4 Most Important Things For Happy Couples

[phee]

So I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to work, and someone is writing a book based on conversations that she had with couples on what makes a relationship last and be happy... Here they are in order.

1.) Talking: Always make time to simply talk to your significant other everyday if possible, don't become strangers in your own home, carving out sometime to just sit back and reflect and such is very important.

2.) Flirting: (This is a big one for me). Make the other person in the relationship feel attractive and loved, this doesn't mean you have to have sex all the time, just make the other person feel sexy, let them know you still find them attractive, and that you still want to be with them. Pay compliments everyday, make out every once and a while, cuddle, etc...

3.) Being goofy: Have fun with your significant other, play video games and board games, enjoy each others company, it is important every once and while to simply keep the seriousness of life away for a while.

4.) Be independant: Live your own life, let your significant other live their own life. Don't make them feel guilty about going out and doing their own thing, and encourage the other person to do the same. You cannot appreciate the other person if you are around them 24/7 and don't let them live their lives, and vice versa.

So what are your thoughts? (without getting in too much trouble) which of these aspects do you agree with/disagree with? Which of thes items do you do well? which ones are missing?

Thanks

[Msterbeau]

I agree 10,000% This feels a lot like how Carla and I were, when we were together. We could have talked a bit more about what was going on inside, I think. The problem became the distance and the time apart once I moved here. :-(

[freydis]

So I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to work, and someone is writing a book based on conversations that she had with couples on what makes a relationship last and be happy... Here they are in order.

1.) Talking: Always make time to simply talk to your significant other everyday if possible, don't become strangers in your own home, carving out sometime to just sit back and reflect and such is very important.

2.) Flirting: (This is a big one for me). Make the other person in the relationship feel attractive and loved, this doesn't mean you have to have sex all the time, just make the other person feel sexy, let them know you still find them attractive, and that you still want to be with them. Pay compliments everyday, make out every once and a while, cuddle, etc...

3.) Being goofy: Have fun with your significant other, play video games and board games, enjoy each others company, it is important every once and while to simply keep the seriousness of life away for a while.

4.) Be independant: Live your own life, let your significant other live their own life. Don't make them feel guilty about going out and doing their own thing, and encourage the other person to do the same. You cannot appreciate the other person if you are around them 24/7 and don't let them live their lives, and vice versa.

So what are your thoughts? (without getting in too much trouble) which of these aspects do you agree with/disagree with? Which of thes items do you do well? which ones are missing?

Thanks

I agree with all of them. Definately important for mental and emotional health, i think....

[Homicidalheathen]

4.) Be independant: Live your own life, let your significant other live their own life. Don't make them feel guilty about going out and doing their own thing, and encourage the other person to do the same. You cannot appreciate the other person if you are around them 24/7 and don't let them live their lives, and vice versa.

I am proud to say I am with someone who went from not letting me take walks by myself or see my family to letting me spend the night where ever and whenever I want and vice versa.

We only talked about being open in the beginning and at first all he did was sneak but it seems all that petty crap goes out the window with age.

All that matters is we have each other backs and are totally down for each other much as I was with my gang buddies when I was a punk and I love it this way.

Not that I ever did that sort of thing....but you know.

[jadnifer]

OH MY!! If my past relationships would have had these...maybe we would have stayed together.

[Fierce Critter]

Well, all of those are the primary forces that make my marriage to Jon work, going on 9 years now.

The independent thing, maybe not so much. We really don't seek a lot of time apart from each other - actually it's the opposite. We'd even work together if we could.

That said, I did go into the marriage not spending enough time fostering the things that I enjoyed prior to meeting Jon. I haven't picked up my guitar, painted a model, done ceramics - any of the hobbies I did and could still do independent of Jon.

Luckily, in the past year or two I've been learning to recapture some of the activities I "gave up" to "take care" of "us". So I guess then, in a way, I do agree with even that point.

Yeah. I agree.

[hunhee]

I agree with all of them.. Being independant of eachother is KEY .. you can't be someone's best friend/spouse/only friend that's WAY too much to ask of someone..and very unfair.. Everyone needs their alone time once in a while..

