Teenage Pregnancy

[artificialdawn]

Thank you for all your opinions of this, but I'm still conflicted- which I think is about right for every older sibling who faces this.

[know_buddy_kares]

I know I posted something related to Darwinism but I can't remember what it was.

Also LOL at that picture.

I think another post got deleted as well in here, but it wasn't mine so I don't care too much.

But I'm still mad mine is gone.

Yeah I saw that post, I wonder why it was deleted as well, oh well guess that's between you and the mods if they feel like telling you... or coulda been some error and was lost...

Glad ya liked the pic, I'm surprised no one sent me any hate mail for it. Looks like people either could take the joke or, they're just used to me and most have me on ignore LOL.

But seriously... DO NOT try the Falcon Punch... It's not as funny in real life as it is in cartoon.

[DarkChylde]

It's never too late....

Im sorry, but that is TOO FUCKING FUNNY!! LMAO

[Marblez]

My mother had dated my father for something like 6 weeks when she found out she was pregnant at 16 and in the 10th grade, my father was 17. My mother dropped out of school. They got married and the baby (my sister) was born when they were 17 and 18. Another 3 children and 30 years later, my mother passed away from MS while lying in my fathers arms. They were as much in love as they had ever been and although I am sure that they would have preferred different timing.... I really think they'd argue that their lives had been ruined.

Loretta Lynn (the country singer) was married at 13 years old and had 4 kids in 5 years. I don't think it ruined her life either...but I could be wrong.

The point that I am trying to make is that things could go very differently. Focusing on the negative possibilities will bring only negative responses. Lecturing her on her failures or trying to coerce her into making a decision that is not for her will only serve to drive you away from her and lessen her ability to come to you for help/support. It is that help and support that will be the most important thing you can give her. Hell, I am 31 and I don't know how I could handle raising an infant on my own.

She will make mistakes and do things that you will not agree with. Be there and assist her with the resources that she needs. Help her locate parenting classes, babysit when you are available so that she can work, attend alternative ed classes and even when she just needs a night out to release some of the parenting stresses. Hold her when she cries and says that it is too much. Help her when she asks for your help and stand back when she doesn't. This is not her "mistake", this is her child. She will need help, and she will need her sister.

[know_buddy_kares]

All I'm sayin is, thank fuckin god I don't have kids, if that was my daughter or son, i would have raised holy fucking hell on their ass by now.

[Marblez]

Well, dont write her off yet...allot of people start out young but finish well. There are certain schools that help girls with kids finish....

And I know people going to college for the first, and second time....in their 40's and beyond.....

Your going to be an aunt!

Thats the bright side. And, it will no doubt bring some maturity to her......also if his parents are so for it maybe they will buy them a house? I have seen it happen.

Just saying...try to look at the bright side is all. Too late now.

I loved this post. I agree that maturity can develop quickly in the teenage mother. She has to see that her responsibilities are great - but the rewards are great as well.

One word of warning to you and the rest of the family.... The worst case that I have seen was a teen whose parents were "too helpful", they allowed her too much freedom and ended up forced to adopt or risk losing the baby when she decided that it was too much responsibility for her. Allow her some out time...but remember that it is HER child and ultimately her responsibility and she should be the one to tuck her into bed at night.

[Marblez]

All I'm sayin is, thank fuckin god I don't have kids, if that was my daughter or son, i would have raised holy fucking hell on their ass by now.

Well, honestly KBK, I thank god you don't have kids too.

[artificialdawn]

I'm NEVER going to tell her my doubts and fears. she doesn't need me bringing her down, butI will be there for her when she needs me. She knows I will be, because I'm the one that helps her out when she needs it. I love her alot, and I just worry.

[Scary Guy]

Yeah I saw that post, I wonder why it was deleted as well, oh well guess that's between you and the mods if they feel like telling you... or coulda been some error and was lost...

No error, it was just not very nice, but really very scientific.

[Joey Deadcat]

Few years of hardships ahead for her.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Wow, people are posting some REALLY nasty messages! I'm quite surprised, actually. I had expected people here would be a little kinder, but, well, shows you what I know.

I'd like to 2nd what Marblez said.

Your sister's life isn't over, far from it. Don't write her off. You can be mad at her all you want, but this is her life and her choice. Love her and support her. That's the only way she AND your new niece or nephew will make it through this.

My best friend in high school got pregnant when she was 17. The dad stuck around for all of ten minutes - he's left the state and no one has seen him since. An amazing thing happened when she had her baby - she got serious. All of a sudden, the partying was over. She was a good mom, and she started studying, and it was as if when she was living her life for herself, she felt she could piss it away, but now that she had someone else to consider, she just got her ass in gear.

