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Funny Lines

jadnifer

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Head Wreck Newbie

Head Wreck

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Sergeant Harry Wells: We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.

Cooper: We need a decoy. Something fast and loud.

[all turn to Spoon, who wasn't listening]

Spoon: What? You what?

Sergeant Harry Wells: I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow.

[Homage to 3 Little pigs & The Shining]

Spoon: Little pigs, little pigs, we've come to nick ya video.

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Head Wreck Newbie

Head Wreck

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Colour Sergeant Bourne: It's a miracle.

Lieutenant John Chard: If it's a miracle, Colour Sergeant, it's a short chamber Boxer Henry point 45 caliber miracle.

Colour Sergeant Bourne: And a bayonet, sir, with some guts behind.

Bromhead: Fire at will!

Pte. Owen: That's very nice of him.

and the classic..

Pvt. William Jones: What's he up to, 593?

Pte. Robert Jones: Oh, I think he wants to be hero, 716.

Cpl. Frederic Schiess, NNC: Haven't you rednecks got names instead of numbers?

Pte. Robert Jones: 'Tis a Welsh regiment, man! I am Jones from Builth Wait, he is Jones from Builth Wells, and there are four more Joneses in C Company! Confusing, isn't it, Dutchy?

zulu

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jammers Newbie

jammers

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The Addams Family

Pugsley: We're not shy!

Wednesday: We're contagious

Shrek 2

[after drinking a beauty potion]

Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?

Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me!

Gingerbread Man: It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!

The Princess Bride

Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe

[smacks his lips]

Miracle Max: they're so perky, I love that

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Fierce Critter Newbie

Fierce Critter

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I absolutely cannot quote from "The Holy Grail" because there are too many to pick from. I'll ditto those who have already quoted from it.

MOLE - Austin Powers

From Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory:

Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest.

Mr. Turkentine: Of course you don't know. You don't know because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

Willy Wonka: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody.

Mr. Salt: Ladies first, and that means Veruca.

Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

Violet Beauregarde: [while digging in a nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.

Willy Wonka: [glaring at her] I know a worse one.

FBI Agent: Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of Wonka Bars.

Mrs. Curtis: How long will they give me to think it over?

Mr. Salt: Wonka, where is she going?

Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad eggs go. Down the garbage chute.

Mr. Salt: [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute.

Willy Wonka: And the chute leads to the furnace.

Mr. Salt: [laughs] Oh, the furnace! That means she'll be turned into a sausage.

Willy Wonka: Not necessarily. She could get stuck in the pipe.

Mr. Salt: [laughs] In the pipe...

[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]

Mr. Salt: Veruca! Hold on! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!

[jumps down the chute]

Willy Wonka: There's certainly going to be a lot of garbage today.

[Mr. Wonka puts a pair of sneakers into a vat]

Mr. Salt: What's that for?

Willy Wonka: Gives it a little kick.

Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there, do something!

Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Help. Police. Murder.

Grandpa Joe: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.

Charlie Bucket: What's that?

Grandpa Joe: Veruca went first.

(Can you tell I really like that movie?)

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Fierce Critter Newbie

Fierce Critter

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From Blazing Saddles:

Lili Von Shtupp: [singing] I'm tired of men always coming and going, going and coming and always too soon.

Lili Von Shtupp: Hello, cowboy. Wha's your name?

Tex: Tex, Ma'am.

Lili Von Shtupp: Texmam? Well, tell me Texmam, are you in show business?

Tex: Well, no, ma'am.

Lilly von Schtupp: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off o' the stage.

Bart: [on grandstand to the townspeople] Excuse me while I whip this out.

[reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams; Bart pulls out paper, they sigh with relief]

Bart: What's your name?

Jim: Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim.

Hedley Lamarr: [gives her a bunch of flowers] For you, my dear.

Lili Von Shtupp: Oh... how ordinawy.

Olson Johnson: All right, we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks, but we DON'T WANT THE IRISH.

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hunhee Newbie

hunhee

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"I love eating meat, riding meat, and putting meat into meat" - Kama Sutra

"No time for the o'le in and out luv, I'm here to read the meter" - A Clockwork Orange

"Megamaid has gone from suck to blow!" - Spaceballs

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