burden had been lifted off me.

good luck.

[creatureofthenyte]

ok, you can try talkin to her about it.

However, just like KBK said, just dump her.

Life is too short.

Do you really want to stay with someone that makes you want to smash your head against a wall ?

If I were in that situation, she would be GONE.

Sounds like she is severely emotionally challenged.

She's just not worth it man.

There are emotionally secure women in the world still....

This one yer with is not one of them.

I was with someone like that once.

After I dumped her, I felt like a giant burden had been lifted off me.

good luck.

[Steven]

My girlfriend, who i love, is over-the-top paranoid about our relationship.

she is at the point that if I don't hold her hand all the time while we are walking, she goes into this "apocalyptic relationship" scenario where I am going to leave her. If I go out with friends more then once a week...then I must not want to spend time with her.

The one time i do go out each week, she makes it seem like its the end of it all....I don't know what to do anymore.

I love her, but this is getting to be ridiculous.

help

every healthy relationship has limits and boundries.

set some.

[Steven]

PS -

consider your own programming.

seriously.

I personally, could not maintain that lovin feeling for anybody that sucked the life force out of my ass.

[CatsEyeOfTheWiccan]

You both need time apart with friends once in awhile.

You really need to find out why she is SO insecure.

All the advice that I can give you is communication. Hopefully communication that wont lead to her crying.

I hate when these things happen because it leaves you with a difficult decision.

Good luck with it, man!

I agree...jadnifer. Communication is the key. When I am in relationships I believe everyone deserves friends and time apart be with there friends. Jealous lovers can only lead to make relationship suffer. The excuse each other of cheating is not great feeling at all that also would drive relationship apart. So, communicate your feelings without yelling and talk mature and let each other hear each other out what their feeling.

-CatsEye

[hellequin]

i use to be extrememly paranoid about being dumped and also clingy and uncommunicative.. when i was a lot younger. then i got dumped lots.. so i learned... um, ^^^ not the way to go about relationships.

no amount of talking is going to work things out. she has much growing up to do and must aquire self confidence, most likely, by her own making. huge ass red flags go up in my head when a partner gets jealous of friends and friend time. let alone business time. (never stand in the way of a partner's wallet) it sounds like shes trying to isolate you and keep her to herself. NOT GOOD. youre already living with her. she sees you more than enough. everyone needs alone time, even the most extroverted type. and everyone needs friend time, even the most introverted type.

i would mention these things in as much of a non accusatory manner. but no matter what, and i'm speaking from experience, she will take offense and go on the defense, not talk to you and then start balling. this is the sign of an extremely immature person. and all of the above is more than justifiable dumping reasons.

if you do dump her, which i suggest, make sure she clearly knows why.. no matter how upset and emotional she gets. she needs to learn that she won't be able to keep any man/one by her own behaviors. and no matter how hard it is for you, stay as unemotional as possible. be firm. don't give her an inkling of an idea that it will continue as it has been continuing. she will use it to her advantage by continuing her controlling behavior.

good luck.

[Homicidalheathen]

I probably have no business posting anything resembling advice here

Heh heh. I wish more people realized this about themselves.

[Guest GodfallenPromos]

yeah....I'm not sure what to do anymore...I hate breaking her heart...but she is driving me up the wall....like RIGHT now...she has some fucking attitude for no reason....

[jadnifer]

Oh boy...I know its hard...and Im not one to give advice...but think of whats best for you.

[creatureofthenyte]

yeah....I'm not sure what to do anymore...I hate breaking her heart...but she is driving me up the wall....like RIGHT now...she has some fucking attitude for no reason....

This is what you should do; Stand up for yourself, and your sanity, and JUST DUMP HER NOW!!!!!

She is not the last woman on earth, and even if she was, she's crazy, run forrest run!

[Daevion]

alot of calls to " dump her now ".....thats free advice for ya