It was hard, I'm not going to lie. She was on state aid for a good long while. She cried alot in those first couple of years.

Fast forward ten years.

She not only finished high school, but finished college and then went on to get her master's degree.

Her little baby is now a young girl, and she is doing splendidly. She's great at school, is wonderful at gymnastics and has an all-around sweet personality.

Three years ago, my friend married a wonderful man, who loves her AND her little girl. They have two more children together. They are happy, and doing very, very well.

And she is HAPPY that she chose to keep her baby girl. As a matter of fact, when she recalls that she almost chose to terminate the pregnancy, she starts bawling. She looks back at that moment and says she sees how close she came to making the biggest mistake of her life. She almost destroyed what was probably the best thing in her life. By the way, until the choice was in her hands, she was vehemently pro-choice, as was all of her family.

Just because an abortion or an adoption is the easiest answer, doesn't always mean it's the best.

This is your sister's life, and her choice. Respect that.

Another friend of mine got a girl pregnant when he was 19 and she was 18. And, as she said back then, 'I couldn't do it, I just couldn't do it' She was pro-choice, too. This just wasn't going to be her choice. Years later, those two ended up getting married. They just had their second child, and they, too, couldn't be happier.

You're at the beginning of your sister's story. I'm telling you how the story could end.

It could end terribly, too, but that's the risk we all take with our lives.

Just please, love her and support her.

You can't change what's already happened. Focus on the future. In the end, it's all any of us has got. What I think made these people successful in the face of difficult times is that they had help, from their parents, their siblings and their friends.

Good luck.

[sass_in_the_pants]

I'm NEVER going to tell her my doubts and fears. she doesn't need me bringing her down, butI will be there for her when she needs me. She knows I will be, because I'm the one that helps her out when she needs it. I love her alot, and I just worry.

You're a good sister. She'll need you.

[Rayne]

I was a teenage Mom.

I MADE it work for me. I dropped out of high school and took my GED the same month. I passed and got into college. I worked fulltime to support my daughter. I was never home and I was really tired .... but that's the way life was for me for awhile.

Sometimes it all works out -- especially if you have people willing to help.

[know_buddy_kares]

Well, honestly KBK, I thank god you don't have kids too.

really now? For not allowing them to do a bonehead thing like that? I'm sorry, but letting them do something like that is what I call shitty parenting. It's the job of the parent to MAKE SURE that your kids don't do anything stupid that will drasticly change the rest of their life, such as making babies before they're finished with college, breaking the law, ect. So yeah, apparently me saying I'd have a big problem with my kids doing this is a bad thing... then this different type of parenting is the reason behind so much shitty behavior...

[know_buddy_kares]

This picture pretty much gets right to the point about this topic I do so believe...

[Draco1958]

really now? For not allowing them to do a bonehead thing like that? I'm sorry, but letting them do something like that is what I call shitty parenting. It's the job of the parent to MAKE SURE that your kids don't do anything stupid that will drasticly change the rest of their life, such as making babies before they're finished with college, breaking the law, ect. So yeah, apparently me saying I'd have a big problem with my kids doing this is a bad thing... then this different type of parenting is the reason behind so much shitty behavior...

Actually her response was to the quote of you raising holy hell on their asses. As far as the bonehead thing, you do have to remember that no matter how good a parent one is, kids will be kids and do something regrettable. Peer pressure, wanting to fit in can be powerful motivators to do something dumb. It doesn't mean bad parenting. And condoms do break so good parenting is to try to get your kid to not have sex, good parenting is to let them know that if they feel they must to at least use protection. But good parenting won't stop a condom from breaking. Good parenting won't stop a kid from grabbing a pack of gum off the shelf because they really want it and don't want to go thru the line and wait' GOOD PARENTING means doing one's best to hopefully teach your child proper behavior, not to steal, to wait on sex and such. But with all the good parenting one can give/be doesn't mean your child won't fall to temptation and do something stupid. It's human nature to be curious and sometimes daring. One can only hope what we teach them will go to heart and be followed.

artificialdawn, I wish your sister the best. It seems she has a strong family behind her to help guide her thru this and give her the emotional support she will need. Bright blessings your way.

[Destroit]

really now? For not allowing them to do a bonehead thing like that? I'm sorry, but letting them do something like that is what I call shitty parenting. It's the job of the parent to MAKE SURE that your kids don't do anything stupid that will drasticly change the rest of their life, such as making babies before they're finished with college, breaking the law, ect. So yeah, apparently me saying I'd have a big problem with my kids doing this is a bad thing... then this different type of parenting is the reason behind so much shitty behavior...