Umm..talking isn't really enough..you have to communicate feelings and intentions.. I was in an 11 year relationship that i realized that I did very little of the talking in..which if you met me, you'd think that I never shut up.. but in all seriousness, if all you talk about is the next video game..or the next magic card deck to kill them all..or the next thing you can purchase, you're not communicating..you're just talking about shit.. You have to take some time on occasion to reflect on .. is this where we want our relationship to go.. are we happy where we are.. what can we do to change if things aren't going well.. not just ignore the issues, and hope they go away..cause trust me they don't... they fester and get worse.. OH yeah and also, be honest when you talk about touchy subjects.. don't be afraid to say something that may hurt the other person, because in all reality if you feel that it's a problem, they are probably thinking it too (just be tactful).

Making someone feel desired and wanted.. *sighs* that's something else that absolutely NEEDS to be there.. being spontaneous and doing up something special just cause.. is always a good thing.. giving little gifts (not meaning huge money things, could be a wild flower from your back yard).. always a bonus.. telling someone you really appreciate them (sincerely) ..

*sighs*

Gosh .. i was sorta in a good mood before :/ *shakes it off*

[phee]

I agree with all of them.. Being independant of eachother is KEY .. you can't be someone's best friend/spouse/only friend that's WAY too much to ask of someone..and very unfair.. Everyone needs their alone time once in a while..

Umm..talking isn't really enough..you have to communicate feelings and intentions.. I was in an 11 year relationship that i realized that I did very little of the talking in..which if you met me, you'd think that I never shut up.. but in all seriousness, if all you talk about is the next video game..or the next magic card deck to kill them all..or the next thing you can purchase, you're not communicating..you're just talking about shit.. You have to take some time on occasion to reflect on .. is this where we want our relationship to go.. are we happy where we are.. what can we do to change if things aren't going well.. not just ignore the issues, and hope they go away..cause trust me they don't... they fester and get worse.. OH yeah and also, be honest when you talk about touchy subjects.. don't be afraid to say something that may hurt the other person, because in all reality if you feel that it's a problem, they are probably thinking it too (just be tactful).

Making someone feel desired and wanted.. *sighs* that's something else that absolutely NEEDS to be there.. being spontaneous and doing up something special just cause.. is always a good thing.. giving little gifts (not meaning huge money things, could be a wild flower from your back yard).. always a bonus.. telling someone you really appreciate them (sincerely) ..

*sighs*

Gosh .. i was sorta in a good mood before :/ *shakes it off*

Yeah I know what you mean, not feeling desired or wanted has this nasty build up effect.. kind of like not communicating... it gets really bad when one practically must beg for attention....

I remember in my last relationship it would go on for days weeks and months without so much as a kind word spoken to me... it is sort of like living with someone who acts and looks like the person they were, but without being into you at all... kind of like seeing someone elses girlfriend who is taken by another but you can't have... then you realize that they are supposed to be with you.... and they simply aren't *scratches head*

[Onyx]

sort of like living with someone who acts and looks like the person they were, but without being into you at all

ack. That is the most horrible feeling.

I know exactly how that feels, and I never want to experience that again.

(and those 4 tips are very helpful Phee, and I do think they all ring true).

[FarrIL]

All I'm going to say in response to the first post is this:

"No sh*t."

Edit: Not being rude to Phee, I'm saying "No sh*t" to the advice.

[BrassFusion]

All I'm going to say in response to the first post is this:

"No sh*t."

Edit: Not being rude to Phee, I'm saying "No sh*t" to the advice.

HAH my thoughts precisely

[sass_in_the_pants]

I'm also in the no sh*t camp with the advice.

Live my own life? Who's life, pray tell, would I be living otherwise?

Talk? What else am I supposed to do? Just stare at him blankly while we eat our chicken and rice?

Being goofy? The hard part for me is getting serious.

And the flirting...I LOVE to tell my husband how wonderful he is. I love telling other people how wonderful he is. It's like when I discovered the Mr. Clean Magic Erasers - when you find something good, you just can't shut up about it.

So, my point is, these are good things to say, I guess I just don't think that they say that much.