I ditto that, but also I guess there's only so much you CAN do as a parent. Usually, nine times out of ten, if you do all of that stuff correctly your kids turns out okay or excellent in most cases, but every so often you get one where there's just nothing you can do. They're gonna have their way and you gotta let 'em get burned so they figure out to keep their hands outta the fire. Personally if my daughter got pregnant (even before age 25) she wouldn't hear the end of it until that kid was through college. I'd be like 80 in my rocker like "you dumbass, you coulda been a party monster all the way up until you WAS 30 like yer MOMMA was!" But I guess everyone has a different view on kids. The reason I think it's such a travesty is because I personally hate the thought of ever having kids. I fear it constantly. Everytime I start my period I call my mom and she's like "HELLZ YEAHZ! (she's just like me) I woulda kicked your ass, you'd be fucking retarded if you got knocked up this young" and I'm 21 (which alot of families would consider "perfect child bearing age".) She didn't even have me until she was 31.

Teenage mothers don't always end up being totally miserable, but I will say I've always felt bad when it happens. I've "lost" alot of good friends that way and while the rest of us would be sitting around having the TIME of our lives like kids should, I'd think about my one friend Rachel sitting at home by herself with a baby. It always made us feel like shit, our group of friends that is. I remember after she had the kid I couldn't even think about sex for six months (I'm not exaggerating, and I was a porno monster back in high school, I'd watch it like 5-6 hours a day and the POOF for 6 months not a single 10 second video clip or ripped dvd download from Kazaa). So I will blame her for ruining my active imagination for almost a year. But now she's doing good, her kid is cute and SHE loves him so that's all that matters right there.

Whether someone's life is ruined or not I guess depends on how their families are (with how young they usually have kids), their attitude toward having kids, their personal finances, etc. Like myself personally, even at age 21 I would be so horribly miserable with a child I would just sit there and want to die all day. But my roommate Kim who just had a baby at 24 (which is horrifically young to throw your life away) LOVES being a mother, which kinda grosses me out (especially when she does what all women do, sit there and gab and gab about all the boring shit that her baby did that all babies do. Hense me having mostly guy friends, we talk about important shit, you know, like playstation ), but I guess some people are into that sorta thing. I can only wish your sister the best, I mean if she's the type who WANTS to keep it, that tells me she's at least somewhat happy with the situation and not overwhelmingly in despair like many other girls would be, myself included.

[know_buddy_kares]

Actually her response was to the quote of you raising holy hell on their asses. As far as the bonehead thing, you do have to remember that no matter how good a parent one is, kids will be kids and do something regrettable. Peer pressure, wanting to fit in can be powerful motivators to do something dumb. It doesn't mean bad parenting. And condoms do break so good parenting is to try to get your kid to not have sex, good parenting is to let them know that if they feel they must to at least use protection. But good parenting won't stop a condom from breaking. Good parenting won't stop a kid from grabbing a pack of gum off the shelf because they really want it and don't want to go thru the line and wait' GOOD PARENTING means doing one's best to hopefully teach your child proper behavior, not to steal, to wait on sex and such. But with all the good parenting one can give/be doesn't mean your child won't fall to temptation and do something stupid. It's human nature to be curious and sometimes daring. One can only hope what we teach them will go to heart and be followed.

artificialdawn, I wish your sister the best. It seems she has a strong family behind her to help guide her thru this and give her the emotional support she will need. Bright blessings your way.

well, that's where you gotta let them know there's consequences for their actions. I'd rather have my parents gone midevil on me than deal with the real consequences on things. For one, like not having a permanent record, two, not having any babies out there. Cuz if i have a kid and they're all like, fuck you i'm gonna go have unprotected sex anyway, then yeah, i'll slap the shit out of them. If they get pregnant, i'll let them have it or get it aborted, but from that moment on, they'll never leave the fucking house until they move out permanently.

[Marblez]

well, that's where you gotta let them know there's consequences for their actions. I'd rather have my parents gone midevil on me than deal with the real consequences on things. For one, like not having a permanent record, two, not having any babies out there. Cuz if i have a kid and they're all like, fuck you i'm gonna go have unprotected sex anyway, then yeah, i'll slap the shit out of them. If they get pregnant, i'll let them have it or get it aborted, but from that moment on, they'll never leave the fucking house until they move out permanently.

The problem is, it is your responsibility to teach them right from wrong BEFORE the pregnancy, not after. They will learn the consequences of their actions soon enough. Going medieval on them, in my opinion, is not only likely to harm her mental and emotional health but will also serve to further damage any chance that you have to influence other decisions and have a healthy relationship with your daughter and future grandchildren. You may succeed in driving them out of the house and into an even worse living situation.

[know_buddy_kares]

The problem is, it is your responsibility to teach them right from wrong BEFORE the pregnancy, not after. They will learn the consequences of their actions soon enough. Going medieval on them, in my opinion, is not only likely to harm her mental and emotional health but will also serve to further damage any chance that you have to influence other decisions and have a healthy relationship with your daughter and future grandchildren. You may succeed in driving them out of the house and into an even worse living situation.

Um, it's not like i'd be going total abuse on them, calm down. and yes, they would know the wrath that would happen if they did something like that as a deterant to keep from doing something stupid. But I'm not afraid to punish a kid for doing something stupid.

Is it just me that has a zero tolerance towards stupidity that can be easily prevented?? It seems most everyone else thinks that you need to cuddle and love that sort of behavior, wich is really sad in my book.

[BrassFusion]

Um, it's not like i'd be going total abuse on them, calm down. and yes, they would know the wrath that would happen if they did something like that as a deterant to keep from doing something stupid. But I'm not afraid to punish a kid for doing something stupid.

Is it just me that has a zero tolerance towards stupidity that can be easily prevented?? It seems most everyone else thinks that you need to cuddle and love that sort of behavior, wich is really sad in my book.

you can't always prevent others from making stupid decisions.

and yes... please... never date anti-abortionists.

[TrixieGothGirl]

I'm sorry if you think that my response was negative. I'm just being realistic. I'm not for writing her off, but she does need to know that if she's really serious about being a mother she needs to know that there are ppl out there, ie, her family and friends that will support her help her as much as possible. She also needs to know that there are services out there to help her in a situation such as hers.

Also, for the person who mentioned Loretta Lynn, she was married at a young age & didn't know ANYTHING about sex until her husband gave her a book about it. I know because I read the book "Coalminer's Daughter". Also back then, mothers didn't talk to their daughters about sex. That's one of the reasons why my mom got pregnant at a young age. She didn't have the knowlege that she should've had. She started with me at age 6 by telling me about what would happen to my body by the time I was 10 or 11.

[know_buddy_kares]

I'm sorry if you think that my response was negative. I'm just being realistic. I'm not for writing her off, but she does need to know that if she's really serious about being a mother she needs to know that there are ppl out there, ie, her family and friends that will support her help her as much as possible. She also needs to know that there are services out there to help her in a situation such as hers.

Also, for the person who mentioned Loretta Lynn, she was married at a young age & didn't know ANYTHING about sex until her husband gave her a book about it. I know because I read the book "Coalminer's Daughter". Also back then, mothers didn't talk to their daughters about sex. That's one of the reasons why my mom got pregnant at a young age. She didn't have the knowlege that she should've had. She started with me at age 6 by telling me about what would happen to my body by the time I was 10 or 11.

hey i agree qith you, I don't mean to sound like a dick either. But I just cannot stand or tolerate total ignorance and stupidity that is so easily preventable. I hope she does turn over a new leaf...

...because when you think about it... her kid is getting a shitty deal on life before it even has a chance. And thats just so fuckin selfish and unfair on another human being that isn't even born yet, so yeah... it kinda strikes a nerve in me.

[littlepinkkitty]

I agree with those of you who said it may mature her...because suddenly her own life and safety wont be her first priority her child will come first. I have had friends that were teenage moms and they did what the had to do to care of their kids. You cant always plan the path life takes but you should take it as it comes. I think people should look at the positive aspects of this and realize that a brand new life is coming into the world and it has a chance to start fresh and new. Your sister will have to work hard for this baby and thats when the maturing starts when she gets home exhausted from work and has to feed and bathe a crying baby. She needs her family there for her most of all.

[know_buddy_kares]

I agree with those of you who said it may mature her...because suddenly her own life and safety wont be her first priority her child will come first. I have had friends that were teenage moms and they did what the had to do to care of their kids. You cant always plan the path life takes but you should take it as it comes. I think people should look at the positive aspects of this and realize that a brand new life is coming into the world and it has a chance to start fresh and new. Your sister will have to work hard for this baby and thats when the maturing starts when she gets home exhausted from work and has to feed and bathe a crying baby. She needs her family there for her most of all.

I've not seen this, if anything, i've seen this 19 year old girl totaly neglect her kid, and i saw shit stains on the fuckin high chair that have been there for 2 weeks just so she could go get drunk with her buddies and go clubbing, and continue to be a slut...

and that's just one example out of many. Sadly, my eye witnessest statistics, for every 2 that buck up and take responsability, there's about 9 that say fuck it and ignore their kid, then turn around and act like total fucking hypocrites about it when CPS comes knocking on their door...