I would add a few things:

Don't stop being polite. True, spitting out watermelon seeds in your own home is not regarded in the same light as spitting them out at, say, Buckingham Palace. But pleases and thank yous and 'what would I ever do without yous' are for EVERYTHING. Even stuff you're all SUPPOSED to be doing. It's just nice to be acknowledged and appreciated.

Arguing is like sex - though it's fun to do it where ever the fancy strikes you, it's one of those things other people just don't want to see. The fewer people who you involve in your very private affairs, the easier it is to handle those very private affairs.

Work as a team. This one took a very long time to get through my thick skull. I was always the type who was like 'No, no, I'll do it myself' which I didn't see, actually made Guy feel terrible. I thought I was being a hero and really I was making Guy feel unnecessary and unwanted. We're a team, and I just told him to sit on the bench. That was probably the hardest thing to change about myself, was dropping the 'I don't need anyone' bullshit. And if you aren't getting the support that you need, just ask for it. 'Honey, I'm tired. Will you go take care of this for me?'

And he says yes. I just needed to ask.

[phee]

It is good to hear that it is obvious to some people on the board, and to them I would say that the people that they are with are very lucky.

At the same time though there are some relationships where these "no sh*t" items do seem to be lacking. Some couples are very affectionate but never talk. Some only live there own lives and just sort of cohabitate.

Then there is the issue of imbalance, if one person seems to be into the other person as far as affection and compliments but the other person simply "isn't" or when one half of the couple seems content to live their own lives but then hypocritically doesn't want the other person to do the same. It may seem obvious to some, but one might benifit from stepping back and thinking about the dynamic they are in, and what perhaps they can do to help.

[Daevion]

I had all that in my last relationship and it still didn't work out......so maybe the rack wasn't such a good idea after all..

[Homicidalheathen]

Don't stop being polite

Thats true. The fact he gets up and says good morning every day used to get on my nerves.....I appreciate it now.

And the thankyous and kisses goodbye.....too many people take it for granted.

[BrassFusion]

I think it was miss manners who said something along the lines of, "if you're not polite to those you're intimate with, no one will want to remain intimate with you"

[Jadis]

Then there is the issue of imbalance, if one person seems to be into the other person as far as affection and compliments but the other person simply "isn't" or when one half of the couple seems content to live their own lives but then hypocritically doesn't want the other person to do the same. It may seem obvious to some, but one might benifit from stepping back and thinking about the dynamic they are in, and what perhaps they can do to help.

I agree with this statement Phee. You can only give so much to another person before you start to feel drained by it because they aren't reciprocating your feelings in a way that is condusive to your mental and emotional health. I think the best thing to do it talk to them about it and if they don't want to change.... maybe you should rethink your relationship.

.... personally, I'm in a "relationship" now with someone I care very much for. I try to communicate my feelings without being hurtful to him.... I wish he'd communicate a little more with me that way... Sometimes it's nice to just get out what you're thinking... even if it will hurt or make the other person mad. I am very affectionate and my other half isn't ... but sometimes you just know that's the kind of person they are and when they do end up doing something nice for you or saying something nice to you it means that much more cause it's rare... and most likely sincere....

In the end.... if you truly love your partner and you want to make things work you can...and I absolutely think these 4 things are a great base. .... but don't forget to be trusting and honest too.

[Steven]

good list, all very true.

[n0Mad]

Arguing is like sex - though it's fun to do it where ever the fancy strikes you, it's one of those things other people just don't want to see.

Then why is porn so popular?

[BrassFusion]

Then why is porn so popular?

There are no people in porn. Only mutants.

Well. Professional porn, at least. I like the amateur stuff personally.

[creatureofthenyte]

I agree with those 4 things, as most people would.

I would add that people should never be above showing humility. If you make a mistake, or are proven wrong about something, be big enough to own up to, or admit to it. Also, its not always What you say, that makes the difference, its How you say it.

Relationships take alot of work and effort, and if both people involved aren't totally into that, then they are wasting each others' time.

[CatsEyeOfTheWiccan]

I aggree what Jadenfer was saying..about it..and the 4 steps to Most Important for Happy Couples.

-CatsEye